A Mixture of Song Drabbles
John Mayer - Say (Callie/Arizona)
Callie shuffled on her feet anxiously just outside of the Attending’s locker room, nimbly running a hand through her hair and reminding herself to just keep breathing in and out... it was lot harder than it sounded; especially when she was working up the courage to enter the room and talk to the beautiful blonde who only two days ago, had planted a surprising, and yet not unwelcomed kiss on her lips in the toilets of Joe’s bar.
The dark-haired woman ignored the voices in her head that told her to run in the other direction and entered the locker room, shutting the door behind her and finding Arizona’s surprised blue eyes fixed on her own, “The other night, you said that you’d heard things about me, you said that people in this hospital gossip, and then you... kissed me anyway.”
Arizona took in the panic flickering in Callie’s dark eyes and nodded, “I did.”
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so called problems
Callie nodded to herself, “I wasted it all last time, with Erica. I was reckless and I hurt my best friend because I never opened up to her, and I don’t want to do that again.”
Arizona raised an eyebrow and smiled a little, “You don’t?”
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' out the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
If you could only...
Say what you need to say
Callie shook her head, “No I don’t. I don’t want to live my past mistakes over,” she took a tentative towards the blonde doctor, “So this time I’m just going to be honest,” she paused and let out a breath, “I like that you were bold enough to come into the bathroom and just talk to me even though we’d never met, I’m stunned that you were brave enough to tell me that you like me, and the kiss that you gave to me... it’s given me butterflies all week,” she moved until she was standing directly in front of the other woman, “This time I’m just going to come right out and say what I want to. I like you, including all of your adorable perkiness and the kiss we shared, but mostly what I really want to say is, will you go out with me... on a date?”
Arizona broke out into a grin that was all pearly white teeth and dimples, “I’d love to.”
Callie breathed out a laugh of relief and beamed her megawatt smile as she reached out to entwine her fingers with the beautiful blonde standing before her.
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say
Dixie Chicks - Easy Silence (Callie/Arizona)
Callie hated the gossip mill at Seattle Grace. She hated the way a private moment became everyone’s favourite talking point, she hated the hushed voices and the stares she received when she walked down the corridor or into any room, but mostly she hated that no matter how much she tried, she always fell victim to her high school colleagues careless scandal talk.
She’d wobbled when George broke their marriage, but she’d stood strong. She’d chosen when to tumble when Erica left her, and still managed to pick herself up, but this time, she wasn’t sure if she could do it again.
Arizona appeared before her, grasping her elbow and leading her into a quiet, empty room. She lifted her hands to Callie’s face and tilted her head up so that their eyes were meeting, “They don’t matter, what they think doesn’t matter because I’ve got you, I’ll protect you.”
Callie let herself be led over to a comfortable looking couch, and leant back into Arizona’s awaiting arms. The blonde immediately pulled her close and tightened her grasp around her; brushing a gentle kiss onto her temple.
She let the comfortable silence surround them guarding them like an invisible barrier; no more words were passed between the two as the clock ticked by.
This week they were the hospital’s top story, but with Arizona’s arms wrapped safely around her, she was pretty sure that by tomorrow the world would return to its usual quiet.
I just want to hold on to the
Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
Pink - Who Knew (Callie/Erica)
Callie exited the hospital, pulling her coat tighter around her body as the wind whipped against the skin of her face. She moved sheepishly towards the bench, letting her eyes drink in its same framework, its same patches of rust, and its same place in her life.
The bench was exactly the same as it had been all those months before where it all started, where she’d sucked in a deep, burning lungful of air and finally let her heart say all the words her head couldn’t; sealing her lips to her blonde best friend and kissing her like she never wanted to stop.
This exact bench had brought both the start of something beautiful and ended something that could have been beautiful given half the chance. Here, in this precise spot, she’d opened the gate to a scary pathway and dared to tread down it; but she was sloppy, far too hasty in her approach and inconsiderate in her actions.
