(no subject)
"God Bless America"
A BEDTIME STORY
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any
weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't
worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004
election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they
planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of
those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had
those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather
than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if
they had all those big weapons with which they could have
fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make
sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of
those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had
those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them
anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction,
Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good
reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to
invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good
economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave
wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country
tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the
government. People who criticized the government in Iraq
were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Baath party,
while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government
in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on
the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government
passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade
or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being
Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with
Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that
help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-mouth.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in
Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway,
Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so
he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government
of a country by force, instead of holding free elections
like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military
coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but
Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is
illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power
by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a
nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend,
because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them
Saudi rabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of
them into buildings in New York and Washington, killing
3,000 innocent people.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the
oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped
off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop
off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43
million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a
good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people
from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the
Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for
growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's
heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists
cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel
if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi
Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical
patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear
burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning
as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body
covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a
modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's
body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the
other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that
covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The
Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on
September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad
man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the
Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire
Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in
1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and
capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our
friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many
years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they
decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at
them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans
because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to
rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and
Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country
doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we
invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which
made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time,
we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies
automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American
corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at
the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is
good for America. Also, since God is on America's side,
anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist.
Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to,
right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush
and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq
because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now
close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep.
Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.
A BEDTIME STORY
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction.
A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any
weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't
worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004
election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they
planned to use in a war, then why didn't they use any of
those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had
those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather
than defend themselves.
Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if
they had all those big weapons with which they could have
fought back?
A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make
sense.
Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of
those weapons our government said they did.
A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had
those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them
anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction,
Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good
reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to
invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good
economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave
wages in sweatshops to make U.S. corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American
corporate gain, it's a good country, even if that country
tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the
government. People who criticized the government in Iraq
were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Baath party,
while China is Communist.
Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government
in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on
the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government
passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade
or do any business with Cuba until they stopped being
Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with
Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that
help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don't be a smart-mouth.
Q: I didn't think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in
Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway,
Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so
he's not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What's a military coup?
A: That's when a military general takes over the government
of a country by force, instead of holding free elections
like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military
coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but
Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is
illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power
by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a
nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend,
because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them
Saudi rabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of
them into buildings in New York and Washington, killing
3,000 innocent people.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the
oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped
off people's heads and hands?
A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop
off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43
million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a
good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people
from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the
Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for
growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's
heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists
cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel
if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi
Arabia?
A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical
patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear
burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning
as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body
covering.
Q: What's the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a
modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's
body except for her eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the
other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that
covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The
Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on
September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad
man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the
Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire
Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in
1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and
capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our
friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many
years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they
decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at
them now. We're also mad at the French and the Germans
because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to
rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and
Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country
doesn't do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we
invade.
Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which
made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time,
we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies
automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is
automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American
corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at
the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is
good for America. Also, since God is on America's side,
anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist.
Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to,
right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush
and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq
because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?
A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now
close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep.
Good night.
Q: Good night, Daddy.