(no subject)
Title: I'm No Good, You're No Better
Author: ribbonsonwrists
Pairing: Frank/Mikey
Rating: PG-13. Drinking, night terrors, boy cuddles.
Word Count: 3442
Summary: Remember me next time I go away. For the first time in my life I wanna stay. I can count on one hand here today, the only things that matter to me anyway.
Disclaimer: No harm meant. Not mine, don't know, don't own, don't sue?
Author's notes: Written for Meddi, marmalade409 for Feb's challenge over at thebigexchange. Prompts were Blood, Tears and Sweat, pairing any My Chem set. Title from "Late Bloomer", summary from "Kate is Great", and cut text from "Kids and Heroes", all by Frank's beloved Bouncing Souls. Hope you like it lovely. ♥
"Miiiiiiiiiikey face!"
"Oh what the fuck now, Frankie? It's two am. I just wanna grab some shitty fast food and go to sleep."
"Don't you be mean to me, Michael James Way. You're just annoyed at Gerard cause he beat you in D&D while half asleep. Anyway, you're rooming with me tonight. Bob said he wanted to hang with Gee, and Ray's got Christa coming out for the show and a little one on one time after that, IF you know what I mean. So yeah, point being, it looks like it's you and me buddy!"
"Great, Frank. That sounds fantastic. I call bed by the door and first shower. And no smoking in the room." He stomped off the bus, followed by his brother and Ray. The cheery miniature guitarist, who was really busy annoying Bob "as a stockpile for overnight, Bob-o!", trooped off after the even tempered drummer but before their harried manager who had been shouting to Ray about protection, locks, thin walls and the dangers of Frank Anthony Iero on a romantic evening.
Mikey, meanwhile, was cursing his bandmates for sticking him with Frank again like they had the last few hotel nights. What bothered him wasn't that Ray or Bob found a way to skirt Frankie's boundless energy and optimism. It was Gerard. Gerard knew how Mikey had felt since almost before Mikey did, and still he let his baby brother share a room with the one person who drove him most crazy. Gerard stepped up next to his brother and took a slow drag on his cigarette, blowing the smoke away from Mikey. "Come on Mikes. It won't be so bad. Just try to relax, and remember: It's just Frank. It's only Frank."
*****
"Just Frank," Mikey thought. "Only Frank."
He threw his bag on the floor by the bed and frowned, hearing the sounds of a shower running already, and seeing Frank's stuff spread across the other bed. "Fucking Iero! I called first shower!"
Frank popped his head out the door and grinned. "Yeah, but you know how we do it: first shower or bed choice. You're always dead set on the door, so I get shower. I'll be out in like, ten minutes. I'm short, don't have much to wash, cause everything's small. 'Cept my dick!" he cackled and shut the door again, singing Dean Martin loudly and off key.
Mikey sighed and settled onto his bed, looking for his phone to call Alicia, like he'd promised he would on their hotel nights this tour. One, two, three rings later, and she picked up with a breathless "Hey Mikey!"
"Hey 'Leash. Did I wake you?"
"No, baby, you didn't. I was putting the dye on my hair. What's up? You boys finally got a night off?"
"No, more like two show nights in four days in Miami."
"That's sexy. Gonna go out and party, Mikes? I hear Miami has some awesome stuff."
"If I were rooming with Bob or Ray maybe. I'm stuck with Frank again," he sighed and rolled over onto his stomach, propping his head up with one slim arm. "Every night we share a room it gets harder to tell him. I'm scared I'll fuck it up, you know? Dude's my best friend."
"Really Mikey? Listen to me okay, because seriously baby, it's gonna be hard for you to screw this up. I mean, it's still Frankie. The guy who gave you One Thousand and One Ways to Get Off Using Household Appliances for your 23rd birthday, remember? The guy you and Gee gave an electric orange vibrator to just to hear his laugh. Don't sweat it, man. He'll still love you."
"But not the way I love him," he pointed out sullenly.
"Mikey, you don't know that. I gotta go. Hair dye's about ready to come off. Love you Mike. Talk to you tomorrow."
"Love you too, 'Leash. I'll call you after the show." He blew her a kiss, waited for hers in return, then hung up smiling.
