A Lifetime Together Part 2
16. I like my stories based in reality (and you like fiction)
September, 2023
JongIn hangs up with a soft smile on his lips, it had been nice to talk to his mother. It was rare he had the time or that his time table fit in with the hours his mother was awake. Feeling content he slides down to lie in the bed instead of sitting up against the headboard and tries to snuggle into ChanYeol's heat but he can't because ChanYeol pushes him away with a glare. Confused JongIn sits up again, he hadn't done anything at all so why is ChanYeol mad at him?
"Yeol-ah?" He tries to lean into the older again, but ChanYeol's glare intensifies making JongIn jump. It's the first time ChanYeol has ever looked this angry, usually it was just extremely annoyed.
"Yeol what did I do?" His voice is bordering on whining and JongIn feels pathetic but he wants to cuddle with his boyfriend before sleeping, he wants to kiss those soft lips that he always craves and ChanYeol is scary when he's angry.
"Are you ever going to tell them?" ChanYeol crosses his arms with a frown staring down JongIn making the younger nervous. "Tell who what?" JongIn visibly cowers when ChanYeol's eyes turns to slits and his mouth is set in a straight line. "Tell your fucking parents that we've been together for nine years already. Tell your parents that you're fucking gay. That's who and what." ChanYeol's usually booming voice is nothing more than a low hiss, and it scares JongIn more than it would have if ChanYeol was yelling. "But I. I don't want to lose them like you did." The further the sentence goes the quieter JongIn's voice becomes. He knows it’s cowardly but he loves his family so much.
“So instead you want me to be your dirty little secret?” ChanYeol’s eyes are glazed with tears and his voice is raw. “I chose to confront my family because I love you that much. I love you enough to see the ones I always thought would have my back turn their back to me. Don’t I mean anything to you?” It’s difficult to breathe and JongIn’s tongue feels like a tied up knot in his mouth that he can’t move. “I won’t live a lie.” Are the last words ChanYeol says before he gets out of bed and packs a small bag. The sound of the door slamming is stuck in JongIn’s mind the rest of the night.
17. Humpty Dumpty
October, 2032
The apartment is coated in black when JongIn comes home from a long day in the studio. He frowna as he toea of his shoes in the entrance reaching out to turn on the hall’s lights but decides against it. Padding down the narrow hall he heads towards their bedroom in search for his husband, but ChanYeol’s not propped up against the headboard reading a book, his reading glasses perched low on his nose nor is he sound asleep spread out as he always does when JongIn is not there to press up against him from the back. For a while JongIn just stands and stares at the empty room before he hears a soft voice from a room just further down the hall.
The door to their daughter’s room is slightly ajar and when JongIn’s peeks in through it he sees ChanYeol walking around with little JinRi in his arms as he sways them. He’s singing a small tune under his breath as to calm the baby. JongIn opens the door as quietly as possible leaning on the doorframe as he watches his husband walk around gently cradling their little girl. Pride swells in JongIn’s chest as he stands there. He has such a beautiful family. His eyes close as he falls in the rhythm of the nursery rhyme he now recognizes as Humpty Dumpty.
A hand lands on his shoulder and he wakes with a start, eyes blinking as he blearily stares at a clearly amused ChanYeol. The older stirs him out of the nursery room and into their bedroom.
“You fell asleep for quite a while there. JinRi was giggling at your face.” It’s whispered with adoration and love so JongIn doesn’t really bother with the fact it was slightly mocking too.
“Long day, had a starter class today beside the usual plus I had to choreograph a new dance for a debut song for some group. I’m exhausted.” With a groan he falls face first onto the bed. “I just want to sleep forever and ever.” ChanYeol laughs at him, hitting him with a pillow so he can take the bedspread off having already changed into his nightwear. A pair of low sitting pajama pants. They used to drive JongIn insane, because they made him want to bite into those sexy hipbones but after they got JinRi (he still thanks the young teen for her decision to let them adopt her baby girl every day.) The urge hasn’t really been there, he’s contented with just having a warm body to press up against as he sleeps.
“Get up, you need to wash up and then I’ll let you into the bed. I bet you haven’t even taken a bath yet.” JongIn wants to protest but ChanYeol is right and he feels rather disgusting so he lets himself slide from the bed and practically drags himself out of the room and crosses the hall to the bathroom. He strips down as he lets the water adjust to just the right temperature, ChanYeol always complains that the water is scolding whenever he tries to slip in alongside JongIn. The warm water works wonders to JongIn’s back though, that sometimes still acts up from his old waist injury, and so he keeps the temperature high and lets his skin turn slightly pink from the warmth.