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
She’d run hot and cold, she’d fell forwards and stumbled backwards, and eventually all of her pushing and pulling had been too much for Erica to handle; the weight of her insensitive uncertainty has forced the blonde away forever; she’d lost her lover and her best friend in the blink of an eye right in front of this damn bench.
Who knew, that months later she’d be back here standing alone, staring down at the bench that had once given her both hope and defeat. She wished someone had told her back then to tread the unknown carefully, she wished she had asked Erica to hold her hand and guide her; she wished it wasn’t all too late for her to go back to the beginning and ask for help.
Who knew, that in the exact same spot, she could have a moment of being so very right and a moment of being so very wrong.
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
James Morrison - Broken Strings (Callie/Erica)
Erica had sat staring into nothing for an hour after Callie had come to her; the younger woman had looked determined, with strength in her strong shoulders, and an apology lingering in her voice as she confessed about sex with Mark Sloan. Twice. It was the noble nod to herself at the end of her speech as if she was trying to convince herself more than Erica that she wanted to be with the blonde that threw the cardio doctor; her chest ached and it only confirmed even more that she was tired of their game, her reply had been a simple “okay,” but the feelings left behind hadn’t been.
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
Erica shook her in disbelief as the words spilled from Callie’s mouth; the truth shared between them only a few days before had hurt more than she ever could have imagined, and the lies and deceit newly revealed from this hospital were making it so much worse, especially when the younger woman tested her boundaries again by defending all of those people over her.
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
“I don’t know you... at all,” She’d offered a truth between them and then stepped from the burning wreckage that was crumbling down around her; her head held high, her eyes trained ahead, because sometimes no matter how much you want to, it’s just too late to save some people.
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Matt Nathanson - Little Victories (Callie/Arizona)
Callie wiped at her tears before turning around to face the pretty blonde doctor. She was cute, very cute, and not to mention beautiful. She wasn’t sure if it was the woman’s blonde curly hair and her desperately blue eyes, that were acting as a little reminder of what she’d let slip away before, but before she had time to process her thoughts properly, the adorably awkward woman in front of her was suddenly saying these things, speaking these words that immediately erased any thoughts from her head.
This time I'll have no fear
I'll be standing strong and tall
Suddenly she was being kissed, a slow, gentle kiss that spoke volumes in its whispered caress. Arizona pulled away, a nervous giggle escaping her lips as she danced from room leaving Callie alone with her thoughts, and unexpectedly nothing mattered, not the memories of what she’d once had and let slip away, not thoughts of how lonely she was currently feeling, nothing but the tingle of her lips, where the bubbly, bold, blonde’s kiss had been only seconds before; maybe nothing mattered as long as she survived her current state of mind with little victories.
And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I'll learn to get by
On the little victories
Plumb - Taken (Callie/Erica)
Callie’s face lit up as her phone flashed a familiar number; she hastily grabbed it from the bedside table and lifted it up to her ear, “Hey you. How are you?”
“I’m doing great Cal, things here are amazing. How’s thing’s at your end?”
Callie closed her eyes for a brief second, letting herself remember the eloquent curves of the blonde’s face, “Things here are fine, moving forward slowly. Remember the Peds surgeon I told you about, the one who kissed me at Joe’s? She asked me out this weekend.”
She heard Erica laugh happily, “Wow, your first real gay date, you nervous?”
I can hear you laugh
When I close my eyes
I can picture your face
And the strength inside your smile
“I’m incredibly nervous, I don’t want to mess up like I did before and-”
“Cal, you didn’t mess up before, we were just moving at different speeds. I’m happy now, I’m with Kate and I’m really happy for you, Arizona sounds really wonderful; you deserve to fall in love and be happy, so stop beating yourself up about the past,” she heard Callie let out a breath and smiled, “I’m glad I have my best friend back too, because I’ve missed you.”
