couples_therapy : Discuss something that complicates your relationship.
She tried to hide her disappointment when Sam told her that he didn't want to celebrate Christmas. Claire loved Christmas, and she had been hoping to celebrate with him this year. She wanted to go over to Peter's and spend the day with his family; exchanging presents and cooking, spending time together while Christmas CDs played in the background, but they wouldn't have that. Sam didn't want that.
He didn't want a tree, either. Or lights, or decorations, or cookies (that one had shocked her the most). Some of it, he said they could do if it was important to her. He suggested that she spend the day at Peter's and come home after dinner. Even though he couldn't celebrate with her, Sam wanted Claire to have her Christmas. And after encouraging her to spend the day at Peter's, he assumed that the issue was resolved and neither one of them mentioned it again.
It wasn't until Christmas morning that Sam realized Claire wasn't going to celebrate the holiday either. If he wouldn't go, she didn't see the point in going herself. They already had a treeless and a decoration free apartment, it wasn't as painful as she thought it would be. She missed having a traditional Christmas, especially now that she had someone she loved to spend with, but it would have hurt him. No holiday was worth that.
"I want you to go," Sam explained, pulling on his jeans while she brushed her hair. She could see him staring at her in the mirror, but she ignored it, purposely focusing on her hair instead of his reflection. "You think you have to do this, but you don't, alright? Your family lives here, spend the day with them. I want you to."
"Yeah, I'm going to leave you at home and go have the best Christmas ever," Claire replied unhappily. She opened up her jewelry box and took out a pair of small silver hoop earrings, tilting her head to put them on. "I'm staying, Sam."
"Claire," he started, reaching over for her wrist. He carefully turned her to face him and looked down at her. His free hand moved under her chin, nudging her head up slightly to meet his gaze. "Listen to me this time. Please."
"I don't want to," she insisted, stepping back, moving out of his grasp. She knew she was being stubborn and she felt she had every right to be. There was no reason for her to leave. It wasn't special without him. She would spend the day worrying about how he was doing, the same way she did on the days when he wouldn't come home. He would spend the day trying to convince himself that he was meant to be alone.
"Yeah, you do." Sam told her, sitting on the bed and giving the space that she was acting like she wanted. "You said you wanted to do something."
"With you." Claire rolled her eyes at him. "I told you I wanted to do something with you, or I wasn't going to bother." If Sam thought he was going to change her mind about that now, he underestimated how determined she was to spend the day with him, with or without the tree and the lights. "I'm not trying to push you into anything. I'd rather be here. That's all."
Her words were met with a nod and a heavy sigh. She studied him for a moment, trying to determine if it was the day itself or her actions that had caused him to look so defeated. Sam Winchester didn't go down without a fight. Looking at him though, she was starting to worry that he didn't have much fight left in him. "That's all."
Claire sat down beside him on the bed, leaning over to press one kiss against his bare shoulder, and then one against his cheek. "You're cold," she commented. "You better put a shirt on or turn the heat up." She was wearing a red sweater and a pair of jeans, Sam was still just at the jean stage. "I can help you get warm if you want," she offered, hoping for a chance to make this up to him. He'd started the morning off feeling bad enough and she had somehow upset him more by wanting to be with him.
Sam was still at first, not moving or speaking, not acting like she was in the room until he had collected his thoughts and decided what he was going to say. "I can't give you this," he told her finally. His tone was low and shaky, like he was afraid he was going to cause more trouble. "I can't give you a lot of things but I know you deserve it all. Christmas. A normal life. Someone less...someone more." He took a deep, nervous breath. "I'll never be able to give you any of that, and someday this isn't going to be enough. This isn't enough now, I know it's not."
"No," Claire answered, shaking her head. She'd heard him out and she didn't agree with any of it. He was wrong. He didn't think he was, but he didn't understand. Neither one of them agreed with each other when it came to things like this, and yet they always worked things out. Her throat felt tight, but she repeated her objection. "No, I'm not normal. I don't need normal or Christmas or anyone else. I need us to be together."
"What if you change your mind?" he asked her quietly. "You'll tell me?"
"I won't change my mind," she insisted. "I want us to be together forever and I just might live that long." She took his hand and tugged on it, brushing a kiss against his lips before standing up. "I want to cook you breakfast. Come on, you can keep me company."
"Okay," Sam stood up. "I'll meet you in the kitchen, I need to finish getting dressed."
Claire nodded and walked out, going into the kitchen and starting on breakfast. An ordinary one, without anything special to make him worry about what being with him meant she could or couldn't have. She didn't go back into the bedroom, even though it took him a while to come out, and she didn't know that he had used that time to pull out the few pictures he had of his family and look at them.
She knew why he hated Christmas, it made her hate Christmas a little, too.
Just a little.
Muse: Claire Bennet
Fandom: Heroes
Word Count: 1,090
Partner: notantichrist