Kokoro no bodyguard - Chapter 37
Title: Kokoro no Bodyguard
Author: theblackheat
Pairing(s): Akanishi/Kamenashi
Rating: later NC-17
Genre: Historical, Fantasy, Romantic, Drama, AU
Beta by: Me & friends & apps
K-chan big thanks for giving me this beautiful idea that can't let me sleep :P XD
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys only the plot.
Summary: “Kamenashi Kazuya, You will abandon everything from now on, your ancestors, your possession, your rights and your life to serve your new daimyou(1) Akanishi Jin, from Akanishi clan until your last heartbeat?” Kame raised his gaze up from the floor in all submission to the tall and majestic young man in front of him in the deep purple sokutai(2) made of the finest silk. His dark long hair was held up and hidden under a black kanmuri(3) like the aristocrats wear it and making his cheekbones more visible. It caused the young man to hold his breath for a short time when those deep brown eyes fell on him and pinned him to the ground. The samurai gulped hardly and breathed out the words before he bent down and kissed his lord’s sword.
“On my oath”
Warning:Despite this is a historical fanfic, most of the names/places are the only figment of my imagination! Character's death! (but I don't tell whose ;P)
Author Note: (1) lord (2) is complex attire only worn by courtiers, aristocrats and the emperor at the court in Japan. Part of a sokutai are the shaku, a flat ritual baton or sceptre (3) and a hat called kanmuri
Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 14 // Chapter 15 // Chapter 16 // Chapter 17 // Chapter 18 // Chapter 19 // Chapter 20 // Chapter 21 // Chapter 22 // Chapter 23 // Chapter 24 // Chapter 25 // Chapter 26 // Chapter 27 // Chapter 28 // Chapter 29 // Chapter 30 // Chapter 31 // Chapter 32 // Chapter 33 // Chapter 34 // Chapter 35 // Chapter 36 //
Waaa, It took me a while as this has many, many emotions (Y_Y) so sad, but will make it up for you. No more spoilers! ;P
Update:
- Chapter 37 -
Kamenashi hurried out of the castle in an overwhelming panic that flooded him at the moment Akanishi recognised him. An overpowering terror took control and made him stumble on his way to the exit through the gates. His right hand was still in the grip of his sword, clenching tightly, making his knuckles white and his breathing laboured. When Kazuya showed up at the main-gate, he didn’t even notice the guards on duty shouted after him asking what the hell happened. Only his heartbeat drumming in his ears was all he heard.
Lost in his foggy mind, unconsciously, he took the way on foot to his hidden place outside the walls of Himeji. On the wide road, Kazuya passed by several walkers and a few wooden carts. Speeding up his steps, he left the main road and made his way to the land that sprawled from the castle till the river bank. The tall grass brushed the legs of his hakama as he was rushing across the open field, with his hands up in the air, moving next to his body. Tears broke their way on his cheeks while he ran as fast as his legs could manage. By the time Kazuya reached the nearby woods, his lungs were in burning pain, and he couldn’t catch his breath. His legs trembled, and he was ready to give in.
When he reached the tumble-down wall which hid the deserted temple, he had to stop to gain some strength. He leaned against the stony surface. His breathing was rapid and sweat-pearls covered his face, running down along his skin. He felt his chest will burst out in any minute. He wiped his face with his sleeve and dug his heels in the ground to force his body up, seeking for a firm grip between the cracks of the wall. The barricade was not as tall as him, but tall enough to make it difficult to climb. In the end he found a few stones that gave some support for his legs and with a firm grip he pushed himself across the wall.
When Kazuya finally reached the abandoned building, he fell on the floor of the veranda and rolled onto his back, drained. He couldn’t move for a while, just laid there, his eyes closed, trying to calm his laboured breath and frantic heartbeat. His thoughts blended in heavy haziness. The picture of Akanishi tenderly holding his woman company burned into his memory, revoking a throat-tightening sensation. He forced a painful sigh in frustration. He knew that the day will come when the young daimyou will marry, as it was his duty to continue the bloodline. But Kazuya was not sure how he would endure to see them together. He knew even if he would keep a secret relationship as his stepfather did, he would stay as an outsider. Witnessing lady Shirota in his daimyou’s arms, Kazuya realised that he had to face that, sooner than expected. Being an outsider while watching your beloved in intimacy with another person.
The pain clenched his heart and a fresh wave of tears built up in his eyes, as he was dwelling on the past events. Too exhausted to cry or make any sound from the hectic run, he just let the tears overflow and run down on his cheeks silently. The image of the surprised Akanishi and the guilt, that shadowed the daimyou’s expression, still haunted the young guard. He knew he couldn’t bring himself to stay by his lord’s side, watching him suffer between two lives. He feared that being stuck in such a situation would eventually eat him up.
The more he was pondering and letting loose of those swirling emotions, the more doubts and concerns weighted his heart. He couldn’t believe he lost control of his feelings that quick and acted out of his character. It felt like they have kicked him into a deep hole, filled with soul-eating entities. The line between reality and nightmare blurred. His eyes were closed and his body was floating in frightening darkness. Clenching his fists, he stiffened his muscles. All his efforts went to focus and calm his thoughts.