When he returns, he finds ChanYeol just as he had expected him to be when he got home. Shuffling over to the dresser he pulls on some briefs before sliding in beside the older. ChanYeol continues to read ignoring JongIn completely making the younger pout. He begins to poke ChanYeol in the side driving his finger in between the ribs because he knows ChanYeol hates when he does that. But ChanYeol doesn’t budge, so he presses harder. When he still gets no reaction he leans in to nip at the soft flesh of the other’s stomach. ChanYeol swats him on his head with his book clearly annoyed at being disturbed. It makes JongIn growl as he takes the skin just above ChanYeol’s navel between his teeth.
“Pay attention to me.” He mumbles against the stomach that soon after begins to jump when ChanYeol laughs. “You are so childish at times.” He muses before pushing JongIn off of him. “Lay on your back I’ll give you a back massage.” JongIn happily complies and settles in on his pillow genuinely excited to get a rub down on his back. The new choreography had been asked to have some difficult moves in it and it was killing his back.
“So is the new group’s music worth anything?” ChanYeol asks as he pours a bit of massage oil onto JongIn’s back. “Not really, same as all the -” The sentence is dropped in the favor of groaning in delight as ChanYeol begins to knead his sore muscles. “Baby you have the most amazing hands ever.” He mumbles into the pillow as he succumbs to the feeling of ChanYeol working on his back. When the older begins to hum the same nursery rhyme from earlier he steadily feels his eyelids get heavier until they close completely and he’s lost to the world.
18. Trivial Pursuit
February, 2019
“Give me the cheese, give me the cheese, give me the cheese.” ChanYeol demands making grabby hands at BaekHyun that’s cackling while he’s holding the bag of the colorful plastic cheese pieces out of reach. It’s in that instance that JongIn realizes how domestic they’ve become, choosing to stay in inviting friends over for dinner and a game of Trivial Pursuit on a Saturday evening instead of going off to the club or to a bar. He almost throws up from the thought, never having pictured himself as the type to settle in and least of all with ChanYeol.
ChanYeol turns to him with a wide smile his hand raised for a high five. Automatically JongIn smacks his hand against it and returns the smile with his own. He takes his beer can to take a sip. It’s JoonMyun and his girlfriend’s turn now. They look good together; somehow JoonMyun had found a girl that fit his ridiculously detailed ideal type. ChaYoung was a sweet girl and she fitted in well alongside the other girlfriends and the old group of college friends. He glances at ChanYeol that sits at his side. He’s focused on which color they’ll choose to answer already sitting with the small quiz card in his hands anticipating which question he has to read out loud.
Most of their friends don’t know that they have been dating since forever, that that’s the reason they moved in together after college and not because of financial problems, that that’s why they’re still living together with no intention of moving out. Why they never accept the dates they want to set them up on. It surprises JongIn that they haven’t caught up yet, they’re not exactly stupid either and all the signs are there.
Luhan yelling how unfair JoonMyun judged his answer startles him out of his thoughts. He takes in how all of their friends basically are teamed up with their girlfriends. The only ones, beside ChanYeol and himself, that are in a guy pair is KyungSoo and BaekHyun. Even as he’s yelling Luhan’s fingers are locked with SeungAh’s, her belly is slightly protruding showing that they’re expecting child. None of them had expected Luhan to be the first out of the group to become a father, but he had excitedly called them up and told them the news, never once tiring from saying the same things over and over again. The only one almost up to par with Luhan in excitement was ChanYeol. It hurt because JongIn knew just how much the other wanted children, and no matter how much JongIn wished he could give birth it wasn’t possible. One day though, maybe ten years from now, when they have more stable income they can adopt, a little girl perhaps, which they can dote on and spoil rotten. Yeah, JongIn would like that.
Somehow SeungAh’s manages to calm Luhan down, she just has to mutter please for the baby and he clams up. Still seething (he’s still as competitive as ever) but he lets MinSeok take the dice even as the older laughs at him without saying anything. JongIn’s hand itches to grab ChanYeol’s to let his thump slide absentmindedly over the smooth skin on the back of ChanYeol’s hand. Instead he grabs his beer can tighter as he watches MinSeok lean in for a kiss when he get the rights answer to a pink cheese question. He knows ChanYeol is looking longingly at him now, wishing he could do the same instead of just getting a high five. He knows how much ChanYeol hates lying to their friends, but they both know it’s for the best. Even if most of them are open minded they aren’t really comfortable with the thoughts of homosexual relationships enough for them not to try something drastic to convince ChanYeol and JongIn that it’s wrong.
BaekHyun has a comforting hand on ChanYeol’s knee and KyungSoo’s sending him pitying glances. They’re the only ones that they have told about it. SeHun had known almost from the start, as he walked in on them making out in his and JongIn’s room once back in college. Back when it wasn’t just random hook ups, but had just turned into something more. He had promised to keep tight about and he had. He’s beginning to press them to out themselves to the others though, apparently a lot of them have gone to him in concern for their friends and since they know he’s JongIn’s best friend they ask him what to do. JongIn is grateful that he hasn’t blurted it out just yet.
