Stolen Moments 1/?
Dedicated To: Kickmyself182 and Fuzzyshy for being amazing friends!!
Chapter One - Stolen Moments
Sometimes in life stolen moments are all you ever really get.
It’s a sad realization really, to finally understand how precious time really is. It’s something we all take for granted on a daily basis without worrying what we could be missing, and yet this simple realization is only ever taken into account when something significant happens in our lives.
When it finally hits you, the knowledge that a short amount of time is all you're going to get, you build it up inside your head, you constantly think how it's going to go, who you’re with, where it'll be, what you'll say; it becomes like a plan that you endlessly go over trying to ensure that you don't waste a second of it, because once it happens it'll be over in the blink of an eye, as if it never really existed to begin with.
Sometimes those fleeting moments can be good; they leave you with a rush, a natural high that can keep you grinning from ear to ear for days. These moments can be something as small as hearing a voice and recognising it without having to look, the effortless touch of another person, talking on the phone to family members you haven’t seen in months. Or they can be those moments that are forever etched into your memory, the surprise party you never saw coming, hearing the words “I love you” for the first time, seeing a part of the world you’d only ever seen in movies.
And…
Sometimes those moments can be bad, they leave you feeling physically sick, shaking, and questioning what the hell went wrong. How is it that the bad moments in our lives seem to linger in our minds constantly replaying over and over again? These moments are haunting in a way that never leaves us.
But the plain truth is that no matter how different these moments are, in the end they're both the same, they eternally leave you empty, because a moment isn't enough to hold onto, it's over before it ever starts, it's like someone suddenly switched life into fast motion and just as you reach out to grab it, everything slips through your fingers; your grasp useless.
So what'd you do when all you ever seem to get are stolen moments?
You have two options; you can accept that that’s all you’re ever going to get or you can fight like hell to make sure the next one’s longer and hope that one day you'll be able to hold onto it; your grip so tight it can't get away because you simply need more.
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No matter what was going on in life, the one thing Callie Torres was pretty damn sure of was that people all had superstitions and phrases of some kind. They did these little actions and spoke these sayings all the time in their everyday lives, for all types of different things, as if it gave them some kind of comfort, a reassurance of their existence.
Being a surgeon herself Callie knew her colleagues had them. Some of them liked to wear a particular scrub cap, some liked to have the same scrub nurses on every one of their surgeries, some liked to book a certain operating room and some liked to reassure the rest that it was “a beautiful day to save lives,” before starting to operate.
No one ever questioned another’s beliefs because who are we to judge what makes other people comfortable?
Normally Callie loved all these superstitions, all the little sayings; they were a constant small calm in the treacherous storm of life that reminded her that everyone was indeed actually connected, that everyone did speak the same language, but as Callie headed towards the nurses station to grab another patient chart she realized that today would definitely be another day when all those little mannerisms would drive her insane and she wanted nothing more than to demand all the answers to those forbidden questions.
Callie picked up a chart and leaned against the counter as she flicked through the patients history, something in the corner of her eye caught her attention and she lifted her head to see what had drawn her gaze away from what she was reading. She was able to catch a glimpse of the blue eyes that had caused this sudden hate for all things routine, before they were quickly snatched away.
Callie let out a deep breath, and looked back down at the chart, encouraging her mind to focus on her patient and the care she needed to provide. She chanced another glance over to her left not sure whether she should be hoping to see those blue eyes again or not; but of course they’d long gone.
“Hey Dr Torres, Dr Yang sent me this way, she said I should ask you if I could help out today since I’m the only one ‘into carpentry.’” Lexie Grey suddenly appeared at her side, her normal bubbly attitude accompanying her, which caused Callie’s mood to brighten.
“Of course I could use your help Dr Grey,” Callie passed her the chart and watched as Lexie quickly scanned the notes written there.
“I’ll go set this up for you Dr Torres,” Lexie turned on her heel and headed to Mr Smith’s room; stopping to face Callie again when she heard her name called.
“Dr Yang’s an idiot for lending me her best intern; but her loss is orthopaedics gain I hope,” Lexie beamed a warm smile back at Callie’s words and then continued off down the long hallway.