Callie smiled into the phone at the sound of happiness lacing the voice she knew so well, “I’ve missed you to, and I truly am sorry. I can’t wait to meet Kate when you come back in a few weeks, I was thinking we could get together for dinner and I could get to know the first woman that ever stole your heart.”
“You should look in the mirror then Cal, because you will always be the first,” she paused for a minute and Callie knew she was telling the truth, “I have to go Cal, but I can’t wait to see you, two weeks and counting. Have fun on your date, remember just be yourself and you’ll be fine, and maybe if things go well I can introduce you to Kate at the same time you introduce me to Arizona.”
I can see the words
Dance across your lips
I'll remember forever
Callie let a tear slip from her eyes at the blonde’s words and nodded into the receiver, “I’d really like that,” she could sense the older woman’s beautiful smile even though she couldn’t see her, “And Erica? Just so you know... you were the first woman for me too.”
Erica let out a breath and smiled, “I’ll see you soon Cal, love you,” Callie heard the sound of the of the disconnection tone ringing in her ears and let a small smile form on her lips; it didn’t matter the distance between them, because hearing Erica say those words for the first time made her realise that even after all this time, she still loved her too.
Cause I'll still be loving you
Through the sadness and the madness here
And I'll always be with you
In the distance
That has taken you
From me
Kendall Payne - I will show you love (Callie/Arizona)
Callie breathed our nervously as she watched Arizona order their drinks from the bar. This was it, the real deal, her first real date since... forever. Her gaze skittered across every part of the bar, afraid to catch the blonde’s eyes.
Sure she’d been on dates before, but this felt different. It was harder than she remembered; there were butterflies dancing around in her stomach, her chest felt tight and her mouth felt so dry that she thought she’d choke.
“Here you go,” Arizona slid the drink in front of her and settled into the seat opposite her, smiling in that cute way that was all adorable and dimples.
“Thanks,” Callie stuttered nervously as she reached out to grab the drink, her heavy handedness knocking the glass over; the liquid spilling out onto the table between them. She jumped from her seat and grabbed a napkin, instantly trying to mop up the mess, “God, I’m such a klutz. I’m so sorry.”
Walk out on the water
Where you have no control
You're scared to death of failure
You'd sacrifice your soul
Please let that go
Arizona didn’t fail to notice the dark-haired woman’s lack of eye contact, or the red flush that had spread across her tanned skin. She stood and leant across the table, placing her hand on top of Callie’s; stopping the rapid attempt to clean up the spilt drink, “Hey, don’t worry about it. It happens to all of us,” she offered an encouraging smile as Callie looked up at her.
Callie shook her head, the calm control she’d prepared within herself earlier completely gone, “No it doesn’t,” she felt tears build behind her eyes and angrily blinked them away, “It doesn’t happen to everyone.”
“It’s okay you know, to be nervous. Starting over is always hard, but your past, it made you who you are, and I happen to think you’re pretty amazing,” she flashed her a smile, “So can you do me a favour and breathe, relax, be calm, you’re fine I promise.”
Callie closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath, when she opened them she lifted her hand to the blonde’s face and drew her in for a tender kiss, “Thank you.”
'Cause you have climbed
An upward hill
You have borne a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights
Nearly giving up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars
Heartache made you who you are
Damien Rice - Delicate (Callie/Erica)
It was the pointless avoidance that took place for two weeks that made this situation harder.
Callie shuffled uncomfortably in her seat on Erica’s couch; her eyes daring to glance at the blonde haired woman who was seated on the couch next to her, the small space between them feeling more like miles.
They’d finally taken the plunge, well she’d finally taken the plunge and worked up the courage to talk to Erica about the kiss they’d shared outside of the hospital, and now it was a week later and they were sitting in a new awkwardness as they watched a movie.
