Fighting the myspace menace
To combat the glut of survey's on myspace from friends (your boyfriend really doesn't love you, you know. No matter how many times you write it in an internet survey. And I don't care that he was the last person you talked to on the phone with, he was the last person who had my cock in his mouth) I wrote this in between sending nasty emails to banks who won't hire me. Just because I keep making twilight zone jokes. Fuckers. Nuke em all.
Dear Myspace friends (I'm looking at you Emerson, Lake, and Palmer)
It has come to my attention that you are not the god fearing AmeriCANs that you should be. We shouldn't be at war. We should aid illegal immigrants with healthcare and other "basic human rights." We didn't vote for this president. Abortion's should be legal (well why don't we just abort all of those babies and use the stem cells to make your life longer comrade!).
So to weed out the anti american communist Carlos Mencia sympathizers in your social network I have devised a simple survey. You all like survey's. I know you do. Not to mention free ring tones and blow jobs, but who doesn't?
1) where do you get your news from?
(Acceptable answers are FOX news, the Drudge Report, and The Family Research Center. CNN means the survey taker is clearly a communist, a jew, homosexual, or Rosie O' Donnel)
2) What do you do if your find out your neighbour is a liberal?
(tar and feather. Any other answer means you need to contact homeland security. You're neighbourhood is harboring terrorists performing abortions)
3) Gay marriage should be a right.
(Clearly a positive response means your so called myspace friend hates America. Contact Jack Bauer immedietly for extraction, torture, names, and then termination)
4) Does Nancy Pelosi want to destroy the American family?
(Yes she does, but she'll be too busy blinking to do anything about it.)
5) Do you want to cut and run from work before before we finish liberating these french fries from the deep fryer and meet me for a few Coronas?
(I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Anyone not supporting the war wants America to become subservient to Canada. The Maple menace is amoung us people. Do you know how many bears they have up there? A lot, and that my friends, is why global warming is necessary, and a myth straight from the liberal media.)
That should do it. Weed out those Pinko commie cut and runners who watch Sean Penn movies.
And always, stop reading. Books can only hurt you with knowledge. Ignorance is bliss. So grab a cheeseburger, with some delicious kraft squares melted over that bad boy, and watch the Report.
I don't think it's funny, but I've already convinced a good portion of the idiots I stopped talking to three years ago but are my myspace friends so I can find out about how much their boyfriends love them. I tried to fit as many grammatical and spelling errors as I could in an attempt to be even more ironic.
Somehow my generation has been convinced that liberalism will save us, mostly because conservatism is evil and scary. It won't. Nothing will save us. The only thing that can save us is a man named Magnes. And I'll do it by cleansing people not by race, but by gullibility.
Dear Myspace friends (I'm looking at you Emerson, Lake, and Palmer)
It has come to my attention that you are not the god fearing AmeriCANs that you should be. We shouldn't be at war. We should aid illegal immigrants with healthcare and other "basic human rights." We didn't vote for this president. Abortion's should be legal (well why don't we just abort all of those babies and use the stem cells to make your life longer comrade!).
So to weed out the anti american communist Carlos Mencia sympathizers in your social network I have devised a simple survey. You all like survey's. I know you do. Not to mention free ring tones and blow jobs, but who doesn't?
1) where do you get your news from?
(Acceptable answers are FOX news, the Drudge Report, and The Family Research Center. CNN means the survey taker is clearly a communist, a jew, homosexual, or Rosie O' Donnel)
2) What do you do if your find out your neighbour is a liberal?
(tar and feather. Any other answer means you need to contact homeland security. You're neighbourhood is harboring terrorists performing abortions)
3) Gay marriage should be a right.
(Clearly a positive response means your so called myspace friend hates America. Contact Jack Bauer immedietly for extraction, torture, names, and then termination)
4) Does Nancy Pelosi want to destroy the American family?
(Yes she does, but she'll be too busy blinking to do anything about it.)
5) Do you want to cut and run from work before before we finish liberating these french fries from the deep fryer and meet me for a few Coronas?
(I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Anyone not supporting the war wants America to become subservient to Canada. The Maple menace is amoung us people. Do you know how many bears they have up there? A lot, and that my friends, is why global warming is necessary, and a myth straight from the liberal media.)
That should do it. Weed out those Pinko commie cut and runners who watch Sean Penn movies.
And always, stop reading. Books can only hurt you with knowledge. Ignorance is bliss. So grab a cheeseburger, with some delicious kraft squares melted over that bad boy, and watch the Report.
I don't think it's funny, but I've already convinced a good portion of the idiots I stopped talking to three years ago but are my myspace friends so I can find out about how much their boyfriends love them. I tried to fit as many grammatical and spelling errors as I could in an attempt to be even more ironic.
Somehow my generation has been convinced that liberalism will save us, mostly because conservatism is evil and scary. It won't. Nothing will save us. The only thing that can save us is a man named Magnes. And I'll do it by cleansing people not by race, but by gullibility.