Sometimes, I write bad fanfic.
Or, I wrote some fanfiction that is not particularly good, and for some reason am putting it up on the internet. Because I like attention. Even if it's bad attention.
You want a summary? Okay, then. It centers around Liechtenstein, because I wanted to write her. (I actually wanted to write a Swiss/Liech fic, but then I saw this video, and it inspired me to write whatever it is this is.) It's a two shot, so the entire fail of it does not overwhelm you that much. Oh, and everyone who appears in this is bound to be horribly out of character. I'm so ashamed. D':
The Present day.
Liechtenstein was very surprised to find Germany and Prussia standing awkwardly on her doorstep. When the bell had let out a shrill cry moments earlier, she had wondered whether it was Brother, returning from his travels. But no, it was an awkward looking Germany and a bored looking Prussia (who, as it happens, was communicating with several little birds nearby).
“Oh,” she uttered, surprised. “Hello, there.” She said, regaining her composure. She was about to ask them why they were here, and if they would like to come inside, but Germany had something to say, that he considered somewhat more important. He cleared his throat, and considered how he could put whatever it was he had to say tastefully.
“Liechtenstein ...” he paused, looking around to Prussia who was still attempting to make conversation with his bird friends. “May we come in?” He asked finally, tearing away Prussia from his winged companions.
Liechtenstein nodded cheerfully, though she had a strange feeling that she couldn’t quite indentify in the pit of her stomach. It felt something like ... dread, maybe? She ignored it and answered, keeping up the awkward and overly polite conversation. “Of course. I should have asked you first.” She said, as she stepped nearer to the wall, so that they could come in without knocking her onto the floor.
Germany grabbed Prussia with a whispered “Come on, Gilbert. You can talk to the birds later - this is more important” and stomped inside, getting mud onto the previously immaculate floor. (“Jeez, West. Would it kill you to clean your shoes once in a while?” Prussia had commented after Germany had stepped onto his foot, mainly to shut him up.) Liechtenstein didn’t seem to notice, though - she seemed rather pre-occupied of late.
She led them through into the sitting room. It looked as if it hadn’t been decorated for at least 100 years (minus the television and computer, of course), but its old fashioned demeanour gave it a sort of safe feeling. A book had been left open on the coffee table. Germany kind of regretted getting mud on the carpet of this room. He relinquished his hold on Prussia, who subsequently flopped down into a seat nearby the window and started to visually scour the garden for birds he could talk to.
Germany, however, just continued to stand awkwardly near the door while Liechtenstein also seated herself. “Now ... Liechtenstein ... Have you seen Switzerland, recently?” He blurted out, for a loss of how to phrase his next statement (for what must have been at least the second time today). Liechtenstein, who had previously been trying to make small talk with Prussia, who had been attempting to make small talk with birds, looked up.
“No ... He went away on some sort of military escapade ... Did he not tell you?” She said, vaguely. She stared at him, making Germany feel even more uncomfortable. “What is it, Germany? You seem rather edgy at the moment? Has something bad happened to Brother?” She asked, staring right at him. Germany flinched at the directness of her question. There was no avoiding it now. He wondered how he was going to break the news. Should he do it quickly and hope that it wouldn’t hurt her too much, or should he just continue to dodge the harsh details about it?
“Yeah, you might as well tell her, West. I mean, if you don’t then you’ll have dragged us all the way out here for nothing. Hey, I’m thirsty. Got anything to drink in this house? Hmmmm. I want beer.” Prussia said, giving Liechtenstein and Germany the best display of his short attention span. While he went off in a search for booze (leaving the birds to their own devices, because you do really need to know about the gilbirds), Germany realised that he made a good point.
“Liech ... Switzerland has ... disappeared ... to put it plainly” Germany broke the news to her, haltingly. Liechtenstein didn’t react, really. But it was the lack of reaction that worried Germany. It was like she had just stopped. However, she was quickly snapped out of it by Prussia’s cry of “Bingo! Beeeeer~!” (Thanks for slaughtering the moment, Prussia.) from the nearby kitchen.
“Hahaha ... I knew something was wrong ... ahahaha” Liechtenstein was unable to decide whether she should laugh or cry. After a moment, she compromised by doing both. Germany went over to her - he was going to hug her (she was one of the people, other than Prussia and Italy, that he felt comfortable around - they used to live together, a while ago.), but she crumpled into her arm chair before he could reach her.
