Photographs & Memories [Skins; Emily/Naomi]
Title: Photographs & Memories
Pairing: Naomi/Emily
Rating: R
Word Count: 5,122
Disclaimer: None of the Skins characters belong to me; I’m just borrowing them for a bit.
Summary: Post S4 Ep8 - Naomi knows that this is the moment where they both forgive and choose to forget about all of the time they’ve already lost and wasted away...
AN: I wasn’t really feeling the Skins love after the final aired, and well, this was more of a little test that I set for myself, to see if I was still passionate about writing about the characters, than anything else.
AN 2: Thanks to the lovely flister who betaed this for me <3
‘I have photographs and memories of the times,
When you weren't on my mind and I was alone,
And I have poetry and drawings of my life,
When you weren't on my side and I didn't know,
Just what is ‘love...’’
- Photographs & Memories - Jason Reeves
“I love you too,” Emily breathes into her shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around Naomi’s body, holding her desperately close; nails digging slightly into Naomi’s back as if she doesn’t know how to stop clinging to her now that they’re finally in each other’s arms again.
Naomi shudders in response, Emily’s warm breath tickling her skin as soft lips ghost against the space below her ear - she’s missed this, the simple contact, the gentle touching, and it feels a little like she’s always taken it for granted before because never has one small gesture from Emily made her feel so much; so loved and safe, as if the answers have been there all along waiting in Emily for her to just reach out and take.
And maybe it has been obvious from the start, that all she needed to do was strip down her armour and feel each and every one of the wounds Emily had given her, to see the scars she’d inflicted upon herself for staying guarded for so long and be brave enough to accept her feelings for what they were.
It almost seems fitting that actions are all she has left to give now to show Emily that she means every single word of what she’s said, and so she pulls Emily in closer still and lets her eyes flutter closed, taking a moment to relish the feeling of Emily’s heart beating steadily against her own.
She hears Emily sigh against her shoulder; soft and content, and even though the words haven’t been spoken between them, Naomi knows that this is the moment where they both forgive and choose to forget about all of the time they’ve already lost and wasted away.
-----
Naomi can’t remember the last time she felt so relaxed, and it’s nice, really rather nice that even though she’s let go in front of them, given away all of her control and exposed all of her vulnerabilities and insecurities that they’re still looking at her in the same way as before - there’s no judgement or ridicule pasted across their faces or looming heavily in their eyes.
There’s something strange that they’re still the same, odd group of misfits that were thrown together out of circumstance rather than choice, and yet, given the battles they’ve all fought over these brief two years, have somehow ended up as somewhat friends - it’s surprising yet comforting in a way that being surrounded by people has never been for her before.
“Thank fuck for that, the lesbians have finally reunited,” Katie says, finally forcing them to part and directing a cheeky smirk in their direction. “I was getting fucking sick of all of your pussy-arsed moping around and Emily’s retarded effort to snog any minging random slut in a short skirt.”
“Too fucking right Kaykins,” Cook chips in, smiling up at them all from his place on the floor with his ridiculously cheesy grin. “Now how about you two give us another showing, huh? Slip some proper tongue action in this time too.”
It feels good to roll her eyes in response, she’s missed it, the ability to not take everything said so bloody seriously, and it feels even better when Emily murmurs, “Tosser,” back at him from her place beside her, a small smile evident on her lips.
Naomi finds her own mouth curving up as Emily’s hand slips into her own, Cook cackling on in that way that is so distinctly him. And then just as suddenly as the intensity had settled over everyone as she entered the shed, it’s disappeared without a trace, nothing but Katie unscrewing a bottle of vodka and splashing the transparent liquid into the shot glasses left behind.
“Come on,” Katie orders, shoving drinks at all of them. “It’s time to get this lame-o rave well and truly started.”
-----
The buzz from the alcohol feels good, makes warmth spread through Naomi’s body and diminishes the last of her tension. And it helps, that she can enjoy the burn of the liquid as it travels down her throat now that she no longer has to use alcohol as her companion and has stopped relying on it as the only thing that could possibly numb all of her pain.
It’s a first for Emily too, the way that there’s stopped being a bottle of something glued in one hand and a spliff in another, eyes glazed over and blank with nothing but pain and rage. It almost feels like a lifetime ago that they were hurting each other on a daily basis as Emily reaches for her and snuggles back into her side, laughing and joking at something Pandora is saying while tracing patterns with her fingertips against the small of Naomi’s back.
Naomi knows she’s lucky really, that they’ve managed to easily slip back to how they were, how they always should have been, and yet it all feels a little too good to be true, as if a few honest words shouldn’t have healed all of their pain.
But then Emily smiles at her, presses a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth and looks at her with such adoration that Naomi can do nothing but believe the truth in Emily’s eyes and be reminded that maybe - really - they are going to be okay after all.
-----
She used to try not to do it, to watch Emily, at least not so openly where any prying eyes could catch her staring and would know, instantly, undoubtedly, just by that one split second where her eyes would give away exactly what she was feeling, that she was in deeper that she’d ever let on - that it was the small, shy and overshadowed red head that held her attention without thought or choice.
It used to make Naomi’s skin prickle unbearably, whenever she could feel Emily’s longing brown eyes staring at her - openly, always so openly - because she couldn’t understand (or maybe she just didn’t want to) how Emily could be so unashamed, so brave with what she was doing. How she could look at Naomi and want to see her - her eyes always searching, always delving a little deeper as if she knew what was presented with Naomi’s exterior was an utter lie.
And it was all made even more terrifying by the way Emily would always refuse to look away whenever their gaze accidentally caught, how her expression and eyes were so open that her soul was practically waiting on display for Naomi to see if she’d only dare to take a real look at her.
She never did of course, always far too scared by the possibility of what looking meant rather than what she’d actually see, that she kept her eyes down, only glancing for a split second when she couldn’t resist the aching in her chest any longer.
