I'm Not Dead
I ditched my blog, but I'm alive.
There were many things I considered blogging about over the last few months, but I didn't.
I don't weigh myself anymore, because I probably gained most or all of the 50 pounds back between Winter Break and now. So much for maintaining for half the year. That was fun while it lasted, but stress boiled over because of senior year, and it's just not the time to fix my physical health when I can't keep my mental health in check. I'm sure I'll lose the weight again eventually.
I finally got drunk a while back for the hell of it...and I did it completely wrong, so I could barely move the next day and was sick for half that week. I have started to drink more, but I don't ignore the rules like that one night. It's my last semester of college, so I guess I'm just making up for all the stupidity I didn't put myself through the rest of the years. There's no chance of my becoming an alcoholic, because as soon as I go back home after graduation I can't have alcohol around or my parents will flip out. They don't drink, and my mom doesn't believe that anyone ever should. It really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to drink anyway...I mean, it's a depressant. Do I really need to be altering my consciousness to a state where my life seems even worse than it already does? Nope!
Speaking of going home after graduation...yep, that's right. I'm joining the ranks of the graduates who fucked up by failing to plan well, and the one plan I had fell through because I'm an idiot. I was supposed to go on to the 5th year program, get my Master's, and qualify for a teaching license. But I know I was missing a class they probably wanted me to have, and I'm pretty sure I said something wrong on the writing sample portion of the interview that made them think I'm a horrible teaching candidate...because even when I know better I screw up under pressure. So now I am just taking it one day at a time, doing my best to just earn my degree, and after that I will figure out what's next since trying to figure that out at the same time as finishing up school isn't exactly realistic for me when I can barely find time to sleep as is...
When I count how little time I actually have left in college, I start to feel like serious devastation. Academically, I know I am burnt out and it's time to recharge, but socially it's like my life has just begun and I have to say goodbye soon. Going back home will not be good for me, and my only hope is to find something to do that will get me back out of there as soon as possible. When I go home I go back to who I was in high school, and I've made too much progress here to let myself become that person again. I prefer who I am now, not who I am when my parents are around.
There were many things I considered blogging about over the last few months, but I didn't.
I don't weigh myself anymore, because I probably gained most or all of the 50 pounds back between Winter Break and now. So much for maintaining for half the year. That was fun while it lasted, but stress boiled over because of senior year, and it's just not the time to fix my physical health when I can't keep my mental health in check. I'm sure I'll lose the weight again eventually.
I finally got drunk a while back for the hell of it...and I did it completely wrong, so I could barely move the next day and was sick for half that week. I have started to drink more, but I don't ignore the rules like that one night. It's my last semester of college, so I guess I'm just making up for all the stupidity I didn't put myself through the rest of the years. There's no chance of my becoming an alcoholic, because as soon as I go back home after graduation I can't have alcohol around or my parents will flip out. They don't drink, and my mom doesn't believe that anyone ever should. It really doesn't make a whole lot of sense to drink anyway...I mean, it's a depressant. Do I really need to be altering my consciousness to a state where my life seems even worse than it already does? Nope!
Speaking of going home after graduation...yep, that's right. I'm joining the ranks of the graduates who fucked up by failing to plan well, and the one plan I had fell through because I'm an idiot. I was supposed to go on to the 5th year program, get my Master's, and qualify for a teaching license. But I know I was missing a class they probably wanted me to have, and I'm pretty sure I said something wrong on the writing sample portion of the interview that made them think I'm a horrible teaching candidate...because even when I know better I screw up under pressure. So now I am just taking it one day at a time, doing my best to just earn my degree, and after that I will figure out what's next since trying to figure that out at the same time as finishing up school isn't exactly realistic for me when I can barely find time to sleep as is...
When I count how little time I actually have left in college, I start to feel like serious devastation. Academically, I know I am burnt out and it's time to recharge, but socially it's like my life has just begun and I have to say goodbye soon. Going back home will not be good for me, and my only hope is to find something to do that will get me back out of there as soon as possible. When I go home I go back to who I was in high school, and I've made too much progress here to let myself become that person again. I prefer who I am now, not who I am when my parents are around.