He sits through the evening, hand constantly clasped around a can of beer to keep it from seeking out ChanYeol’s laying just beside his thigh. Laughing along when a joke is told, but really he hopes that a time comes when he has the balls to just stand up and tell them all, that he loves ChanYeol and probably won’t love anyone else and then kiss him square on the mouth in front of them so they know who ChanYeol belongs too. That they should stop with their stupid blind dates and set ups with girls that none of them have interest in. That evening though, he just plays Trivial Pursuit and wishes for better days.
19. The fiercest anger of all, the most incurable, is that which rages in the place of dearest love
October, 2023
It’s been three weeks since JongIn has heard from ChanYeol. After he left that night seething with anger JongIn had not been able to reach him. They had fought before but that had involved lots of shouting mostly from JongIn’s part and ChanYeol silently taking it. It was the first time ChanYeol had ever blown up on him. The thought of never getting to see ChanYeol again terrified JongIn.
BaekHyun refuses to tell him where his boyfriend is only giving him the stink eye when he seeks out the older. “You should know what to do to get him back.” BaekHyun spits out before promptly either hanging up or walking away and JongIn does know what to do. It all would be so much less painful if he just found his balls and told his parents.
ChanYeol had been worried about his parents and sister’s reactions but he hadn’t tried to avoid it. JongIn kept delaying it making up excuses every time he would go see his parents but in this moment there’s no turning back. Quickly he types out a message for BaekHyun.
To: Byun Baek
I’m doing it right now. Tell him I miss him and that I wished he was here with me so I proudly could introduce him as my boyfriend.
He takes a deep breath before pressing the doorbell to his old home because now home is the apartment where ChanYeol is and it’s with a shaky smile he greets his mother when she opens the door.
Still disbelieving JongIn unlocks the door to ChanYeol and his apartment toeing off his shoes before closing the door behind him. As soon as he hears the click of the lock he slides down onto the floor as a sobbing laughter forces its way out of his chest. Shaking uncontrollably, tears streaming down his face as he cries out a relief filled laughter. He doesn’t know how long he sits there and it isn’t until he hears a voice he has been missing for weeks call for him that he tries to get up but his legs has no strength in them from sitting too long on them and he falls flat on his face.
“JongIn!?” A frantic ChanYeol appears in the doorway to the hall. “Shit. JongIn are you okay? What happened? Are you sad? Should I get ice cream?” Even through his tears JongIn breaks out in one of the biggest smiles he’s ever sported. “I missed you so much.” He reaches out for ChanYeol to haul him up and with a bit of pulling and teamwork they manage to get him to his legs and walk to the couch.
“Hey can you dry your face? I really want to kiss you right now but there’s snot smeared all over you.” ChanYeol noses at his throat and places a soft kiss just below his ear latching onto JongIn as he leans forward to grab some Kleenex (ChanYeol always cries to chick flicks) and dries off his face. “Now you can kiss me.” His body relaxes in a way it hadn’t in the last three weeks as soon as he feels ChanYeol’s lips on his own. Finally he is home.
“So care to tell me why you sounded like a maniac laughing and crying and sobbing out there.” ChanYeol asks against his lips before pressing close again and nibbling at his lower lip. The sob he releases is sudden and he jumps a bit in shock over the sound. “Okay, that takes the cake. You are so jumpy you jump when you make a sound yourself.” The smile on ChanYeol’s face is soft and painfully loving. JongIn can’t help himself, he pulls ChanYeol closer once again and kisses him letting his fingers tangle in the short black neck hair hauling himself into the taller’s lap. “I’ve missed you so, so much. Don’t ever just walk away like that again.” He whispers against ChanYeol’s lips before sealing them again. The good news could wait till tomorrow, he hadn’t seen his boyfriend in three weeks and he wanted him now.
20. Betrayal knows my name
May, 2014
He waits for a slap, anything really, but SooJung is just staring at him with something close to remorse. Her hair is tied up in a loose bun just like he’s always liked and he feels so guilty for doing this to her. It’s an awful, awful thing to do and he would’ve been furious if she had done the same to him, but then he thinks of a tall lean body pressing up against his in the dark and he knows he could never make her happy when he himself wouldn’t be happy.
“Do I know him? Is it SeHun?” Her voice is small and rid of any kind of emotion, it makes JongIn’s heart drop, and he wants her to yell at him throw things at him. Show that she’s angry, anything would be better than this - this nothingness. He shakes his head no. She doesn’t know him, he wouldn’t have the guts to do that, too risky.
