(no subject)
Now for somebody who's always complaining about this unceasing loneliness, I'm going to have to draw the line. I don't want to hear, "I love you" or "I miss you" anymore. Or this one, "if you EVER need a place to pass-out, just come here." That one is the funniest, since, well, you know I don't pass-out, but rather fight off sleep until it is unbearable.
As much as I appreciate all the "love," I cannot or will not reciprocate.
My grandfather died the other day! I'm jealous. He was a man, therefor, fuck 'em. It was dumb just hearing about it; about how I should be sad or remorseful. For a man who never met his own son, I strongly doubt his knowledge of my existence. But hey, he was just a man, so I expect nothing more than negligence and spite.
But now that he is dead, I will expect that my father cannot EVER say to me in a condescending tone, "I never had a father!!" For all intents and purposes, I never had a father either! I had an ostracizing bully, a 200 lb. 5 ft. 9, prepubescent baby for a father. Hmmm, I think I would have done better without you, man-whore mcgee! I don't expect him to realize that just being in physical presence does not make him a dad. So yeah, blah blah blah, jerk-offs all around.
I hung out(unwillingly) with a junkie yesterday. It has been a real long time since I've been around that shit. It was another dumb, useless, low in a series of dumb, useless, lows.
I desire nothing more than to uglify my visage. It's going quite well, I look like shit! Hopefully my poor appearance and utterly off-putting personality will persuade any potential peeps from hanging around my door. G.T.F.A.!
I have been spending time around infants again. I must say although they are "cute" and "precious," I refuse to touch or hold them; I'm fine with being the bitter, cold, and loveless uncle, that's coo with me. I've got arms too weak to hold a tissue, let a lone a baby. Yeah right, Me.. cradling an innocent ball of flesh.. that's not going to end well. It might unwind that hardened stone of hate, that I call my heart. And I have no need for tenderness these days.
Everyday is just one big fuck-all storm of nonsense and delusion. I'm worn down and very ill from vertigo. There is no cure, no help. Any comfort will only accelerate the disfunction of my brain. I reiterate, my brain is fucked up, not emotionally or some other superficial fracture. Eyepatches only weaken my mind. LOL, yeah Pirates, jokes, brains, fuck. that's all good. "But Jeff, your eyes look fine to me.."
Yes, everything is fine. I just want one day.
No vertigo, no harassment, no delusion.
Get over it already!! Christ, it's been 19 years, just get on with your life. Forgive, forget, and learn to trust someone else. "I'll get right on that.."
I would like to hasten the downfall of man. That's right, I'm openly putting that on the internet. Unfortunately I jerked-off on the sarcasm button of the keyboard. But for reals, if I have to hang out with another junkhead, or be berated about manhood or the good of humanity again within the next month.. I will shoot myself in the face. No, not just my face, but my FUCKING face.
'Asshole flicking his syringe and tieing-off, "Weed is for niggers and hippies.."
"And who is junk for?" I say, not actually sure who it was meant for.
Junkie-fuck replies, "hey man, I didn't mean to offend you, my dad smokes weed."
I repeat, "who is junk for?" and he says, "I don't know.. babies?"
NO, junk is here to rid our collective conscious of people stupid enough to shoot dope!'
..dicks, they're all a bunch of dicks!
UGGHHHH, DIE you junkiefuck!
Geez, Jeff, relax. Addicts are addicts, he's just as sick as you are. "Shut up, voice of reason."
And now it is time to do things that are "bad?" Wear an eyepatch and be angry! argghh..
lol.
As much as I appreciate all the "love," I cannot or will not reciprocate.
My grandfather died the other day! I'm jealous. He was a man, therefor, fuck 'em. It was dumb just hearing about it; about how I should be sad or remorseful. For a man who never met his own son, I strongly doubt his knowledge of my existence. But hey, he was just a man, so I expect nothing more than negligence and spite.
But now that he is dead, I will expect that my father cannot EVER say to me in a condescending tone, "I never had a father!!" For all intents and purposes, I never had a father either! I had an ostracizing bully, a 200 lb. 5 ft. 9, prepubescent baby for a father. Hmmm, I think I would have done better without you, man-whore mcgee! I don't expect him to realize that just being in physical presence does not make him a dad. So yeah, blah blah blah, jerk-offs all around.
I hung out(unwillingly) with a junkie yesterday. It has been a real long time since I've been around that shit. It was another dumb, useless, low in a series of dumb, useless, lows.
I desire nothing more than to uglify my visage. It's going quite well, I look like shit! Hopefully my poor appearance and utterly off-putting personality will persuade any potential peeps from hanging around my door. G.T.F.A.!
I have been spending time around infants again. I must say although they are "cute" and "precious," I refuse to touch or hold them; I'm fine with being the bitter, cold, and loveless uncle, that's coo with me. I've got arms too weak to hold a tissue, let a lone a baby. Yeah right, Me.. cradling an innocent ball of flesh.. that's not going to end well. It might unwind that hardened stone of hate, that I call my heart. And I have no need for tenderness these days.
Everyday is just one big fuck-all storm of nonsense and delusion. I'm worn down and very ill from vertigo. There is no cure, no help. Any comfort will only accelerate the disfunction of my brain. I reiterate, my brain is fucked up, not emotionally or some other superficial fracture. Eyepatches only weaken my mind. LOL, yeah Pirates, jokes, brains, fuck. that's all good. "But Jeff, your eyes look fine to me.."
Yes, everything is fine. I just want one day.
No vertigo, no harassment, no delusion.
Get over it already!! Christ, it's been 19 years, just get on with your life. Forgive, forget, and learn to trust someone else. "I'll get right on that.."
I would like to hasten the downfall of man. That's right, I'm openly putting that on the internet. Unfortunately I jerked-off on the sarcasm button of the keyboard. But for reals, if I have to hang out with another junkhead, or be berated about manhood or the good of humanity again within the next month.. I will shoot myself in the face. No, not just my face, but my FUCKING face.
'Asshole flicking his syringe and tieing-off, "Weed is for niggers and hippies.."
"And who is junk for?" I say, not actually sure who it was meant for.
Junkie-fuck replies, "hey man, I didn't mean to offend you, my dad smokes weed."
I repeat, "who is junk for?" and he says, "I don't know.. babies?"
NO, junk is here to rid our collective conscious of people stupid enough to shoot dope!'
..dicks, they're all a bunch of dicks!
UGGHHHH, DIE you junkiefuck!
Geez, Jeff, relax. Addicts are addicts, he's just as sick as you are. "Shut up, voice of reason."
And now it is time to do things that are "bad?" Wear an eyepatch and be angry! argghh..
lol.