Pushover
Recently Lam and I have been talking a lot about the difficulties involved in creating a more equitable society in China. I do not mean to imply that Lam agrees with me, in fact he often doesn't. Yet, the research and writing of the dissertation and the conclusions that I'm starting to come to there, plus the on-going negotiations with Shantou University that coincide with the education that I'm receiving about the Chinese Academy through Lam's involvement in the Design Institute, have made me even more cynical about everything than I already was before. Probably doesn't help that I read a lot of stuff that critiques not only neo-liberalism and capitalism, but states in general. In addition to more cynical, I think I'm becoming even less mainstream than before (holding out for radical change is difficult most of the time). Who knew that was possible? I also always thought that Lam (who, like I said, often disagrees) was pretty much impervious to my dire and doom, but recently he's been telling me about how he uses the examples I give in arguments with him as thought provokers in his classroom and that he, himself, is also starting to feel discouraged (which is NOT what I wanted) about such things. Not that he didn't already know about the inequities and such of Chinese life, but he wasn't forced to talk about them for hours on end until he started dating me.
Part of the reason I've been using poor Lam as my outlet, is that, honestly, when I try to talk to other people about things like why I'm a vegetarian, environmental protection, using less oil, enforcing environmental safety regulations, creating a slightly more equitable and content-based education system, I get not lack of interest, but entirely uncompatible frames of reference. The ostensible "universal" reasons to do things like protect biodiversity, destroy patriarchy, consider the welfare of strangers, etc., just do not seem to translate. (Obviously, they are not so universal.)
Part of the communication dam can be attributed to habits of non-confrontation. Trying to get beyond vague platitudes would result in concrete discussions - an activity which many Chinese are reluctant to do for historical reasons of accountability and the consequences there of. Speaking in platitudes has now become a way to smooth over any otherwise perceivable differences (one of the drawbacks of the focus group method of fieldwork is that group members, with a few notable exceptions, are usually reluctant to directly contradict each other and are also equally reluctant to give out too much info about the recesses of their minds). People always agree that we should be nice to others, etc., but there's very little discussion about how this should actually work. Or, people agree that it's too bad that the environment is being harmed but no one will actually offer any suggestions about how to change anything. Or people will agree that the reliance on patronage networks makes it almost impossible for qualified talented people to get into schools, etc. and that this has deleterious effects on the education system (cheating, giving away grades, etc.) but once again, no suggestions. One of the favorites is to agree that war is bad and peace is good, but no one will actually discuss what it would mean to create peace or how to solve conflicts between identifiable interests.
Even acknowledging that these (mis)communication habits, however, there often comes a moment when I realize that I may be using Chinese words, I may even be pronouncing them correctly, but my conversation partner has no idea what I'm talking about. One of these areas where this will come up is in the beyond the platitude stage. That is, assuming that there's some acknowledgement that an issue exists, like the environment should be protected, there is another block when the, what-should-we-do-about-it question comes up. The immediate response I get to this question is that, "Oh, it's a huge issue, and I am not a leader. I have no power. I can't do anything about it." Not that I can argue with the first three out of four statements (usually - my informants don't tend to be at the top of the Chinese social ladder). As an oligarchic, semi-totalitarian society without a so-called "civil society", China is definitely a place where not being a leader does crimp one's ability to do almost anything. Nevertheless, it's the last one that always gets me. Sure, obviously, one cannot "solve" the environmental problems of China by oneself. But, or so it seems, very few of those I've talked to even consider doing something as simple as walking when they have the chance - or attempting to use recycled materials (not that most Americans are any better. My own dad won't separate his trash and he has curbside pick-up.). Now, of course, one can argue that these sorts of ideas are the result of education, but the people that I'm talking about are not ignorant of the effect of disposable items or the finite nature of fossil fuels. One can also make the argument (and indeed Lam often does) that if I don't buy the car, build the development, manufacture the useless gizmo, etc., someone else will, and most likely in an even more pernicious way. One can even argue, that one's effort really doesn't make that much difference... but, the reluctance to even seriously consider these ideas, to think of them as completely beside the point, or a waste of time, it really drives me nuts... and lonely. I can understand now how truly weird, obsessive and ego-maniacal most reformers must be in order to continue to do what they do. Maybe they need to be anti-social as well. If so, I'm not likely to get very far, given the whole social butterfly thing.
All of which is why I am a pushover. At my Tuesday tennis lesson (recall how useful they are for fieldwork), I kept on having my concentration ruined by a piteous squeaking behind the tennis court. "A Fang remember to turn at the waist." squeak squeak "A Fang, try again," squeak squeak squeak "A Fang use your shoulder not your hand" squeak squeak squeak squeak SQUEAK! Kind of like the Tell Tale Heart but not with imagination, guilt and confession, but rather pleading, guilt and capitulation. Ok much closer to the Tell Tale Heart than I had previously thought. Sure enough source of the squeaking is a 4 week or so old kitten squeezed up under one of the benches on the courts. I actually pondered leaving it there in light of the consideration that bringing homeless animals to raise was something for 8 yr olds rather than 36 yr olds who normally have much more adult ways to effect the world. Perhaps I just don't want to grow up or more likely, I am a pushover and that cat is at the top of its propaganda game. Given the other sorts of conundrums I've been stewing about, I now consider my previous saving of a kitten from the stewpot to be the pinnacle of my effectiveness in China. (Nevermind that there are so many others that still end up there that I do nothing about. This isn't about consistency; it's about what I can do.) Why not do it again? Well, there are obvious reasons, A)I no longer live alone and thus Lam should have some say in the matter and B) the previous stewpot savee will definitely object and she hasn't given us any reason to make her unhappy and C) adopting another cat will take up lots of writing time which I don't really have to give.