There’s a hiccup of a humorless laugh from her. “At least now I know why you never reacted to my advances.” She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes and it makes JongIn want to cry, because she’s so beautiful and a wonderful girl that deserves so much better than him.
“Can we be friends?” He knows it too much to ask for after what he’s done to her, but he wishes for it. She’s his best friend and he loves her so much, just not in the same way she loves him. At that something flashes in her eyes, something akin to anger before it’s replaced with the softness of a mother.
“Give me some time. I’ll come around when I don’t want to smash your face into the nearest wall anymore.” It’s said as a whisper, but he trusts her. He wants to believe her and so with a sad kiss on her cheek he walks out of the dorm not looking back he closes the door behind him. As soon as it closes he hears her break down, heart wrenching sobs muffled by the door. His breath is shaky and his sight blurred by tears as he heads towards the library where he knows ChanYeol is. He want to officially ask him out on a date, wants them to be more than just someone to hook up with. He wants them to belong together and even if the guilt is eating him up he doesn’t regret going to that club weeks ago.
In that moment he doesn’t even consider the possibility that she might tell her friends that he’s gay. In that moment it doesn’t matter if she does.
21. I can’t possibly be cruel. But they are wrong.
January, 2020
It takes a hard toll on ChanYeol when suddenly Yifan refuses to speak to him or JongIn. Most of the guys had been really supportive but Yifan had left as soon as the initial shock from JongIn’s abrupt confession left and hadn’t contacted any of them since despite ChanYeol leaving numerous voicemails and texts, asking, begging for Yifan to talk to him again because he misses his hyung.
A sad ChanYeol mostly results in an angry JongIn. An extremely depressed ChanYeol always results in a furious JongIn. That furious JongIn is standing in front of Yifan’s apartment door soaked to the bone from the heavy down pour. He knows Yifan is just behind the door and has been since the first time JongIn rang the doorbell.
“I don’t care how homophobic you are, to cut off a friend, the first fucking person to approach you when you had no one, just like that because he’s in love with a man is despicably cowardly.” JongIn doesn’t care if Yifan’s neighbors hear what he’s saying, no rather he hopes they listen and takes it to heart. He’s had just about enough of living in a country that probably would never acknowledge his love. “ChanYeol has barely been eating. He’s so thin it looks like I’ll break him if I just breathe on him.” His voice is trembling, he’d never seen ChanYeol look this bad before. Dark shadows under his eyes almost taking up half his face, he’s skin and bones and it scares JongIn.
“Hyung, I don’t care if you’ll never approve of what ChanYeol and I have. I don’t, but just please don’t do this to ChanYeol. Please.” The last word cracks into a sob and JongIn can’t help but pound furiously at the door as he cries. “It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair that you do this to him. It’s not fucking fair that you just cut him off because he loves me. It’s not.” He’s too long gone that he doesn’t hear the rustle from the other side of the door just keeps on pounding and shouting profanities and pleads at Yifan. It’s not until MinSeok is collecting him into his arms that he breaks down into heart wrenching sobs of “It’s not fair.”
22. When five fell
May, 2024
Luhan is running straight for him and JongIn knows he’s about to be tackled, he tries to sprint away but then he’s surrounded by MinSeok, SeHun, Luhan and JongDae all with a dangerous glint in their eyes and JongIn is in so much trouble. He should have stayed in bed instead of coming to the field that morning.
He lets them tackle him to the ground and give him a few soft punches. He guesses BaekHyun has made his rounds by texting everybody about JongIn’s proposal last night.
“You asshole, when were you going to tell us?” Luhan shoves him back on the ground when he tries to stand up. It makes him groan, it’s not like he had gotten a lot of sleep last night. Somehow getting proposed to makes ChanYeol all fiery and horny, JongIn is surprised he even got up and out of bed that morning.
“You chose to tackle me instead of letting me say anything.” This earns him a few more punches, but he’s too happy to actually care. Really it’s only now he’s beginning to realize what’s going to happen. The grins and delighted smiles of his friends around him and the feeling of contented happiness bursting in his chest finally shows on his face and the grin he breaks into is so big it hurts his cheeks.
“Wow, I’m really engaged now.” It’s hard to comprehend ChanYeol and him will get married. Spend the rest of their lives together. Such a long time, but JongIn couldn’t really imagine himself with anyone else when he’s old, wrinkly and grey. On a porch in rocking chairs reminiscing about the young days.
SeHun swings an arm around his neck and pulls him into a half hug. MinSeok comes to his other side and does the same. “Congratulations it’s about time. You guys have been together for how long now?” MinSeok asks. Him and Luhan had been the most supportive of their relationship when they had come out, always the perfect big brothers. JongIn had cried in relief when all they did was hug them and tell them that they shouldn’t be scared of rejections. Luhan also kindly said he would beat up anyone that tried to tell them it was wrong. He had done it.