Callie gave out a few instructions as she watched Lexie carefully execute Mr’s Smith’s dislocated shoulder back in to place successfully, “Good job Dr Grey, you really have a natural knack with my specialty.”
Lexie smiled proudly and looked over Mr Smith’s unconscious form, “Do they always put up this much of a fight?”
Callie laughed, “Not all of them, but I can guarantee that the grown men always cry.”
“Good thing we have drugs on hand for the ones like this though, he wouldn’t let me anywhere near him until I told him we could knock him out for a few minutes while we put his shoulder back,” Callie laughed again and they both muttered “wimp” as they looked at the stocky 6ft man laying on the bed.
“You ladies fixed my shoulder yet?” Callie finished writing her signature on the chart and looked up at the sound of Mr Smith’s groggy voice.
“Yes Mr Smith your shoulder’s fixed, you’re good to go.”
Mr Smith looked up at the clock and then grinned back happily at her, “Wow, those drugs were some good stuff; I guess time really does fly by pretty quickly, huh?”
That was all it took for Callie’s frustrated mood to suddenly return, she managed to give Mr Smith a curt smile and instructed Lexie to explain to him his aftercare steps and then discharge him; excusing herself and leaving the room.
Callie headed straight for the women’s toilets, making sure she was alone before running the cold tap and throwing water over her face; enjoying the way the cool liquid left a sharp freshness over her eyes and cheeks. She lifted her eyes to the mirror and stared back at her dishevelled appearance; her hair was messily clipped up, her eyes wore dark circles underneath them from lack of sleep and her scrubs showed the signs that they hadn’t been ironed.
What made this all worse was that Callie knew exactly why she was feeling frustrated, and she knew exactly why Mr Smith’s simple comment had left her feeling angry, confused and sick to her stomach all in the same instant. He had been right about time passing by quickly; especially in the busy hustle of Seattle Grace Hospital, there was always more than enough to be done, whether it was surgery or charts; the list was endless. Callie closed her eyes as she braced herself against the sink, letting her head fall forward to rest against her reflection. The last two weeks of her life hadn’t whizzed past like they normally did, instead they had gone by excruciatingly slowly, and Callie knew she had felt every minute of every hour that had ticked by in her exhausted body.
It had all stemmed from one of those stolen moments that had been caused by a rush of realization, a moment of pure ecstasy, because Callie Torres suddenly became very aware of all the emotions and feelings running around in her body and she was able to admit to herself that she did like women…okay maybe not plural, but she was definitely having feelings for one particular woman, and that woman just happened to be her closest friend, the one and only cardio-goddess, Erica Hahn.
Callie wasn’t sure if having Mark Sloan help her come to this obvious realization was a good thing or a bad thing, because how far in denial do you have to be in order for the hospital’s man-whore to point it out to you? Callie had pursed her lips and given him an irritated look when he had pointed it out to her as she watched Erica in surgery from the scrub room, but in the end she’d turned away from his watchful gaze and focused on watching cement boy’s heart beat, knowing that Mark was right, she couldn’t stop thinking about Erica.
Callie squeezed her eyes closed even tighter as her thoughts triggered the memory of that fateful night that she just couldn’t stop reliving.
“So you want to finish what we started yesterday?” Callie lowered her voice and titled her head to give Mark a sexy smirk.
“Or you could finish what you started,” Callie stopped along side him and followed the direction of his eyes, immediately landing on Erica’s form.
Callie let herself watch as Erica rifled through her bag for a few seconds before allowing her eyes to meet Mark’s again, “I’m growing,” he stated proudly, nodding his head; causing Callie to raise a questioning eyebrow, “Go, get out of here,” he encouraged sensing her disbelief.
Callie gave him a final look and turned in Erica’s direction; taking a deep breath and nervously licking her bottom lip before taking the few steps towards her best friend. Each step closer her legs took Callie became more anxious about what she was going to do when she got there, after all thinking about someone all the time and telling that someone that you’re thinking about them all the time were two very different things.
