not tears of happiness...
i just dont know what to do anymore... its like i give and give and give, i say i'll make the effort and i do... so what makes u any different? shouldnt you be putting an effort to this? showing that you care for once? actually making it up to me for once? not just going out with ur friends 24/7 and expecting me to just run to u on a whim? i wanna feel like im wanted and loved. I want to feel like im special enough for u to come visit without me beggin you to... i hate the feeling of this... like im to be avoided at all costs... that im not 'fun' enough and you wont have a good enough time with me? ud rather drive another 20 mins past my house so you can have fun without even stopping in to even say hi in the least? its like ur too stupid to realize what im feeling when u tell me ur going out in the middle of the bush almost every week and staying over at MY friends house just to go fishing? when u could be coming and seeing me? no, not even once have u come out here when u WANTED to... u never want to... i have to ask and beg and negotiate for u to come... sure ull 'put more of an effort in' to coming and seeing me, but what good is that? u just told me u dont have fun here... so that makes me feel even worse... my insides are turning and twisting and it feels like im going to break down and cry and ill never be able to stop... why would u blame this on my parents? that had nothing to do with anything... so what u dont feel comfortable around them? i dont feel comfortable around yours but i still friggin come over... my want to see u is much stronger than my avoidance of ur parents... so i will deal with it... its like all u care about is urself and how much fun u can have... LIFE ISNT ALWAYS FUN... im not having fun right now... and i hope u arent either... i wish u could feel the pain i have right now in my chest... like i have done some horrible thing and im being taking out to be decapitated at sunrise... my heart is breaking... slowly... but it is breaking... u tell me u love me... but what does that mean if u dont show it? if u cant show me even in the little things u do how do u even know? i have one thing that reminds me of u... one physically present thing that shows u love me... and its just a flower... the only flower i have gotten from u... from the first month that we were going out... and that was more than a year ago... maybe i should have let u break up with me... then i would only have the pain of loosing u once... not slowly and painfully over time... ever since then its like u dont want to put an effort into it... ive told u many times since then... and uve told me ud try... u still havent... it still hurts... and the thing that friggin tears me up inside, is the fact that i still have hope... for us and our relationship... and its breaking my heart... i love u so much... i cant let go of u... i need u... just show me u still care...
"And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave,
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made,
And like a baby boy,
I never was a man,
Until I saw your blue eyes cry,
And I held your face in my hand,
And then I fell down yelling, 'Make it go away!',
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be,
Then she whispered to me, 'How can you do this to me?',
Hate me today,
Hate me tomorrow,
Hate me for all the things I didnt do for you,
Hate me in ways,
Ya ways hard to swallow,
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you..."
"And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave,
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made,
And like a baby boy,
I never was a man,
Until I saw your blue eyes cry,
And I held your face in my hand,
And then I fell down yelling, 'Make it go away!',
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be,
Then she whispered to me, 'How can you do this to me?',
Hate me today,
Hate me tomorrow,
Hate me for all the things I didnt do for you,
Hate me in ways,
Ya ways hard to swallow,
Hate me so you can finally see whats good for you..."