Jun 11, 2005 10:23
My mom only had one eye.
i hated her... she was such an
embarressment..
my mom ran a small shop at a flea market.
she collected little weeds and such to
sell...
anything for the money we needed
she was such an embarressment.
there was this one day during elementary
school..
it was field day, and my mom came.
i was so embarrassed. how could she do
this to
me? i threw her a hateful look and ran out.
the next day at school...
"your mom only has one eye?!?!" ..and
they
taunted me.
i wished that my mom would just
dissappear from
this world
so i said to my mom,
"mom.. why dont you have the other eye?!
if you're only gonna make me a
laughingstock,
why dont you just die?!!!"
my mom did not respond..
i guess i felt a little bad, but at the same
time, it
felt good to think that i had said what i'd
wanted to
say all this time..
maybe it was because my mom hadnt
punished
me,
but i didnt think that i had hurt her
feelings very
badly.
that night...
i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get
a glass
of water.
my mom was crying there, so quietly, as if
she
was afraid that she might wake me.
i took a look at her, then turned away.
because of the thing i had said to her
earlier, there
was something pinching at me in the
corner of my
heart.
even so, i hated my mother who was
crying out of
her one eye. so i told myself that i would
grow up
and become successful.
cause i hated my one-eyed mom and our
desperate poverty..
then i studied real hard.
i left my mother and came to Seoul and
studied,
and got accepted in the Seoul University
with all
the confidence i had.
then, i got married.
i bought a house of my own.
then i had kids, too..
now i'm living happily as a successful
man.
i like it here because it's a place that
doesnt
remind me of my mom.
this happiness was getting bigger and
bigger,
when..
what?!
who's this?!
...it was my mother...
..still with her one eye.
it felt as if the whole sky was falling apart
on me.
my little girl ran away, scared of my
mom's eye.
and i asked her,
"who are you?!"
"i dont know you!!!" as if trying to make
that real. i
screamed at her," how dare you come to
my
house and scare my daughter!"
"GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
and to this, my mother quietly answered,
"oh, i'm so sorry. i may have gotten the
wrong
address,"
and she dissappeared out of sight.
thank good ness... she doesnt recognize
me..
i was quite relieved.
i told myself that i wasnt going to care, or
think
about this for the rest of my life.
then a wave of relief came upon me...
one day, a letter regarding a school
reunion came
to my house. so, lying to my wife that i
was going
on a business trip, i went.
after the reunion, i went down to the old
shack,
that i used to call a house...just out of
curiosity
there, i found my mother fallen on the
cold ground.
but i did not shed a single tear.
she had a piece of paper in her hand.... it
was a
letter to me.
my son...
i think my life has been long enough now..
and... i wont visit Seoul anymore...
but would it be too much to ask if i
wanted you to
come visit me once in a while?
i miss you so much.. and i was so glad
when i
heard you were coming for the reunion.
but i decided not to go to the school.
...for you...
and i'm sorry that i only have one eye,
and i was
an embarrassment for you.
you see, when you were very little, you
got into
an
accident, and lost your eye. as a mom, i
couldnt
stand watching you having to grow up
with only
one eye... so i gave you mine...
i was so proud of my son that was seeing a
whole
new world for me, in my place, with that
eye. i
was
never upset at you for anything you did..
the
couple times that you were angry with
me,.. i
thought to myself, 'it's because he loves
me..'
my son... oh, my son...