Rubbing her eyes, she hiccupped a bit. “What do you mean, by ‘disappeared’, Germany? Where can he possibly have gone? Why would have disappeared? How?” She questioned (though Germany honestly felt like he was being interrogated.), somehow managing to keep the tone of her voice composed. Germany honestly didn’t know how to answer any of her questions, so he went with an excuse that always worked, regardless of the situation.
“... I have no idea where he could have gone. That is why I asked you. We tried to contact him, but he never replied. Neither did any of his companions. As for the last part ... you will understand when you older.” He said, wrapping her up in a hug. He could feel her tears falling into his chest. Well, at least she hadn’t screamed.
Liechtenstein was normally very mature - therefore it irritated her when people said that she would ‘understand when she was older’. It hardly surprised her that Germany said it to her - everyone, even Prussia who could hardly ever be engaged in a conversation if it was not about his own awesomeness, or surprise, surprise, birds. “I dislike that statement. Unless I begin to fight and invade, then I will not get any older - or taller, as a matter of fact.” She murmured into Germany’s chest.
Just at that moment, Prussia re-entered the room, carrying two flagons of beer. “Hey, West! Hey, hey, hey West! Look what I found? Beeeeer! Beeeeeer! You want some? You should!” Prussia enthused, which lead Germany to think that the glass he was holding wasn’t his first drink of the day. Prussia waved both cups around (and yet, somehow managed not to spill anything.), until he noticed Germany and Liechtenstein’s position.
“Ew, West you pervert!” Prussia assumed, cringing. He did a sort of double take (and still managed to contain the beer within their glasses.), towards the window, terrifying some of the birds impatiently awaiting his return. He then told them about West’s newly updated status of pervert. They chirped in apparently gossipy tones, as if they could actually understand what he was saying. (Perhaps they did. Prussia is ... unique, you know.)
Germany turned a bright shade of red, and immediately let go of Liechtenstein, who’s usually pale complexion had also turned a vibrant shade of crimson (it matched her dress). “Do I honestly need to bring up that time when you and Hungary-” Germany said, remaining deadpan despite his now pink colouring. (Prussia had been right - his diaries had included lots of incriminating evidence that he could use against people, some day.)
Prussia, who had also turned red, had somehow managed to traverse to the other side of the room while Germany had been talking to him (when Germany had enquired as to how he did that, Prussia claimed that he had done it with ‘the power of his own awesomeness’.). “Don’t you dare. There are innocent ears in this room, you know!” He exclaimed, clapping his hands over Liechtenstein’s supposedly innocent ears. She gasped quietly, as the impact had hurt a little bit.
After an exchange that took approximately five minutes, and covered the subject matter of Germany’s massive porn collection (“You have a library full of it! You might as well call it The Bondage Collection!” Prussia had yelled. The neighbours began to wonder what kind of company Liechtenstein was keeping.) and Liechtenstein’s innocent ears (“Now you’re the one damaging innocent ears, brother.” Germany had said, which was preceded by a face palm. “Oh, please. She lived with Switzerland!” was Prussia’s cryptic response.), the debate was interrupted by Liechtenstein, who was well and truly tired of having her virtue (or alternatively, the virtue of her ears) questioned.
“Excuse me.” She said, from her arm chair. When they didn’t hear her, and continued their war of words (though the possibility of it becoming a war of fists was quickly approaching.), she repeated herself, louder. How rude, she thought, as they were clearly ignoring her now. Oh well, it appears that she would have to take larger measures to get their attention. She slipped out of the room, and quickly returned with an extremely large firearm that Switzerland had given her to protect herself from ‘seemingly innocent creatures that had ulterior motives’ were his words. Opening the front door, she fired it into the sky, so that she would not harm those cute little creatures with devious motives.
It let out a noise loud enough to reassure her that she would definitely be getting complaints from the neighbours later that night. But on the Brightside, she had certainly captured their attention. They immediately stopped fighting and came to her aid, under the impression that she had been badly hurt. They were incredibly surprised to find that she was the one holding the gun, not some unidentifiable assassin (masquerading as some adorable thing. They too were familiar with Switzerland’s theories on such things).
“Now that you too are done fighting, can you please answer my question?” Liech asked, waving the firearm with ease. Prussia was refraining from remarking on the weapons size and whether they were all safe while Liechtenstein was wielding it, as she led them back inside the house. Germany was wondering how on earth she could hold such a large gun, as she didn’t look particularly strong, but then again, Italy was weak and he could run incredibly fast when he saw the British Army approaching.
