Oh Hes Dead....
Ok so i just watched another rollins bit. the last chapter was real depressing. it was the same old story told with a new light. now its late at night and its fucking with my head. makes me feel almost guilty. i feel guilty for being 17 and not accomplishing any of my goals. i feel guilty of being 17 and not having anyone with me. i feel guilty because all the things i try i have never made a difference worth making out side of brick town. all the speech's and lectures mean shit to anyone who is out of the range of my voice. like look at rollins. he is making the most out of all the shit he has. he does everything and anything. and he does it well for the most part. i just wish i could put something out into the world and not be some fucked up normal follower who works a job goes to school gets a better job gets married has a kid and works some more then retires and croaks. its not like i want to be famous or some shit like that. i could give two fucks about singing an autograph or being recognized at a mcdonalds. i just want to make a difference to people. i don't like sitting here writing shit on my computer to get fucking pity or whatever other self conshins (sp) reason i have for this fucking journal. but the truth of the matter is i have nothing better to do with my self right now. right now i am a waist just like every other brainwashed drone out there. look at me i even wanted to fight some kid. after all the peace and happiness i dream and preach of i find myself almost stooping to the level of a drop out. i got to be kidding myself. its not that i am against fighting cause some people just don't learn until the get hit by reality. but i wanted to fight this kid for so many of the wrong reasons. reasons i cant even admit to because of this rage, i guess thats what it is, that beckons inside. its not nice and i feel gay because of it. so i guess he wins again.