(no subject)
a lot has been going on in my head lately. many things that i do not know how to put into words. i am always so afraid of hurting or offending someone that i just don't say anything at all but i feel that honest communication is the only way to even begin to understand someone. how can you say that you are close to someone when you know nothing about them, and they know nothing about you? now i do have some relationships that are open, and honest at least on my part, with the exception of the times that i say i am ok when really...i'm not. and i am thankful for those relationships. but there are still so many that are very far from that point. even in the good relationships there are things i haven't said yet, they haven't really been asked of me...and the only reason i haven't mentioned them is that i don't know how to go about it. mostly opinions of mine and things of that nature. my life seems to be progressing in multiple directions at once and it is confusing me. my health is scaring me, my family is confusing me, my friends...well half of them have given up on me. my love...thinks way to highly of me, and is the most amazing thing in my life right now...and i'm still afraid. i hope i'm not doing anything wrong...i know i am. people confuse me. pretty much all the time. i wish i could understand them but i doubt that i can. i feel like i just tried to have a conversation and failed. who knows maybe someone will ask me a question that prompts a response no one has seen yet, a response from way deep inside me. i wish i know what question they should ask, but i don't. all i know is that they haven't been asked before, and really probably aren't questions someone would think to ask.....anyway...leaving now. to continue thinking. bah