Running away
I have a feeling that I need to get away from everything and everyone around me. Start over in some other city, with no reminders of the past. No reminders of those that have hurt me. No reminders of the joy from other people. New friends who don't know all my secrets. Who don't automatically place judgement on what they've heard, or what they've perceived to be true in the past.
I only fear that my problems will follow me. Maybe I'm not afraid of life, not afraid of those I think affect me. Maybe the problems are in my head. Maybe I've confined myself to the constant feeling of disappointment. The urge to destroy all that's good in my life. To find an issue with everything that comes into my life.
Maybe those problems are what makes me so insecure, so emotionally frail. All I want is someone to love. And someone to love me. Not the drugs or booze or 19 other guys in their life. Me. Unconditionally addicted to me. Yet for thinking that, I feel selfish. I can't win, even when I'm fighting myself.
Perhaps I can move, forget everything from before and be happy. Remove myself from the world. If only I thought that being completely alone would fix my mind.
Maybe I do need help. Maybe I need medication and someone to tell me that we're making progress in my feelings.
I'm just too stubborn and proud. This will be the death of me.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.