Oh no, not this again...
1) What are you 5? "No, you're stupid" is no longer an acceptable part of witty banter when you are 20 years old. The words "gay" and "faggot" stopped being acceptable insults when middle school ended. Stop trying to piece together your fat kid angst shattered ego by putting other people down. It makes people despise you. It's going to be extremely difficult to spend the mandatory amount of time we have to spend together if you don't wise up. And yes, there isn't even a question in my mind that I could kick your ass.
2) You really shouldn't still be dating this guy, he's proven himself to be a dragon chasing womanizer. He's a dragon chasing womanizer that is my friend, but that still doesn't mean that you should date him. Get out and get out now, you're too hot to waste your time in this way.
3) I need to stop being attracted to you now. It's pretty clear that you either passive-aggressively hate me with a burning fiery passion for some obvious reason that I don't see, or you are just a crazy bitch. I really don't want to believe it when people say the latter, but you REALLY have to stop doing that thing you do because it's scary and completely uncalled for. And if it is called for, for the love of god just TELL ME WHY.
4) Wow...you really don't get it do you? No one likes you. You think you're funny and you like to play yourself off as the wounded cynic who makes fun of how stupid everything is, but it isn't working. Your negativity may just be what sends you home early from this place. Oh, and it's really funny that you now know my Japanese is FAR better than your own. Guess it's not healthy to whip out your ego too readily now is it?
5) You are the the umpteenth example of people I am friends with that I really don't know how I'm friends with. But I'm glad everything worked out in the end owing to the fact that we are both mature (well...maybe not) adults. Glad you're making your way over here soon and I can't wait to share a drink (or 10) with you and some good friends when you get here.
6) Hoooooly shit. You surprised me. You are definitely one of the most hilarious energetic people that I've ever met. Some people probably won't be able to appreciate it, but don't worry, those of us who can love it.
7) I so often took for granted everything that you did for me when I was younger. I think I finally figured a lot of it out when you gave me the bracelet at 5AM at Logan. I still wear it pretty much everyday. Thanks for everything. It's nice to know that I have you looking out for me as if I were your own.
8) "Let's get CRUNK" stopped being cool after freshman year. What you're looking for isn't going to be found at the bottom of the bottle. Oh, and stop being "AZN." You are just another whitewashed Asian kid who grew up in the suburbs of a major American city.
9) I want to see you again. I hate how we left things and how we have to leave things. I want you here so we can sort this out. I miss you.
10) I'm not willing to even consider forgiving you until you start admitting that something you did in the past was wrong. Sorry. I really want to, but until it feels right, it isn't going to happen.
11) I miss you more than you could possibly imagine. But I'm also just so mad. I'm just mad that you didn't call, you didn't email me. I just wish you would have given me a chance. I am still thankful everyday for what you gave me. My life will never be the same because of you and I'm a better for it. Don't forget about us, because we'll certainly never forget about you.