Fanfic: The 4400, It'd Be So Easy.
It'd Be So Easy
Fandom: The 4400
Pairing: Jordan/Shawn
Rating: PG-13. Or so.
Spoilers: Seasons 2. Episode 05/Episode 12.
Warnings: Slash.
Disclaimer: I don't own The 4400 or Sleep by Dandy Warhols.
Author's Note: This is something that's slightly, possibly set between Episode 05 & Episode 12. Uhm, there's not really much I can say. Other than, I blame Lost. Slightly.
Well, I could sleep forever.
If I could sleep forever,
I could forget about everything.
- Dandy Warhols, "Sleep."
Jordan has nightmares, sometimes. That aren't really nightmares, and Shawn doesn't touch his hand briefly during the day when he stares into what used to be vast ocean for him. Or when he touches his shoulder at night, and doesn't whisper anything because he knows that's not what he needs.
But Jordan doesn't have nightmares at night, or during the day, because he's Jordan Collier, and he's strong, not weak like he hates to admit. Or hates to admit that he needs Shawn more than anything else in the world.
"Where did you go? Where were you?"
Shawn's voice seems to echo and reverberate around the room, and Jordan's not quite sure if he's really grasping at reality still, or if he's just grasping at the grains of sand in his hands that he tried so hard to forget.
"It's not important."
And it's not important. But more so, it can't be important. Because maybe if it were important it would mean more, and if he thought more and more of it, this reality would cease to be. And then he'd just be in that place he used to be.
"And if it's not important, than why-"
"Please, don't, Shawn."
All sound in the room stops at this, or maybe it had stopped long before. Maybe it had never existed in the first place. But all sound seems to stop at this, and he has to ignore the way that Shawn moves closer towards him, but just hovers; like maybe if he touched him he would shatter and would be washed away.
Or maybe he's just simply hovering away from Shawn and the same could be said of how he's afraid what will happen if he touches Shawn. Because it's easy to pretend in the world he was in before; it was easy to pretend that Shawn wasn't there and that he would never see him again. But it'd just be a cruel thing if he were to lose Shawn now, so this hovering thing that they're doing suits them both well.
Because maybe if they stand here long enough neither of them will shatter and be swept away in the tide of another wave. Of course, maybe it is touching that kept them from not shattering in the first place.
"I just need everything to be better."
And sound resumes again, as everything must, and again they'll dance around each other with meaningless words, which currently seems all they're both good for.
"It really isn't that important, Shawn."
Shawn scoffs at that, but that doesn't really matter anyway, because he's turned around now and is no longer facing the window. And Shawn is suddenly closer than before, and suddenly it feels like hot sand is beneath his fingertips and cold waves are against his feet.
And Jordan wakes up again, from another nightmare, because this Jordan has them. And again the same sand passes through his fingertips, like words once had, and the water that surrounds him could be so close to burning him that it's surprising.
But this time Shawn is not near him, and Shawn is such a distance memory that could fade so suddenly from him that he wouldn't mind. Because worse than nightmares and fading memories and phantom touches is remembering.
And it'd be so easy to forget.
Fandom: The 4400
Pairing: Jordan/Shawn
Rating: PG-13. Or so.
Spoilers: Seasons 2. Episode 05/Episode 12.
Warnings: Slash.
Disclaimer: I don't own The 4400 or Sleep by Dandy Warhols.
Author's Note: This is something that's slightly, possibly set between Episode 05 & Episode 12. Uhm, there's not really much I can say. Other than, I blame Lost. Slightly.
Well, I could sleep forever.
If I could sleep forever,
I could forget about everything.
- Dandy Warhols, "Sleep."
Jordan has nightmares, sometimes. That aren't really nightmares, and Shawn doesn't touch his hand briefly during the day when he stares into what used to be vast ocean for him. Or when he touches his shoulder at night, and doesn't whisper anything because he knows that's not what he needs.
But Jordan doesn't have nightmares at night, or during the day, because he's Jordan Collier, and he's strong, not weak like he hates to admit. Or hates to admit that he needs Shawn more than anything else in the world.
"Where did you go? Where were you?"
Shawn's voice seems to echo and reverberate around the room, and Jordan's not quite sure if he's really grasping at reality still, or if he's just grasping at the grains of sand in his hands that he tried so hard to forget.
"It's not important."
And it's not important. But more so, it can't be important. Because maybe if it were important it would mean more, and if he thought more and more of it, this reality would cease to be. And then he'd just be in that place he used to be.
"And if it's not important, than why-"
"Please, don't, Shawn."
All sound in the room stops at this, or maybe it had stopped long before. Maybe it had never existed in the first place. But all sound seems to stop at this, and he has to ignore the way that Shawn moves closer towards him, but just hovers; like maybe if he touched him he would shatter and would be washed away.
Or maybe he's just simply hovering away from Shawn and the same could be said of how he's afraid what will happen if he touches Shawn. Because it's easy to pretend in the world he was in before; it was easy to pretend that Shawn wasn't there and that he would never see him again. But it'd just be a cruel thing if he were to lose Shawn now, so this hovering thing that they're doing suits them both well.
Because maybe if they stand here long enough neither of them will shatter and be swept away in the tide of another wave. Of course, maybe it is touching that kept them from not shattering in the first place.
"I just need everything to be better."
And sound resumes again, as everything must, and again they'll dance around each other with meaningless words, which currently seems all they're both good for.
"It really isn't that important, Shawn."
Shawn scoffs at that, but that doesn't really matter anyway, because he's turned around now and is no longer facing the window. And Shawn is suddenly closer than before, and suddenly it feels like hot sand is beneath his fingertips and cold waves are against his feet.
And Jordan wakes up again, from another nightmare, because this Jordan has them. And again the same sand passes through his fingertips, like words once had, and the water that surrounds him could be so close to burning him that it's surprising.
But this time Shawn is not near him, and Shawn is such a distance memory that could fade so suddenly from him that he wouldn't mind. Because worse than nightmares and fading memories and phantom touches is remembering.
And it'd be so easy to forget.