It all seems a little stupid now that she’d been so scared of something so beautiful, that Naomi can’t stop her lips from creasing up into a smile as she watches Emily dance and laugh with Katie - relaxed, smiling; happy again. It doesn’t even bother her that Effy is watching her watch Emily, smirking in that infuriatingly knowing way that she always does, because she’d stopped being scared of seeing Emily and letting herself be seen the moment Emily had walked away from her on the rooftop - when losing Emily became the thing that scared her most of all.
She sees Emily falter slightly in her conversation with Katie, a slight blush creeping onto her cheeks, and Naomi knows it’s because Emily can feel her looking, knows that Naomi’s watching every movement she makes and memorising it.
Emily leans in to whisper something into Katie’s ear - whose eyes quickly dance over to where she’s sitting with an unexpectedly fond smile - and then slowly makes her way over to where Naomi is, slipping gracefully onto her lap, arms curling around Naomi’s neck as she bites her lip shyly.
“You’re beautiful,” Naomi murmurs, letting her eyes trace the shapes and lines of Emily’s face.
Emily’s cheeks flush a little redder and she says nothing as she dips her head to gently brush their lips together in a ridiculously tender kiss.
“Want to go home?” Naomi asks softly as Emily’s warm breath puffs against her lips, her eyes still shut as she savours the contact.
Brown eyes are looking back at her when she opens her own again a moment later, holding her gaze intently and then Emily nods once, definitively. “Yes, please.”
-----
They hold hands - fingers entwined and squeezing reassuringly - as they walk back to the house, and Naomi can’t help but wonder if Emily remembers the time when she called it ‘theirs’ (without even thinking - it wasn’t something that had needed thought, it just was) before everything between them had gotten dark and gloomy, her indiscretion and betrayal looming over them and tainting everything that had once been good.
Only it hadn’t ever really gotten to feel like theirs, except for a few brief hours when Emily had dumped her bags at the foot of Naomi’s bed and kissed her longingly when Naomi surprised her with the sombreros. And even then their happiness hadn’t lasted long because Emily had known something wasn’t right and their downwards spiral hadn’t stopped until Sophia had confirmed all of Emily’s doubts from beyond the grave.
It still feels a little surreal as Naomi hesitantly detaches her hand from Emily’s own to open the front door that they’ve existed together under the same roof for nearly a year but that they haven’t really been living at all, merely surviving in their misery instead.
Emily looks a little nervous once they enter as she lingers just inside the narrow hallway, and Naomi can’t really blame her for being unsure, not when the last time they’d been inside the house together Emily had flaunted Mandy in her face and she’d lashed out and told Emily to pack up her things and leave - finally being the one to break their stalemate and end them in a split second just to stop herself from hurting any more than she already was.
“Em,” Naomi urges gently and holds out her hand, knowing that she has to be the one to step up and lead them through the first few hurdles this time around.
Emily’s eyes drop down to her hand for a second and Naomi worries that maybe this will be the moment where everything that has happened tonight catches up with Emily and she changes her mind, rejecting Naomi’s hand and leaving with nothing but a pointed look of disgust in Naomi’s direction.
She doesn’t though, instead she lets out a shaky breath and steps towards Naomi for the second time in one night, linking their hands together again and letting Naomi be the one guide her up the stairs and into the room that they hadn’t long ago considered to be theirs and theirs alone.
-----
Emily’s packed bags are the first thing that both of their eyes fall to as they enter the room and Naomi has to tug a little forcefully on Emily’s hand to actually persuade her to come inside of it further.
“We should unpack them,” Naomi murmurs, gesturing a little awkwardly at the bags, watching as Emily moves closer, her fingers reaching out and knitting into the white t-shirt lying rumpled in the middle of the bed as her eyes drift to Naomi questioningly.
“Yeah?” Emily echoes more than asks although her eyes are screaming for reassurance. She brings the t-shirt up to her face and inhales, a smile making its way onto her face when she realises Naomi’s scent is mixed with her own - Naomi blushes at the memory of holding it against her naked body barely hours ago.
She smiles nodding her head and lifts one of the bags onto the bed, flicking open the catch and opening it up. “Yeah, we should,” Naomi repeats, pulling one of Emily’s carefully folded shirts from the bag and putting it back into the chest of draws, her eyes once again returning to Emily. “You know how it weirds me out when our room doesn’t have your crap sprawled out across everything, Ems.”
“Fuck you,” Emily laughs, her face breaking out into a beautiful grin as she attempts to pull a skirt out from Naomi’s hands. “I’m the tidy one; you’re the one who’s happy to live like a pig.”
Naomi tightens her grasp around Emily’s skirt and pulls, tugging Emily in closer to her until there’s nothing much left between them. She quirks her eyebrow and smirks cheekily. “Oink Oink.”
Emily laughs again and rolls her eyes, her hands letting go of the skirt and reaching up to cup around Naomi’s neck, pulling her down into a kiss that they both smile into.
“Cunt,” Emily murmurs affectionately when they break apart, plucking the skirt out of Naomi’s hands and placing it back into wardrobe where it rightfully belongs.
-----
They change for bed with their backs to each other, a sudden wave of nervousness flittering in between them now that they are properly alone with nothing but unspoken words and actions sitting heavily between them. And it doesn’t even matter that they’ve been sleeping next to each other again for a couple of weeks now because something about it still doesn’t feel right at all.
Naomi digs around in her draw until she finds a suitable t-shirt to wear, her confidence to sleep naked like always instantly draining away as Emily awkwardly pulls her white t-shirt over her head and stands staring at her side of the bed, bottom lip caught perfectly between her teeth.
She swallows against the dryness in her mouth and pulls back the duvet, slipping into the bed before looking up at Emily, asks, “Are you getting in?” She sees the hesitation washing over Emily’s face and feels her stomach knot. “I could go sleep on the couch... if you want?”
Emily’s eyes flash up to hers as she shakes her head frantically. “No, don’t,” she whispers. “Sorry, I just... I want you to stay, Naoms.”
Naomi nods and reaches across to pull back the duvet on Emily’s side of the bed, watching intently as Emily crawls in next to her, their gaze never breaking.
