Fic. Get Gone.
Title. Get Gone
Author. kaiyote
Fandom. Supernatural
Characters. Castiel, Dean
Rating. G
Spoilers. Season 7
Warnings. None
Disclaimer. I do not own Supernatural
Summary. "I remember," Cas replied, but the warmth of recognition Dean expected to find in Cas's eyes wasn't there and instead the blue were as cold and hard and unforgiving as ice. "Everything." (S7 AU.)
Author's Note: This is set in an AU of S7 where Cas reappears again as himself at some point and not as Emmanuel.
"So, do you... remember everything?" Dean asked uncertainly, not sure what to make of Cas's sudden reappearance.
"I remember," Cas replied, but the warmth of recognition Dean expected to find in Cas's eyes wasn't there and instead the blue were as cold and hard and unforgiving as ice. "Everything."
Dean frowned at his words and the tone of them and felt anger quickly rising up. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I remember how I did everything you asked of me," Cas started, "and when I needed you, you turned your back on me. I remember how you expected me to drop everything for every one of your problems and how you never would've done the same for mine, nor did you." Dean didn't think it was possible, but Cas's voice was even colder and harsher than the expression in his eyes. "I remember how you wielded me as if I were nothing more than your weapon and how you tossed me aside when I was no longer of any use to you." Cas paused then and when he continued his voice was softer; the ice in his eyes turned to fog. "How I let you."
Dean shook his head and laughed sharply. "You know, you have some real nerve judging me. Especially after what you've done."
Cas looked pained for a moment, but the moment was gone just as quick, and his expression hardened to the cold mask it had been before. "I've apologized for my actions, Dean, and I will spend the rest of my existence-however long that is-trying to atone for them and the mistakes I've made and the destruction I've caused."
Dean only shook his head once more, bitterness and anger shining through. "Not good enough, Cas."
"I didn't ask whether it would be sufficient, or for your forgiveness, either," Cas said, unperturbed by Dean's words. "But I am well aware that nothing I can do will ever undo the things I've done. But I still regret my actions, Dean, and I am trying to make up for them. Do you regret yours?"
Dean scoffed and turned away, and that was an answer enough, so Cas continued on. "I still don't understand what you want of me, or what you expected would happen once I remembered again." Cas sighed tiredly, exhausted at the effort it was taking to keep up the conversation, and it was as if all the cold and ice went from him in that breath. "Did you think I would run back and beg for your forgiveness? Prostrate myself at your feet? I have had enough of that for more lifetimes than you can count and I have no desire for it now. Especially after what I've done. You are no more my God than I was yours or anyone else's, Dean. But I have learned my lesson, while clearly you have not."
Cas walked to the door and opened it, but then paused before moving any further to leave.
"You once told me not to change, but I have, and that's one thing I do not regret. I no longer serve Heaven, nor will I serve Hell or man, or anything between, nor will I serve you. I realize now that I am my own person and I will not be made into a weapon and a tool again, or be treated as one, or used." And with that, he walked through the door and closed it, leaving Dean to his anger.
Author. kaiyote
Fandom. Supernatural
Characters. Castiel, Dean
Rating. G
Spoilers. Season 7
Warnings. None
Disclaimer. I do not own Supernatural
Summary. "I remember," Cas replied, but the warmth of recognition Dean expected to find in Cas's eyes wasn't there and instead the blue were as cold and hard and unforgiving as ice. "Everything." (S7 AU.)
Author's Note: This is set in an AU of S7 where Cas reappears again as himself at some point and not as Emmanuel.
"So, do you... remember everything?" Dean asked uncertainly, not sure what to make of Cas's sudden reappearance.
"I remember," Cas replied, but the warmth of recognition Dean expected to find in Cas's eyes wasn't there and instead the blue were as cold and hard and unforgiving as ice. "Everything."
Dean frowned at his words and the tone of them and felt anger quickly rising up. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"I remember how I did everything you asked of me," Cas started, "and when I needed you, you turned your back on me. I remember how you expected me to drop everything for every one of your problems and how you never would've done the same for mine, nor did you." Dean didn't think it was possible, but Cas's voice was even colder and harsher than the expression in his eyes. "I remember how you wielded me as if I were nothing more than your weapon and how you tossed me aside when I was no longer of any use to you." Cas paused then and when he continued his voice was softer; the ice in his eyes turned to fog. "How I let you."
Dean shook his head and laughed sharply. "You know, you have some real nerve judging me. Especially after what you've done."
Cas looked pained for a moment, but the moment was gone just as quick, and his expression hardened to the cold mask it had been before. "I've apologized for my actions, Dean, and I will spend the rest of my existence-however long that is-trying to atone for them and the mistakes I've made and the destruction I've caused."
Dean only shook his head once more, bitterness and anger shining through. "Not good enough, Cas."
"I didn't ask whether it would be sufficient, or for your forgiveness, either," Cas said, unperturbed by Dean's words. "But I am well aware that nothing I can do will ever undo the things I've done. But I still regret my actions, Dean, and I am trying to make up for them. Do you regret yours?"
Dean scoffed and turned away, and that was an answer enough, so Cas continued on. "I still don't understand what you want of me, or what you expected would happen once I remembered again." Cas sighed tiredly, exhausted at the effort it was taking to keep up the conversation, and it was as if all the cold and ice went from him in that breath. "Did you think I would run back and beg for your forgiveness? Prostrate myself at your feet? I have had enough of that for more lifetimes than you can count and I have no desire for it now. Especially after what I've done. You are no more my God than I was yours or anyone else's, Dean. But I have learned my lesson, while clearly you have not."
Cas walked to the door and opened it, but then paused before moving any further to leave.
"You once told me not to change, but I have, and that's one thing I do not regret. I no longer serve Heaven, nor will I serve Hell or man, or anything between, nor will I serve you. I realize now that I am my own person and I will not be made into a weapon and a tool again, or be treated as one, or used." And with that, he walked through the door and closed it, leaving Dean to his anger.