Memories...
The following is a sequence of emails my mom sent from Florida while taking care of my grampa after his brain surgery when she was gone for three and a half weeks... When grampa was still alive and when gramma and him still could go to Florida... 2003.
Friday, January 17, 2003
Katie,
I sure do miss you!! I can't believe how long I will be gone. Please be
good and make me proud. You think I would have gotten use to this with you
having gone to Germany for a month. I guess when you love someone you
never get over missing them.
Take care of Dad for me - I think he will be pretty sad.
Love,
Mom
Monday, January 20, 2003
Hi Hon,
Great job on winning the prize at the shower- and you actually got to keep
them!! (Remember Brittnay's shower?)
No it is still very cold here. The Florida people have winter coats and
hats on - for them it is really cold. It is supposed to get up to the 60's
for a couple of days then back to the 30's. Oh well we only sit at the
hospital or at Grandmas (with the house all closed up).
How did your Meterology presentation go? What did you do it on?
The 30th is the absolute latest I will be home. I am trying for that
Tuesday or Wednesday because Joyce comes on Monday and I want to come home
to my family.
Grandpa has been very bad and somewhat good. It is really hard to see him.
It is hard to tell anyone how he is doing because one time we go he is
very bad and the next he is improved a lot then back to bad. He is very
fragile right now. Today he was the best he has been since I have been
down here so hopefully he has turned the corner now. They will be putting
him in a nursing home where he will get rehab. He cannot walk or talk
right now and they are not sure how much will be coming back. He also
cannot swallow so he has to have a feeding tube right into his stomach. I
will try to keep you better informed.
Don't forget that Friday is Dad's 60th birthday. If there is money in the
jar please take it and at least get him a small cake. I sent him a card
today. This is all so weird not being home and all.
Talk to you soon, I love you and miss you.
Mom
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Hi Honey,
I hope you can get work off - you may need to be the sober cab. If you
can't get it off Dad will understand. He said maybe they would go to
Meisters, kind of a tradition for us.
Where is Nate going to be for the Super Bowl? I am sure Dad would love to
have the company - it may seem more normal to him. Just be aware that
everyone orders pizzas on Super Bowl Sunday. Maybe you could have Dad make
something like tacos of just snacks. We have frozen pizzas no one usually
mind that.
They don't know how much of Grandpa's functions will come back. It's could
be anywhere between all or nothing. It is really hard to see him this way.
He has gone through so much. He repeated a couple of words that were
pretty clear today. He was pretty sleepy today so he is not doing as good
as yesterday but we just have to take it a day at a time. We went and
toured the rehab/nursing home we hope to get him in. The people seemed
really nice and the place seemed clean. It was nice for that type of
place.
Well better go for now - I can't wait until I can see you and hug you
again - Nate may need to share you a little when I first get home. Tell
Stacy just one more Friday then it will be treat time again.
Love you all lots,
Mom
Saturday, January 25, 2003
Hi Katie,
Just a note to let you know I am trying to book a flight home on Tuesday
but if I get it I won't be in until 11:00pm so won't be home probably
until about midnight. I will know for sure tomorrow. You will be able to
see me then on Wed. am before you go to work.'
Grandpa is doing just great!!! Everyone at the nursing home just loves
him. He is such a character. He is doing therapy now and really coming
along great. I have pictures so you can see his new hairdo and how well he
is doing. One of the physical therapists today thanked him because he
fought in World War II. He told him that he (Grandpa) was a part of the
Greatest Generation and thanked him for fighting to keep our country free
and allowing us to enjoy those freedoms. It really brought a tear to my
eye. Grandpa's generation is all dying off and we will soon have no more
veterans to thank!
Are you getting used to living without me now? I heard Dad is really
cooking alot for you. Do you like having meals like that? How was Dad's
birthday?
Did you decide what you will do for the SuperBowl? Are you going to greet
tommorrow at church with Dad? Don't forget to root for the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers - everyone down here is just crazy for the Bucs.
See you very soon,
I love you,
Mom
Makes me sad. Reminiscent. I also found a letter I never sent to Nate in my "draft" box. I wonder why? It was insincere. I was saying things to get him to believe we were okay. It was all lies at that point... Reassurences because I was uncertain and didn't want to lose him before I know what I really wanted:
"Jan 7, 2005:
Hey Sweet-
I just wanted to leave you an email to find some unannounced day at work. Just a little something sweet to get you through. The basic fact of the matter is that I love you. I know that I tend to shut down a lot lately when you get to be 'too Nate' as we would say... But I admire you for being true to yourself. I admire you because you are strong willed and know what you want from life. And you'll stop at nothing to get it. That is determination. You are an amazing and unique person and I truly do admire you. You're amazing. I don't think I let you know that often enough these days. Routine and life get the best of me sometimes. Forgive me for any time I have been upset at you for some stupid little reason. I'm a girl and I freak out about the small stuff. Just give me that look you always do -- That "I love you, girl" look - and kiss me. I'll be fine. It's just the uptight virgo in me.
Yours-
Kat"
It makes me feel gross just reading it and remembering how I felt when I wrote it. I felt wrong. And I felt bad. I felt ick... Like I was manipulating him. Which is probably why I didn' send it.
