(no subject)
So I find my "Drama" makes me stronger, and I think I am finally growing up. Not that I am going to change, but I have had a new look out on my life, it maybe heading down some dirt paths that I want to avoid, but you can't avoid the inevitable. Sunday, yesterday, I went to church and sang in my fathers choir, and he was suppost to bring me this card that he kept forgetting, and he forgot again, and I went a tad bit loco. I stood up for myself though, not that I don't, but I finally put my heart out there on my sleve. I told him it was over and I never wanted to see him again, and that I was serious. He begged me to come inside his house so we could talk, and I told him no. I told him how I was done being hurt, and that the only reason I kept coming back to ths twisted relasonship of Father and Daughter was because somewhere deep down I wanted to be "Daddy's little girl" but I had finally relized that was never going to happen. as he continued to plead with me to come inside I backed out of the driveway, crying of course, I left him standing there. But as I drove away I hurt, but it felt like it was for the last time. When I got home I checked my phone, 9 missed calls, 1 very ugly message left by my stepmother and I called her back, we talk for over an hour and then went and had lunch, I clamed down and I was draged back into their twisted family. But I feel now my father knows I'm not willing to deal with his shit anymore, he called me, and kept telling me he loved, me and I didn't return the words he was looking for, just a simple "Thank you". After the huge fight and me not seeing my father, which I don't plan to do for awhile I dyed Kathy's hair and I went to shoot skeet with my mother, sister, and Becca. IT was fun so the night ended well. I am now learning not to regret a thing, it is taking time, but I can't live looking in the past and thinking about what I could have done differently, cause if I stay in the past how will I see whats in store for me? I bought a pet iguanna, he's a cool little guy. I'm taking steele drum classes, that's fun. Life, life needs to lived to the fullest of each day, and I feel I'm lacking a bit in that deparment. I have plans to change that. I really have no idea what's going on with me right now, I feel as if life is short and almost at the same time careless. Like I wouldn't care if the world ended tomorrow, but I know tomorrow will be different. I want to live forever, yet not! I just want to be happy, is that to much to ask? So I end with a "fuck you" to all the men or boys out there would have hurt me or my friends, and a little reminder, I can find you. I love you all...well almost all...
P.S. I'm trying out for American Idol on the 25th!
P.S. I'm trying out for American Idol on the 25th!