Kazuya took a deep breath and recalled the rules of the samurais, repeating the lines methodically. First his voice was quavering and his inhalation inconsistent, but eventually it worked as a chant. Slowly it made his chest extend and fall in a steady rhythm and his heartbeat quieted down. His muscles relaxed and his surroundings reached through the haziness. Step by step he was more aware of his environment. The uncomfortably hard surface of the wooden floor was a huge contradiction of the gentle caressing of the chilly wind. His lips stopped their ministration and the beautiful guard fell silent when his eyelids flew open. The hazy darkness that surrounded him shifted into a glimmering sea of many shiny stars spreading around the skinny shard of the moon. It was already night-time.
With a slightly disoriented swing, Kazuya sat up, supporting his body with his arm. He felt his throat raspy from dryness and his lips chapped. The painful gulp he forced down made him determined to get up and find the well near the building. He made his way to the small rock heap hidden behind a shaky bamboo fence. A thin flow of chilly water streamed down of the rocks, forming a tiny mirror in a hollow in the middle of the formation. Kazuya scooped out some water with his palms and soothed his thirst. He repeated the process a few times until it dulled the dryness.
Peeking up to the night-sky, he wondered how long he had been at his secret place. The position of the moon told him it was not long after sunset. Not too late to go back and carry on with his duty. His duty was staying near his daimyou after all. He hoped that his disappearance didn’t cause much fuss. The memory of how he ran to this deserted temple made him realise two things. One, he had a long way to walk on foot, as he had left his horse in the barn. Two, he certainly needed a bath and a set of fresh clothes.
Kazuya took a deep breath and gathered the force to go back to Himeji castle. On his way, he had enough time to come up with a believable explanation, in case they asked him about his whereabouts. As he neared the town and gazed at the flickering lights of the watchtower, his determination wavered. He only wished to avoid society, at least till morning. By the time he reached the first buildings, he was in a need of some strong alcohol to uphold his courage. In a smaller bathhouse, that crossed his way, he cleaned himself and changed into a clean yukata which he had borrowed from the owner of the establishment. The old man handed him a bowl of steaming food and a bottle of sake which quickly disappeared into the young guard’s stomach. The meal was simple but delicious. The alcohol was not the finest, but strong enough to sooth his growing anxiety. The owner’s hospitality gained him two pieces of shiny coins and the glad old man sent Kazuya off, with two more bottles of the devilish liquid.
***
“I’ll find Kamenashi, my lord. Please don’t worry about him,” Takeda bowed in front of the young daimyou and left the west residence in a hurry.
Akanishi nodded with a concerned expression. While watching his leaving guard, the numbing helplessness fuelled his anger. He was cursing himself for the umpteenth time for not stopping Kazuya in that last moment. Deep regret, that pierced his heart, tormented his agony. The smooth skin on his forehead creased by distress, while he pressed together his plump lips in a thin line. A deep thud echoed in the night as his fist hit the fine wooden table, before his arm swung to the side and swept all its contents off of the surface. He couldn’t suppress his anxiety, which was oozing into his thoughts. The panic, which he had suffered at the moment he had noticed Kazuya, was still threatening him.
Raising up from his sitting position, he paced again in his room, letting out his frustration. Immediately after his young guard disappeared, he sent for Takeda to find him privately, but his loyal guard only came back late in the evening, to report that Kazuya was still missing. Many hours passed, since he last had seen the beautiful guard and with every added hour his worry multiplied. Takeda was Kamenashi’s closest friend, and like that, Jin hoped that he would be the one that could find him for sure. But the waiting was nerve-racking. He lost all focus and couldn’t do anything else, just walk back and forth in his working room. He was sure he already left a visible path on his tatami floor.
Again and again, his thoughts went back to the image of his young guard’s expression. Those emotions, which flashed in the brown orbs for a fleeting second, were haunting him. The disappointment and sadness that shadowed the beautiful face sent a penetrating guilt into his heart. Although, Akanishi knew, he had done nothing wrong, as he was only fooling with his cousin the stinging feeling inside his chest couldn’t ease. He had a pressing urge to meet Kazuya and clear the misunderstanding.
After some time, his pacing did not stop inside his room. Walking in a circle exhausted him already, and he gave in to the need of more space. He stepped outside to the veranda and walked to the garden inside his quarter. The artificial pond in the middle of the artistic composition, mirrored the clear night sky. Only a few cicadas played their songs. Everything else was silent. His thoughts were again around Kazuya, how the young guard was gazing at him whenever Jin crossed the line of intimacy. How they made their vows in the same garden, under the massive tree. He knew he would do anything to make Kazuya look at him again the same way.
Without noticing, he turned towards the bedchambers. He couldn’t sleep even if his life was depending on it, but he had an urge to check on his guard’s room. He might be back already, Jin thought, almost believing that could be true. With every step he was persuading himself why it was highly possible that Kazuya came back without checking in to his lord. It could have been that Takeda missed the young guard at some point and Kazuya didn’t know someone was looking for him. Or Kazuya might not dare to disturb the daimyou till the morning, regarding the late hour. Or… he could have gone on and on, but he was already standing in the corridor, in front of his guard’s room.
Akanishi pulled the sliding door open to the young guard’s chamber with a quickened heartbeat. He took a lantern from the veranda and held it up in front of him. The dim light entered the room and discovered the sad truth. Kazuya’s room was empty. There was no mattress on the floor, where the young guard was usually sleeping. The anxiety tightened again around the daimyou’s heart. A few minutes ago he wished he would find his guard sleeping in his bedroom and for a fleeting second, he almost believed he would. The realisation was even worse than the tormenting, long waiting. He lowered the lantern sadly and was about to leave when a low thud came from the guard’s room.