“Ten years.” His voice almost sounds disbelieving. Yesterday had been their tenth anniversary. JongIn had agreed with himself that if they could last a decade they could last a life time.
He wanted them to last a life time.
“Damn. That’s a long time. I can’t believe we didn’t notice it.” MinSeok shook his head in disbelief before tugging JongIn along. “Come on the others are waiting with your fiancé at KyungSoo’s. This calls for celebration. Even Yifan has come. Though hesitant but he’s sincerely happy for you guys.”
Pride swelled in JongIn’s chest at the word fiancé and he couldn’t wait to celebrate this with his friends and even Yifan came. This really was a day to celebrate.
“Dude, you guys make it the fifth? Sixth? Of the group that falls into marriage. No more flirting with strangers.” JongDae mock jokes as if he hadn’t been the first to marry.
23. The last
December, 2064
With eyes still fixed on the TV JongIn reaches for the last cookie on the small plate in between him and ChanYeol but instead of the crust of a cooking he feels fingers lace with his own. His eyes startles from the screen and looks down on the empty plate where his fingers lay tangled with ChanYeol’s longer ones.
“You ate my last cookie didn’t you?” His voice croaks and he coughs a bit to clear it out. Crinkling eyes stare at him amused. “I can’t remember if I did or not.” ChanYeol is not even trying to sound confused barely schooling his face into something akin to confusion. “Shut it old man, you don’t have amnesia luckily enough.” JongIn huffs annoyed. “I had saved that cookie. Why did you eat it?” ChanYeol shrugs with a mysterious smile his wrinkles folding nicely and almost creates a whole new face, deep lines folding around his eyes when his mouth widens even more to grin. “Who said I ate the last one?”
“You are so stupid at times.” It’s a heatless remark and there’s a smile threatening to peek forth. With a creaking old finger ChanYeol motions him closer. “A kiss for the last cookie?” JongIn laughs before planting a soft kiss on ChanYeol’s sunken lips. “Now give me that cookie I want to watch this.”
24. In the detail
March, 2046
”Dad?” Both JongIn and ChanYeol look up from the couch where they are watching Premium League. It’s Chelsea against Arsenal, there’s no scores yet even half way through first half. “Is something up?” ChanYeol asks JinRi as she stands in the doorway to living room looking quite frightened. “I have blood in my underwear.” She mutters.
JongIn’s first reaction is the urge to pick her up, throw her in the car and drive to the nearest emergency room and demand that they stop it. She’s not old enough for her period yet, she should never be old enough for her period. Period means pregnancy and his precious daughter are not allowed near boys ever again. Ever.
His second reaction is looking over at ChanYeol with panic in his eyes only to see similar eyes strained on him. ‘What now!?’ He mouths at ChanYeol, he gets an equally confused ‘I have no idea.’ back. Never before has he felt so useless.
“Dad?” JinRi’s voice is bordering on a whine and she has tears in her eyes and oh god no, please don’t cry, JongIn screams in his head. “Dad, it hurts. My stomach hurts.” Wow, JongIn just wants to hit whoever decided that girls needed to get periods because his little girl is hurting, she’s hurting and that’s not okay. Nope, not okay. She’s not allowed to hurt.
“JongIn, call your sister or just someone for god’s sake.” ChanYeol throws a pillow at his face and it makes JongIn glare at him. “Why can’t you do that?” He grits out angrily, but he knows why. ChanYeol’s family still refuses to talk to him. There’s hurt in ChanYeol’s eyes when he looks up and JongIn feels like the biggest jerk on earth. His hand reaches for ChanYeol’s to stroke apologetically over the back of the other’s hand, mouthing a ‘Sorry´ while reaching for his phone and speed dials his eldest sister, getting her answer machine. So he tries his second one next and the sigh of relief that escapes his lips when she picks up is so genuine that he sees a smile form on ChanYeol’s face in amusement.
“Noona. Help. JinRi. Period. Help.” She laughs mockingly at his helpless tone assuring him she’ll be over in half an hour with sanitary pads, tampons and some tea that helps on the cramps. Make sure her stomach is kept warm or the cramps will get worse, she tells him just before hanging up. Never before has JongIn been so grateful of having two sisters and not brothers.
“She’ll be over in half an hour.” ChanYeol nods just as relieved as JongIn are about the help. JinRi is still standing in the doorway and they look at her before motioning for her to come over to squeeze between them. She pads over sullenly. “I don’t want to be a girl if I get this every month.” It’s said with utter disgust and distaste, her pretty little face scrunching together in an angry pout. She’s so cute that JongIn can’t help but ruffle her hair, he looks over at ChanYeol and the eyes that’s trained on their daughter is so tender that JongIn’s heart can’t help but skip a beat or two. “Wait until aunt JongHee is here. She has some tea that helps on the cramps and she knows what to do. Okay?” ChanYeol says softly leaning in to kiss her on the forehead and she nods, pout still present but less pronounced than before.