So far there had been very little touching, and no kissing what so ever; to say it was starting to drive Callie a little crazy was an understatement. She looked down where her hand was rested on a cushion between them, the heat radiating off of Erica’s own was enough to burn through her skin. Taking a deep breath, she inched out with her little finger, sliding it over the blonde’s own and looping them in a gentle hold.
Erica glanced down at their version of hand-holding and then up to the younger woman’s face; dark brown eyes glimmered nervously back at her as she smiled shyly. Neither was sure who titled their heads forward first, but soon there were warm breaths puffing out against pouty lips, and noses brushing against each other as their mouths melted together in a delicate, unhurried first kiss.
They pulled back to find the others eyes and smiled, being scared together was definitely working for them.
We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate
Joan Armatrading - The Weakness In Me (Callie/Erica/Arizona)
How was it possible for the world to have the worst timing in the history of... ever.
Callie screwed her eyes shut and sucked in a lungful of air, breathing out deeply and willing her mind to process this inevitable mess her life had somehow managed to turn into.
If she opened her eyes and glanced to the left, she’d see the young, perky, blue eyed, blonde haired woman who had never been anything but kind, caring and loving; a woman who had taught her so much about herself during the past year that she could never offer her enough thanks, a woman she loved.
And if she opened her eyes and glanced to the right, she’d see the slightly older, serious, blue eyed, blonde haired woman who had given her a second chance after her disastrous marriage, a woman who had become her best friend without needing to try, a woman that had fell down into the unknown with her, a woman she’d let slip away, the women who had been her first love.
Callie dared to open her eyes and took a look at them both in turn.
Arizona was the new love in her life, she was steady and she had been there without question; things with her were easy.
Erica was her old love, she was the person she’d hurt the most in her lifetime, she was the woman who had been so ready to willingly give her her heart; but things had been complicated with them.
And now she had to choose.
They were both standing there, waiting for her to open her mouth and give an answer to their confessions of love. She couldn’t find the words, no answer sat ready on her tongue; she couldn’t hurt either of them when she needed them both; when she loved them both...
She let her eyes fall shut again; knowing deep in her soul that she’d never be able to decide between the two greatest loves of her life when they were both so vital to keeping her heart beating.
Feeling guilty
Worried
Waking from some tormented sleep
This old love has me bound
But the new one cuts deep
If I choose now
I’ll lose out
One of you has to fall
And I need you
And you.
Missy Higgins - Warm Whispers (Callie/Erica)
Callie felt Erica shuffle in the space next to her and snivel into her pillow again. She snuggled closer to the other woman and instantly wrapped her arms tighter around the blonde; pressing her lips to the back of her neck, while her fingers soothingly rubbed up and down her arm.
It was hard being a doctor, especially when you allowed yourself to get close to a patient; you try your hardest not to, to keep them at arm’s length and only see them as objects needing to be fixed... but at the end of the day, they are people; living, breathing human beings, and sometimes... you find yourself accidentally liking them.
It’s the attachment that stings the most, it comes back to bite you in the ass and hard. If you move from the doctor/patient relationship and into an unusual friendship, you work twice as hard to pull them through, not just because you know you’re capable of doing it, but because you want to see their eyes blink open again, a new leash of life flowing through their once broken bodies.
Today Erica had had her ass bitten...
Callie breathed in against the blonde’s neck and felt her shoulders tremble, “Shh baby,” she whispered against her skin, and pulled her closer, desperately wanting to erase the loss Erica was feeling “You did the best you could. You hear me? You did the best you could and that’s all anyone can ever do.”
Erica closed her eyes and let Callie’s warm body and murmured voice guard her from the voices screaming ‘failure,’ in her head.
Callie kissed her ear, “I love you,” whispering from her lips and Erica knew that the younger woman would always keep her from losing herself.
Your warm whispers
Letting me drown in a pool of you
Your warm whispers
Are keeping the noise from breaking through
Callie shuffled on her feet anxiously just outside of the Attending’s locker room, nimbly running a hand through her hair and reminding herself to just keep breathing in and out... it was lot harder than it sounded; especially when she was working up the courage to enter the room and talk to the beautiful blonde who only two days ago, had planted a surprising, and yet not unwelcomed kiss on her lips in the toilets of Joe’s bar.
