It's only life...
"Tonight we stand, get off our knees
Fight for what we’ve worked for all these years
And the battle was long, it’s the fight of our lives
But we’ll stand up champions tonight
It was the night things changed..."
This week is gonna be rough, let alone the aftermath of his death.
After a week or so of ignoring the loud thunderous, monotonous, inevitable knocking of death at his doorstep, he finally answered.
R.I.P. Grandpa
6.7.09 <3
I hope the golden gates are good to you up there, you've suffered enough to not deserve a peaceful rest.
I told myself I wouldn't cry. Dammit.
I haven't cried this hard since the Toronto trip...
Walking in and can't help but smile back to the strangers who bless you with a smile that means a million words, walking in when time stood still and when, even on the highway 75 didn't feel fast enough. Walking in and instantly feeling the pain of everyone who has walked through those very doors, knowing what we are going through and have gone through. Especially after Laura (Our pastor) blessed our grandfather by saying "Prayers to the _____ family and David's struggle as he becomes closer to God." Amazing, truly amazing, I don't know if that final blessing was what he needed, but it felt right, just for him to be blessed, since it was all we could do for his suffering.
I guess I could say that, (thinking literally) that the destruction of the Aud, piece by piece, could be a metaphor for my grandfather's deterioration, interestingly enough they both begun around the same time. Ironic I suppose, I guess it just made me think of how the Aud's destruction is a larger scale of all the smaller battles/deaths around the world and in this area alone and how (unfortunately) everyone is affected by cancer, not that the Aud has anything to do with Cancer but.... It made me realize how much I want to work in the medical field, and work in an institute such as Roswell and be there to help and prevent this happening to others just as it did to my grandfather. I want too, if I can't save them I want to be able to touch them, inspire them and give them hope to keep fighting, to keep strong and to give life a fighting chance, I want to work to possibly find a cure for cancer. I want to be there for the patients who don't have a family to go home to and be there for them.
Afterwords it was hard walking out and hoping to never return...ever again.
Walking out and not being able to keep my eyes off those hooked up to IVs and barely breathing but they're still fighting, fighting for thier lives, their families, themselves and against this bloody disease that nobody can cure. It made me realize how quickly things happen. I realized that I want to give back and help Buffalo, it's a good city full of good people and how one or two bad things might happen but that doesn't make us less of a person, regardless if we're sick, or homeless or a drinker, gambler, black, white, hispanic, or purple. I guess I realized a lot today. I thought a lot that's for sure....I couldn't help but think as I looked out the 6th floor window of the beautiful waiting room of this athest, but dark, sorrowful, and at the same time hopeful campus. At least he isn't suffering any longer, he sure was in a lot of pain.
God, bless him and bless everyone affected with cancer, I hope that one day, cancer will be cured.
I'm totally gonna fail the precalc exam tomorrow....