i feel like telling a story
for some pathetic reason a certain day keeps playing over and over in my head and then i scream silently to stop, don't go there, don't upset yourself.
but i want to get it out. so this is the one of the saddest days of my life.
it was a monday morning and i arrived to school just after 9am, like usual, the usual lateness. i ran to my roll call but no one was there so i started to walk down to sign in late when a boy i dont like came up to me and said "hey olivia have you heard? apparently sam booth is dead". i ignored him because he's a fucktard but followed him to the library where i found my entire year, looking dazed and confused by the change of the monday morning rutine.
i can't remember who said it but someone, a teacher said something along the lines of being so horrified and saddened to tell us that yes, samantha booth has died overnight in a car accident with her step father.
i have never been caught in a sea of so many crumpled faces, so many breaths dying in the air, so much fucking realisation and reaction. i turned and saw peoples eyes just puff up, people just buckle. alot of hugging went on, i remember little of it.
the next memory i have is being on the stage in the bini with random people in a circle crying with a teacher trying to sooth us. i only broke when i called my mum and told her. she wasn't very supportive i remember. im not being cruel or exagerating this story its as i remember it.
i offered for everybody and anybody to come back to my house, because i had to leave. after abit of running around after people a group of us were walking past anchors when a teacher ran and caught up with us. everyone else went back with him, but me and sarah kept walking. emily was sick that day. i got a blister from walking home. it was a grey rainy day, very fucking appropriate.
everyone arrived at my house a bit after me and sarah got there. i made hot chocolate for everyone and we sat in the front room. kates mum came to get her and i cried because i wanted my mum to hug me like hers did.
i remember just lying in my bed with megan and jamieson, a heap of arms and legs and hot breaths. we put music on and congregated firstly in the lounge room, then my room. and talked. no one cried, everythign was ok, i felt good and supportive and supported. everyone left eventually & me and beccy had to go to singing. by this time i wasnt feeling great.
i had an arguement with my mum in the car because she thought it was bad i just left school. i still hate her for that arguement. in the end i ended up lying and saying i had permission etc.
our normal teacher, darren, was away. we had kiara i think. she made us do a new song "amazing" by alex loyde. when i arrived (we were a few mintues early) i cried in the bathroom abit. i was so on the edge i shiver at the memory when i went and sat with the group. i didnt look at anyone. i just clutched beck. when the music started i looked at beccy in horror and cried. i cried infront of everyone and ran from the room.
when dad picked me up, we didnt say anything. i came home and cried for hours on edge. i did this every afternoon for a week. all to tracey chapman.
somethign in me breaks when i hear that alex loyde song, because i remember. and it's on an add.
i made a promise to myself. in year 12 i'm going to make one of my major drama performances dedicated or about sam.
its selfish i know but i can't talk about her and say things i want to. the pain honestly kills me. i didnt even know her.
fuck, why do these things happen. why do i have to remember it all. she was so fuckign young.
but i want to get it out. so this is the one of the saddest days of my life.
it was a monday morning and i arrived to school just after 9am, like usual, the usual lateness. i ran to my roll call but no one was there so i started to walk down to sign in late when a boy i dont like came up to me and said "hey olivia have you heard? apparently sam booth is dead". i ignored him because he's a fucktard but followed him to the library where i found my entire year, looking dazed and confused by the change of the monday morning rutine.
i can't remember who said it but someone, a teacher said something along the lines of being so horrified and saddened to tell us that yes, samantha booth has died overnight in a car accident with her step father.
i have never been caught in a sea of so many crumpled faces, so many breaths dying in the air, so much fucking realisation and reaction. i turned and saw peoples eyes just puff up, people just buckle. alot of hugging went on, i remember little of it.
the next memory i have is being on the stage in the bini with random people in a circle crying with a teacher trying to sooth us. i only broke when i called my mum and told her. she wasn't very supportive i remember. im not being cruel or exagerating this story its as i remember it.
i offered for everybody and anybody to come back to my house, because i had to leave. after abit of running around after people a group of us were walking past anchors when a teacher ran and caught up with us. everyone else went back with him, but me and sarah kept walking. emily was sick that day. i got a blister from walking home. it was a grey rainy day, very fucking appropriate.
everyone arrived at my house a bit after me and sarah got there. i made hot chocolate for everyone and we sat in the front room. kates mum came to get her and i cried because i wanted my mum to hug me like hers did.
i remember just lying in my bed with megan and jamieson, a heap of arms and legs and hot breaths. we put music on and congregated firstly in the lounge room, then my room. and talked. no one cried, everythign was ok, i felt good and supportive and supported. everyone left eventually & me and beccy had to go to singing. by this time i wasnt feeling great.
i had an arguement with my mum in the car because she thought it was bad i just left school. i still hate her for that arguement. in the end i ended up lying and saying i had permission etc.
our normal teacher, darren, was away. we had kiara i think. she made us do a new song "amazing" by alex loyde. when i arrived (we were a few mintues early) i cried in the bathroom abit. i was so on the edge i shiver at the memory when i went and sat with the group. i didnt look at anyone. i just clutched beck. when the music started i looked at beccy in horror and cried. i cried infront of everyone and ran from the room.
when dad picked me up, we didnt say anything. i came home and cried for hours on edge. i did this every afternoon for a week. all to tracey chapman.
somethign in me breaks when i hear that alex loyde song, because i remember. and it's on an add.
i made a promise to myself. in year 12 i'm going to make one of my major drama performances dedicated or about sam.
its selfish i know but i can't talk about her and say things i want to. the pain honestly kills me. i didnt even know her.
fuck, why do these things happen. why do i have to remember it all. she was so fuckign young.