Ergh
So it took me a while, but I think I realized why I've been down in the dumps so much lately. After some thought, I realized that I really don't have any friends who are generally nice people. In fact, I don't know anyone who is a generally nice person. It's so cool these days to be the passive-aggressive with such dry wit that everyone does it, under the guise of "Oh you know I'm just joking."
Are you really? Are you really "just joking"? You've been doing it for so long, the line between playful and serious has blurred to the point that you can't tell anymore. You can't say "I'm just joking, jeez." and magically have that make everything better. After 22 years of grin and bearing this crap, it's gotten to the point where its broken me apart. I don't even want to talk with anyone anymore because every person I have ever known farther than mere acquaintance has been a rude, selfish asshole, and most don't even realize it, and I just don't have the mental energy anymore to put up with it. You think I'm overexaggerating, but I'm sadly not. If you masochistic like my subconscious apparently is, take a day and really pay attention to the little things you hear and you'll see that the world around you is quite a indignant place. How often do you hear people use the word "hate" in normal conversation? Do people even know what that word means anymore? I'd rather not quote a Jack Johnson song when I'm trying to get a serious point across, but "where'd all the good people go?" To be honest, I don't even know if I'd recognize a good person if I saw one. It's sad that good deeds these days are seen as either stupid, childish, or some other negative denotation I can't think of at the moment because its 12:30 AM and I'm sleepy.
On a different note, I watched Endless Waltz tonight, and that got me searching on a certain wild goose chase of mine again. Long long ago, like 9 years ago, I had a version of "White Reflection" that was like 8 minutes long. It began with the part being played when Heero climbs into the cockpit of the latest and greatest Wing Zero a little further than halfway through the movie. Now, I cannot find anything even as long as 5 minutes and nothing seems to contain that beginning that was almost entirely vocal. If anyone else has heard this version I'm talking about, I love you.
Are you really? Are you really "just joking"? You've been doing it for so long, the line between playful and serious has blurred to the point that you can't tell anymore. You can't say "I'm just joking, jeez." and magically have that make everything better. After 22 years of grin and bearing this crap, it's gotten to the point where its broken me apart. I don't even want to talk with anyone anymore because every person I have ever known farther than mere acquaintance has been a rude, selfish asshole, and most don't even realize it, and I just don't have the mental energy anymore to put up with it. You think I'm overexaggerating, but I'm sadly not. If you masochistic like my subconscious apparently is, take a day and really pay attention to the little things you hear and you'll see that the world around you is quite a indignant place. How often do you hear people use the word "hate" in normal conversation? Do people even know what that word means anymore? I'd rather not quote a Jack Johnson song when I'm trying to get a serious point across, but "where'd all the good people go?" To be honest, I don't even know if I'd recognize a good person if I saw one. It's sad that good deeds these days are seen as either stupid, childish, or some other negative denotation I can't think of at the moment because its 12:30 AM and I'm sleepy.
On a different note, I watched Endless Waltz tonight, and that got me searching on a certain wild goose chase of mine again. Long long ago, like 9 years ago, I had a version of "White Reflection" that was like 8 minutes long. It began with the part being played when Heero climbs into the cockpit of the latest and greatest Wing Zero a little further than halfway through the movie. Now, I cannot find anything even as long as 5 minutes and nothing seems to contain that beginning that was almost entirely vocal. If anyone else has heard this version I'm talking about, I love you.