Akanishi’s senses sharpened and became alerted. His right hand’s fingers tightened around the handle of his katana, ready to face danger. With his fluttering heart, he quickly lifted the light-source up. Surprisingly, the room was empty, just like before. He couldn’t notice anything different. He stepped inside with his naked feet, carefully proceeding, without any noise. His right hand was on his katana for protection, while his left held the lantern. His eyes were scanning the room for anything suspicious, as he was inching his way inside. It was then, when he heard the dull noise again. This time he was certain that the thud came from the massive closet, hidden behind the sliding doors. Quickly and quietly he put his light-source down in a safe distance. His heart was beating in his throat, while his left hand pulled the door open with extreme caution.
First a pair of naked feet came into his view in front of him, then the legs, folded in an uncomfortable position. The form squirmed a bit, entangled into some fabric, which circled tightly around him. Overcoming the first shock, Akanishi stopped the door halfway and leaned into the hidden place curiously. His heart left out a beat as he recognised the sleeping face of his guard.
Kazuya was lying on his back on the top of his futon, which was on a wide shelf inside the oshiire(1), in a distorted position. His hair was framing the beautiful face messily, while his yukata was loosely open, revealing his bare chest and his long legs. Akanishi had to hold back a chuckle, to witness his handsome guard was jammed into his closet, sleeping almost peacefully four feet above the ground. All his anger and fear melted down, watching the absurd scene. Kazuya mumbled something incoherent in his sleep and fidgeted a bit. When his legs slipped out of his cabin, hanging in the air, Akanishi got worried that his guard might fall out on the floor in the end.
Jin pulled the door open with the same extreme caution, not to wake Kazuya up. He didn’t want to frighten the sleeping man and cause an accident. The intense smell of alcohol penetrated his nostrils as he leaned closer to the beautiful man. He had to suppress another wave of chuckling. He felt sorry for Kazuya, but also it made sense, what caused his guard to end up inside his own closet.
“Kazuya,” Akanishi called in a soft voice and touched the flushing cheeks. The soft lips moved, but only more incoherent speech came. The daimyou tried a few more times and didn’t stop to caress his cheeks, but it did not make any difference. There were a few words he caught clearly, but still, he had no clue what his beautiful guard was talking about. In the end, Jin forced his arms under the sleeping man and with all his strength, he pulled Kamenashi’s limp body out of the closet.
Eventually, his beautiful guard ended in Akanishi’s tight hold. He couldn’t help but enjoyed the moment for longer. All his worries were in the past, as he buried his face into the soft hair. Jin noticed the fresh scent of the wet strands that sent a wave of tingling sensation along his spine. His guard must have taken a bath not long ago. Time froze for a moment, while Akanishi’s imagination went wild with the realisation that he was holding an almost naked Kazuya in his arms. Suddenly, the unconscious man stiffened in his embrace and clang onto the daimyou’s shoulder for balance.
Jin lifted his head and met a pair of stunned eyes in the dim light. Kazuya struggled in panic, trying to get out of the intimate closeness, but his dizzy attempt made Akanishi lose his balance and both of them ended on the tatami floor.
“Kazuya… Wait. It’s me!”
Jin grunted as his knees collided with the solid surface. He almost let go of his escaping guard, but with a firm hold he lessened the impact of the smaller body. Kneeling on his pained bone caused him to lose balance, but it didn’t make him letting go of the beautiful man. Kamenashi mumbled something again in panic and was busy covering up his body.
“Kazuya! It’s me!” Jin tried again, giving some space and took the young guard’s jaw into his hand, forcing the eye contact. When their gaze met, Kazuya stayed stunned on his spot. His eyes slowly widened and painful guilt filled the golden-brown orbs.
“My lord, I…” the beautiful guard whispered in a broken voice, but Akanishi locked his trembling lips with his finger and sent a mesmerising smile.
“… had an urgent drinking issue?” the daimyou attempted to lift the heavy seriousness up with a goofy joke. The young man considered it as a sincere answer for a fleeting second, but he shook his head quickly. When Kazuya’s pleading eyes were back on his lord, Jin removed his finger, unlocking a confused gibber of his drunken guard.
“I was… I didn’t mean to disturb,… lady Shirota is a fine lady,… you from all, deserve the best,… I was wrong and should be punished,… I wish all happiness settle into your heart for,… “Akanishi had to admit, it amused him in the beginning, watching his always flawless, beautiful guard talking random nonsense with a childishly honest expression on his face. That new side of Kazuya was a delight to his vexed nerves.
“You deserve a better guard,… I don’t want you to hate me,… I am weak, and lose it when,… the alcohol was too strong, but… “ Jin’s smile grew into a cheeky grin and caused more discomfort to the speaking man. In the end, Jin had to lift his hand to put an end to Kazuya’s meaningless monologue.
“I beg you to stop this, Kazuya,” Akanishi let out a half-hearted laughter, shaking his head. His expression turned more serious as a slight amount of anger, that was left in him, filtered through his words, when he spoke again. “I lost track of your blabbering already. I’ve been sick of worrying about you all afternoon and I have sent Takeda to turn Himeji upside-down for you.”
Kazuya stared at the young daimyou, stunned by his sincere emotions. His heart was fluttering in his chest and his lips were slightly open, while listening to his lord. Although his hands were still clenching on the rim of his yukata in front of his chest desperately. Jin snorted in distress, letting out the remaining of steam. His aim was not to lecture his beautiful guard after all. Reminding himself to hold on to his temper, he softened his expression when he spoke again.