25. Midnight knocks
October, 2026
ChanYeol is out on their balcony staring up at the few stars visible from the pollution in Seoul, a cigarette is perched between his fingers as he takes long slow drags. The white smoke is almost creating a halo around his head, the moonlight making it seem as if it is glowing. Gingerly JongIn walks out to stand beside the taller, he leans his back up against the railing taking a deep breath. “Those are going to kill you at some point you know.” There’s a teasing lint to his voice and ChanYeol just huffs at him. “And make you all prematurely wrinkly.” To this ChanYeol snorts. “As if this handsome face will ever get prematurely wrinkly. I’m too good looking for that.” He grins when he sees JongIn roll his eyes. “Sure, sure.”
They stand basking in the silence, enjoying the fresh air and the muted sounds of cars in the distance. It’s getting colder, further into autumn and JongIn shivers slightly. “Go back in if you’re cold. It’s nearing midnight and you have to head over early to the studio, don’t you?” JongIn watches as the words from ChanYeol’s mouth comes out as a light fog. “I do.” But he keeps standing, tipping his head back with his eyes closed. There’s a breeze rustling his hair strands and it makes him lean even further out over the railing with his back. Suddenly there’s a warmth coming from in front of him and the hairs on his arms rises and he shudders when the warmth moves even closer but he doesn’t lift his head.
The moan that rips its way out of his throat when a pair of searing hot lips comes in contact with his neck disappears into the night. ChanYeol mouths at the big vain and JongIn’s head lulls to the side to give him better access. He can feel ChanYeol’s arms trapping him to the railing, feeling them tensing when ChanYeol shifts to trap him with his legs also. The lips move upwards nipping lightly at the tan skin making sure not to bite hard enough to leave marks. JongIn’s students hadn’t stopped asking about them last time. He would rather not have to answer awkwardly to their teasing jabs again.
There’s a playful lap at his chin before a hand tips his head forward and the lips captures his in a soft kiss. It’s slow and sweet, almost as if they have all the time in the world but it’s late and JongIn needs to get up way too early for his liking tomorrow so reluctantly he breaks the kiss. His eyes open lazily and stare into warm gentle ones. He leans in to leave a final peck on ChanYeol’s lips before pushing the taller away so he can get to bed. The sound of the balcony door closing behind him tells him he won’t be going to bed alone, something that makes him smile.
26. Dreams don’t turn to dust
June, 2018
It comes as a surprise to JongIn when ChanYeol tells him he wants to keep working as a kindergarten teacher. Just like that JongIn feels his dreams shatter into a million of pieces. He won’t be able to stand on a stage and perform one of his own choreographies as ChanYeol performs one of his songs. He won’t be able to convey his feelings towards ChanYeol as they both stand on stage as equals in different areas.
“But why?” Is the only thing his brain can come up with, he’s sure he’s looking like a goldfish but he can’t find it in him to care. “Because that’s my dream now. I want to teach children to grow up with a smile and not judging things they don’t understand. I want to play my guitar as they join in with their off tune chirping voices making all songs sound like the chipmunk version. That’s my dream.” ChanYeol takes his hand and strokes it as he continues to look into JongIn’s eyes with a pleading look.
“But. But you always talked about us standing on stage together, of me expressing your words with my body. Why so suddenly?” ChanYeol shakes his head making his slightly too long curls sway a bit. “I still wish that for you. JongIn you were born for the stage and don’t you ever let go of that dream. I’ll still be there, just not on stage but in the crowd cheering the loudest. I’ll be your crazy stalker fan.” The last part is a snide comment and JongIn snorts when he can’t keep the serious mask on any longer. “I don’t want the spotlight without you, but as much as I love you I won’t give up dancing for you.” There’s a rumble of laughter as ChanYeol smacks his shoulders instead of his usual clapping like a special seal and JongIn can’t help but join in.
27. To have and to hold
December, 2024
ChanYeol is behind him pressing up against his back, both of them still in their suits as they stand in front of the full length hotel mirror. “You look so delicious in white.” He whispers into JongIn’s ear as his hands slides over the smooth material of the jacket. They had decided that one should wear a white suit while the other wore a black suit or ChanYeol had begged JongIn to wear a white suit because white looked so well on his tan skin. JongIn never was one to say no when ChanYeol turned pleading eyes to him.