For the second time that day, Liechtenstein led them into the sitting room. Propping her oversized weapon against her arm chair and falling into it with a sigh, as if that day had taken more out of her than she had expected. (Which, to be fair, it had - you try losing someone dear to you, listening to people squabble about trivial things and carry round a weapon that was almost larger and definitely heavier than you, and see if you end up exhausted.) She then addressed the brothers, or rather just Germany, as Prussia had returned to his audience of birds.
“I have been thinking ... and your story does not match up. How do you know that Brother was missing? Just because you cannot contact him does not mean that he is missing. It most likely means that he has lost his telephone. And besides, his companions probably have no means of contact with them either.” Liechtenstein said, plotting her points carefully and clearly. She would probably be very helpful to have on a debate team, or if she grew the slightest bit taller, make a very good lawyer.
Germany sighed. He had honestly thought that it would be best not to tell her all of the details, and ended up only telling her a fraction of the original story. Liechtenstein was staring, expectantly. Prussia seemed oblivious to it all, as he was sipping the beer he had left earlier between a lively conversation with his winged friends. (The author believes that Prussia and his pigeons are definitely an important plot point, and therefore you need constant updates on them. Not.)
Lowering himself into the chair opposite to where Liechtenstein was sitting, Germany began to explain what had actually happened, not the super abridged version that he had given her. He had been eating lunch in Italy yesterday, with Italy (who also happened to be paying for the meal, as an added bonus) when he had received a distress call from one of Switzerland’s companions. Said person sounded as if they had been running away from something terrible. Through their panicked monologue, Germany had understood that they had been exploring new land, when something bad - or so he assumed, he hadn’t managed to catch what it was and the guy on the phone had been to frantic to repeat himself.
The man had then said something about losing most of the troop, angering the locals, also, where the fuck were they, no nation for this place; and Switzerland was not with them, before the phone had dramatically and most of all, inconveniently had decided to die by then. After a few minutes of indecision, Germany and Italy had decided that a) the phone call was not a prank from France or England, or even America b) that they should get the latter of the three to track the phone call c) and finally eat the rest of their lunch, as it tasted good and they knew it was going to be expensive.
Liechtenstein interrupted his recollection, to express her disapproval about their priorities. “Food is certainly much less important than another country’s welfare.” She had said to him. Germany claimed that he though Italy was rubbing off on him, before resuming his story. America had tracked the phone call from a machine in a small country between Japan’s (who had been visiting America’s place at the time) home and Indonesia’s (who was somewhat anti social, so they never saw him, or her.) place. (For someone who was so dumb in every other aspect of life, America seemed to have a knack with technology.)
America, who had then begun to play some kind of very violent computer game, said that they could borrow one of his ‘totally epic’ planes to go investigate, if they wanted to. He then launched into a long and mostly uninteresting speech on the values of humanity, liberty, hamburgers, and the American Way. (When Germany had gone back to retrieve Italy from America’s clutches, as there was little to no chance that he was going to manage to get home by himself, America was still rattling on.) Italy had fallen asleep before America had even progressed half way through the lecture, so Germany left him a note attached to his clothes and went to; to put it plainly, steal one of America’s apparently epic planes.
If nothing else, America had been right about the plane. It was epically fast, if a little uncomfortable (America had littered it with what he hoped were empty hamburger wrappers.). The speed of the thing let him get to his destination within the hour - the island looked small from the air, perhaps about the same size as Liechtenstein’s house, perhaps smaller. Of course, it had to be small enough for people not to notice it. Though, he thought as he lowered the plane closer to the ground, he could see no sign of the raging inhabitants of the island that the guy had told them about. Perhaps they lived under ground.
After he landed, he started walking around the island, looking for clues. The entire island had an eerie feel to it, Germany thought. Everything, even the trees made him feel uneasy, if that was even possible. Before long, he was completely wrapped up in plans for getting out of traps if he were to accidently (and, not to mention, stupidly) stumble into one of them, that he did not see the phone until he tripped over it. Regaining his balance, he picked it up. Though mainly undamaged, it was definitely out of battery. Germany had assumed that it was the phone that the guy who called him from. Which meant, in theory, that said man should not be far off ...
And, as it happened he wasn’t - he was sitting against a tree, looking as if he was about to be eaten by wild boar. Germany attempted to question him, but the man’s current mental state would not allow this to happen. As Germany approached him, he started to yell something about wolves. Germany immediately thought that this may just be a case of the boy cried wolf. Or maybe it had been a joke that France, England and America had extended upon Switzerland and his companions, as well as Italy and himself ... No, that made no sense, he told himself. If France was involved in this, then everyone would be naked. If England was involved, then they should probably fear a demon invasion, not a failed mission. He then half carried, half assisted the man to walk to the plane and left him there, so that Germany could continue his search.