“I have a pressing urge to tell you something, as soon as you cleared your head, but it seems I can’t wait till the morning. Let me clarify this!” Akanishi’s voice was serious but coated in sweet gentleness. Kazuya became speechless with growing anticipation. Jin touched his guard’s cheeks while his eyes lingered on the parted lips for a brief time. “There won’t be any marriage between me and lady Shirota.”
His words sank slowly into Kazuya’s haziness, melting into a bunch of butterflies in his stomach. The quivering sensation soothed over his body and relief washed over his excitement. The happiness was beaming off his beautiful feature, causing Akanishi’s heartbeat to raise and lose himself into the mesmerising view. The moment quickly faded away, as realisation hit the drunken man’s dizzy mind. His emotions mixed with regret and fear, and the young guard struggled out of his lord’s embrace in despair. He pushed his body far enough to present the politest wobbly bow, while throwing his upper body in front of him, to touch the ground. His voice wavered from suppressed emotions as he spoke hastily.
“I deserve punishment, my lord. Not guarding you well, constantly losing my control, but please, spare me. My feelings towards you are pure, and I will serve you till my death!”
The young guard’s confession left Akanishi astonished, and he inched closer. He couldn’t suppress the urge to pull Kazuya back into a tight embrace. He reached out till his hands found the short fingers. He tugged on them, demanding attention, and pulled his young guard up to his knees. Their hands stayed locked, giving some support to the dizzy man. Finally, gazing into the chestnut-brown orbs, Jin let a silly smile grow on his face. The happiness that overflowed his whole being was shining in his brown eyes, causing Kazuya’s cheeks to flush in a deeper shade. They both looked giddy and sheepish, although only one of them was under the effect of a strong alcohol. Akanishi had to admit, that his beautiful guard affected him stronger, than he had imagined. It was highly questionable, who lost more control over his own emotions in the end. Without saying out loud, he was grateful to the spirit that caused the young guard to act so adorable, stepping out of his usual rigid and restrained character. The words, lingering in his mind, came together into a pressing urge by now.
“Do you love me, Kazuya?”
Akanishi’s indistinct voice was sincere and had a hint of uncertainty, but the quick nod demolished all his remaining restraint and the young daimyou pulled the stunned guard into a tight hug.
“Bless all Gods, I feared, you would never return my feelings!”
Kazuya had no intention to resist, even if he could beat the wooziness caused by the alcohol. He quickly lost his balance, as two strong arms squeezed his torso and pressed it against his lord’s body. His head rested against Jin’s head and his arms ended on the shoulders of his daimyou, as Akanishi circled his arms around Kazuya’s skinny waist. The intimate closeness multiplied the loose butterflies in the young guard’s stomach, and a sensation squirmed a string deep inside him leading to his abdomen. He felt the strong heartbeat of his lord and the stiffened muscles under the many layers of clothes. He got in contact with the broad chest, the flat stomach, the long thighs and the hard bulge in between. Realising his own nakedness under the thin layer of his kimono he wore, panic increased in his mind.
Kazuya helplessly tried to wriggle out of the position in his dizzy state, to create an appropriate distance. His attempt made his state worsen as his own groin brushed against Jin’s thighs, sending another shiver along his spine and the knot tightened in his abdomen. Trying to take a control over his own throbbing heartbeat and hectic breathing was in vain. The radiating heat of the lean body and the tingling puffs of air on his skin triggered Kazuya’s senses. All caused by his lord, who nudged his head into the crook of Kazuya’s neck.
Eventually, Akanishi took mercy on the wriggling guard, and with a deep groan, lifted his head. His vision was still hazy from the sudden sensation that awakened inside him and concentrated in his groin. Intoxicated by the closeness of his beautiful man, he loosened his grip, but didn’t let go of Kazuya.
The young guard’s hands took a firm hold of the wide shoulders, and he pushed himself further away from his daimyou. He lifted his head and faced Akanishi in front of him. The handsome man looked through half-lidded eyes and gasping heavily with parted lips. The view of his lord was even more mesmerising and shameless than all the shunga the young guard had seen before.
“My lord…” Kazuya started in panic, but was hushed by his lord’s displeasing frown. Akanishi’s eyes flung open, and the stunned guard found himself lost in the deep dark orbs.
“Leave the formality, Kazuya!” he pleaded pouting and pressed his forehead against the beautiful man’s. “Aren’t we close enough to drop the titles?” he teased the younger man and to emphasise his statement, he tightened his hold around the thin waist, grinding their crotches together. His action earned a suppressed whimper instead.
“My lord… Ahn… Akanishi-sama,” the younger man whispered, gulping down the tight feeling in his throat. His attempt earned a light chuckle and a soft kiss on the top of his nose.
“It’s much better. But do not worry, Kazuya. I won’t force you to do something you don’t want to.”
His words left a pang of sensation in the beautiful man’s heart and a bitter aftertaste. For some reason, Kazuya’s panic raised again. He felt something slipping out of his hand, and he didn’t want to lose it. Out of the blue, he felt a push to do a blunt action. His expression grew sincere, and he was determined facing his daimyou again.
“I’m willing to … please you… Akanishi-sama,” he added the name with less certainty, causing his daimyou to smile joyfully. He felt his cheeks were on fire, but the dullness of his drunken state silenced his anxiety. Kazuya’s heart left a beat waiting for the answer. It seemed like an eternity, when Jin broke their eyes finally and spoke in a firm voice.
“You will sleep with me tonight!”