The dark-haired woman ignored the voices in her head that told her to run in the other direction and entered the locker room, shutting the door behind her and finding Arizona’s surprised blue eyes fixed on her own, “The other night, you said that you’d heard things about me, you said that people in this hospital gossip, and then you... kissed me anyway.”
Arizona took in the panic flickering in Callie’s dark eyes and nodded, “I did.”
Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so called problems
Callie nodded to herself, “I wasted it all last time, with Erica. I was reckless and I hurt my best friend because I never opened up to her, and I don’t want to do that again.”
Arizona raised an eyebrow and smiled a little, “You don’t?”
Fightin' with the shadows in your head
Livin' out the same old moment
Knowin' you'd be better off instead
If you could only...
Say what you need to say
Callie shook her head, “No I don’t. I don’t want to live my past mistakes over,” she took a tentative towards the blonde doctor, “So this time I’m just going to be honest,” she paused and let out a breath, “I like that you were bold enough to come into the bathroom and just talk to me even though we’d never met, I’m stunned that you were brave enough to tell me that you like me, and the kiss that you gave to me... it’s given me butterflies all week,” she moved until she was standing directly in front of the other woman, “This time I’m just going to come right out and say what I want to. I like you, including all of your adorable perkiness and the kiss we shared, but mostly what I really want to say is, will you go out with me... on a date?”
Arizona broke out into a grin that was all pearly white teeth and dimples, “I’d love to.”
Callie breathed out a laugh of relief and beamed her megawatt smile as she reached out to entwine her fingers with the beautiful blonde standing before her.
It's better to say too much
Then never to say what you need to say
Dixie Chicks - Easy Silence (Callie/Arizona)
Callie hated the gossip mill at Seattle Grace. She hated the way a private moment became everyone’s favourite talking point, she hated the hushed voices and the stares she received when she walked down the corridor or into any room, but mostly she hated that no matter how much she tried, she always fell victim to her high school colleagues careless scandal talk.
She’d wobbled when George broke their marriage, but she’d stood strong. She’d chosen when to tumble when Erica left her, and still managed to pick herself up, but this time, she wasn’t sure if she could do it again.
Arizona appeared before her, grasping her elbow and leading her into a quiet, empty room. She lifted her hands to Callie’s face and tilted her head up so that their eyes were meeting, “They don’t matter, what they think doesn’t matter because I’ve got you, I’ll protect you.”
Callie let herself be led over to a comfortable looking couch, and leant back into Arizona’s awaiting arms. The blonde immediately pulled her close and tightened her grasp around her; brushing a gentle kiss onto her temple.
She let the comfortable silence surround them guarding them like an invisible barrier; no more words were passed between the two as the clock ticked by.
This week they were the hospital’s top story, but with Arizona’s arms wrapped safely around her, she was pretty sure that by tomorrow the world would return to its usual quiet.
I just want to hold on to the
Easy silence that you make for me
It's okay when there's nothing more to say to me
And the peaceful quiet you create for me
And the way you keep the world at bay for me
Pink - Who Knew (Callie/Erica)
Callie exited the hospital, pulling her coat tighter around her body as the wind whipped against the skin of her face. She moved sheepishly towards the bench, letting her eyes drink in its same framework, its same patches of rust, and its same place in her life.
The bench was exactly the same as it had been all those months before where it all started, where she’d sucked in a deep, burning lungful of air and finally let her heart say all the words her head couldn’t; sealing her lips to her blonde best friend and kissing her like she never wanted to stop.
This exact bench had brought both the start of something beautiful and ended something that could have been beautiful given half the chance. Here, in this precise spot, she’d opened the gate to a scary pathway and dared to tread down it; but she was sloppy, far too hasty in her approach and inconsiderate in her actions.
