going to d.c.
tonight i am getting on a plane to go to dc. i have very mixed feelings. on one hand, im sure it will be amazing and i am super excited. on the other hand...im a little worried it will suck. but, at this point, me going means i'm going to be gone from today(July 19) to august 3. then will leave august 4th to go to san diego to take care of my dad, and be there until august 15th, missing the first day of school.
what does that add up to? 4 weeks away. which would be ok if i was in d.c. the whole time, yet, im going to be taking care of my dad for the last two weeks, which will not be a pleasant job. he apparently is in a very bad mood, cussed at my brother when my brother tried to help him into bed, and furthermore, it will just be very difficult for me, my dad and i never really got along in the first place, and im not sure if i have the stamina to get through this.
you see, last time he was sick like this and had had a stroke, i was in 4th grade. pretty young, and didnt have to deal with anything. my brothers on the other hand, were about a year and two years younger than i am now. so, my memories of the last time are very fuzzy, and almost nonexistent, most likely because my mind does not want to remember that. but now i finally know what my brothers had to deal with. and my brother john, is dealing with again now.
whenever i get upset to my mom all she tells me is my grandma always says, "god never gives us anything we cant deal with." well, my mother is a very strong person, and im not sure if i can be that strong. it was very hard to be with my dad a few weeks ago, when he wasnt even as bad, and im not sure how im going to do it now. even though my dad has been partially disabled for pretty much as long as i remember, this time it's gotten worse. and like last time, they dont know if it will get better. last time, luckily he did. but this time, i dont think he has any will to get better. and if he doesn't...his choices in life will be living with one of us here in phoenix, or an assisted living home...which is painful to think about.
now, dont leave any comments about anything. i'll be fine, my mom claims im strong enough to deal with this, and im sure she's right, isnt she always?
also, im really going to miss everyone, especially robby, who has really been there for me when this has been going on, and has definitely been helping me get through this. which im impressed about, because i think ive cried about it at least once a night while talking to him, so thank you, it means a lot to me.
and thats all! i'll miss all of you in d.c. and when im in san diego. call me if you're going to be there when i am. i wont have a computer in d.c. and rarely a phone, so im going to be out of contact for two weeks! uh oh, this is going to be hell...i dont think i'll be able to survive, lol.
what does that add up to? 4 weeks away. which would be ok if i was in d.c. the whole time, yet, im going to be taking care of my dad for the last two weeks, which will not be a pleasant job. he apparently is in a very bad mood, cussed at my brother when my brother tried to help him into bed, and furthermore, it will just be very difficult for me, my dad and i never really got along in the first place, and im not sure if i have the stamina to get through this.
you see, last time he was sick like this and had had a stroke, i was in 4th grade. pretty young, and didnt have to deal with anything. my brothers on the other hand, were about a year and two years younger than i am now. so, my memories of the last time are very fuzzy, and almost nonexistent, most likely because my mind does not want to remember that. but now i finally know what my brothers had to deal with. and my brother john, is dealing with again now.
whenever i get upset to my mom all she tells me is my grandma always says, "god never gives us anything we cant deal with." well, my mother is a very strong person, and im not sure if i can be that strong. it was very hard to be with my dad a few weeks ago, when he wasnt even as bad, and im not sure how im going to do it now. even though my dad has been partially disabled for pretty much as long as i remember, this time it's gotten worse. and like last time, they dont know if it will get better. last time, luckily he did. but this time, i dont think he has any will to get better. and if he doesn't...his choices in life will be living with one of us here in phoenix, or an assisted living home...which is painful to think about.
now, dont leave any comments about anything. i'll be fine, my mom claims im strong enough to deal with this, and im sure she's right, isnt she always?
also, im really going to miss everyone, especially robby, who has really been there for me when this has been going on, and has definitely been helping me get through this. which im impressed about, because i think ive cried about it at least once a night while talking to him, so thank you, it means a lot to me.
and thats all! i'll miss all of you in d.c. and when im in san diego. call me if you're going to be there when i am. i wont have a computer in d.c. and rarely a phone, so im going to be out of contact for two weeks! uh oh, this is going to be hell...i dont think i'll be able to survive, lol.