NOTE TO SELF #642
When it comes to love, I get so lost. Sometimes days will pass and this emptiness fills my heart. It's at those times that I want to run away. I just drive off in my car. It's a new Mazda 3, zoom-zoom I go. When I do that I come back to the place you are. At some point, as I'm driving and enjoying the scenery and the open road, all my instincts, they return and the grand facade, well, I don't have to tell you how soon it burns without a noise, without my pride...and that's when I reach out from the inside.
It's at that moment I see in your eyes, the light, the heat...and in your eyes, I've always felt complete. In your eyes, I see a doorway to a place and view of myself and the world that I could never see without your help. I see a thousand churches in your eyes. I see the resolution of all the fruitless searches, many unsuccessful searches for someone to spend the rest of my life with...and it's in your eyes that I found the light and the heat that makes me feel complete. You make me want to touch the light, the heat and other wonderful places that I see in your eyes.
Love, it's always brought pain. I don't like to feel or see so much pain. I'm almost 40 and
so much wasted time and even this moment keeps slipping away. I get so tired of working, so tired of fighting for our survival. I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive, but I'm so exhausted. Even you and the kids feel deprived. And all my instincts, they eventually return. Usually after you're gone, so soon I burn, without any noise you leave...and I swallow my pride and I reach out from the inside. But it's not enough. It's never enough.
Even though, it's in your eyes that I find the light and heat. It's in your eyes, I am complete. And when I can no longer see your eyes, I've lost the doorway to a thousand churches. I then go back to all the fruitless searches. In your eyes, I saw the light and the heat.
Oh, I want to be that complete...again.
I want to touch the light...and you...again.
When I close my eyes, I sometimes still feel the heat I saw in your eyes...
...in your eyes in your eyes.
...in your eyes in your eyes.
...in your eyes in your eyes.
It's at that moment I see in your eyes, the light, the heat...and in your eyes, I've always felt complete. In your eyes, I see a doorway to a place and view of myself and the world that I could never see without your help. I see a thousand churches in your eyes. I see the resolution of all the fruitless searches, many unsuccessful searches for someone to spend the rest of my life with...and it's in your eyes that I found the light and the heat that makes me feel complete. You make me want to touch the light, the heat and other wonderful places that I see in your eyes.
Love, it's always brought pain. I don't like to feel or see so much pain. I'm almost 40 and
so much wasted time and even this moment keeps slipping away. I get so tired of working, so tired of fighting for our survival. I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive, but I'm so exhausted. Even you and the kids feel deprived. And all my instincts, they eventually return. Usually after you're gone, so soon I burn, without any noise you leave...and I swallow my pride and I reach out from the inside. But it's not enough. It's never enough.
Even though, it's in your eyes that I find the light and heat. It's in your eyes, I am complete. And when I can no longer see your eyes, I've lost the doorway to a thousand churches. I then go back to all the fruitless searches. In your eyes, I saw the light and the heat.
Oh, I want to be that complete...again.
I want to touch the light...and you...again.
When I close my eyes, I sometimes still feel the heat I saw in your eyes...
...in your eyes in your eyes.
...in your eyes in your eyes.
...in your eyes in your eyes.