Next Chapter>>>
Author: theblackheat
Pairing(s): Akanishi/Kamenashi
Rating: later NC-17
Genre: Historical, Fantasy, Romantic, Drama, AU
Beta by: Me & friends & apps
K-chan big thanks for giving me this beautiful idea that can't let me sleep :P XD
Disclaimer: I don't own the guys only the plot.
Summary: “Kamenashi Kazuya, You will abandon everything from now on, your ancestors, your possession, your rights and your life to serve your new daimyou(1) Akanishi Jin, from Akanishi clan until your last heartbeat?” Kame raised his gaze up from the floor in all submission to the tall and majestic young man in front of him in the deep purple sokutai(2) made of the finest silk. His dark long hair was held up and hidden under a black kanmuri(3) like the aristocrats wear it and making his cheekbones more visible. It caused the young man to hold his breath for a short time when those deep brown eyes fell on him and pinned him to the ground. The samurai gulped hardly and breathed out the words before he bent down and kissed his lord’s sword.
“On my oath”
Warning:Despite this is a historical fanfic, most of the names/places are the only figment of my imagination! Character's death! (but I don't tell whose ;P)
Author Note: (1) lord (2) is complex attire only worn by courtiers, aristocrats and the emperor at the court in Japan. Part of a sokutai are the shaku, a flat ritual baton or sceptre (3) and a hat called kanmuri
Prologue // Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7 // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 10 // Chapter 11 // Chapter 12 // Chapter 13 // Chapter 14 // Chapter 15 // Chapter 16 // Chapter 17 // Chapter 18 // Chapter 19 // Chapter 20 // Chapter 21 // Chapter 22 // Chapter 23 // Chapter 24 // Chapter 25 // Chapter 26 // Chapter 27 // Chapter 28 // Chapter 29 // Chapter 30 // Chapter 31 // Chapter 32 // Chapter 33 // Chapter 34 // Chapter 35 // Chapter 36 //
Waaa, It took me a while as this has many, many emotions (Y_Y) so sad, but will make it up for you. No more spoilers! ;P
Update:
- Chapter 37 -
Kamenashi hurried out of the castle in an overwhelming panic that flooded him at the moment Akanishi recognised him. An overpowering terror took control and made him stumble on his way to the exit through the gates. His right hand was still in the grip of his sword, clenching tightly, making his knuckles white and his breathing laboured. When Kazuya showed up at the main-gate, he didn’t even notice the guards on duty shouted after him asking what the hell happened. Only his heartbeat drumming in his ears was all he heard.
Lost in his foggy mind, unconsciously, he took the way on foot to his hidden place outside the walls of Himeji. On the wide road, Kazuya passed by several walkers and a few wooden carts. Speeding up his steps, he left the main road and made his way to the land that sprawled from the castle till the river bank. The tall grass brushed the legs of his hakama as he was rushing across the open field, with his hands up in the air, moving next to his body. Tears broke their way on his cheeks while he ran as fast as his legs could manage. By the time Kazuya reached the nearby woods, his lungs were in burning pain, and he couldn’t catch his breath. His legs trembled, and he was ready to give in.
When he reached the tumble-down wall which hid the deserted temple, he had to stop to gain some strength. He leaned against the stony surface. His breathing was rapid and sweat-pearls covered his face, running down along his skin. He felt his chest will burst out in any minute. He wiped his face with his sleeve and dug his heels in the ground to force his body up, seeking for a firm grip between the cracks of the wall. The barricade was not as tall as him, but tall enough to make it difficult to climb. In the end he found a few stones that gave some support for his legs and with a firm grip he pushed himself across the wall.
When Kazuya finally reached the abandoned building, he fell on the floor of the veranda and rolled onto his back, drained. He couldn’t move for a while, just laid there, his eyes closed, trying to calm his laboured breath and frantic heartbeat. His thoughts blended in heavy haziness. The picture of Akanishi tenderly holding his woman company burned into his memory, revoking a throat-tightening sensation. He forced a painful sigh in frustration. He knew that the day will come when the young daimyou will marry, as it was his duty to continue the bloodline. But Kazuya was not sure how he would endure to see them together. He knew even if he would keep a secret relationship as his stepfather did, he would stay as an outsider. Witnessing lady Shirota in his daimyou’s arms, Kazuya realised that he had to face that, sooner than expected. Being an outsider while watching your beloved in intimacy with another person.
The pain clenched his heart and a fresh wave of tears built up in his eyes, as he was dwelling on the past events. Too exhausted to cry or make any sound from the hectic run, he just let the tears overflow and run down on his cheeks silently. The image of the surprised Akanishi and the guilt, that shadowed the daimyou’s expression, still haunted the young guard. He knew he couldn’t bring himself to stay by his lord’s side, watching him suffer between two lives. He feared that being stuck in such a situation would eventually eat him up.
The more he was pondering and letting loose of those swirling emotions, the more doubts and concerns weighted his heart. He couldn’t believe he lost control of his feelings that quick and acted out of his character. It felt like they have kicked him into a deep hole, filled with soul-eating entities. The line between reality and nightmare blurred. His eyes were closed and his body was floating in frightening darkness. Clenching his fists, he stiffened his muscles. All his efforts went to focus and calm his thoughts.