Tennis court kitty is now NOT helping me type. Lam declares that he gave her/him (to be determined) to me for his birthday. Generous guy! Other kitty totally freaked and has taken to upchucking grass on the porch as a way to self medicate her anxiety. I am such a hero.
Part of the reason I've been using poor Lam as my outlet, is that, honestly, when I try to talk to other people about things like why I'm a vegetarian, environmental protection, using less oil, enforcing environmental safety regulations, creating a slightly more equitable and content-based education system, I get not lack of interest, but entirely uncompatible frames of reference. The ostensible "universal" reasons to do things like protect biodiversity, destroy patriarchy, consider the welfare of strangers, etc., just do not seem to translate. (Obviously, they are not so universal.)
Part of the communication dam can be attributed to habits of non-confrontation. Trying to get beyond vague platitudes would result in concrete discussions - an activity which many Chinese are reluctant to do for historical reasons of accountability and the consequences there of. Speaking in platitudes has now become a way to smooth over any otherwise perceivable differences (one of the drawbacks of the focus group method of fieldwork is that group members, with a few notable exceptions, are usually reluctant to directly contradict each other and are also equally reluctant to give out too much info about the recesses of their minds). People always agree that we should be nice to others, etc., but there's very little discussion about how this should actually work. Or, people agree that it's too bad that the environment is being harmed but no one will actually offer any suggestions about how to change anything. Or people will agree that the reliance on patronage networks makes it almost impossible for qualified talented people to get into schools, etc. and that this has deleterious effects on the education system (cheating, giving away grades, etc.) but once again, no suggestions. One of the favorites is to agree that war is bad and peace is good, but no one will actually discuss what it would mean to create peace or how to solve conflicts between identifiable interests.
Even acknowledging that these (mis)communication habits, however, there often comes a moment when I realize that I may be using Chinese words, I may even be pronouncing them correctly, but my conversation partner has no idea what I'm talking about. One of these areas where this will come up is in the beyond the platitude stage. That is, assuming that there's some acknowledgement that an issue exists, like the environment should be protected, there is another block when the, what-should-we-do-about-it question comes up. The immediate response I get to this question is that, "Oh, it's a huge issue, and I am not a leader. I have no power. I can't do anything about it." Not that I can argue with the first three out of four statements (usually - my informants don't tend to be at the top of the Chinese social ladder). As an oligarchic, semi-totalitarian society without a so-called "civil society", China is definitely a place where not being a leader does crimp one's ability to do almost anything. Nevertheless, it's the last one that always gets me. Sure, obviously, one cannot "solve" the environmental problems of China by oneself. But, or so it seems, very few of those I've talked to even consider doing something as simple as walking when they have the chance - or attempting to use recycled materials (not that most Americans are any better. My own dad won't separate his trash and he has curbside pick-up.). Now, of course, one can argue that these sorts of ideas are the result of education, but the people that I'm talking about are not ignorant of the effect of disposable items or the finite nature of fossil fuels. One can also make the argument (and indeed Lam often does) that if I don't buy the car, build the development, manufacture the useless gizmo, etc., someone else will, and most likely in an even more pernicious way. One can even argue, that one's effort really doesn't make that much difference... but, the reluctance to even seriously consider these ideas, to think of them as completely beside the point, or a waste of time, it really drives me nuts... and lonely. I can understand now how truly weird, obsessive and ego-maniacal most reformers must be in order to continue to do what they do. Maybe they need to be anti-social as well. If so, I'm not likely to get very far, given the whole social butterfly thing.
All of which is why I am a pushover. At my Tuesday tennis lesson (recall how useful they are for fieldwork), I kept on having my concentration ruined by a piteous squeaking behind the tennis court. "A Fang remember to turn at the waist." squeak squeak "A Fang, try again," squeak squeak squeak "A Fang use your shoulder not your hand" squeak squeak squeak squeak SQUEAK! Kind of like the Tell Tale Heart but not with imagination, guilt and confession, but rather pleading, guilt and capitulation. Ok much closer to the Tell Tale Heart than I had previously thought. Sure enough source of the squeaking is a 4 week or so old kitten squeezed up under one of the benches on the courts. I actually pondered leaving it there in light of the consideration that bringing homeless animals to raise was something for 8 yr olds rather than 36 yr olds who normally have much more adult ways to effect the world. Perhaps I just don't want to grow up or more likely, I am a pushover and that cat is at the top of its propaganda game. Given the other sorts of conundrums I've been stewing about, I now consider my previous saving of a kitten from the stewpot to be the pinnacle of my effectiveness in China. (Nevermind that there are so many others that still end up there that I do nothing about. This isn't about consistency; it's about what I can do.) Why not do it again? Well, there are obvious reasons, A)I no longer live alone and thus Lam should have some say in the matter and B) the previous stewpot savee will definitely object and she hasn't given us any reason to make her unhappy and C) adopting another cat will take up lots of writing time which I don't really have to give.
Tennis court kitty is now NOT helping me type. Lam declares that he gave her/him (to be determined) to me for his birthday. Generous guy! Other kitty totally freaked and has taken to upchucking grass on the porch as a way to self medicate her anxiety. I am such a hero.