A stray piece of red hair falls into Emily’s face and Naomi reacts to it instinctively, reaching out and gently tucking it back behind Emily’s ear, the back of her knuckles automatically brushing against the smooth skin of Emily’s cheek.
Emily’s eyes flutter shut at her delicate caress and it makes Naomi feel a little bolder, a little more daring, and so she lets her fingertips trace over Emily’s face - over her eyebrows, down her nose, across her lips - mapping out every inch of her skin before leaning in to press a light kiss against Emily’s forehead.
It’s the way Emily’s fingers come up to curl around her wrist, holding her hand in place and drawing Naomi’s hand towards her mouth until her lips are fluttering tantalizing kisses against her palm, that stops Naomi from shuffling back to her side of the bed.
Naomi closes her eyes and sighs contentedly as Emily’s lips make their way to the inside of her wrist, soothing kisses against her skin and she relishes every second of Emily’s touch.
“S’nice,” Naomi breathes when Emily kisses her way back to her palm and opens her eyes to see Emily still staring back at her.
“Yeah... it is.” Emily smiles sleepily before breaking out into a yawn, her body naturally curling into Naomi’s own until they’re touching everywhere at once.
It catches them both a little off guard, Emily’s eyes going from tired to wide in an instant, but Naomi can’t help herself from moving to wrap her arms around Emily’s small frame, keeping them drawn together and silently urging Emily to stay.
Naomi watches as Emily’s mouth quirks into a small smile as she intertwines their fingers and rests their hands on top of Naomi’s stomach before snuggling into the crook of Naomi’s neck, her lips brushing a chaste kiss to Naomi’s jaw - and just like that, their eyes close and their breathing evens out until sleep finds them both easily and peacefully for the first time in months.
-----
She wakes to bright sunlight streaming in through the window, sneaking its way in between a gap in the curtains and illuminating warmth over her face until she’s blinking her eyes open blearily from a deep sleep.
Naomi feels a little disorientated for a moment as she lifts a hand to her face and rubs at her eyes, her vision adjusting to the daylight as her body unconsciously stretches out. It only occurs to her then, as she rolls onto her side and buries her face back into the warmth of her pillow, that there’s an empty space next to her instead of Emily.
Her hand darts out to touch the gap beside her, hoping to find heat from Emily’s body still lingering behind but the sheet is cool against her hand, no sign that anyone has slept beside her at all. It makes a lump form in Naomi’s throat, a dreading feeling of sick settle into her stomach as forces herself out of bed and hurries down the stairs - it couldn’t be possible that Emily has left her, not now, not when everything was finally starting to fall back into place for them again.
She feels a rush of oxygen make its way into her lungs when she gets down to the kitchen and finds Emily standing in front of the cooker - spatula in one hand as she holds the frying pan with her other - the relief making Naomi feel a little lightheaded and dizzy.
Emily turns toward her and must notice the worry still looming in her eyes right away, because the smile that had been playing across her lips slips from her face. “Breakfast... I’m making us breakfast,” Emily explains bashfully.
Naomi nods, feeling a little stupid for ever considering that Emily would just up and leave her without a word. “Right. Yeah, of course... I knew that.”
“You weren’t supposed to wake up until I got back,” Emily says turning back briefly to the frying pan and checking the eggs before looking up at Naomi with a smile. “I was going to bring it to you in bed.”
Naomi moves to wrap her arms around Emily’s waist and presses a kiss against her cheek as she rests her chin on top of Emily’s shoulder, smiling as she says, “That can still be arranged. I think I’d like having my very own personal chef.”
Emily scoffs and slaps at her hands, forcing Naomi to let go of her and move away. “Not going to happen, Campbell. But if you sit your arse down at the table I will personally serve you your breakfast... today anyway.”
“Sounds like a deal, Fitch.”
Everything’s still a little unsure, a little fragile, but as Naomi bites into her slice of toast, she knows that it’s only a matter of time before they work out the kinks to their newfound balance.
-----
It doesn’t take Naomi long to find them, she’d known where they were kept, had made sure that she’d put them somewhere safe when they’d moved from the old house. She’d always kept them out of sight anyway, hidden away in a blank old shoebox to hinder any curiosity should anyone ever happen to rummage around her room and stumble across the box kept safely in the back of her wardrobe.
She’s sitting on the bed, nervously holding the box on her lap when Emily re-enters the room, fresh from her shower, her hair dripping water droplets onto the carpet as she meets Naomi’s eye and self-consciously reaches up to make sure that her towel is keeping her covered.
“What’s that?” Emily gestures at the box, a look of confusion spreading over her face.
Naomi looks down at the box and smoothes her hand over the lid as she takes a breath to steady her nerves before looking back up at Emily. “When I was little, mum and I, we moved around a lot. Dad had knocked her up and left her so it was always just me and her, the two of us. We never stayed anywhere long enough for me to really make friends - not that I probably would have anyway,” Naomi stops to roll her eyes at herself, a fake smile playing on her lips. “So I kept diaries, instead. A friend that’s always there - it never asks questions and never answers back, y’know?”
“Right,” Emily says, her brow still knitted. “Naoms, I don’t think I --”
“They were pointless really, just childish rubbish scrawled in them,” Naomi continues, ignoring Emily’s interruption and averting her gaze for a moment. “Until we moved here anyway and well, here...” she says standing up and passing Emily one of the journals from the box.
She holds her breath as Emily takes the book from her hand, carefully opening the cover and reading through the first couple of pages.
Emily’s eyes are wide and questioning when she looks back up at Naomi, her voice a little disbelieving when she says, “You wrote about me.”
Naomi nods her head, licking at her lips to try and fight against the dryness in her mouth. “Yeah... they’re all mostly about you. I just... I thought that maybe you’d like to read them.”
“You really were twelve when you noticed me, you weren’t lying,” Emily whispers, looking up at her from the journal again after a few long moments.
“No,” Naomi replies shaking her head timidly, her voice a little shaky. “But I had a feeling that maybe you didn’t believe me, so... you should-- you should read them Ems.”