Long fingers move to unbutton it and with a shrug JongIn lets the jacket glide to the floor. ChanYeol’s fingers are dancing over his torso just so the fabric teases against JongIn’s already hot skin. They might have done this too many times to count before, but this would be the first time as husbands. Their eyes are locked through the mirror and traces of the earlier delight and happiness is still glowing from their skin. ChanYeol’s hands travel up and JongIn leans his head back to rest at ChanYeol’s shoulder as the older pops button after button of his shirt slowly revealing more of the skin that he loves. First the sinful collarbones gets exposed, then the hard lines of the chest, then comes the softness around the naval and with fingers trailing down over the slight curls of hair beneath ChanYeol pops the last button and admires his work as the shirt flows elegantly around the torso of his husband.
“You’re so beautiful. My beautiful husband.” ChanYeol whispers into the crook of JongIn’s neck. His mouth sliding over the veins nearly not touching the skin and it feels so good. JongIn tilts his head to the side and captures ChanYeol’s lips in a searing kiss. His hand coming back to get a hold of ChanYeol’s styled hair fingers treading through it as he twists around and pulls his husband closer to him.
“I can only say the same thing about you.” He whispers, lips sliding over the plumpness of ChanYeol’s still slick with spit from the kissing. “My beautiful, dorky and most certainly lovable husband.” He grins and the fake huff of annoyance from ChanYeol makes him burst out laughing as the older pushes his shoulder with a pout. “Way to ruin the moment.” and as an afterthought he adds in a sugar coated sweet voice, “Hubby.” JongIn groans and rolls his eyes but the smile on his face betrays his annoyance. They are still so close, so, so, so close that JongIn can feel ChanYeol’s breath fan over his cheeks and he’s so happy that he doesn’t care about sappy endearments or anything else than that ChanYeol is his husband and he wants him now.
His fingers do a deft work with the buttons and soon ChanYeol has no shirt on at all. “I can’t believe this is all mine to look at for an eternity.” He whispers in amazement and the skin underneath his fingers moves with ChanYeol’s laughter. “Well it almost has been an eternity already. Hopefully you’ll like it as much when I grow old and wrinkly.” There’s a hand on JongIn cheek, thumb caressing it with soft strokes and a shiver runs through his body at the rough sensations of the fingertip. “Hey husband.” ChanYeol whispers as he leans in and JongIn barely gets to say it back before lips are on his. It’s a slow kiss, a kiss full of promises of a life together and JongIn greedily takes it all, letting ChanYeol open his lips with his tongue and lick into his mouth. Feeling a warm tingling all over his body when ChanYeol takes holds of his ass and pulls them together, grinding into him.
A whine escapes him when ChanYeol too soon pulls away and unconsciously his body moves after him seeking the warmth of those wonderfully red lips and the tall body to press into. “Turn around and strip the rest of your clothes off. Don’t peek or turn back around before I say so okay?” ChanYeol orders in a light tone and JongIn does as he’s told. He turns around carefully not looking in the mirror as he undoes his dress pants and toes off his socks.
“You can look now.” His voice is set low and sultry creating Goosebumps all over JongIn’s skin and slowly he turns around only to find his husband spread out on the king sized bed completely hairless. “When did you get this done?” They’ve been together for so long they didn’t really care much for hair growth any more. “You’ve been whining about the hair tickling you when you went down on me or rimmed me so I got a wax job. I’ve cleaned up from inside out just for you to take me as you want tonight.” JongIn stares incredulously at ChanYeol. “When did you have time for that?” but ChanYeol just shushes him and becks him closer with his finger.
“Doesn’t matter come here and get your wedding gift.” JongIn didn’t even mid the pornish sounding line gladly taking his husband up on the offer.
28. Raspberries
July, 2075
EunYoung is yelling out profanities at the doctor when JinRi suggests that HaeJinnie takes little KiBum out so he won’t hear his mother curse at everything in pain, she ushes her fathers out of the hospital to keep the worried soon to be dad again company.
There’s a small park just near the hospital and JongIn remembers taking a long walk here when JinRi gave birth to HaeJinnie not able to bear seeing his little daughter in so much pain. With a hand secured safely around KiBum’s little hand he leads them down a little path off side the main road and just where he remembered it was it stood.
“JongIn?” ChanYeol asks still keeping an eye on a clearly distressed HaeJinnie. “Where are we?” JongIn hums in reply and motions to the ripe raspberries clinging onto the thorny bush. “I thought we could use some sweet distraction.” He pokes HaeJinnie teasingly in the side when his grandson clearly isn’t listening. “I remember raspberries being you favorite as a child.” It’s with a grateful smile that HaeJinnie takes the berry from JongIn’s palm and plops it into his mouth, body visibly relaxing as the taste explodes in his mouth.