Good LORD I am thankful for Mike. In so many wonderful ways... Too many to count. He's my guy. I'm his gal. I love him. And I feel wonderful letting the world know.
Friday, January 17, 2003
Katie,
I sure do miss you!! I can't believe how long I will be gone. Please be
good and make me proud. You think I would have gotten use to this with you
having gone to Germany for a month. I guess when you love someone you
never get over missing them.
Take care of Dad for me - I think he will be pretty sad.
Love,
Mom
Monday, January 20, 2003
Hi Hon,
Great job on winning the prize at the shower- and you actually got to keep
them!! (Remember Brittnay's shower?)
No it is still very cold here. The Florida people have winter coats and
hats on - for them it is really cold. It is supposed to get up to the 60's
for a couple of days then back to the 30's. Oh well we only sit at the
hospital or at Grandmas (with the house all closed up).
How did your Meterology presentation go? What did you do it on?
The 30th is the absolute latest I will be home. I am trying for that
Tuesday or Wednesday because Joyce comes on Monday and I want to come home
to my family.
Grandpa has been very bad and somewhat good. It is really hard to see him.
It is hard to tell anyone how he is doing because one time we go he is
very bad and the next he is improved a lot then back to bad. He is very
fragile right now. Today he was the best he has been since I have been
down here so hopefully he has turned the corner now. They will be putting
him in a nursing home where he will get rehab. He cannot walk or talk
right now and they are not sure how much will be coming back. He also
cannot swallow so he has to have a feeding tube right into his stomach. I
will try to keep you better informed.
Don't forget that Friday is Dad's 60th birthday. If there is money in the
jar please take it and at least get him a small cake. I sent him a card
today. This is all so weird not being home and all.
Talk to you soon, I love you and miss you.
Mom
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Hi Honey,
I hope you can get work off - you may need to be the sober cab. If you
can't get it off Dad will understand. He said maybe they would go to
Meisters, kind of a tradition for us.
Where is Nate going to be for the Super Bowl? I am sure Dad would love to
have the company - it may seem more normal to him. Just be aware that
everyone orders pizzas on Super Bowl Sunday. Maybe you could have Dad make
something like tacos of just snacks. We have frozen pizzas no one usually
mind that.
They don't know how much of Grandpa's functions will come back. It's could
be anywhere between all or nothing. It is really hard to see him this way.
He has gone through so much. He repeated a couple of words that were
pretty clear today. He was pretty sleepy today so he is not doing as good
as yesterday but we just have to take it a day at a time. We went and
toured the rehab/nursing home we hope to get him in. The people seemed
really nice and the place seemed clean. It was nice for that type of
place.
Well better go for now - I can't wait until I can see you and hug you
again - Nate may need to share you a little when I first get home. Tell
Stacy just one more Friday then it will be treat time again.
Love you all lots,
Mom
Saturday, January 25, 2003
Hi Katie,
Just a note to let you know I am trying to book a flight home on Tuesday
but if I get it I won't be in until 11:00pm so won't be home probably
until about midnight. I will know for sure tomorrow. You will be able to
see me then on Wed. am before you go to work.'
Grandpa is doing just great!!! Everyone at the nursing home just loves
him. He is such a character. He is doing therapy now and really coming
along great. I have pictures so you can see his new hairdo and how well he
is doing. One of the physical therapists today thanked him because he
fought in World War II. He told him that he (Grandpa) was a part of the
Greatest Generation and thanked him for fighting to keep our country free
and allowing us to enjoy those freedoms. It really brought a tear to my
eye. Grandpa's generation is all dying off and we will soon have no more
veterans to thank!
Are you getting used to living without me now? I heard Dad is really
cooking alot for you. Do you like having meals like that? How was Dad's
birthday?
Did you decide what you will do for the SuperBowl? Are you going to greet
tommorrow at church with Dad? Don't forget to root for the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers - everyone down here is just crazy for the Bucs.
See you very soon,
I love you,
Mom
Makes me sad. Reminiscent. I also found a letter I never sent to Nate in my "draft" box. I wonder why? It was insincere. I was saying things to get him to believe we were okay. It was all lies at that point... Reassurences because I was uncertain and didn't want to lose him before I know what I really wanted:
"Jan 7, 2005:
Hey Sweet-
I just wanted to leave you an email to find some unannounced day at work. Just a little something sweet to get you through. The basic fact of the matter is that I love you. I know that I tend to shut down a lot lately when you get to be 'too Nate' as we would say... But I admire you for being true to yourself. I admire you because you are strong willed and know what you want from life. And you'll stop at nothing to get it. That is determination. You are an amazing and unique person and I truly do admire you. You're amazing. I don't think I let you know that often enough these days. Routine and life get the best of me sometimes. Forgive me for any time I have been upset at you for some stupid little reason. I'm a girl and I freak out about the small stuff. Just give me that look you always do -- That "I love you, girl" look - and kiss me. I'll be fine. It's just the uptight virgo in me.
Yours-
Kat"
It makes me feel gross just reading it and remembering how I felt when I wrote it. I felt wrong. And I felt bad. I felt ick... Like I was manipulating him. Which is probably why I didn' send it.
Good LORD I am thankful for Mike. In so many wonderful ways... Too many to count. He's my guy. I'm his gal. I love him. And I feel wonderful letting the world know.