Callie took another deep breath to steady her nerves and reminded herself that it was just Erica she was going to talk to, they talked all the time; no big deal, “Hey, I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink…”
“I can’t find my keys…”
“Maybe we could um…” Callie tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear as she racked her brain for the right words to say, “I had something I wanted to talk to you about-”
“I had the damn keys this morning, I put them in this bag but I can’t remember, this whole thing with Yang has got me so messed up,” Callie watched as Erica twiddled with something in her hand before throwing it back into the bag; not sure whether Erica had heard anything she’d said.
“Erica?”
Suddenly Erica’s blue eyes were locked onto her own, a questioning expression covering her features, “What?”
“I’m saying something here,” Callie felt her mouth tug upwards almost into a grin, as if this was the most absurd conversation they could ever be having. Erica’s eyes danced around her face and she looked concerned at whatever it was that Callie was trying to tell her; making Callie instantly nervous again. Swallowing the lump in her throat she tried again, “I just wanted to say…” she averted her eyes for a split second, trying to clear her mind, and found that she couldn’t find any words, her mind was too busy thinking about how soft Erica’s lips looked, “I just wanted to say…” she breathed out as her eyes dropped to Erica’s mouth and her body readily stepped forward, cupping her cheek and bringing their lips easily together.
At first Erica didn’t respond, she just stood there as Callie glided their lips together; she thought about pulling away, terrified her actions had destroyed their friendship; and then suddenly she felt Erica’s hands cup her face, her lips equally responding to the kiss she’d started; an intense electric heat making her skin tingle.
Callie pulled back slightly and opened her eyes, needing to know Erica could feel it too, and when Erica’s blue eyes finally opened to meet hers, their colour darkened with emotion, Callie had all the answers she was looking for. She leaned in again, this time Erica met her half way as their lips went together like magnets; Callie felt Erica’s hand slide down her arm and land on her waist pulling her closer and immediately wanted more; her tongue timidly traced the outline of Erica’s bottom lip and she was rewarded with Erica’s tongue hurrying to meet her own. In that moment Callie let herself fall off the edge of thinking about falling and actually jumping; revelling in the emotions swarming through her body.
After a few moments Callie felt Erica pull back, resting their foreheads together as she breathed heavily trying to catch her breath and couldn’t help leaning in to plant one last chaste kiss on Erica’s luxuriant lips before lifting her head away to finally get another look at those deep blue pools.
Callie felt Erica go rigid in her arms before she quickly pulled out of them and took a step backwards, her eyes fixed on the ground, “I…erm…” she was obviously flustered and stuttering over her words as she avoided Callie’s eyes, “I have to go…I need to find my keys,” Erica swiftly grabbed her bag from the bench and walked back in the direction of the hospital.
Callie couldn’t move, no matter how much she wanted to, her feet seemed frozen in place and her mouth kept opening silently as she tried to speak. Her eyes stayed staring into the space in front of her where Erica had been only moments before and she couldn’t help but wonder if the best moment of her day, had been the worst in the other woman’s.
It had taken Callie nearly twenty minutes to finally gather enough strength to move from her position that night, her mind had been in overdrive trying to figure out what she’d done and why; and as she made it back to her shared apartment with Yang and sunk down on the couch, the fear of what had just happened hit her like a slap to the face.
For the next few days after the kiss Callie became acutely aware that Erica was going out of her way to avoid seeing her and she had no idea what to do to fix what she’d evidently broken between them. Callie left endless amounts of messages and told any of the residents that if they were working with Dr Hahn on a case could they please tell her that she needed to speak with her right away.
After a week had passed, Callie still hadn’t heard anything back from Erica, there had been no response at all; and if they happened to catch each other’s eyes Erica would look away so fast it looked like she’d have whiplash, which left Callie going from being confused to hurt to damn right angry; she was going to do something about it.
Callie decided that enough was enough, sure she was confused about the feelings she was having for Erica, and maybe she had dealt with it wrongly by kissing her, but she realized that if she didn’t force some kind of conversation between them soon, she’d lose her best friend forever and that was more painful than whatever else was going on between them.