ChanYeol has picked up KiBum and is feeding the toddler with small and definitely sweet berries, a blissful look on the little one’s face, as father as son apparently. JongIn shares a secret smile with ChanYeol as they both reminisce of long trips around the country with their little grandson when JinRi and JinHo wanted some time alone, remembers the small hands so eagerly pulling their old bodies along to experience everything anew.
29. Lies require commitment
March, 2028
”JongIn?” Startled JongIn jumps in fright. He hadn’t heard ChanYeol coming up behind him. Unaware of JongIn’s panicked heart beating too fast to be good ChanYeol continues, “Have you seen my black cardigan. You know the one with the skull on the back?” JongIn nearly spills it right then and there instead he just shakes his head and hopes ChanYeol is too occupied with the mysterious disappearance of his favorite cardigan to notice how uncomfortably tense he looks. It seems like he is and JongIn can let out a relieved sigh out when ChanYeol walks away scratching his head in confusion.
He hadn’t thought that he might lose it if he took it with him for the one week he was gone to shoot a music video for a new artist called something or another. It’s been years since he could have a good night rest without ChanYeol being there, but the last few times he’s had to travel out of the country for a job he had taken a hoodie or cardigan, whatever ChanYeol had worn the day before so that his scent lingered in it. It had helped a bit on it, he felt safer with his head positioned on top of one of ChanYeol’s clothing.
He had been sleeping with it in the airplane on the way back and TaeMin had almost just pulled him out of his seat when they landed and in his sleepy stupor he hadn’t had a tight enough grip on it and it was left in the plane. It was only when he got home that he realized it and by then it was too late.
Right now JongIn is browsing the internet in the hope of being able to get a replica of that shirt. But it was old, ChanYeol had had it since forever and it was his favorite. JongIn had screwed up big time. Closing the laptop he wills himself not to spill anything. Maybe if he just ignored it ChanYeol would forget it all and stop looking for it.
(Three days later ChanYeol asks him again and JongIn ends up telling it all. ChanYeol laughs and tells him it’s okay, slightly disappointing since it had been the first present JongIn had ever given him.)
30. Things left unspoken.
February, 2080
His heart drops as he watches them lower ChanYeol’s coffin into the ground, it’s not because he thinks that his love has been taken from him too early rather he just doesn’t know what to do with himself after he’s gone. He looks over to see JinRi bury her head in her husband’s shoulder as she cries. HaeJin stands tall and straight beside his parents clearly trying to keep his tears in. He had had a very close bond to ChanYeol that had taught him the guitar from a small age, His two small kids, one too young to really understand what’s going on is watching curiously as the big box disappear. The youngest, MinHo looks up to meet JongIn’s eyes and he looks questioning at his great-grandfather before pointing to his left and asking in a small voice.
“Chan-pa?” With difficulty JongIn lifts the little boy up in his arms. It must be weird to not see ChanYeol stand beside him when they are so used to seeing the two of them together. “Chan-pa is in heaven now. He’ll be up in the skies to look over us until we join him there.” He presses a kiss to the small forehead, feeling the way small hands fists his sweater.
The day is grey and it fits the mood JongIn is in. It feels like his sun is gone and he knows it won’t take long before he follows after. They had managed to stick together for over sixty years and yet there’s one thing that JongIn never got around to say to ChanYeol.
The older never knew about SooJung. He didn’t know that to begin with he was actually a sort of mistress. That JongIn had been cheating on SooJung for weeks, before gathering his courage to tell her that he was in love with another, another man none the less. More than once JongIn had tried to say it to ChanYeol but the other looked so happily oblivious and JongIn just couldn’t bear if ChanYeol lost his trust in him, because even if he betrayed SooJung he could never dream of doing the same to ChanYeol. There had been moments where he swayed, such as back when TaeMin had started out as an instructor in the same dance school as JongIn worked in. He had flirted so obviously and JongIn felt attracted to him, but when it all came down to business he told TaeMin he was taken and very much still in love with ChanYeol. ChanYeol still knew nothing about this and accepted TaeMin with open arms and befriended him as quickly as saying Hello.
JongIn looks over to the other side of the grave and sees TaeMin trying to hold back his tears. Even at the age of eighty-seven it was still a loss to see ChanYeol go. He looks around to see the scatter of their friends and their families sees YiXing in his wheelchair, his eldest son behind him. He sees SeHun trying to look impassive and failing and he feels lucky to have such good friends that all despite their at times disagreeing points of views has stayed with them for so long. Let their families become ChanYeol and his families too. Even if few of them are left now, their children have come alongside their own children and they give ChanYeol a worthy funeral after a long life of sunshine and love for life.
Most of all JongIn is so extremely grateful that ChanYeol chose to spend most of his life with him even after near break ups and cracks between them that they never thought would heal. He closes his eyes and hopes that he will be able to meet up with ChanYeol soon again.
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longest story i've ever written.
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