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything
She’d run hot and cold, she’d fell forwards and stumbled backwards, and eventually all of her pushing and pulling had been too much for Erica to handle; the weight of her insensitive uncertainty has forced the blonde away forever; she’d lost her lover and her best friend in the blink of an eye right in front of this damn bench.
Who knew, that months later she’d be back here standing alone, staring down at the bench that had once given her both hope and defeat. She wished someone had told her back then to tread the unknown carefully, she wished she had asked Erica to hold her hand and guide her; she wished it wasn’t all too late for her to go back to the beginning and ask for help.
Who knew, that in the exact same spot, she could have a moment of being so very right and a moment of being so very wrong.
When someone said count your blessings now
For they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
James Morrison - Broken Strings (Callie/Erica)
Erica had sat staring into nothing for an hour after Callie had come to her; the younger woman had looked determined, with strength in her strong shoulders, and an apology lingering in her voice as she confessed about sex with Mark Sloan. Twice. It was the noble nod to herself at the end of her speech as if she was trying to convince herself more than Erica that she wanted to be with the blonde that threw the cardio doctor; her chest ached and it only confirmed even more that she was tired of their game, her reply had been a simple “okay,” but the feelings left behind hadn’t been.
Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay
Erica shook her in disbelief as the words spilled from Callie’s mouth; the truth shared between them only a few days before had hurt more than she ever could have imagined, and the lies and deceit newly revealed from this hospital were making it so much worse, especially when the younger woman tested her boundaries again by defending all of those people over her.
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before
“I don’t know you... at all,” She’d offered a truth between them and then stepped from the burning wreckage that was crumbling down around her; her head held high, her eyes trained ahead, because sometimes no matter how much you want to, it’s just too late to save some people.
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late
Matt Nathanson - Little Victories (Callie/Arizona)
Callie wiped at her tears before turning around to face the pretty blonde doctor. She was cute, very cute, and not to mention beautiful. She wasn’t sure if it was the woman’s blonde curly hair and her desperately blue eyes, that were acting as a little reminder of what she’d let slip away before, but before she had time to process her thoughts properly, the adorably awkward woman in front of her was suddenly saying these things, speaking these words that immediately erased any thoughts from her head.
This time I'll have no fear
I'll be standing strong and tall
Suddenly she was being kissed, a slow, gentle kiss that spoke volumes in its whispered caress. Arizona pulled away, a nervous giggle escaping her lips as she danced from room leaving Callie alone with her thoughts, and unexpectedly nothing mattered, not the memories of what she’d once had and let slip away, not thoughts of how lonely she was currently feeling, nothing but the tingle of her lips, where the bubbly, bold, blonde’s kiss had been only seconds before; maybe nothing mattered as long as she survived her current state of mind with little victories.
And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I'll learn to get by
On the little victories
Plumb - Taken (Callie/Erica)
Callie’s face lit up as her phone flashed a familiar number; she hastily grabbed it from the bedside table and lifted it up to her ear, “Hey you. How are you?”
“I’m doing great Cal, things here are amazing. How’s thing’s at your end?”
Callie closed her eyes for a brief second, letting herself remember the eloquent curves of the blonde’s face, “Things here are fine, moving forward slowly. Remember the Peds surgeon I told you about, the one who kissed me at Joe’s? She asked me out this weekend.”
She heard Erica laugh happily, “Wow, your first real gay date, you nervous?”
I can hear you laugh
When I close my eyes
I can picture your face
And the strength inside your smile
“I’m incredibly nervous, I don’t want to mess up like I did before and-”
“Cal, you didn’t mess up before, we were just moving at different speeds. I’m happy now, I’m with Kate and I’m really happy for you, Arizona sounds really wonderful; you deserve to fall in love and be happy, so stop beating yourself up about the past,” she heard Callie let out a breath and smiled, “I’m glad I have my best friend back too, because I’ve missed you.”