Callie watched as Erica rounded the corner and quickened her step to keep up with her; grabbing Erica by the arm and dragging her into an empty patient room. She released her grip as she shut the door and turned to face Erica who was once again looking at the floor, “Are we ever going to talk about what happened Erica?”
Callie watched as Erica shuffled from side to side uncomfortably, her eyes now focused on the chart she had between her hands. Callie moved towards her and reached out to grab her arm again, finally drawing Erica’s attention, and tried to figure out the expression troubling her features.
“I can’t,” Erica whispered as she pulled her arm free and averted Callie’s piercing gaze, “Not now and especially not here...I’m working,” she lifted the chart in her hand as indication and moved towards the door, “I have to go, I have a patient waiting.”
Callie opened her eyes to stare back at her reflection again and lifted a hand to rub the temples of her forehead; a dull headache was starting to form as she thought about the mess she’d made of not only the kiss but the aftermath of said kiss. That useless stolen moment was the only time she’d managed to get Erica near her, let alone talk to her over the last two weeks and the appearance she was trying to hold together was slowly crumbling down around her.
She took another deep breath before heading back into the busy life of the hospital hallways, she wouldn’t crack, she wouldn’t break down because Callie Torres was a fighter and she’d be damned if she was going to give up her best friend without a fight.
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Callie lifted her pager from her scrubs as she rounded the corner and was barely able to glance at it before she felt her feet stumble backwards; the air rushing from her lungs. Taking in a couple of deep breathes to catch back her breath and blinking her eyes a few times to steady her vision; finally able to focus on the other victim of sudden-corner-turning.
“Shit, I’m sorry…I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Callie quickly bent down so that she was level with Erica; who she’d unfortunately knocked to the floor along with her pile of paper work, and began helping to pick them up.
Callie reached for the final piece and felt her hand tingle as it connected with the soft skin of Erica’s own. She lifted her eyes to Erica’s face and her heart almost stopped as she took in the sight of gorgeous blue eyes staring back at her.
After a few long seconds Erica lifted her hand away from Callie’s and stood up, breaking the gaze they’d been holding and tried to straighten the paper in her arms. Callie stood and handed her back the final piece; their eyes meeting again, “Thanks.”
“Erica look-”
“I have a patient,” Erica averted her eyes once more and stalked away, leaving Callie standing alone.
“Wow, she hurried away quickly,” Mark stated as he appeared at Callie’s side, “What’d you do to her this time; tell her to pucker up?”
Callie watched as he grinned smugly and couldn’t help but narrow her eyes in response, “Funny…you think you’re really funny don’t you,” Mark continued smiling smugly and gave her a wink as she pushed past him; “Jackass,” muttered from her lips as she did so.
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It had been a pretty good morning after her latest encounters with Erica and Mark; Callie had had Lexie join her in surgery and was able to jam out to some of her favourite tunes, loving the way the loud music helped clear her mind.
“Still think I’m a jackass?” Mark asked as he slid next to Callie at the nurses’ station; handing over one of his charts to Olivia.
“Depends, are you still acting like one?” Callie kept her eyes on her own chart as her pen scribbled away the last of her notes.
“Ah don’t be so sensitive Torres, there’s no need to be mad, you know I was just messing with you earlier,” Callie knew he was but nothing about her situation with Erica seemed funny, especially coming from him.
“Dr Sloan I need a consult on a patient when you get a minute,” Callie was saved from replying by Erica’s unexpected interruption. Mark turned to face her and gave her his best attempt at a charming smile.
“Of course Dr Hahn, it’d be my pleasure,” Erica shoved the chart into his hand as she rolled her eyes, before hurrying away just as quickly as she had appeared.
Callie made sure Erica was out of sight before punching Mark in the arm, “I hate you!”
“What’d I do?” Mark asked as he lifted his free hand to rub his arm; Callie might look all woman but she could sure throw a good punch.
“This whole thing is your fault,” Callie whispered angrily, praying that the nurses wouldn’t be out listening for the latest gossip, “You told me to go for it and now she won't even acknowledge me.”
Mark narrowed his own eyes in response, “If I remember correctly I told you to talk to her, not make-out with her; that was your choice,” he paused for a minute and lifted his hand to cup his chin, the cheeky smirk appearing on his face again, “Although I have to say, it's what I would have done.”
