Its happening again
the reason i had left andrews was because i had become unhappy with every aspect of my life...i felt like i was being a leach living there for nothing...i was just spending my time sitting around all day watching tv...i felt no motivation to go out and do anything with my life...and i dont know...there was one day when andrew got home from work and the way he said something hit me just right...and i fell apart...i walked to my house...walked in didnt say anything to anyone just laid on my bed for an hour and a half crying...then i asked my mom if i could come back home and blah blah blah i moved back a couple days later...i think the culture shock and the change of environment shocked me back to life for a couple months but it's happening to me again...i'm unhappy...i'm wicked lonely...i havent even changed outta my pajamas in like 5 days...i feel like a dick always bugging matt to hang out...and i feel worse that outta like the 6 of us that used to be really good friends me and matt are the only ones that still hang out...i feel left out when my friends hang out but i'm not there...i have like 2 more weeks and i'm getting thrown outta my house...i have no care to work a dead end job because i know that if i do i'm going to get sucked into it and never quit cuz i've already quit everything important in my life and i just dont have it in me to quit again...i dont feel like i could get a decent job because i didnt graduate high school and all my work experience isnt applicable...i dont even feel like i could pass a GED test...i can barely do basic algebra lately...i seriously think getting hit in the head so much is starting to take some effect...sometimes i have trouble talking and i'll stumble over words and shit...it's really depressing...i think danis getting upset with me lately cuz i dont wanna talk about stuff...i'm slowly regressing back to old me where i dont talk about anything with anyone...i just lay in bed all day...staring at the bottom of my top bunk trying to figure out where i went so wrong with my life...i'm back to feeling like i'm peter from office space...and every new day is the worst day of my life...my self-confidence is gone...i no longer feel like the greatest dude that ever lived...i feel like the shittiest dude and i feel like i should be shot...most mornings i think it depresses me just cuz i woke up and i didnt die in my sleep...i dont know...nothing feels right anymore...i'm falling apart