Callie smiled into the phone at the sound of happiness lacing the voice she knew so well, “I’ve missed you to, and I truly am sorry. I can’t wait to meet Kate when you come back in a few weeks, I was thinking we could get together for dinner and I could get to know the first woman that ever stole your heart.”
“You should look in the mirror then Cal, because you will always be the first,” she paused for a minute and Callie knew she was telling the truth, “I have to go Cal, but I can’t wait to see you, two weeks and counting. Have fun on your date, remember just be yourself and you’ll be fine, and maybe if things go well I can introduce you to Kate at the same time you introduce me to Arizona.”
I can see the words
Dance across your lips
I'll remember forever
Callie let a tear slip from her eyes at the blonde’s words and nodded into the receiver, “I’d really like that,” she could sense the older woman’s beautiful smile even though she couldn’t see her, “And Erica? Just so you know... you were the first woman for me too.”
Erica let out a breath and smiled, “I’ll see you soon Cal, love you,” Callie heard the sound of the of the disconnection tone ringing in her ears and let a small smile form on her lips; it didn’t matter the distance between them, because hearing Erica say those words for the first time made her realise that even after all this time, she still loved her too.
Cause I'll still be loving you
Through the sadness and the madness here
And I'll always be with you
In the distance
That has taken you
From me
Kendall Payne - I will show you love (Callie/Arizona)
Callie breathed our nervously as she watched Arizona order their drinks from the bar. This was it, the real deal, her first real date since... forever. Her gaze skittered across every part of the bar, afraid to catch the blonde’s eyes.
Sure she’d been on dates before, but this felt different. It was harder than she remembered; there were butterflies dancing around in her stomach, her chest felt tight and her mouth felt so dry that she thought she’d choke.
“Here you go,” Arizona slid the drink in front of her and settled into the seat opposite her, smiling in that cute way that was all adorable and dimples.
“Thanks,” Callie stuttered nervously as she reached out to grab the drink, her heavy handedness knocking the glass over; the liquid spilling out onto the table between them. She jumped from her seat and grabbed a napkin, instantly trying to mop up the mess, “God, I’m such a klutz. I’m so sorry.”
Walk out on the water
Where you have no control
You're scared to death of failure
You'd sacrifice your soul
Please let that go
Arizona didn’t fail to notice the dark-haired woman’s lack of eye contact, or the red flush that had spread across her tanned skin. She stood and leant across the table, placing her hand on top of Callie’s; stopping the rapid attempt to clean up the spilt drink, “Hey, don’t worry about it. It happens to all of us,” she offered an encouraging smile as Callie looked up at her.
Callie shook her head, the calm control she’d prepared within herself earlier completely gone, “No it doesn’t,” she felt tears build behind her eyes and angrily blinked them away, “It doesn’t happen to everyone.”
“It’s okay you know, to be nervous. Starting over is always hard, but your past, it made you who you are, and I happen to think you’re pretty amazing,” she flashed her a smile, “So can you do me a favour and breathe, relax, be calm, you’re fine I promise.”
Callie closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath, when she opened them she lifted her hand to the blonde’s face and drew her in for a tender kiss, “Thank you.”
'Cause you have climbed
An upward hill
You have borne a heavy load
You have cried through endless nights
Nearly giving up the fight
Watched your dreams like falling stars
Heartache made you who you are
Damien Rice - Delicate (Callie/Erica)
It was the pointless avoidance that took place for two weeks that made this situation harder.
Callie shuffled uncomfortably in her seat on Erica’s couch; her eyes daring to glance at the blonde haired woman who was seated on the couch next to her, the small space between them feeling more like miles.
They’d finally taken the plunge, well she’d finally taken the plunge and worked up the courage to talk to Erica about the kiss they’d shared outside of the hospital, and now it was a week later and they were sitting in a new awkwardness as they watched a movie.