“Naomi, I --”
“It’s okay. Why would you believe me when I’ve never before given you reason to,” Naomi says with a small smile. “But I want you to believe that you can trust me from now on, yeah? This has to be a fresh start for us; I don’t want us to carry on like we were before. I couldn’t stand it, Em.”
“A fresh start,” Emily echoes, running the pad of her thumb along the spine of the journal. “We can do that.”
-----
The hot water feels good against Naomi’s skin as she tips her head back and closes her eyes, enjoying the way the spray of the shower is working against the muscles in her shoulders and back, freeing them from any left behind tension.
She runs her hands through her hair and tries not to think about Emily, back in their room with her journals. It’s a little scary, daunting even, that in the last twenty-four hours she’s gone from keeping her thoughts and feelings closed off to everyone but herself, to giving Emily permission, free-reign to look back on their past and see it through her eyes for once.
And she knows that it’ll change things between them, it has to, there’s no other option when Emily has their past, their story written in stone inside her mind and now Naomi’s come along and broken it down, exclaiming honestly with her heart wide open, that these may be the moments they’ve shared together but Emily’s version isn’t the only one, she has a story too - both equally important and needed, so that together they can see the full picture, the truthful version of their story and not just their misguided accounts with empty gaps.
It’s the click of the bathroom door that jolts her from her thoughts, and then Naomi’s opening her eyes to see Emily standing there before her, letting her towel fall down around her feet as she steps into the shower with her, the water cascading down around them both.
Emily doesn’t say anything, just stares back at her, her brown eyes flittering over every inch of Naomi’s face as if she’s seeing her for the first time all over again. And it feels a lot like Emily’s gone and sucked all of the air out of the room because Naomi’s chest feels heavy, her lungs aching to find oxygen just so she can simply breathe again.
It happens quickly then, how Emily steps closer to her, reaching for Naomi’s hands so that she can thread their fingers together, letting their joined hands hang loosely down at their sides. And Naomi can’t help but let her eyes slip shut as Emily’s face inches towards her until their foreheads are resting together, Emily’s nose brushing against her own.
Naomi shivers at the contact, a choked breath escaping out from between her lips as Emily continues to reunite their bodies, nuzzling her nose and lips against Naomi’s cheek - touching simply for the sake of touching.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Emily breathes into her skin.
“Me too,” Naomi murmurs as she nuzzles her cheek back against Emily’s own, relishing the feel of their skin colliding for the first time in months. “I’ve missed you so much, Em.”
And there’s nothing remotely sexual about it, not even as Emily ghosts her lip down her neck to the crook of her shoulder - not kissing, just enjoying the feel of soft skin beneath her lips.
Naomi presses her nose to Emily’s hair and inhales deeply, breathing her in - coconuts and summer and something distinctly Emily - and it makes her heart swell to know that it hasn’t changed, that the Emily she’s here with now is still her Emily, that no matter what’s happened, they’re still them.
-----
It doesn’t take long then, for Emily to tug at her hand, reaching out to turn off the shower as she leads them back to their room again. And all Naomi can focus on is the way Emily’s hair is damp and tousled, water droplets escaping from the ends, and taking Naomi back to their time at the lake.
Only this time it isn’t a secret, it doesn’t feel like they’re trying to escape from the rest of the world just to share a few stolen minutes together. They don’t need to be coy and daring, or speak with stolen glances and fleeting touches because this is them, this is who they are and it isn’t something that either of them would ever shy away from again.
Emily doesn’t have to reach out to timidly cover her hand and Naomi doesn’t have to be bold and lean in first - this time when they kiss, they lean in towards each other and meet halfway, their lips gliding together with ease, slowly, so slowly.
It feels like the beginning all over again, a second chance that’s finally come and Naomi can’t stop the way her heart beats rapidly inside of her chest or how she’s started to shake and whimper breathily against Emily’s mouth.
“You’re scared?” Emily whispers into the space between them as she pulls back a little, her lips hovering barely centimetres away from Naomi’s own.
“No,” Naomi murmurs as she shakes her head and seeks out Emily’s eyes. “Not this time, just happy. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to do this again.”
“I know.” Emily nods once, softly, and captures Naomi lips again in an achingly deep kiss. “Me either.”
-----
That’s all it takes for them to fall into each other, their bodies coming together and melding as they make love for hours - slow and heavy and at times a little desperate - careful to leave no parts of each other neglected or unloved.
They keep their eyes open throughout and Naomi isn’t sure whether it’s because they can’t stop looking or whether they’re just afraid to look away - as if what’s happening between them is merely a dream that they’re bound to wake up from. And it’s the way Emily’s eyes are so dark, so endless, that forces Naomi over the edge as she willingly lets herself go completely to Emily’s fingers and Emily’s mouth and cries out the syllables of Emily’s name.
Emily falls against her a second later, spent and sweaty, her breathing ragged and all Naomi can do is wrap her hands around Emily’s back and hold her close, whispering promises that she’ll never let her go again.
-----
Her mum and Kieran arrive home two days later, looking tanned and ridiculously happy and Naomi can’t help but take comfort in how smitten they look even after all the time they’ve spent alone together this past year.
It makes her smile, her heart bursting with hope, when Gina stops telling glorious stories about their time away and points over at the two packed bags at the bottom of the stairs.
“You two going somewhere, love?” She asks, her eyes flicking from the bags and back to Naomi and Emily.
Naomi feels Emily’s hand instinctively slip into her own, and she links their fingers before nodding in response to the question, turning her attention to stare openly at Emily. “Off to fuck on every beach in India, aren’t we Ems?”
Emily’s cheeks flush red in embarrassment as she slaps at Naomi’s arm in response with a cheeky twinkle in her eyes and a smile playing over her lips. And that’s all it takes for Naomi to start grinning like an idiot in return as she leans down to place a lingering kiss against Emily’s lips, not even minding that her mum’s started rambling on about how she always dreamed of being fucked on India’s golden shores until the sun rose.
Emily looks dazed and content when they break apart and Naomi knows, undoubtedly, that being with Emily and staying like this - loved and safe and happy - is all she’ll ever need for the rest of her life.