****
As Mikey half expected, half dreaded, Frank crawled into bed with him as soon as Mikey was out of the shower. The small guitarist wrapped around Mikey's back, kissing his shoulder and whispering the same promise, the one Mikey could mouth word for word, but never asked what it meant.
"Lo proteggerò, il mio amore. Combatterò fuori ogni sogno difettoso per vederlo sorridere."
Frank kissed his shoulder again and held Mikey tighter, smiling against his back as they fell into an easy sleep. Frank knew Mikey always picked the bed by the door so he could run from his nightmares if he had to, and Mikey knew Frank crawled in bed with him to stop him from running. When he was sure the smaller man was asleep, Mikey threaded their fingers together, sighing quietly as Frank squirmed closer.
*****
"J, I'd go for it, but he has a girlfriend."
"Frankie, sweetheart, he does not," Jamia's soft, smiling voice came over the line from Frank's house in Jersey. "Trust, me, he's a total man eater if you catch my drift. Besides. Who would be stupid enough to go for him when you give people death glares when they come near, and practically stamped 'Property of Frankie' on his forehead?"
"J, it's not that easy. He calls Alicia all the time. They're always whispering, chatting, sending messages... When they hang out, they're always touching, cuddling."
"Like us, Frankie? And Alicia? As in Alicia Simmons? The cute little one from the Eyeball party before you got huge?"
"Yeah, her. She's like a chick Mikey."
"Does that make me a chick you?"
"Yeah. And as much as I love you, and as much as I love me, I can't imagine fucking myself. So we're never gonna do it, okay? You're hot, but there's no way I'm that narcissistic."
"Yeah you are. Total narcissist. It's not always about you, Frankie. Anyway, alls I'm sayin' is that you should just go for it. I gotta go, 'cause the dog needs to go out. Give Mikey a big hug for me, and ask if he got to the chapter about the toolbox yet. Love you Frankie Pants."
Frank burst out laughing, nodding even though she couldn't see. "Will do. I love you too, J Bear. See you when we get home."
*****
Mikey decided he wanted to get completely trashed that night somewhere between Dead! and Our Lady of Sorrows. Normally, he avoided it, both out of respect for Gerard and because he didn't quite trust himself in a bar just yet, but Frank had been leaning on Gerard, mouthing hotly over the singer's neck and Gerard had leaned back, letting Frank pull him into a stage kiss that Mikey was positive hadn't been just for show. Gerard had stopped singing to kiss back, moaning into the mic at Frank's advances.
Mikey only saw Frank advance on his brother, didn't hear Frank moaning into Gerard's ear "Fuck, Mikes..."
*****
"Hey. J, Mikey isn't home yet. No, I don't have Alicia's number. Can you give it to me? Why's she with you? missing your men? Haha, okay. Let me talk to her, yeah?"
"Hey Frankie."
"Hey Alicia. Uhm, I don't mean to scare you or anything, but Mikey hasn't come back yet. It's like 4 am, and he's not... oh wait. Here he is. Let me get him settled, then I'll call you girls back okay? Let me talk to J again. Hey baby girl, he's back. I'm gonna settle him in then call you girls back, okay? I love you, Jamia."
He hung up and turned to Mikey, who was staggering into the room with a sloshed grin. "Hey. Hi. Hey Frank, hi," he giggled and stumbled forward. "Hey, so 'M kinda drunk, mmkay? Like.. a little drunk. You know who was down -hic- down here? Gabe Saporta. You know, 'Come on briiiiing it!', Gabe? Midtown Gabe. Man, I haven't seen him since Bamboozle. It was amazing. We totally went -hic- shot for shot and he gave me this blue thing... It was amazing. Did I say that already? -hic- It was. Gabe and I were dancing like the old days, and I think he was feeling me up."
"Mikes how much did you drink?" Frank's voice was dangerously quiet, calm and bristling under the surface with pure anger.
"Hey look, man. If you weren't kissing my brother on stage I wouldn't have to fuck around with Saporta, okay? This is all your... oh fuck." he groaned and lurched toward the bathroom, Frank right behind him, holding him up and guiding him into the porcelain white room. Mikey didn't quite make it, emptying his stomach onto the cold floor, and bursting into tears. Mikey gasped and groaned, whimpering while Frank pulled him into his arms and away from the mess.
