(no subject)
Saturday night and i am alone in my dorm room, serenaded by the pleasent screams of the drunk below. I am drowning my misery in a packet of swiss miss milk chocolate hot chocolate (with marshmellows!!) it is not made. i am eating the powder. there was no other chocolate and i got desperate. give me a break. i also have a bag of popcorn waiting for me, it just needs to cool down. it smells a little burnt though so i'm kinda bummed. but that rates way lower on the life scale then my bummedness as an overall mood. does that make sense? i don't care, i must be delerious with all the powdered disgusting/deliciousness. i aready had easy mac.
the fucking douchebag is in my room. in my fucking room. drunk. i was just trying to have a conversation with a kid and he just came in proclaiming his drunkness, stealing a tissue for his abnormal amount of sweating. i fucking hate this kid. solid. what a fucker. stupid, stupid fuck. ugh.
we beat tuffs (sp? who the hell cares, we beat them) close match and a big win. i didn't play if you were worried. that wasn't bad. candice congradulating every member of the team minus me kind of sucked but i'm used to that by now too. you know what sucked? everyone else's family was there. like i'm not mad that my parents weren't it just stinks that everyone has someone to talk to after the game and i don't. i don't have good enough friends yet that will come and watch me sit the bench. and my family is 5 1/2 hours away. that was upsetting. so i walked alone back to the training room b/c i couldn't handle seeing that, left a note for the team and walked home. i called my dad on the way home. and started crying. like a pussy. not a lot of crying but my voice was jumpy and i felt the tears form. so technically i didn't cry but the potential was there. love being a women. love it.
i was trying to explain to my dad that every instance like that i am fighting myself. in the same way that i fight myself every meal, i'm fighting my emotional side with logic. but it just seems that my logical side is always shortstacked. my emotional rollercoaster has just too much momentum sometimes. like i know that there are so many more upsides then down but it's hard to realize this. i don't know.
i'm real sad right now. i called yuri to talk but he was about to go out and i felt bad being a downer on his night. i miss him a lot. i miss everyone a lot. but i'm having fun. this is all part of the learning process right?? right. i have physics homework and an entire bag of popcorn to eat by myslef. later
the fucking douchebag is in my room. in my fucking room. drunk. i was just trying to have a conversation with a kid and he just came in proclaiming his drunkness, stealing a tissue for his abnormal amount of sweating. i fucking hate this kid. solid. what a fucker. stupid, stupid fuck. ugh.
we beat tuffs (sp? who the hell cares, we beat them) close match and a big win. i didn't play if you were worried. that wasn't bad. candice congradulating every member of the team minus me kind of sucked but i'm used to that by now too. you know what sucked? everyone else's family was there. like i'm not mad that my parents weren't it just stinks that everyone has someone to talk to after the game and i don't. i don't have good enough friends yet that will come and watch me sit the bench. and my family is 5 1/2 hours away. that was upsetting. so i walked alone back to the training room b/c i couldn't handle seeing that, left a note for the team and walked home. i called my dad on the way home. and started crying. like a pussy. not a lot of crying but my voice was jumpy and i felt the tears form. so technically i didn't cry but the potential was there. love being a women. love it.
i was trying to explain to my dad that every instance like that i am fighting myself. in the same way that i fight myself every meal, i'm fighting my emotional side with logic. but it just seems that my logical side is always shortstacked. my emotional rollercoaster has just too much momentum sometimes. like i know that there are so many more upsides then down but it's hard to realize this. i don't know.
i'm real sad right now. i called yuri to talk but he was about to go out and i felt bad being a downer on his night. i miss him a lot. i miss everyone a lot. but i'm having fun. this is all part of the learning process right?? right. i have physics homework and an entire bag of popcorn to eat by myslef. later