Pairing: Naomi/Emily
Rating: R
Word Count: 5,122
Disclaimer: None of the Skins characters belong to me; I’m just borrowing them for a bit.
Summary: Post S4 Ep8 - Naomi knows that this is the moment where they both forgive and choose to forget about all of the time they’ve already lost and wasted away...
AN: I wasn’t really feeling the Skins love after the final aired, and well, this was more of a little test that I set for myself, to see if I was still passionate about writing about the characters, than anything else.
AN 2: Thanks to the lovely flister who betaed this for me <3
‘I have photographs and memories of the times,
When you weren't on my mind and I was alone,
And I have poetry and drawings of my life,
When you weren't on my side and I didn't know,
Just what is ‘love...’’
- Photographs & Memories - Jason Reeves
“I love you too,” Emily breathes into her shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly around Naomi’s body, holding her desperately close; nails digging slightly into Naomi’s back as if she doesn’t know how to stop clinging to her now that they’re finally in each other’s arms again.
Naomi shudders in response, Emily’s warm breath tickling her skin as soft lips ghost against the space below her ear - she’s missed this, the simple contact, the gentle touching, and it feels a little like she’s always taken it for granted before because never has one small gesture from Emily made her feel so much; so loved and safe, as if the answers have been there all along waiting in Emily for her to just reach out and take.
And maybe it has been obvious from the start, that all she needed to do was strip down her armour and feel each and every one of the wounds Emily had given her, to see the scars she’d inflicted upon herself for staying guarded for so long and be brave enough to accept her feelings for what they were.
It almost seems fitting that actions are all she has left to give now to show Emily that she means every single word of what she’s said, and so she pulls Emily in closer still and lets her eyes flutter closed, taking a moment to relish the feeling of Emily’s heart beating steadily against her own.
She hears Emily sigh against her shoulder; soft and content, and even though the words haven’t been spoken between them, Naomi knows that this is the moment where they both forgive and choose to forget about all of the time they’ve already lost and wasted away.
-----
Naomi can’t remember the last time she felt so relaxed, and it’s nice, really rather nice that even though she’s let go in front of them, given away all of her control and exposed all of her vulnerabilities and insecurities that they’re still looking at her in the same way as before - there’s no judgement or ridicule pasted across their faces or looming heavily in their eyes.
There’s something strange that they’re still the same, odd group of misfits that were thrown together out of circumstance rather than choice, and yet, given the battles they’ve all fought over these brief two years, have somehow ended up as somewhat friends - it’s surprising yet comforting in a way that being surrounded by people has never been for her before.
“Thank fuck for that, the lesbians have finally reunited,” Katie says, finally forcing them to part and directing a cheeky smirk in their direction. “I was getting fucking sick of all of your pussy-arsed moping around and Emily’s retarded effort to snog any minging random slut in a short skirt.”
“Too fucking right Kaykins,” Cook chips in, smiling up at them all from his place on the floor with his ridiculously cheesy grin. “Now how about you two give us another showing, huh? Slip some proper tongue action in this time too.”
It feels good to roll her eyes in response, she’s missed it, the ability to not take everything said so bloody seriously, and it feels even better when Emily murmurs, “Tosser,” back at him from her place beside her, a small smile evident on her lips.
Naomi finds her own mouth curving up as Emily’s hand slips into her own, Cook cackling on in that way that is so distinctly him. And then just as suddenly as the intensity had settled over everyone as she entered the shed, it’s disappeared without a trace, nothing but Katie unscrewing a bottle of vodka and splashing the transparent liquid into the shot glasses left behind.
“Come on,” Katie orders, shoving drinks at all of them. “It’s time to get this lame-o rave well and truly started.”
-----
The buzz from the alcohol feels good, makes warmth spread through Naomi’s body and diminishes the last of her tension. And it helps, that she can enjoy the burn of the liquid as it travels down her throat now that she no longer has to use alcohol as her companion and has stopped relying on it as the only thing that could possibly numb all of her pain.
It’s a first for Emily too, the way that there’s stopped being a bottle of something glued in one hand and a spliff in another, eyes glazed over and blank with nothing but pain and rage. It almost feels like a lifetime ago that they were hurting each other on a daily basis as Emily reaches for her and snuggles back into her side, laughing and joking at something Pandora is saying while tracing patterns with her fingertips against the small of Naomi’s back.
Naomi knows she’s lucky really, that they’ve managed to easily slip back to how they were, how they always should have been, and yet it all feels a little too good to be true, as if a few honest words shouldn’t have healed all of their pain.
But then Emily smiles at her, presses a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth and looks at her with such adoration that Naomi can do nothing but believe the truth in Emily’s eyes and be reminded that maybe - really - they are going to be okay after all.
-----
She used to try not to do it, to watch Emily, at least not so openly where any prying eyes could catch her staring and would know, instantly, undoubtedly, just by that one split second where her eyes would give away exactly what she was feeling, that she was in deeper that she’d ever let on - that it was the small, shy and overshadowed red head that held her attention without thought or choice.
It used to make Naomi’s skin prickle unbearably, whenever she could feel Emily’s longing brown eyes staring at her - openly, always so openly - because she couldn’t understand (or maybe she just didn’t want to) how Emily could be so unashamed, so brave with what she was doing. How she could look at Naomi and want to see her - her eyes always searching, always delving a little deeper as if she knew what was presented with Naomi’s exterior was an utter lie.
And it was all made even more terrifying by the way Emily would always refuse to look away whenever their gaze accidentally caught, how her expression and eyes were so open that her soul was practically waiting on display for Naomi to see if she’d only dare to take a real look at her.
She never did of course, always far too scared by the possibility of what looking meant rather than what she’d actually see, that she kept her eyes down, only glancing for a split second when she couldn’t resist the aching in her chest any longer.