"Quiete, il mio amore. Calmi giù. Non andrò da nessuna parte. Sono qui." Frank whispered. "Calmi."
Mikey's long fingers curled into Frank's black shirt, sniffling into it and whimpering, letting Frank hold him and pet his hair, whispering soft Italian nothings to him. "Frankie? What does 'il mio amore' mean? What did you tell me? I-is it something your mom used to tell you?"
"It means 'my love'," Frankie answered truthfully. "I just said I'm not going anywhere, that I'm always here, please calm down." He kissed Mikey's forehead. "Just like I've always been. And always will be you know? I really wish you hadn't gone out tonight without me Mikes. You could have gotten hurt, or kidnapped. Saporta could have... you know, taken advantage of you."
"Frankie, just don't. I can't deal with being loved like that ok? I'm okay. I think I'll just shower and head to sleep. And uh, could you maybe sleep in your own bed tonight? I kinda don't wanna puke on you."
Frank sighed and nodded, helping Mikey up. He led the taller man over to the shower and opened the door. "Toss your clothes over the door, Mikes. I'll clean this all up and get you new clothes to sleep in." Mikey nodded back and dried his eyes on the sleeves of his shirt.
"Why you so good to me, Frankie?"
"Cause I love you, Mikey. Always will," he shrugged and gave Mikey a sad, half smile. "Get clean. I'll find some aspirin and a bottle of water for ya."
*****
Frank wasn't in the room when Mikey stepped out of the shower. The bathroom was clean, a new set of pajama pants and a white tee shirt were on the counter, Mikey's favorite hoodie hanging on a hook near the door, but there was no Frank. He wasn't in the hall, and after a quick call to the other's rooms, he discovered Frank wasn't there either. Desperately, he called Alicia, feeling like a complete asshole. It was nearly sunrise, and he was freaking out over a missing guitar player slash roommate, and calling his best friend because of it. "Hey, Ali, have you... I know it's shitty and late, but I can't find Frank, and maybe you have Jamia's number so I can ask if he's call- What? J's there? Why the hell are you with Frank's girlfriend?"
"Mikes, she's not..." she sighed softly. "She's talking to Frank right now. He's really upset, Mikey. What happened there? He told her you came home drunk and were messing around with Gabe Saporta. I don't know if that's true, but you're seriously losing a good thing here, man. Frank told you he loved you, and you sent him away."
"I... He just loves me as a friend. He always says he loves me. He holds me in my sleep and keeps me safe, but I mean, he's the only one that can. Even Gee can't chill me out that much." Mikey sighed. "But he doesn't love me like I love him. He can't."
Outside by the pool, Frank was listening to Mikey, over the girl's speaker phone connection, sniffling, but otherwise silent.
"I mean he's amazing, you know? He knows exactly how to make me smile, how to kiss my shoulder just right so that I'm left thinking of his mouth on mine. He tells me this little phrase in Italian before we fall asleep, and I just... He makes it better. I don't sleep badly when I'm with him. When he's next to me, A, I don't feel bad, scared or hurt. I don't have those terrors. I almost killed Gerard tonight for kissing him, even though I know it's for the fans."
"Mikey, you should have just said." Frank said softly, more to the pool than the phone, swishing his denim covered legs through the cool water. "You should have said you loved me."
"Frank just makes me feel, Alicia. He reminds me life's worth living. I don't love him. I love Gerard. I love Ray and Bob and Brian. I.." he sighed. "I'm actually in love with him."
Jamia's voice came on the line, the dark haired girl looking at Alicia and slipping out of bed. "Frankie, baby, I know it's hard. Just listen, okay, Mikey doesn't know he just told you that. You have to tell him, okay baby boy? You tell him you love him, as soon as you can. You tell him you've loved him since he had a pomp and thick glasses, and you were a stupid boy in dreadlocks and torn jeans, okay?"
Frank sniffled, nodding, then remembered she couldn't see. "Yeah, J. I'll definitely do that... Soon."
"Love you Frankie Stein."
"Love you too, Blue J."
