Isolation
I find myself, at times, overwhelmed by a real sense of utter isolation. It seems silly to say -- here I am, attending a college with some twelve thousand students, in the middle of a lively city -- but it's the truth. I feel disconnected.
In the vast majority of my classes, I sit alone, with an open seat on all sides of me. Everyone but me, it often seems, clusters into their cliques, gathering into knots of friendships. I sit alone on the bus, and I walk, alone, back to my apartment, where I eat dinner (again, alone) and fall asleep. Alone.
It is worst when Nikki isn't here, of course, because then I really am truly on my own. But even when she is here, there are some things she can't change. I don't dress like other people my age: I wear vests and slacks, a fedora, a tie or bow tie. I don't talk like other people my age: my interests are in growing things, and books, and fine writing instruments -- not computers, or gadgets, or technology.
It's not that I want to change. I don't -- there's nothing that appeals to me in the lives I see around me. But I want to stop feeling like I was born in the wrong century. Aren't there people left, who are my age, who are looking for the same things I am in life?
Am I really this alone?
In the vast majority of my classes, I sit alone, with an open seat on all sides of me. Everyone but me, it often seems, clusters into their cliques, gathering into knots of friendships. I sit alone on the bus, and I walk, alone, back to my apartment, where I eat dinner (again, alone) and fall asleep. Alone.
It is worst when Nikki isn't here, of course, because then I really am truly on my own. But even when she is here, there are some things she can't change. I don't dress like other people my age: I wear vests and slacks, a fedora, a tie or bow tie. I don't talk like other people my age: my interests are in growing things, and books, and fine writing instruments -- not computers, or gadgets, or technology.
It's not that I want to change. I don't -- there's nothing that appeals to me in the lives I see around me. But I want to stop feeling like I was born in the wrong century. Aren't there people left, who are my age, who are looking for the same things I am in life?
Am I really this alone?