It all seems a little stupid now that she’d been so scared of something so beautiful, that Naomi can’t stop her lips from creasing up into a smile as she watches Emily dance and laugh with Katie - relaxed, smiling; happy again. It doesn’t even bother her that Effy is watching her watch Emily, smirking in that infuriatingly knowing way that she always does, because she’d stopped being scared of seeing Emily and letting herself be seen the moment Emily had walked away from her on the rooftop - when losing Emily became the thing that scared her most of all.
She sees Emily falter slightly in her conversation with Katie, a slight blush creeping onto her cheeks, and Naomi knows it’s because Emily can feel her looking, knows that Naomi’s watching every movement she makes and memorising it.
Emily leans in to whisper something into Katie’s ear - whose eyes quickly dance over to where she’s sitting with an unexpectedly fond smile - and then slowly makes her way over to where Naomi is, slipping gracefully onto her lap, arms curling around Naomi’s neck as she bites her lip shyly.
“You’re beautiful,” Naomi murmurs, letting her eyes trace the shapes and lines of Emily’s face.
Emily’s cheeks flush a little redder and she says nothing as she dips her head to gently brush their lips together in a ridiculously tender kiss.
“Want to go home?” Naomi asks softly as Emily’s warm breath puffs against her lips, her eyes still shut as she savours the contact.
Brown eyes are looking back at her when she opens her own again a moment later, holding her gaze intently and then Emily nods once, definitively. “Yes, please.”
-----
They hold hands - fingers entwined and squeezing reassuringly - as they walk back to the house, and Naomi can’t help but wonder if Emily remembers the time when she called it ‘theirs’ (without even thinking - it wasn’t something that had needed thought, it just was) before everything between them had gotten dark and gloomy, her indiscretion and betrayal looming over them and tainting everything that had once been good.
Only it hadn’t ever really gotten to feel like theirs, except for a few brief hours when Emily had dumped her bags at the foot of Naomi’s bed and kissed her longingly when Naomi surprised her with the sombreros. And even then their happiness hadn’t lasted long because Emily had known something wasn’t right and their downwards spiral hadn’t stopped until Sophia had confirmed all of Emily’s doubts from beyond the grave.
It still feels a little surreal as Naomi hesitantly detaches her hand from Emily’s own to open the front door that they’ve existed together under the same roof for nearly a year but that they haven’t really been living at all, merely surviving in their misery instead.
Emily looks a little nervous once they enter as she lingers just inside the narrow hallway, and Naomi can’t really blame her for being unsure, not when the last time they’d been inside the house together Emily had flaunted Mandy in her face and she’d lashed out and told Emily to pack up her things and leave - finally being the one to break their stalemate and end them in a split second just to stop herself from hurting any more than she already was.
“Em,” Naomi urges gently and holds out her hand, knowing that she has to be the one to step up and lead them through the first few hurdles this time around.
Emily’s eyes drop down to her hand for a second and Naomi worries that maybe this will be the moment where everything that has happened tonight catches up with Emily and she changes her mind, rejecting Naomi’s hand and leaving with nothing but a pointed look of disgust in Naomi’s direction.
She doesn’t though, instead she lets out a shaky breath and steps towards Naomi for the second time in one night, linking their hands together again and letting Naomi be the one guide her up the stairs and into the room that they hadn’t long ago considered to be theirs and theirs alone.
-----
Emily’s packed bags are the first thing that both of their eyes fall to as they enter the room and Naomi has to tug a little forcefully on Emily’s hand to actually persuade her to come inside of it further.
“We should unpack them,” Naomi murmurs, gesturing a little awkwardly at the bags, watching as Emily moves closer, her fingers reaching out and knitting into the white t-shirt lying rumpled in the middle of the bed as her eyes drift to Naomi questioningly.
“Yeah?” Emily echoes more than asks although her eyes are screaming for reassurance. She brings the t-shirt up to her face and inhales, a smile making its way onto her face when she realises Naomi’s scent is mixed with her own - Naomi blushes at the memory of holding it against her naked body barely hours ago.
She smiles nodding her head and lifts one of the bags onto the bed, flicking open the catch and opening it up. “Yeah, we should,” Naomi repeats, pulling one of Emily’s carefully folded shirts from the bag and putting it back into the chest of draws, her eyes once again returning to Emily. “You know how it weirds me out when our room doesn’t have your crap sprawled out across everything, Ems.”
“Fuck you,” Emily laughs, her face breaking out into a beautiful grin as she attempts to pull a skirt out from Naomi’s hands. “I’m the tidy one; you’re the one who’s happy to live like a pig.”
Naomi tightens her grasp around Emily’s skirt and pulls, tugging Emily in closer to her until there’s nothing much left between them. She quirks her eyebrow and smirks cheekily. “Oink Oink.”
Emily laughs again and rolls her eyes, her hands letting go of the skirt and reaching up to cup around Naomi’s neck, pulling her down into a kiss that they both smile into.
“Cunt,” Emily murmurs affectionately when they break apart, plucking the skirt out of Naomi’s hands and placing it back into wardrobe where it rightfully belongs.
-----
They change for bed with their backs to each other, a sudden wave of nervousness flittering in between them now that they are properly alone with nothing but unspoken words and actions sitting heavily between them. And it doesn’t even matter that they’ve been sleeping next to each other again for a couple of weeks now because something about it still doesn’t feel right at all.
Naomi digs around in her draw until she finds a suitable t-shirt to wear, her confidence to sleep naked like always instantly draining away as Emily awkwardly pulls her white t-shirt over her head and stands staring at her side of the bed, bottom lip caught perfectly between her teeth.
She swallows against the dryness in her mouth and pulls back the duvet, slipping into the bed before looking up at Emily, asks, “Are you getting in?” She sees the hesitation washing over Emily’s face and feels her stomach knot. “I could go sleep on the couch... if you want?”
Emily’s eyes flash up to hers as she shakes her head frantically. “No, don’t,” she whispers. “Sorry, I just... I want you to stay, Naoms.”
Naomi nods and reaches across to pull back the duvet on Emily’s side of the bed, watching intently as Emily crawls in next to her, their gaze never breaking.
