Kind of Scary When You Think About It
This weekend was sort of scary for me. I helped Mike move into his new place. There were spats and bouts of extreme exhaustion. We got past everything and I got to bond with Chuck, which I think was very good. It's important for me to be close with the people in Mike's life that he is close to.
Mike told me over the phone that he is almost jealous of the people in my past for being able to be there with me as I grew up and being able to have experienced life with me at a younger age. Honestly, I don't know if Mike and I would have falled for each other before I went through My Grand Transformation(tm) in 12th grade and late 11th grade. I was a ball of horrible energy and I really hated myself down to the core. Every day I would wake up and look in the mirror and just feel like a horrible and ugly person. I couldn't love myself then, I could barely like myself.
In a way, I am jealous of those in Mike's past, also. But again -- I don't think I would have fallen for him back then. It's a possibility -- Mostly because I tended to fall for the guys who would porbably end up with the highest criminal records, but I don't know. I'm jealous of those in his past because they got to be there with him through all the crazy things he has gone through. I want so badly to know what that was like for him. How it changed him. Who he was before the dramatic change that life throws at everyone.
So what I am getting at is that this weekend everything felt very official. I told Mike that I really felt like a couple because of everything that we went through this weekend. There was a lot there. And looking back at it all... We really grew closer, I think...
It scares me to be so certain about someone. If I am wrong about Mike being the man I want to have in my life forever, I will be so incredibly devistated. I don't want to be wrong, and I don't believe I am... But I have never been more sure about something in my life... And it's only been four months.
It's just a little scary at times to have your heart sitting out the, waiting... waiting.... waiting..... anticipating the pain of being smashed to pieces.
I hope I don't ever have to feel the pain of heartache again. Heartache is just about hte worst pain I've ever felt.
Mike told me over the phone that he is almost jealous of the people in my past for being able to be there with me as I grew up and being able to have experienced life with me at a younger age. Honestly, I don't know if Mike and I would have falled for each other before I went through My Grand Transformation(tm) in 12th grade and late 11th grade. I was a ball of horrible energy and I really hated myself down to the core. Every day I would wake up and look in the mirror and just feel like a horrible and ugly person. I couldn't love myself then, I could barely like myself.
In a way, I am jealous of those in Mike's past, also. But again -- I don't think I would have fallen for him back then. It's a possibility -- Mostly because I tended to fall for the guys who would porbably end up with the highest criminal records, but I don't know. I'm jealous of those in his past because they got to be there with him through all the crazy things he has gone through. I want so badly to know what that was like for him. How it changed him. Who he was before the dramatic change that life throws at everyone.
So what I am getting at is that this weekend everything felt very official. I told Mike that I really felt like a couple because of everything that we went through this weekend. There was a lot there. And looking back at it all... We really grew closer, I think...
It scares me to be so certain about someone. If I am wrong about Mike being the man I want to have in my life forever, I will be so incredibly devistated. I don't want to be wrong, and I don't believe I am... But I have never been more sure about something in my life... And it's only been four months.
It's just a little scary at times to have your heart sitting out the, waiting... waiting.... waiting..... anticipating the pain of being smashed to pieces.
I hope I don't ever have to feel the pain of heartache again. Heartache is just about hte worst pain I've ever felt.