Kazuya took a deep breath and recalled the rules of the samurais, repeating the lines methodically. First his voice was quavering and his inhalation inconsistent, but eventually it worked as a chant. Slowly it made his chest extend and fall in a steady rhythm and his heartbeat quieted down. His muscles relaxed and his surroundings reached through the haziness. Step by step he was more aware of his environment. The uncomfortably hard surface of the wooden floor was a huge contradiction of the gentle caressing of the chilly wind. His lips stopped their ministration and the beautiful guard fell silent when his eyelids flew open. The hazy darkness that surrounded him shifted into a glimmering sea of many shiny stars spreading around the skinny shard of the moon. It was already night-time.
With a slightly disoriented swing, Kazuya sat up, supporting his body with his arm. He felt his throat raspy from dryness and his lips chapped. The painful gulp he forced down made him determined to get up and find the well near the building. He made his way to the small rock heap hidden behind a shaky bamboo fence. A thin flow of chilly water streamed down of the rocks, forming a tiny mirror in a hollow in the middle of the formation. Kazuya scooped out some water with his palms and soothed his thirst. He repeated the process a few times until it dulled the dryness.
Peeking up to the night-sky, he wondered how long he had been at his secret place. The position of the moon told him it was not long after sunset. Not too late to go back and carry on with his duty. His duty was staying near his daimyou after all. He hoped that his disappearance didn’t cause much fuss. The memory of how he ran to this deserted temple made him realise two things. One, he had a long way to walk on foot, as he had left his horse in the barn. Two, he certainly needed a bath and a set of fresh clothes.
Kazuya took a deep breath and gathered the force to go back to Himeji castle. On his way, he had enough time to come up with a believable explanation, in case they asked him about his whereabouts. As he neared the town and gazed at the flickering lights of the watchtower, his determination wavered. He only wished to avoid society, at least till morning. By the time he reached the first buildings, he was in a need of some strong alcohol to uphold his courage. In a smaller bathhouse, that crossed his way, he cleaned himself and changed into a clean yukata which he had borrowed from the owner of the establishment. The old man handed him a bowl of steaming food and a bottle of sake which quickly disappeared into the young guard’s stomach. The meal was simple but delicious. The alcohol was not the finest, but strong enough to sooth his growing anxiety. The owner’s hospitality gained him two pieces of shiny coins and the glad old man sent Kazuya off, with two more bottles of the devilish liquid.
***
“I’ll find Kamenashi, my lord. Please don’t worry about him,” Takeda bowed in front of the young daimyou and left the west residence in a hurry.
Akanishi nodded with a concerned expression. While watching his leaving guard, the numbing helplessness fuelled his anger. He was cursing himself for the umpteenth time for not stopping Kazuya in that last moment. Deep regret, that pierced his heart, tormented his agony. The smooth skin on his forehead creased by distress, while he pressed together his plump lips in a thin line. A deep thud echoed in the night as his fist hit the fine wooden table, before his arm swung to the side and swept all its contents off of the surface. He couldn’t suppress his anxiety, which was oozing into his thoughts. The panic, which he had suffered at the moment he had noticed Kazuya, was still threatening him.
Raising up from his sitting position, he paced again in his room, letting out his frustration. Immediately after his young guard disappeared, he sent for Takeda to find him privately, but his loyal guard only came back late in the evening, to report that Kazuya was still missing. Many hours passed, since he last had seen the beautiful guard and with every added hour his worry multiplied. Takeda was Kamenashi’s closest friend, and like that, Jin hoped that he would be the one that could find him for sure. But the waiting was nerve-racking. He lost all focus and couldn’t do anything else, just walk back and forth in his working room. He was sure he already left a visible path on his tatami floor.
Again and again, his thoughts went back to the image of his young guard’s expression. Those emotions, which flashed in the brown orbs for a fleeting second, were haunting him. The disappointment and sadness that shadowed the beautiful face sent a penetrating guilt into his heart. Although, Akanishi knew, he had done nothing wrong, as he was only fooling with his cousin the stinging feeling inside his chest couldn’t ease. He had a pressing urge to meet Kazuya and clear the misunderstanding.
After some time, his pacing did not stop inside his room. Walking in a circle exhausted him already, and he gave in to the need of more space. He stepped outside to the veranda and walked to the garden inside his quarter. The artificial pond in the middle of the artistic composition, mirrored the clear night sky. Only a few cicadas played their songs. Everything else was silent. His thoughts were again around Kazuya, how the young guard was gazing at him whenever Jin crossed the line of intimacy. How they made their vows in the same garden, under the massive tree. He knew he would do anything to make Kazuya look at him again the same way.
Without noticing, he turned towards the bedchambers. He couldn’t sleep even if his life was depending on it, but he had an urge to check on his guard’s room. He might be back already, Jin thought, almost believing that could be true. With every step he was persuading himself why it was highly possible that Kazuya came back without checking in to his lord. It could have been that Takeda missed the young guard at some point and Kazuya didn’t know someone was looking for him. Or Kazuya might not dare to disturb the daimyou till the morning, regarding the late hour. Or… he could have gone on and on, but he was already standing in the corridor, in front of his guard’s room.
Akanishi pulled the sliding door open to the young guard’s chamber with a quickened heartbeat. He took a lantern from the veranda and held it up in front of him. The dim light entered the room and discovered the sad truth. Kazuya’s room was empty. There was no mattress on the floor, where the young guard was usually sleeping. The anxiety tightened again around the daimyou’s heart. A few minutes ago he wished he would find his guard sleeping in his bedroom and for a fleeting second, he almost believed he would. The realisation was even worse than the tormenting, long waiting. He lowered the lantern sadly and was about to leave when a low thud came from the guard’s room.
