these are all great moments, acutely captured, fireflies in a jar.
i especially like the conceit in the last one, troy trying to channel things but really not being able to, and matt seeing right through it. there's such a palpable sweetness to it. love the concrete detail of this line: He opens his mouth to speak, but Matt's leaning forward, both of those big, warm hands on either side of Troy's face, and that smile, it takes [should be 'tastes' right?] like salt from sunflower seeds and orange Gatorade.; it's perfect for letting the reader roll around in the contrasts of the scene, salty and sweet and just right.
the first one is great, too, the unsteadiness, and the wary acceptance of the less-than-ideal situation. feels awfully familiar, that ... settling. great work capturing that awkwardness, and the fleeting happiness that accompanies it. the style of the first piece is perfect for its content: just a bit clipped, a bit terse, a bit unsteady. great work, really.
and the second one! the whole flavor of 'in retrospect' works really well - i love that the almost-but-not-quite feeling of the last lines act as fuel on the fire for the next year. you really let the reader see the bond between them as it grows, naturally. it's achy and sweet and great. i love that the place troy is coming from here is one of "if i push it too far, he'll end it for me and i'll have no choice but to get over it." you put it far more eloquently: He kisses Matt, hard on the mouth, waits for Matt to hit him, push him away, anything to help him get over this.
for the record, i adore responses like this! what with the length and the content and the *squee*! so, thank you for that. and yes, in that last one, it is supposed to be "tastes" i caught it too late and forgot to fix it after i'd posted here.
thank you so much for reading! i'm so glad you liked them!
i especially like the conceit in the last one, troy trying to channel things but really not being able to, and matt seeing right through it. there's such a palpable sweetness to it. love the concrete detail of this line: He opens his mouth to speak, but Matt's leaning forward, both of those big, warm hands on either side of Troy's face, and that smile, it takes [should be 'tastes' right?] like salt from sunflower seeds and orange Gatorade.; it's perfect for letting the reader roll around in the contrasts of the scene, salty and sweet and just right.
the first one is great, too, the unsteadiness, and the wary acceptance of the less-than-ideal situation. feels awfully familiar, that ... settling. great work capturing that awkwardness, and the fleeting happiness that accompanies it. the style of the first piece is perfect for its content: just a bit clipped, a bit terse, a bit unsteady. great work, really.
and the second one! the whole flavor of 'in retrospect' works really well - i love that the almost-but-not-quite feeling of the last lines act as fuel on the fire for the next year. you really let the reader see the bond between them as it grows, naturally. it's achy and sweet and great. i love that the place troy is coming from here is one of "if i push it too far, he'll end it for me and i'll have no choice but to get over it." you put it far more eloquently: He kisses Matt, hard on the mouth, waits for Matt to hit him, push him away, anything to help him get over this.
;D
thanks so much for sharing these!
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thank you so much for reading! i'm so glad you liked them!
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