*****
Frank had put his iPod on after the phone call, listening to the one band that made him forget his heartache. Greg Attonito's voice singing about being a hopeless romantic, and he smiled a little, thinking of how Mikey's smile widened when Frankie sang lines from the songs they both holed up in one bunk or another with. Somehow, Frank's feet led him back to their shared room. He paused outside, hearing Mikey's soft voice.
"I love him Alicia. I know it now. Fuck, Ali, I... Yeah, I did. I didn't know what to do. I went to Gee's but he was watching a movie and cuddling Bob. Ray has Christa out here and I couldn't go to him. I promise, it's just a small thing. I've already cleaned myself up. Took a shower, some aspirin and drank a lot of water already." He sniffled, and Frank slid his key in the lock. "I told him to sleep in his own bed. I hope I did the right thing. Gotta go now though. Frankie's back."
He sighed as he slid inside, taking off his hoodie and toeing off his shoes before he squirmed out of his wet jeans. He padded toward his bed, switching off his iPod and crawling in. It felt cold and strange to be in bed without Mikey there, and he finally looked over to the other bed, seeing a tent where Mikey had drawn the sheets up around himself, over his bowed head with his phone to his ear. "Thanks, Wendy. 'Night." he said, waiting for her "Goodnight, Michael Darling."
*****
Frank woke in half an hour to a terrified scream and Mikey clawing at his skin, screaming "Get it off me, oh God Frankie, get it AWAY!" His thin body was thrashing, and even in the dim light of the nearing dawn, Frank could see the spreading blooms of red across Mikey's chest, the splatters on the crisp white linen, the streaks he felt splashing warm across his own cheek as Mikey lashed out.
"FRANKIE HELP!"
The thin man was fighting a demon only he could see, clawing at his skin to keep his unseen enemy away. His body arched and bowed, his voice going raw and weak even as he continued pleading for the help of the man by his bedside. Frank gasped and reached for Mikey's hand, grasping it hard and pulling him softly. "Mikey! Mikes, I'm here. Il mio amore, sono qui, calmi," he repeated over and over, waiting for Mikey to wake up before he pulled his friend into his warm arms. "Mikey, it was a bad dream, a terror. I'm here, Mikes."
"Frank, I..." he sniffled. "I had a dream that you were mad at me and you wouldn't come save me because... because you didn't love me." His eyes closed shut tightly, and he took in a shaky breath. "You didn't love me like I love you, and you left me there and it got me. I don't know what it was but it got me and you let it because you were mad." The thin man hiccupped, wet eyes opening up and looking over Frank's face, horrified at the blood he saw over the usually smiling lips, under his bright eyes. "Frank..."
"It's yours, Mike. You were so scared you hurt yourself. Are you okay for me to go grab a couple towels to clean you up?" Frank's voice was soft and sincere, and his hazel eyes watched Mikey closely, carefully.
Mikey nodded, slowly looking over the mess in the room as Frank calmly wet the wash towels and brought the dry ones in. He cleaned Mikey up, slowly wiping his body clean and drying it, pressing gentle kisses to each torn patch of skin. "Mikes, don't you ever... ever think I wouldn't be there to take care of you, okay? I'll always pick you, Mikey, always."
Mikey nodded and moved closer, letting Frank kiss his wounds and place his tattoo patterned bandages over each. "I love you, okay Frankie? Like... Love you like wanna sleep next to you every night and have you kiss me when you wake up, and everything. I love you like that, okay?"
Frank chuckled and nodded, his hand gently guiding Mikey's mouth to his, stopping right before their lips brushed. "I love you like that too, okay Mikey?" he murmured, letting his mouth gently touch Mikey's, smiling as Mikey slunk forward and pressed more firmly to Frank's kiss. "Wanna know how long?"
"Humor me, Frankie."
"Since you were a dork with a greaser hairdo and those square glasses and I was a loser in dreads and flannel shirts."
"Oh god, I hated those glasses. Know how long I've loved you?"
"Shoot Mikey."
"Since I saw you playing with Pencey Prep."
"Oh man, that's worse than the dreads," he snorted, curling into Mikey's warm body. "We have the day off today, and I think we'll need it. I'm putting up the 'Do Not Disturb' sign and ordering room service when we get hungry. Sound good Mikes?"