Akanishi’s senses sharpened and became alerted. His right hand’s fingers tightened around the handle of his katana, ready to face danger. With his fluttering heart, he quickly lifted the light-source up. Surprisingly, the room was empty, just like before. He couldn’t notice anything different. He stepped inside with his naked feet, carefully proceeding, without any noise. His right hand was on his katana for protection, while his left held the lantern. His eyes were scanning the room for anything suspicious, as he was inching his way inside. It was then, when he heard the dull noise again. This time he was certain that the thud came from the massive closet, hidden behind the sliding doors. Quickly and quietly he put his light-source down in a safe distance. His heart was beating in his throat, while his left hand pulled the door open with extreme caution.
First a pair of naked feet came into his view in front of him, then the legs, folded in an uncomfortable position. The form squirmed a bit, entangled into some fabric, which circled tightly around him. Overcoming the first shock, Akanishi stopped the door halfway and leaned into the hidden place curiously. His heart left out a beat as he recognised the sleeping face of his guard.
Kazuya was lying on his back on the top of his futon, which was on a wide shelf inside the oshiire(1), in a distorted position. His hair was framing the beautiful face messily, while his yukata was loosely open, revealing his bare chest and his long legs. Akanishi had to hold back a chuckle, to witness his handsome guard was jammed into his closet, sleeping almost peacefully four feet above the ground. All his anger and fear melted down, watching the absurd scene. Kazuya mumbled something incoherent in his sleep and fidgeted a bit. When his legs slipped out of his cabin, hanging in the air, Akanishi got worried that his guard might fall out on the floor in the end.
Jin pulled the door open with the same extreme caution, not to wake Kazuya up. He didn’t want to frighten the sleeping man and cause an accident. The intense smell of alcohol penetrated his nostrils as he leaned closer to the beautiful man. He had to suppress another wave of chuckling. He felt sorry for Kazuya, but also it made sense, what caused his guard to end up inside his own closet.
“Kazuya,” Akanishi called in a soft voice and touched the flushing cheeks. The soft lips moved, but only more incoherent speech came. The daimyou tried a few more times and didn’t stop to caress his cheeks, but it did not make any difference. There were a few words he caught clearly, but still, he had no clue what his beautiful guard was talking about. In the end, Jin forced his arms under the sleeping man and with all his strength, he pulled Kamenashi’s limp body out of the closet.
Eventually, his beautiful guard ended in Akanishi’s tight hold. He couldn’t help but enjoyed the moment for longer. All his worries were in the past, as he buried his face into the soft hair. Jin noticed the fresh scent of the wet strands that sent a wave of tingling sensation along his spine. His guard must have taken a bath not long ago. Time froze for a moment, while Akanishi’s imagination went wild with the realisation that he was holding an almost naked Kazuya in his arms. Suddenly, the unconscious man stiffened in his embrace and clang onto the daimyou’s shoulder for balance.
Jin lifted his head and met a pair of stunned eyes in the dim light. Kazuya struggled in panic, trying to get out of the intimate closeness, but his dizzy attempt made Akanishi lose his balance and both of them ended on the tatami floor.
“Kazuya… Wait. It’s me!”
Jin grunted as his knees collided with the solid surface. He almost let go of his escaping guard, but with a firm hold he lessened the impact of the smaller body. Kneeling on his pained bone caused him to lose balance, but it didn’t make him letting go of the beautiful man. Kamenashi mumbled something again in panic and was busy covering up his body.
“Kazuya! It’s me!” Jin tried again, giving some space and took the young guard’s jaw into his hand, forcing the eye contact. When their gaze met, Kazuya stayed stunned on his spot. His eyes slowly widened and painful guilt filled the golden-brown orbs.
“My lord, I…” the beautiful guard whispered in a broken voice, but Akanishi locked his trembling lips with his finger and sent a mesmerising smile.
“… had an urgent drinking issue?” the daimyou attempted to lift the heavy seriousness up with a goofy joke. The young man considered it as a sincere answer for a fleeting second, but he shook his head quickly. When Kazuya’s pleading eyes were back on his lord, Jin removed his finger, unlocking a confused gibber of his drunken guard.
“I was… I didn’t mean to disturb,… lady Shirota is a fine lady,… you from all, deserve the best,… I was wrong and should be punished,… I wish all happiness settle into your heart for,… “Akanishi had to admit, it amused him in the beginning, watching his always flawless, beautiful guard talking random nonsense with a childishly honest expression on his face. That new side of Kazuya was a delight to his vexed nerves.
“You deserve a better guard,… I don’t want you to hate me,… I am weak, and lose it when,… the alcohol was too strong, but… “ Jin’s smile grew into a cheeky grin and caused more discomfort to the speaking man. In the end, Jin had to lift his hand to put an end to Kazuya’s meaningless monologue.
“I beg you to stop this, Kazuya,” Akanishi let out a half-hearted laughter, shaking his head. His expression turned more serious as a slight amount of anger, that was left in him, filtered through his words, when he spoke again. “I lost track of your blabbering already. I’ve been sick of worrying about you all afternoon and I have sent Takeda to turn Himeji upside-down for you.”
Kazuya stared at the young daimyou, stunned by his sincere emotions. His heart was fluttering in his chest and his lips were slightly open, while listening to his lord. Although his hands were still clenching on the rim of his yukata in front of his chest desperately. Jin snorted in distress, letting out the remaining of steam. His aim was not to lecture his beautiful guard after all. Reminding himself to hold on to his temper, he softened his expression when he spoke again.
