(no subject)
my life sucks... that about sums everything up.... i feel so empty inside... and there is no one who cares... i'm going to VA this weekend... that should be fun, sitting there the whole time knowing i could be with her, but she doesn't even want to see me... you know for all the ppl who tell me i am such a "good guy" there are very few ppl who care about me... i don't think i deserve this abandonment... but then again... maybe i do... i was reading through some of our first conversations on aim, and it is still almost numbing to think we are no longer together, almost surreal, to think that i will never hear her say "i love you again" she said in the conversation i was reading that she believes "when god creates a person, he creates a perfect match for that person, we don't all find each other, but it is in all of us to spend our lives searching" i asked her if she had found her match, and she said with all her heart she knows she had... and now, a yr later, we are apart and idk, mind-boggling to put myself back in my shoes a yr ago, and to tell myself there would be a day when we were apart, i would laugh at myself... this just isn't right.... something isn't right about this... nothing is right about this.... "i need her like a car needs gas" without nikki it just ain't happenin for me... yeah thats right... my life straight sucks right about now... this has been the longest month and a half of my life, i wish it would end, i wish it would all just end and i could get away from here, i don't care how i just want to get away... my singing is cool, but that only helps for a little while, as soon as i stop the pain sets back in, draining me of all emotion, and any happiness i can muster up gets sucked away whenever i hear her name, even though its not her their talking about, her name brings back tons of memories nonetheless...
"when i hear your name, i feel rain, fallin right outta the blue sky, and its the 5th of may, and i'm right there starin in your eyes, and thats all it takes, and i'm in that place, and there we are, parked down by the river side, and i'm in your arms, about to make love for the first time, and i can't explain, but i'm in that place.... everytime i hear you name"
sigh, i wish the pain would go away, i wish i could take her in my arms one more time and hold on to her for dear life... just one more time... one more kiss... one more i love you... but i can't, and this valentines day i'm going to be alone... you know its kind of funny, last yr was the first time a girl ever asked me to be her valentine, yes that was nikki, and i told her she didn't need to ask, i was hers, and she said she jsut wanted to make sure, and she thought it would be fun... almost like when i asked her out, and she made a napoleon dynamite reference, and asked me if i had any good skills, lol god i love that girl... if i could have 1 wish for the rest of my life, it would be to have her back, and i swear i would never again let her go, i would never again let her feel anything less than someone who is loved more than anyone else on the planet...
i love you nikki
"when i hear your name, i feel rain, fallin right outta the blue sky, and its the 5th of may, and i'm right there starin in your eyes, and thats all it takes, and i'm in that place, and there we are, parked down by the river side, and i'm in your arms, about to make love for the first time, and i can't explain, but i'm in that place.... everytime i hear you name"
sigh, i wish the pain would go away, i wish i could take her in my arms one more time and hold on to her for dear life... just one more time... one more kiss... one more i love you... but i can't, and this valentines day i'm going to be alone... you know its kind of funny, last yr was the first time a girl ever asked me to be her valentine, yes that was nikki, and i told her she didn't need to ask, i was hers, and she said she jsut wanted to make sure, and she thought it would be fun... almost like when i asked her out, and she made a napoleon dynamite reference, and asked me if i had any good skills, lol god i love that girl... if i could have 1 wish for the rest of my life, it would be to have her back, and i swear i would never again let her go, i would never again let her feel anything less than someone who is loved more than anyone else on the planet...
i love you nikki