Callie let out an irritated sigh and lifted her hand to brush back a stray piece of hair that had escaped from behind her ear, “She won't speak to me, if she even sees me she scurries away in the opposite direction, and did you see that? She won't even look at me,” Callie slammed her chart shut and pushed it away from her in a desperate attempt to stop her eyes filling with tears, “It's official, she hates me, and I'm a complete idiot!”
Mark noticed Callie’s voice crack as she forced the last words out and reached out to pull her into his arms. Mark Sloan was a lot of things, he was bold, daring, rude and he didn’t give a damn what people thought about him; and Callie Torres might not have been the woman for him, but she had been a pretty good friend and right now he knew he had to be in return while Erica got her shit together and realized exactly what she was letting slip past her.
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Mark hated attending the monthly M&M (morbidity and mortality) session; he hated how they had to look at the overview of how patients died and then spend countless hours discussing how such deaths could be prevented; they were doctors and they did their best for every patient that came through the hospital doors and sometimes even that wasn’t enough. Some people live and some people die, and as far as Mark was concerned it was just a roll of a dice that decided what would happen on that particular day and no amount of discussing it was going to change that.
He scanned the room looking for an empty seat, not wanting to sit near all the eager interns and residents who still enjoyed this part of the job. His eyes ran across the rows and settled on long blonde hair and suddenly he knew this M&M would be a little more exciting.
“You’re an idiot Hahn,” Mark grinned sitting down and Erica turned to look up at him an irritated expression on her face.
“Excuse me?”
“I’m talking about Callie-”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Sloan, and neither do you, so why don’t you keep your tiny little brain focused on your own business,” Erica growled and turned her attention back to the podium below.
Mark leaned forward just close enough to Erica so that she’d hear what he had to say, “You really are a cold hearted bitch, don’t you care that you haven’t talked to her in two weeks?” Mark could hear Erica’s breathing deepen in frustration as he continued his attack, “Don’t you care that Callie thinks you hate her?”
Erica swivelled back around to face him, her lips pursed together angrily and her eyes staring directly at his in her best Dr Hahn glare; Mark kept his expression neutral and his eyes locked on hers as he leaned back.
Erica let out a deep breath and lifted her hand to rub her face; her voice dropping its hard tone, “She thinks I hate her?”
Mark nodded, “She thinks you hate her.”
Erica turned back to stare at the podium and watched as Chief Webber climbed onto the stage and adjusted the microphone to the right height. Sighing she pushed herself out of her chair and headed up the stairs, away from Chief Webber and the stands of doctors, and away from Mark Sloan and his interfering pretty face.
As soon as Erica huffed out of the room and up the stairs Mark smiled to himself, enjoying his first silent victory at playing Cupid and mentally tapped himself on the shoulder; his new leaf might be costing him a few nights in the sack but he was pretty sure he could live without it for awhile, after all every man-whore needs a new challenge, right?
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Callie couldn’t believe this was happening, one minute everything was fine, her pager had gone off and she’d gowned up and hurried down the hall to the ambulance bay to wait for the latest incoming trauma and as the sliding doors opened to let her outside she watched in slow motion as a large truck violently swerved and unable to hold its weight crashed over onto its side; throwing her to the ground as a loud explosion filled her ears.
Callie lifted her hand to her face as she felt a sharp pain in her forehead, she winced and pulled back her hand and stared at the blood on her gloved fingertips. Sitting up she looked around at the carnage, the truck had exploded; bits of shrapnel covered the ambulance bay and a white icy mist was hovering in the air.
“Help!” Callie pulled herself to her feet, hearing what sounded like Meredith Grey screaming and desperately tried to locate her. She rushed away from the entrance to the hospital and hurried to her left; finding Meredith hunched over a body.
“Meredith?” Callie grabbed her shoulder but instantly knew she was in shock and so she nudged her out of the way gently so she could try and help whoever she was huddled over.