“I have a pressing urge to tell you something, as soon as you cleared your head, but it seems I can’t wait till the morning. Let me clarify this!” Akanishi’s voice was serious but coated in sweet gentleness. Kazuya became speechless with growing anticipation. Jin touched his guard’s cheeks while his eyes lingered on the parted lips for a brief time. “There won’t be any marriage between me and lady Shirota.”
His words sank slowly into Kazuya’s haziness, melting into a bunch of butterflies in his stomach. The quivering sensation soothed over his body and relief washed over his excitement. The happiness was beaming off his beautiful feature, causing Akanishi’s heartbeat to raise and lose himself into the mesmerising view. The moment quickly faded away, as realisation hit the drunken man’s dizzy mind. His emotions mixed with regret and fear, and the young guard struggled out of his lord’s embrace in despair. He pushed his body far enough to present the politest wobbly bow, while throwing his upper body in front of him, to touch the ground. His voice wavered from suppressed emotions as he spoke hastily.
“I deserve punishment, my lord. Not guarding you well, constantly losing my control, but please, spare me. My feelings towards you are pure, and I will serve you till my death!”
The young guard’s confession left Akanishi astonished, and he inched closer. He couldn’t suppress the urge to pull Kazuya back into a tight embrace. He reached out till his hands found the short fingers. He tugged on them, demanding attention, and pulled his young guard up to his knees. Their hands stayed locked, giving some support to the dizzy man. Finally, gazing into the chestnut-brown orbs, Jin let a silly smile grow on his face. The happiness that overflowed his whole being was shining in his brown eyes, causing Kazuya’s cheeks to flush in a deeper shade. They both looked giddy and sheepish, although only one of them was under the effect of a strong alcohol. Akanishi had to admit, that his beautiful guard affected him stronger, than he had imagined. It was highly questionable, who lost more control over his own emotions in the end. Without saying out loud, he was grateful to the spirit that caused the young guard to act so adorable, stepping out of his usual rigid and restrained character. The words, lingering in his mind, came together into a pressing urge by now.
“Do you love me, Kazuya?”
Akanishi’s indistinct voice was sincere and had a hint of uncertainty, but the quick nod demolished all his remaining restraint and the young daimyou pulled the stunned guard into a tight hug.
“Bless all Gods, I feared, you would never return my feelings!”
Kazuya had no intention to resist, even if he could beat the wooziness caused by the alcohol. He quickly lost his balance, as two strong arms squeezed his torso and pressed it against his lord’s body. His head rested against Jin’s head and his arms ended on the shoulders of his daimyou, as Akanishi circled his arms around Kazuya’s skinny waist. The intimate closeness multiplied the loose butterflies in the young guard’s stomach, and a sensation squirmed a string deep inside him leading to his abdomen. He felt the strong heartbeat of his lord and the stiffened muscles under the many layers of clothes. He got in contact with the broad chest, the flat stomach, the long thighs and the hard bulge in between. Realising his own nakedness under the thin layer of his kimono he wore, panic increased in his mind.
Kazuya helplessly tried to wriggle out of the position in his dizzy state, to create an appropriate distance. His attempt made his state worsen as his own groin brushed against Jin’s thighs, sending another shiver along his spine and the knot tightened in his abdomen. Trying to take a control over his own throbbing heartbeat and hectic breathing was in vain. The radiating heat of the lean body and the tingling puffs of air on his skin triggered Kazuya’s senses. All caused by his lord, who nudged his head into the crook of Kazuya’s neck.
Eventually, Akanishi took mercy on the wriggling guard, and with a deep groan, lifted his head. His vision was still hazy from the sudden sensation that awakened inside him and concentrated in his groin. Intoxicated by the closeness of his beautiful man, he loosened his grip, but didn’t let go of Kazuya.
The young guard’s hands took a firm hold of the wide shoulders, and he pushed himself further away from his daimyou. He lifted his head and faced Akanishi in front of him. The handsome man looked through half-lidded eyes and gasping heavily with parted lips. The view of his lord was even more mesmerising and shameless than all the shunga the young guard had seen before.
“My lord…” Kazuya started in panic, but was hushed by his lord’s displeasing frown. Akanishi’s eyes flung open, and the stunned guard found himself lost in the deep dark orbs.
“Leave the formality, Kazuya!” he pleaded pouting and pressed his forehead against the beautiful man’s. “Aren’t we close enough to drop the titles?” he teased the younger man and to emphasise his statement, he tightened his hold around the thin waist, grinding their crotches together. His action earned a suppressed whimper instead.
“My lord… Ahn… Akanishi-sama,” the younger man whispered, gulping down the tight feeling in his throat. His attempt earned a light chuckle and a soft kiss on the top of his nose.
“It’s much better. But do not worry, Kazuya. I won’t force you to do something you don’t want to.”
His words left a pang of sensation in the beautiful man’s heart and a bitter aftertaste. For some reason, Kazuya’s panic raised again. He felt something slipping out of his hand, and he didn’t want to lose it. Out of the blue, he felt a push to do a blunt action. His expression grew sincere, and he was determined facing his daimyou again.
“I’m willing to … please you… Akanishi-sama,” he added the name with less certainty, causing his daimyou to smile joyfully. He felt his cheeks were on fire, but the dullness of his drunken state silenced his anxiety. Kazuya’s heart left a beat waiting for the answer. It seemed like an eternity, when Jin broke their eyes finally and spoke in a firm voice.
“You will sleep with me tonight!”
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