i don't even know anymore.
i don't know if i can do this distance thing anymore. i don't even know what i'm DOING anymore.
my heart is breaking, i feel like i do nothing right anymore. all we do is fight, i can never make him happy. we're five hours apart and yet it feels like light years.
i'm so worn out. i feel like i've screwed things up yet again. i'm just waiting for the final explosion from him, telling me how i've fucked up. i can't do this anymore. i can't keep feeling like i'm always fucking shit up and like i'm always guilty of doing something wrong.
i can't keep dealing with the assumptions of where i am, what i'm doing, always doing something horribly wrong, always saying the wrong thing.
i'm clueless all the time.
there's a hunter jumper thing this weekend, i think i'm going to go. maybe seeing horses and actually doing something i want to do will help me clear my head. or maybe it'll just make it worse because i wish he was there.
my heart is breaking, i feel like i do nothing right anymore. all we do is fight, i can never make him happy. we're five hours apart and yet it feels like light years.
i'm so worn out. i feel like i've screwed things up yet again. i'm just waiting for the final explosion from him, telling me how i've fucked up. i can't do this anymore. i can't keep feeling like i'm always fucking shit up and like i'm always guilty of doing something wrong.
i can't keep dealing with the assumptions of where i am, what i'm doing, always doing something horribly wrong, always saying the wrong thing.
i'm clueless all the time.
there's a hunter jumper thing this weekend, i think i'm going to go. maybe seeing horses and actually doing something i want to do will help me clear my head. or maybe it'll just make it worse because i wish he was there.