(no subject)

[thecrowsdream]

To dispise oneself is not very hard, but to want to bleed out all that you were is... I refuse to do physical harm to myself because it lacks honor and respect for the body, so now I push my body as far as I can go when I work. Mostly when I am getting carts, I push it to the limite taking as many as I can till my body aches and feels sore from all the work. But no matter how hard I push it those fucking memories keep filling my head with words like "friends," "trust," and etc. It just angers me so much to hear them and to see people that are buddy buddy with each other. I wish their was someone that I could be buddy buddy with, but you would need a buddy for that and that is something I don't have.

I beleived Shane when she wanted to be friends but now I think it was just to get cables for a computer. that might be all she wanted.