Callie sucked in a deep breath as her eyes landed on Cristina’s battered form, her eyes were fluttering back between open and closed and blood was running down from the corner of her mouth. Callie ran her eyes across her torso and froze when she saw the large piece of shrapnel wedged in Cristina’s stomach. Meredith was shaking violently as her hand held Cristina’s and Callie couldn’t help but notice the raw pinkness of her skin caused by a recent burn.
“Oh God,” Bailey’s voice entered Callie’s ears as she managed to pull herself together; a rush of doctors appeared around them as Bailey barked heated instructions.
They managed to get Meredith to let go of Cristina’s hand as they lifted her onto a gurney; Callie instantly going in to doctor mode, “Any idea what was in that truck?”
Bailey helped her roll the gurney into the hospital and yelled for someone to prep an OR immediately, “The white icy mist and the burns over her body, I’m guessing it was liquid nitrogen,” Bailey called for Izzie to come and take Meredith away and got the attention of the Chief as she pushed the gurney inside the elevator and headed to OR one.
Once they got their Bailey allowed the Chief and Alex to take Cristina into the OR and get her ready for her surgery; grabbing Callie’s arm as she tried to enter the scrub room, “Where’d you think you’re going?”
Callie scoffed in aggravation, “I’m scrubbing in; I need to help.”
Bailey was giving Callie her famous stare down and when Callie didn’t budge her face softened, “You can’t go in there Callie, look at you, you’re hurt, you’re shaking and you’re too close to her. You need to go get yourself looked at and calm down, there isn’t anything you can do for her that I won’t be doing, and I promise you I’m going to make sure she’s alright,” Callie sighed in defeat and nodded her head indicating for Bailey to go scrub in and operate.
Once Bailey was out of sight Callie let out a shaky breath and leaned back against the wall, needing something to keep her upright while her mind played over the explosion in her head; her hands shaking uncontrollably.
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Callie heard the door squeak open and watched as Bailey came out of Cristina’s room, removing the scrub cap from her head. After five hours of extensive surgery, she and the Chief had been able to successfully remove the shrapnel and repair the damage to her organs, while Mark worked on the burns that the nitrogen had caused; and Meredith had rushed in the room to be by Cristina’s side as soon as they’d brought her to recovery.
“She’s unconscious still, but she’s stable. We’re going to keep a close eye on her over night to make sure she doesn’t catch an infection and hopefully she’ll make a good recovery and be back to her surgery loving ways in no time,” Bailey gave the news to them as they listened patiently.
Callie watched as everyone sighed in relief, Izzie went readily into George’s arms, Alex wrapped an arm around Lexie’s shoulder and allowed her to rest her head on his own shoulder and Derek hurried into Cristina’s room to support Meredith; leaving her standing alone.
Callie pulled the scrub cap from her own head, which she’d lazily left on after her attempt to scrub in on Cristina’s surgery and twisted it tightly between her hands so that she’d have something to hold onto in that moment. She felt someone move in next to her and glanced to see Erica standing there staring straight ahead. Callie turned back to watch Meredith at Cristina’s bedside, thankful that even though they weren’t talking that she was there.
Erica looked down and saw that Callie’s knuckles had gone white from the strength of her grip on the scrub cap and lifted her hand to Callie’s own; gently unwrapping her caramel fingers from the material and letting her own entwine with them; her thumb grazing her skin in an attempt to comfort her.
At this sudden unexpected contact Callie turned her head and dared to look at Erica; she was still running her thumb over Callie’s skin but her eyes were staring straight ahead as she took in what had happened to Cristina. Callie sensed that Erica knew she was looking at her because she felt Erica’s hand gently squeeze her own and knew instantly she was trying to comfort her despite what was going on between them. Callie let her eyes travel back to Cristina’s unconscious form and tightened her grip on Erica’s hand, needing this to be more than just another stolen moment between them.
Chapter 2 - http://thecon12.livejournal.com/1781.html
Chapter 3 - http://thecon12.livejournal.com/1887.html and http://thecon12.livejournal.com/2137.html
Chapter 4 - http://thecon12.livejournal.com/2593.html
Chapter 5 - http://thecon12.livejournal.com/2973.html and http://thecon12.livejournal.com/3184.html