If that's the way it is then that's the way it is...
I get nostalgic now whenever I'm home.
I feel so far removed from last year, like I was totally different then.
Well I was and I wasn't.
I was definitely more unaware, but was I happier? I cannot remember.
I keep wishing I could write a song to embody what I'm feeling, so that I could play it and communicate more eloquently what I'm trying to say. Here's what I'm trying to say:
I'm so annoyed at myself for what I've done this year, I'm not proud of many decisions I've made.
Yet with all that I've messed up things have somehow worked out for me, why?
Sometimes I think the only reason that something goes right in my life, it is only to frustrate other people.
Like the devil or god is using me as a tool to make people feel bad that they aren't going to London.
Which I can only reply by throwing up my hands and saying "Sorry! I did everything I could to fuck up my life and it still worked out! Sorry!" ...which might just make them feel worse anyways.
I really feel apologetic for my life, survivors guilt you might call it: I'm sorry I'm a 20 something middle class, overweight, (soon to be) college educated, white male. The ultimate middle of the road demographic, the target of every Lexus commercial. I'm sorry that I have an iPod, a car, an extensive collection of dress shirts, two computers, a $300 cell phone and guitar which I can't play. I'M SORRY! Jesus Christ I'm sorry that I have a trust fund and pretty much guaranteed finical security for the rest of my life should I choose to fall back on my parents. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!
WHY?
I do not know.
Now that I've ranted it out, lethargy takes over. I feel sedated, bored, frustrated; like I just had really bad sex. So annoying a person is I. To myself, to others I'm sure, again I'm sorry, really.
Oh god I have whiney posts like this.
nuff said, I'm going shopping already, fill up this emptiness with pants... Gap pants... mmm prewashed.
sorry.
I feel so far removed from last year, like I was totally different then.
Well I was and I wasn't.
I was definitely more unaware, but was I happier? I cannot remember.
I keep wishing I could write a song to embody what I'm feeling, so that I could play it and communicate more eloquently what I'm trying to say. Here's what I'm trying to say:
I'm so annoyed at myself for what I've done this year, I'm not proud of many decisions I've made.
Yet with all that I've messed up things have somehow worked out for me, why?
Sometimes I think the only reason that something goes right in my life, it is only to frustrate other people.
Like the devil or god is using me as a tool to make people feel bad that they aren't going to London.
Which I can only reply by throwing up my hands and saying "Sorry! I did everything I could to fuck up my life and it still worked out! Sorry!" ...which might just make them feel worse anyways.
I really feel apologetic for my life, survivors guilt you might call it: I'm sorry I'm a 20 something middle class, overweight, (soon to be) college educated, white male. The ultimate middle of the road demographic, the target of every Lexus commercial. I'm sorry that I have an iPod, a car, an extensive collection of dress shirts, two computers, a $300 cell phone and guitar which I can't play. I'M SORRY! Jesus Christ I'm sorry that I have a trust fund and pretty much guaranteed finical security for the rest of my life should I choose to fall back on my parents. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!
WHY?
I do not know.
Now that I've ranted it out, lethargy takes over. I feel sedated, bored, frustrated; like I just had really bad sex. So annoying a person is I. To myself, to others I'm sure, again I'm sorry, really.
Oh god I have whiney posts like this.
nuff said, I'm going shopping already, fill up this emptiness with pants... Gap pants... mmm prewashed.
sorry.