So far there had been very little touching, and no kissing what so ever; to say it was starting to drive Callie a little crazy was an understatement. She looked down where her hand was rested on a cushion between them, the heat radiating off of Erica’s own was enough to burn through her skin. Taking a deep breath, she inched out with her little finger, sliding it over the blonde’s own and looping them in a gentle hold.
Erica glanced down at their version of hand-holding and then up to the younger woman’s face; dark brown eyes glimmered nervously back at her as she smiled shyly. Neither was sure who titled their heads forward first, but soon there were warm breaths puffing out against pouty lips, and noses brushing against each other as their mouths melted together in a delicate, unhurried first kiss.
They pulled back to find the others eyes and smiled, being scared together was definitely working for them.
We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate
Joan Armatrading - The Weakness In Me (Callie/Erica/Arizona)
How was it possible for the world to have the worst timing in the history of... ever.
Callie screwed her eyes shut and sucked in a lungful of air, breathing out deeply and willing her mind to process this inevitable mess her life had somehow managed to turn into.
If she opened her eyes and glanced to the left, she’d see the young, perky, blue eyed, blonde haired woman who had never been anything but kind, caring and loving; a woman who had taught her so much about herself during the past year that she could never offer her enough thanks, a woman she loved.
And if she opened her eyes and glanced to the right, she’d see the slightly older, serious, blue eyed, blonde haired woman who had given her a second chance after her disastrous marriage, a woman who had become her best friend without needing to try, a woman that had fell down into the unknown with her, a woman she’d let slip away, the women who had been her first love.
Callie dared to open her eyes and took a look at them both in turn.
Arizona was the new love in her life, she was steady and she had been there without question; things with her were easy.
Erica was her old love, she was the person she’d hurt the most in her lifetime, she was the woman who had been so ready to willingly give her her heart; but things had been complicated with them.
And now she had to choose.
They were both standing there, waiting for her to open her mouth and give an answer to their confessions of love. She couldn’t find the words, no answer sat ready on her tongue; she couldn’t hurt either of them when she needed them both; when she loved them both...
She let her eyes fall shut again; knowing deep in her soul that she’d never be able to decide between the two greatest loves of her life when they were both so vital to keeping her heart beating.
Feeling guilty
Worried
Waking from some tormented sleep
This old love has me bound
But the new one cuts deep
If I choose now
I’ll lose out
One of you has to fall
And I need you
And you.
Missy Higgins - Warm Whispers (Callie/Erica)
Callie felt Erica shuffle in the space next to her and snivel into her pillow again. She snuggled closer to the other woman and instantly wrapped her arms tighter around the blonde; pressing her lips to the back of her neck, while her fingers soothingly rubbed up and down her arm.
It was hard being a doctor, especially when you allowed yourself to get close to a patient; you try your hardest not to, to keep them at arm’s length and only see them as objects needing to be fixed... but at the end of the day, they are people; living, breathing human beings, and sometimes... you find yourself accidentally liking them.
It’s the attachment that stings the most, it comes back to bite you in the ass and hard. If you move from the doctor/patient relationship and into an unusual friendship, you work twice as hard to pull them through, not just because you know you’re capable of doing it, but because you want to see their eyes blink open again, a new leash of life flowing through their once broken bodies.
Today Erica had had her ass bitten...
Callie breathed in against the blonde’s neck and felt her shoulders tremble, “Shh baby,” she whispered against her skin, and pulled her closer, desperately wanting to erase the loss Erica was feeling “You did the best you could. You hear me? You did the best you could and that’s all anyone can ever do.”
Erica closed her eyes and let Callie’s warm body and murmured voice guard her from the voices screaming ‘failure,’ in her head.
Callie kissed her ear, “I love you,” whispering from her lips and Erica knew that the younger woman would always keep her from losing herself.
Your warm whispers
Letting me drown in a pool of you
Your warm whispers
Are keeping the noise from breaking through