A stray piece of red hair falls into Emily’s face and Naomi reacts to it instinctively, reaching out and gently tucking it back behind Emily’s ear, the back of her knuckles automatically brushing against the smooth skin of Emily’s cheek.
Emily’s eyes flutter shut at her delicate caress and it makes Naomi feel a little bolder, a little more daring, and so she lets her fingertips trace over Emily’s face - over her eyebrows, down her nose, across her lips - mapping out every inch of her skin before leaning in to press a light kiss against Emily’s forehead.
It’s the way Emily’s fingers come up to curl around her wrist, holding her hand in place and drawing Naomi’s hand towards her mouth until her lips are fluttering tantalizing kisses against her palm, that stops Naomi from shuffling back to her side of the bed.
Naomi closes her eyes and sighs contentedly as Emily’s lips make their way to the inside of her wrist, soothing kisses against her skin and she relishes every second of Emily’s touch.
“S’nice,” Naomi breathes when Emily kisses her way back to her palm and opens her eyes to see Emily still staring back at her.
“Yeah... it is.” Emily smiles sleepily before breaking out into a yawn, her body naturally curling into Naomi’s own until they’re touching everywhere at once.
It catches them both a little off guard, Emily’s eyes going from tired to wide in an instant, but Naomi can’t help herself from moving to wrap her arms around Emily’s small frame, keeping them drawn together and silently urging Emily to stay.
Naomi watches as Emily’s mouth quirks into a small smile as she intertwines their fingers and rests their hands on top of Naomi’s stomach before snuggling into the crook of Naomi’s neck, her lips brushing a chaste kiss to Naomi’s jaw - and just like that, their eyes close and their breathing evens out until sleep finds them both easily and peacefully for the first time in months.
-----
She wakes to bright sunlight streaming in through the window, sneaking its way in between a gap in the curtains and illuminating warmth over her face until she’s blinking her eyes open blearily from a deep sleep.
Naomi feels a little disorientated for a moment as she lifts a hand to her face and rubs at her eyes, her vision adjusting to the daylight as her body unconsciously stretches out. It only occurs to her then, as she rolls onto her side and buries her face back into the warmth of her pillow, that there’s an empty space next to her instead of Emily.
Her hand darts out to touch the gap beside her, hoping to find heat from Emily’s body still lingering behind but the sheet is cool against her hand, no sign that anyone has slept beside her at all. It makes a lump form in Naomi’s throat, a dreading feeling of sick settle into her stomach as forces herself out of bed and hurries down the stairs - it couldn’t be possible that Emily has left her, not now, not when everything was finally starting to fall back into place for them again.
She feels a rush of oxygen make its way into her lungs when she gets down to the kitchen and finds Emily standing in front of the cooker - spatula in one hand as she holds the frying pan with her other - the relief making Naomi feel a little lightheaded and dizzy.
Emily turns toward her and must notice the worry still looming in her eyes right away, because the smile that had been playing across her lips slips from her face. “Breakfast... I’m making us breakfast,” Emily explains bashfully.
Naomi nods, feeling a little stupid for ever considering that Emily would just up and leave her without a word. “Right. Yeah, of course... I knew that.”
“You weren’t supposed to wake up until I got back,” Emily says turning back briefly to the frying pan and checking the eggs before looking up at Naomi with a smile. “I was going to bring it to you in bed.”
Naomi moves to wrap her arms around Emily’s waist and presses a kiss against her cheek as she rests her chin on top of Emily’s shoulder, smiling as she says, “That can still be arranged. I think I’d like having my very own personal chef.”
Emily scoffs and slaps at her hands, forcing Naomi to let go of her and move away. “Not going to happen, Campbell. But if you sit your arse down at the table I will personally serve you your breakfast... today anyway.”
“Sounds like a deal, Fitch.”
Everything’s still a little unsure, a little fragile, but as Naomi bites into her slice of toast, she knows that it’s only a matter of time before they work out the kinks to their newfound balance.
-----
It doesn’t take Naomi long to find them, she’d known where they were kept, had made sure that she’d put them somewhere safe when they’d moved from the old house. She’d always kept them out of sight anyway, hidden away in a blank old shoebox to hinder any curiosity should anyone ever happen to rummage around her room and stumble across the box kept safely in the back of her wardrobe.
She’s sitting on the bed, nervously holding the box on her lap when Emily re-enters the room, fresh from her shower, her hair dripping water droplets onto the carpet as she meets Naomi’s eye and self-consciously reaches up to make sure that her towel is keeping her covered.
“What’s that?” Emily gestures at the box, a look of confusion spreading over her face.
Naomi looks down at the box and smoothes her hand over the lid as she takes a breath to steady her nerves before looking back up at Emily. “When I was little, mum and I, we moved around a lot. Dad had knocked her up and left her so it was always just me and her, the two of us. We never stayed anywhere long enough for me to really make friends - not that I probably would have anyway,” Naomi stops to roll her eyes at herself, a fake smile playing on her lips. “So I kept diaries, instead. A friend that’s always there - it never asks questions and never answers back, y’know?”
“Right,” Emily says, her brow still knitted. “Naoms, I don’t think I --”
“They were pointless really, just childish rubbish scrawled in them,” Naomi continues, ignoring Emily’s interruption and averting her gaze for a moment. “Until we moved here anyway and well, here...” she says standing up and passing Emily one of the journals from the box.
She holds her breath as Emily takes the book from her hand, carefully opening the cover and reading through the first couple of pages.
Emily’s eyes are wide and questioning when she looks back up at Naomi, her voice a little disbelieving when she says, “You wrote about me.”
Naomi nods her head, licking at her lips to try and fight against the dryness in her mouth. “Yeah... they’re all mostly about you. I just... I thought that maybe you’d like to read them.”
“You really were twelve when you noticed me, you weren’t lying,” Emily whispers, looking up at her from the journal again after a few long moments.
“No,” Naomi replies shaking her head timidly, her voice a little shaky. “But I had a feeling that maybe you didn’t believe me, so... you should-- you should read them Ems.”
