(no subject)
today swallowed me whole and spat me back out, which was embarrassing because i looked up and saw you less than a metre from me and thought fuck, would anyone looking at us be able to see the lightyears between us.
im struggling to keep up my efforts of disintergrating my feelings of being lonely, desolated, inaqequate, tired, scared, sore and so so so fucking lost.
lost without the comfort of your being. your prescense. you.
& it makes me smile because you knwowhat made my day? while slogging it up my pitiful hill, i planned to write about how seeing the lady with the drink sloashing a drink of something all over the ground and down her body, cigerrette in other hand jumping around out of pure joy in her shop because she won two grand on her horse. i just stood and watched this absolutely plain but lovely lady off her nut with excitment and prosperity. i remembered the feeling and smiled for her, because that was so much more sincere than congratulating her - even if she didn't see it. but then when i got home i arrived to a message from a certain wonderful girl i can't wait to see and party with and drink with. oh what a wonderful girl she is.
so many wonderful people keeping me strong. i fucking love it.
and i love loving it. and i love being in this house with my music loud, slowly patching up broken friendships, with the taste of cherry ripe still fresh in my mouth, the sweat still on my back, the house completely empty except me, the walls and our secrets and memories.
memories that pull me down, but fuck. this arvo - nope. its grand.
even if its for one mintue, or one hour, the whole day or two seconds - i thank steff and thecornershop lady for their .... hmm...their what? help?
help when you dont expect it, or ask for it, or even think you need it makes me soar. & you dont understand how much it means to me.
giv, lousia, sarah, luke, liam and damien - i miss our fun. please dont forget it :)
im struggling to keep up my efforts of disintergrating my feelings of being lonely, desolated, inaqequate, tired, scared, sore and so so so fucking lost.
lost without the comfort of your being. your prescense. you.
& it makes me smile because you knwowhat made my day? while slogging it up my pitiful hill, i planned to write about how seeing the lady with the drink sloashing a drink of something all over the ground and down her body, cigerrette in other hand jumping around out of pure joy in her shop because she won two grand on her horse. i just stood and watched this absolutely plain but lovely lady off her nut with excitment and prosperity. i remembered the feeling and smiled for her, because that was so much more sincere than congratulating her - even if she didn't see it. but then when i got home i arrived to a message from a certain wonderful girl i can't wait to see and party with and drink with. oh what a wonderful girl she is.
so many wonderful people keeping me strong. i fucking love it.
and i love loving it. and i love being in this house with my music loud, slowly patching up broken friendships, with the taste of cherry ripe still fresh in my mouth, the sweat still on my back, the house completely empty except me, the walls and our secrets and memories.
memories that pull me down, but fuck. this arvo - nope. its grand.
even if its for one mintue, or one hour, the whole day or two seconds - i thank steff and thecornershop lady for their .... hmm...their what? help?
help when you dont expect it, or ask for it, or even think you need it makes me soar. & you dont understand how much it means to me.
giv, lousia, sarah, luke, liam and damien - i miss our fun. please dont forget it :)