let me explain myself
After a good chat with my bestfriend, I feel so much better. Thank you, bestfriend, you're truly god-sent! (:
Last night, after reading the passage, I felt all the negative emotions inside of me. You see, when people don't spend time with God, they seem so strong. But when we spend time with God, I feel so much weaker because I become more aware of myself as a sinner, and more aware of God's wrath for sinners, and more aware of what Jesus did for me, all because of me and my stupid sins.
Why are you so unfair, Lord! Here I am, trying to know you better, but why are you scolding me! Why don't you scold the others who claim to be christians but do not even bother to spend time with you!
Oh God, how hard I cried after I said those things to Him. How hard I cried when I know that I have once again, let out this ugly ugly side of me and said these hurtful words to Him. How hard I cried when I know, deep down, that I'm not even angry with God, but I'm just so angry with myself!!
Everyday I feel like I'm fighting a new battle with sin. But yesterday, I felt so alone, as though I'm the only one who's fighting this battle against sin. And it seemed as though I was fighting a losing battle, and God showed me just what a wretch I am!
Nobody likes to be rebuked, especially not by God. Because God is always right, and there's just no way around it to argue with Him. Like a stubborn child with a stubborn pride, like when I was young and when my parents asked me for my results, I always compare my results with my classmates who did worse than me. And I'll only tell my parents the results of my classmates who did worse than me because I don't want to be seen as that bad a student. It was so with God, I compared myself with other christians, whom I know are not spending time seeking God. But God, He rebuked me.
I felt like He was pointing His finger at me, asking me, who are you to judge them?
So out of all my evil character, God taught me a new lesson. To be humble.
James 4:10
Submit youself before the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Taking my christian walk with God seriously is never easy. But I am always reminded that when I am weak, God is strong. And He will re-build my character, just like He promised.
Last night, after reading the passage, I felt all the negative emotions inside of me. You see, when people don't spend time with God, they seem so strong. But when we spend time with God, I feel so much weaker because I become more aware of myself as a sinner, and more aware of God's wrath for sinners, and more aware of what Jesus did for me, all because of me and my stupid sins.
Why are you so unfair, Lord! Here I am, trying to know you better, but why are you scolding me! Why don't you scold the others who claim to be christians but do not even bother to spend time with you!
Oh God, how hard I cried after I said those things to Him. How hard I cried when I know that I have once again, let out this ugly ugly side of me and said these hurtful words to Him. How hard I cried when I know, deep down, that I'm not even angry with God, but I'm just so angry with myself!!
Everyday I feel like I'm fighting a new battle with sin. But yesterday, I felt so alone, as though I'm the only one who's fighting this battle against sin. And it seemed as though I was fighting a losing battle, and God showed me just what a wretch I am!
Nobody likes to be rebuked, especially not by God. Because God is always right, and there's just no way around it to argue with Him. Like a stubborn child with a stubborn pride, like when I was young and when my parents asked me for my results, I always compare my results with my classmates who did worse than me. And I'll only tell my parents the results of my classmates who did worse than me because I don't want to be seen as that bad a student. It was so with God, I compared myself with other christians, whom I know are not spending time seeking God. But God, He rebuked me.
I felt like He was pointing His finger at me, asking me, who are you to judge them?
So out of all my evil character, God taught me a new lesson. To be humble.
James 4:10
Submit youself before the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Taking my christian walk with God seriously is never easy. But I am always reminded that when I am weak, God is strong. And He will re-build my character, just like He promised.