His search unfortunately turned out to be mostly in vain - mostly, he said, pulling something out of his pocket. Truth be told, he really felt like some kind of ... Hell; he didn’t even know which stereo type he felt like. He just felt incredibly uncomfortable, and ... sad, perhaps? He’d never been that close to Switzerland, but the look on Liechtenstein’s face wanted to make him cry along with her (Only metaphorically, though. He did not cry, because he was a man, and Prussia would probably use the instance for blackmail against him for the rest of his life.) - she looked as if she knew what was coming next, and was trying not to show too much emotion about it.
“Did you find a ... body?” She interrupted, biting her lip hard when she finished. “I mean, it would be a bit of a cliché, but ...” She trailed off, not knowing really how to finish the statement. So she just looked out of the window, and continued to hold back her tears via self harm.
“Yes, that would be a bit of a cliché, wouldn’t it?” Germany pondered with his hand half way out of his pocket. “But, no. What I found is not quite as ... final as that.” He removed his hand from his pocket revealing a stretch of torn and possibly bloody fabric. Passing the specimen towards Liechtenstein, who had suddenly become a little grabby, tugged it out of Germany’s hands and examined it thoroughly. He then told her that the guy he had found was currently having intense medical treatment, and therefore could not be questioned. It took her a while to realise what it was - she didn’t know whether this was because it was so worn, or because she was preoccupied with Germany’s story, or because today had hit her so hard (and the gun she had had to carry) that she was only beginning to recover at that moment.
Ultimately, it was the cross that gave it away. She gasped, and immediately covered her mouth with both of her hands, causing her to drop the scrap into her lap. Picking it up with great care, she stroked the green fabric. “This is what you found? You only found this? This is all of what you found?” She asked, not meaning to sound rude or overly curious, but she ended up sounding like that anyway. Germany flinched, before nodding and asking whether she had any more questions. She did not, so they sat in the moderately comfortable silence.
Or at least, there was silence until Prussia entered the room, carrying two glasses of his beloved beer, just like before Liechtenstein had revealed that she had a very large gun in her possession. His loud and careless entrance somehow managed to relieve the ever building tension. “Oh, hey!” He said, stumbling into the room. “Hey West, you left your beer! I think you should drink it! It’s the really expensive stuff that Austria never lets you buy! You should treasure it while you can!” He yelled, shoving a large glass that Liech had never previously used in his face. Some of the foam on the top painted his nose.
Wiping it off, Germany accepted the glass before raising it to his mouth. He then stopped just as it reached his mouth. “Liechtenstein, why do you have beer in your house?” He asked, pronouncing the word ‘beer’ as if it was something dirty, not something that he would readily put into this mouth. Liech, who had been analysing Germany’s story, seeing if it actually made sense this time round, giggled and turned remotely pink.
“Oh ... Belgium left it here when she and Hungary visited me last week. We didn’t drink any, though.” She added. In actuality, Belgium had bought it for her own consumption, and Hungary had wanted to participate in a drinking game and Liech had taken one sip off her glass before writing it off as disgusting and just watched Belgium and Hungary drunkenly make fools out of themselves unknowingly. (She had also taken some pictures in case she was ever in need to black mail material, but that information was better kept to herself, as it would dirty her perfect reputation.)
After Germany had received confirmation that Liech was not going to get drunk, and as a result of that, do anything stupid with any weapons she happened to have lying around, he finished his drink and finally left. It was dark by then. She lurked in the doorway until they reached Germany’s car, taking comfort in Prussia’s loud and obnoxious (but in the best way possible) conversation, and Germany’s laboured perseverance of it was strangely comforting. They had offered to let her stay at their place tonight, but she refused. She was kind of regretting that decision right now.
Switching off all of the lights, except the one next to her armchair where she had laid the piece of fabric and the Remarkably Sized Gun on. Picking up the scrap, she let the entire impact of the day hit her. However, it never did - she had become side track thinking. One strip of slightly bloodied fabric and no sign of said person didn’t mean that they had dead. No, it had just meant that they had disappeared - and when someone disappeared, you just had to wait for them to reappear.
So, that’s what I am going to do, resolved Liechtenstein as she was halfway to dreaming, I’m just going to wait. I’m going to wait for you here while you’re gone, Brother. And I’m going to make sure that nothing goes wrong in you absence.
And now that I've embaressed myself on the internet, I'm going to do homework.
Oh, and if you would like to comment with some critism (or praise works too), then feel free! *Hopeful*