“Naomi, I --”
“It’s okay. Why would you believe me when I’ve never before given you reason to,” Naomi says with a small smile. “But I want you to believe that you can trust me from now on, yeah? This has to be a fresh start for us; I don’t want us to carry on like we were before. I couldn’t stand it, Em.”
“A fresh start,” Emily echoes, running the pad of her thumb along the spine of the journal. “We can do that.”
-----
The hot water feels good against Naomi’s skin as she tips her head back and closes her eyes, enjoying the way the spray of the shower is working against the muscles in her shoulders and back, freeing them from any left behind tension.
She runs her hands through her hair and tries not to think about Emily, back in their room with her journals. It’s a little scary, daunting even, that in the last twenty-four hours she’s gone from keeping her thoughts and feelings closed off to everyone but herself, to giving Emily permission, free-reign to look back on their past and see it through her eyes for once.
And she knows that it’ll change things between them, it has to, there’s no other option when Emily has their past, their story written in stone inside her mind and now Naomi’s come along and broken it down, exclaiming honestly with her heart wide open, that these may be the moments they’ve shared together but Emily’s version isn’t the only one, she has a story too - both equally important and needed, so that together they can see the full picture, the truthful version of their story and not just their misguided accounts with empty gaps.
It’s the click of the bathroom door that jolts her from her thoughts, and then Naomi’s opening her eyes to see Emily standing there before her, letting her towel fall down around her feet as she steps into the shower with her, the water cascading down around them both.
Emily doesn’t say anything, just stares back at her, her brown eyes flittering over every inch of Naomi’s face as if she’s seeing her for the first time all over again. And it feels a lot like Emily’s gone and sucked all of the air out of the room because Naomi’s chest feels heavy, her lungs aching to find oxygen just so she can simply breathe again.
It happens quickly then, how Emily steps closer to her, reaching for Naomi’s hands so that she can thread their fingers together, letting their joined hands hang loosely down at their sides. And Naomi can’t help but let her eyes slip shut as Emily’s face inches towards her until their foreheads are resting together, Emily’s nose brushing against her own.
Naomi shivers at the contact, a choked breath escaping out from between her lips as Emily continues to reunite their bodies, nuzzling her nose and lips against Naomi’s cheek - touching simply for the sake of touching.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Emily breathes into her skin.
“Me too,” Naomi murmurs as she nuzzles her cheek back against Emily’s own, relishing the feel of their skin colliding for the first time in months. “I’ve missed you so much, Em.”
And there’s nothing remotely sexual about it, not even as Emily ghosts her lip down her neck to the crook of her shoulder - not kissing, just enjoying the feel of soft skin beneath her lips.
Naomi presses her nose to Emily’s hair and inhales deeply, breathing her in - coconuts and summer and something distinctly Emily - and it makes her heart swell to know that it hasn’t changed, that the Emily she’s here with now is still her Emily, that no matter what’s happened, they’re still them.
-----
It doesn’t take long then, for Emily to tug at her hand, reaching out to turn off the shower as she leads them back to their room again. And all Naomi can focus on is the way Emily’s hair is damp and tousled, water droplets escaping from the ends, and taking Naomi back to their time at the lake.
Only this time it isn’t a secret, it doesn’t feel like they’re trying to escape from the rest of the world just to share a few stolen minutes together. They don’t need to be coy and daring, or speak with stolen glances and fleeting touches because this is them, this is who they are and it isn’t something that either of them would ever shy away from again.
Emily doesn’t have to reach out to timidly cover her hand and Naomi doesn’t have to be bold and lean in first - this time when they kiss, they lean in towards each other and meet halfway, their lips gliding together with ease, slowly, so slowly.
It feels like the beginning all over again, a second chance that’s finally come and Naomi can’t stop the way her heart beats rapidly inside of her chest or how she’s started to shake and whimper breathily against Emily’s mouth.
“You’re scared?” Emily whispers into the space between them as she pulls back a little, her lips hovering barely centimetres away from Naomi’s own.
“No,” Naomi murmurs as she shakes her head and seeks out Emily’s eyes. “Not this time, just happy. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to do this again.”
“I know.” Emily nods once, softly, and captures Naomi lips again in an achingly deep kiss. “Me either.”
-----
That’s all it takes for them to fall into each other, their bodies coming together and melding as they make love for hours - slow and heavy and at times a little desperate - careful to leave no parts of each other neglected or unloved.
They keep their eyes open throughout and Naomi isn’t sure whether it’s because they can’t stop looking or whether they’re just afraid to look away - as if what’s happening between them is merely a dream that they’re bound to wake up from. And it’s the way Emily’s eyes are so dark, so endless, that forces Naomi over the edge as she willingly lets herself go completely to Emily’s fingers and Emily’s mouth and cries out the syllables of Emily’s name.
Emily falls against her a second later, spent and sweaty, her breathing ragged and all Naomi can do is wrap her hands around Emily’s back and hold her close, whispering promises that she’ll never let her go again.
-----
Her mum and Kieran arrive home two days later, looking tanned and ridiculously happy and Naomi can’t help but take comfort in how smitten they look even after all the time they’ve spent alone together this past year.
It makes her smile, her heart bursting with hope, when Gina stops telling glorious stories about their time away and points over at the two packed bags at the bottom of the stairs.
“You two going somewhere, love?” She asks, her eyes flicking from the bags and back to Naomi and Emily.
Naomi feels Emily’s hand instinctively slip into her own, and she links their fingers before nodding in response to the question, turning her attention to stare openly at Emily. “Off to fuck on every beach in India, aren’t we Ems?”
Emily’s cheeks flush red in embarrassment as she slaps at Naomi’s arm in response with a cheeky twinkle in her eyes and a smile playing over her lips. And that’s all it takes for Naomi to start grinning like an idiot in return as she leans down to place a lingering kiss against Emily’s lips, not even minding that her mum’s started rambling on about how she always dreamed of being fucked on India’s golden shores until the sun rose.
Emily looks dazed and content when they break apart and Naomi knows, undoubtedly, that being with Emily and staying like this - loved and safe and happy - is all she’ll ever need for the rest of her life.