(no subject)
can i blame this on my periods? or my thumping throat? or on beccy for patting me on the back; the one thing i hate most? or for being told i've improved so much and actually seeing the bullshit in their eyes.
no.
i know this too well. it's like a fucking welcome home party in my fucking head. hey happiness; you didn't last too fucking long did you? thanks for the fucking fun.
im going to say fuck alot, if it offends you fuck off.
you know what? i dont want to wake up a dying old woman, alone in my bed, not having anyone. i dont want it to be like this, i want to belong to a group. i say ture to the fact that i dont need anyone else to brign me happiness, but for fucks sake im not going to find it here, alone. i dont want the last thought in my brain to be of lonliness.
i dont want to be an old woman thats pushed everyone away and is too consumed in her lonliness and hate, to actuallly be living
but right now, thats who i am. and fuck you. fuck you all. fuck you for me not belonging anywhere. fuck you kate, emily, nas, sarah, lily, beccy, anyone else who fucking tore me apart behind my back because i made friends with other people. the majority of the group has done it now, but i wa the one that got tore apart. danielle didnt, and she extended her friends with exactly the same fucking people i did.
fuck you for injustice, and fuck you for fucking everything.
fuck me. fuck me for being this shy, poliet girl, who hides her hands and legs because she hates them, hide her face and her fucking soul because im still trying to scrae it together again. its my fucking fault, and fuck you for that.
you wouldnt even notice. that isnt an attack, thats a fact.
you wont notice, because ill still ask how you are, tell you my news, blahblah. but im telling you now, dont dig any deeper anymore, this is to anyone. dont fucking go there.
theres a field, filled with bodies. broken bodies labelled memories. theres blood and guts and organs and flesh fucking everywhere. you cant even see the ground. thats me.
so dont go there.
i'll hate you for it. im sure of that. i hate so many people right now for that sole reason, but in this fucking pit ill try get over that, because im officially telling you to do it now.
i am not bearing my soul to anyone. anymore. fucking again.
i am not going to write in this fucking journal and tell you how im feeling. im not going to talk about my problems or worries, or how fucking falling apart i am. im not telling anyone shit. because im a bitch. im a cold hearted bitch which, while reading this you will realise, is not someone worth knowing. honestly, go away.
let me be hit by a bus, god, FUCKING PLEASE.
i
will
never
show anyone me again.
i dont know why, or whats wrong with me, but ive never been surer of anything. this is my last really sentimental post.
i have no extraordinary talents, or features, or personality triats if you think about it in a raw, unbiased, realistic way.
im not someone worth knowing. and i hate it.
i hate not having anyfuckingone.
but i can pretend otherwise.
if you've read this. i appriciate it.
no.
i know this too well. it's like a fucking welcome home party in my fucking head. hey happiness; you didn't last too fucking long did you? thanks for the fucking fun.
im going to say fuck alot, if it offends you fuck off.
you know what? i dont want to wake up a dying old woman, alone in my bed, not having anyone. i dont want it to be like this, i want to belong to a group. i say ture to the fact that i dont need anyone else to brign me happiness, but for fucks sake im not going to find it here, alone. i dont want the last thought in my brain to be of lonliness.
i dont want to be an old woman thats pushed everyone away and is too consumed in her lonliness and hate, to actuallly be living
but right now, thats who i am. and fuck you. fuck you all. fuck you for me not belonging anywhere. fuck you kate, emily, nas, sarah, lily, beccy, anyone else who fucking tore me apart behind my back because i made friends with other people. the majority of the group has done it now, but i wa the one that got tore apart. danielle didnt, and she extended her friends with exactly the same fucking people i did.
fuck you for injustice, and fuck you for fucking everything.
fuck me. fuck me for being this shy, poliet girl, who hides her hands and legs because she hates them, hide her face and her fucking soul because im still trying to scrae it together again. its my fucking fault, and fuck you for that.
you wouldnt even notice. that isnt an attack, thats a fact.
you wont notice, because ill still ask how you are, tell you my news, blahblah. but im telling you now, dont dig any deeper anymore, this is to anyone. dont fucking go there.
theres a field, filled with bodies. broken bodies labelled memories. theres blood and guts and organs and flesh fucking everywhere. you cant even see the ground. thats me.
so dont go there.
i'll hate you for it. im sure of that. i hate so many people right now for that sole reason, but in this fucking pit ill try get over that, because im officially telling you to do it now.
i am not bearing my soul to anyone. anymore. fucking again.
i am not going to write in this fucking journal and tell you how im feeling. im not going to talk about my problems or worries, or how fucking falling apart i am. im not telling anyone shit. because im a bitch. im a cold hearted bitch which, while reading this you will realise, is not someone worth knowing. honestly, go away.
let me be hit by a bus, god, FUCKING PLEASE.
i
will
never
show anyone me again.
i dont know why, or whats wrong with me, but ive never been surer of anything. this is my last really sentimental post.
i have no extraordinary talents, or features, or personality triats if you think about it in a raw, unbiased, realistic way.
im not someone worth knowing. and i hate it.
i hate not having anyfuckingone.
but i can pretend otherwise.
if you've read this. i appriciate it.