(no subject)
What a weekend.
Friday night I went out with the hot girls and Mike. I have been trying to quit smoking, but Friday I was grouchy because I needed to smoke. So I walked across the parking lot of the bar where we were hanging out, and into the Safeway to buy cigarettes. I walked out and realized what I was doing and decided to call T. to talk me out of it, because we had just talked about quitting the night before.
So I get him on the phone and I say “I need you to talk me out of smoking.” And he tries. He is hilarious, he is firm, he makes sense. He tells me to throw the pack into traffic. He tells me to rip up all the cigarettes and put them in a glass of water. He tells me to throw them into the bushes. He tells me to give them away. He tells me that under no circumstances should I let this stupid corporate thing have power over me. And I know he’s right.
I get off the phone with him feeling bad that I called, because I really just called because I wanted him to ask me to hang out. That didn’t happen. So when I got off the phone I felt stupid and let down for calling him in the first place. And I smoked. More than once.
The next day I resolved not to call him anymore. I should never have beer and a cell phone - it’s like truth serum. All the worst things I’ve done to sabotage relationships have happened at bars or on my cell phone. Or some combination of both.
So all day Saturday I feel like a moron for having called him and wanting something out of it. All day Saturday I wish I could take it back. All day I think that he’s probably sick of me and that I have blown it.
Then at about 9pm he calls. I do a dance of joy!
I go to a going away party for a friend, and he tells me that when I’m leaving the party I should call him and see what’s going on. I call him back at 12:30 and leave a message that I’m leaving the party and that if he wants me to come over and snuggle and watch a movie I can. (and then I silently scream, we’ve never even talked about anything like that or even touched each other.) He calls back in an hour and I am still at the party, but it’s winding down. Thanks to beer and my cell phone, I tell him that there is something I need to say. It goes like this.
S: There’s something I want to tell you.
T: What’s that?
S: NEVER MIND, I should not have a cell phone!
T: (laughs) now you’re telling me.
S: This may be completely obvious; I have a huge crush on you.
T: (laughs… silence..) Does this require a response?
S: No.
T: (more silence..) I don’t think you have anything to worry about. (pause) I like beer and cell phones!
Then he tells me that it sounds like I’m not ready to call it a night, and that I should maybe stop by. He keeps yawning, and I mention it - he says that watching a movie and going to sleep is a good idea and that maybe I should bring a heavy blanket when I stop to get the other stuff I am taking over there. We are totally having a slumber party. I get my sleeping bag, a space heater, some movies; I brush my teeth and make sure I smell good. I go over there and he has obviously been getting ready. He brushed his teeth, too.
We watch a movie that I made awhile back, and he asks if he can copy it. I'm so flattered about that! We snuggle in to watch Ferris Buehlers Day Off. It starts out with us under the covers in our clothes, and slowly we're touching, then he has his arm around me, then we're holding hands, and then we totally have our first kiss, and it’s way better than I imagined it could be. I was nervous, bad kissing is a huge dealbreaker for me. Let’s just say it was one of THOSE first kisses; the kind where your knees get weak and you just want to stop time. It was amazing.
So yes, I stayed the night. I don’t feel like this breaks my new rules - I guess I’m kind of seeing him so it’s within the previously set parameters. I am not going to have The Talk with him. At least not right now. Anyway, it’s the week that he’ll run if he needs to, so I guess we’ll just wait and see what happens.
I’m definitely not taking him to sushi. That ruins everything.
Friday night I went out with the hot girls and Mike. I have been trying to quit smoking, but Friday I was grouchy because I needed to smoke. So I walked across the parking lot of the bar where we were hanging out, and into the Safeway to buy cigarettes. I walked out and realized what I was doing and decided to call T. to talk me out of it, because we had just talked about quitting the night before.
So I get him on the phone and I say “I need you to talk me out of smoking.” And he tries. He is hilarious, he is firm, he makes sense. He tells me to throw the pack into traffic. He tells me to rip up all the cigarettes and put them in a glass of water. He tells me to throw them into the bushes. He tells me to give them away. He tells me that under no circumstances should I let this stupid corporate thing have power over me. And I know he’s right.
I get off the phone with him feeling bad that I called, because I really just called because I wanted him to ask me to hang out. That didn’t happen. So when I got off the phone I felt stupid and let down for calling him in the first place. And I smoked. More than once.
The next day I resolved not to call him anymore. I should never have beer and a cell phone - it’s like truth serum. All the worst things I’ve done to sabotage relationships have happened at bars or on my cell phone. Or some combination of both.
So all day Saturday I feel like a moron for having called him and wanting something out of it. All day Saturday I wish I could take it back. All day I think that he’s probably sick of me and that I have blown it.
Then at about 9pm he calls. I do a dance of joy!
I go to a going away party for a friend, and he tells me that when I’m leaving the party I should call him and see what’s going on. I call him back at 12:30 and leave a message that I’m leaving the party and that if he wants me to come over and snuggle and watch a movie I can. (and then I silently scream, we’ve never even talked about anything like that or even touched each other.) He calls back in an hour and I am still at the party, but it’s winding down. Thanks to beer and my cell phone, I tell him that there is something I need to say. It goes like this.
S: There’s something I want to tell you.
T: What’s that?
S: NEVER MIND, I should not have a cell phone!
T: (laughs) now you’re telling me.
S: This may be completely obvious; I have a huge crush on you.
T: (laughs… silence..) Does this require a response?
S: No.
T: (more silence..) I don’t think you have anything to worry about. (pause) I like beer and cell phones!
Then he tells me that it sounds like I’m not ready to call it a night, and that I should maybe stop by. He keeps yawning, and I mention it - he says that watching a movie and going to sleep is a good idea and that maybe I should bring a heavy blanket when I stop to get the other stuff I am taking over there. We are totally having a slumber party. I get my sleeping bag, a space heater, some movies; I brush my teeth and make sure I smell good. I go over there and he has obviously been getting ready. He brushed his teeth, too.
We watch a movie that I made awhile back, and he asks if he can copy it. I'm so flattered about that! We snuggle in to watch Ferris Buehlers Day Off. It starts out with us under the covers in our clothes, and slowly we're touching, then he has his arm around me, then we're holding hands, and then we totally have our first kiss, and it’s way better than I imagined it could be. I was nervous, bad kissing is a huge dealbreaker for me. Let’s just say it was one of THOSE first kisses; the kind where your knees get weak and you just want to stop time. It was amazing.
So yes, I stayed the night. I don’t feel like this breaks my new rules - I guess I’m kind of seeing him so it’s within the previously set parameters. I am not going to have The Talk with him. At least not right now. Anyway, it’s the week that he’ll run if he needs to, so I guess we’ll just wait and see what happens.
I’m definitely not taking him to sushi. That ruins everything.