Mikey nodded, and looked at Frank, waiting for him to say the words he knew would keep him safe. Frank kissed him gently, and whispered the words to closed eyelids and on parted lips. Mikey fell into a content sleep, and this time, it was Frank who tangled their hands and moved them closer together.
*****
They had another hotel night in Los Angeles, and this time, Mikey had no problem sharing with Frank. He still slipped off the bus first, followed by Gerard, Ray and Bob, trailed by Frank and Brian. He called first shower and bed by the door, shook his head in amusement when he walked into the room to find Frank already stripping, and inviting him to join in the shower.
As the taller man lay down with Frank wrapped around him, Mikey spoke softly. "Sono qui, il mio amore. Finchè siete qui combattere i sogni difettosi, ogni sorriso è a causa di voi. Per voi."
~fin.
"Lo proteggerò, il mio amore. Combatterò fuori ogni sogno difettoso per vederlo sorridere" = I'll protect you, my love. I'll fight off every bad dream, just to see you smile.
"Quiete, il mio amore. Calmi giù. Non andrò da nessuna parte. Sono qui. ... Calmi." = Quiet, my love. Calm down. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. ... Calm.
"Sono qui, il mio amore. Finchè siete qui combattere i sogni difettosi, ogni sorriso è a causa di voi. Per voi." = I'm here, my love. As long as you fight every bad dream, every smile is because of you. For you.
Author: ribbonsonwrists
Pairing: Frank/Mikey
Rating: PG-13. Drinking, night terrors, boy cuddles.
Word Count: 3442
Summary: Remember me next time I go away. For the first time in my life I wanna stay. I can count on one hand here today, the only things that matter to me anyway.
Disclaimer: No harm meant. Not mine, don't know, don't own, don't sue?
Author's notes: Written for Meddi, marmalade409 for Feb's challenge over at thebigexchange. Prompts were Blood, Tears and Sweat, pairing any My Chem set. Title from "Late Bloomer", summary from "Kate is Great", and cut text from "Kids and Heroes", all by Frank's beloved Bouncing Souls. Hope you like it lovely. ♥
"Miiiiiiiiiikey face!"
"Oh what the fuck now, Frankie? It's two am. I just wanna grab some shitty fast food and go to sleep."
"Don't you be mean to me, Michael James Way. You're just annoyed at Gerard cause he beat you in D&D while half asleep. Anyway, you're rooming with me tonight. Bob said he wanted to hang with Gee, and Ray's got Christa coming out for the show and a little one on one time after that, IF you know what I mean. So yeah, point being, it looks like it's you and me buddy!"
"Great, Frank. That sounds fantastic. I call bed by the door and first shower. And no smoking in the room." He stomped off the bus, followed by his brother and Ray. The cheery miniature guitarist, who was really busy annoying Bob "as a stockpile for overnight, Bob-o!", trooped off after the even tempered drummer but before their harried manager who had been shouting to Ray about protection, locks, thin walls and the dangers of Frank Anthony Iero on a romantic evening.
Mikey, meanwhile, was cursing his bandmates for sticking him with Frank again like they had the last few hotel nights. What bothered him wasn't that Ray or Bob found a way to skirt Frankie's boundless energy and optimism. It was Gerard. Gerard knew how Mikey had felt since almost before Mikey did, and still he let his baby brother share a room with the one person who drove him most crazy. Gerard stepped up next to his brother and took a slow drag on his cigarette, blowing the smoke away from Mikey. "Come on Mikes. It won't be so bad. Just try to relax, and remember: It's just Frank. It's only Frank."
*****
"Just Frank," Mikey thought. "Only Frank."
He threw his bag on the floor by the bed and frowned, hearing the sounds of a shower running already, and seeing Frank's stuff spread across the other bed. "Fucking Iero! I called first shower!"
Frank popped his head out the door and grinned. "Yeah, but you know how we do it: first shower or bed choice. You're always dead set on the door, so I get shower. I'll be out in like, ten minutes. I'm short, don't have much to wash, cause everything's small. 'Cept my dick!" he cackled and shut the door again, singing Dean Martin loudly and off key.
Mikey sighed and settled onto his bed, looking for his phone to call Alicia, like he'd promised he would on their hotel nights this tour. One, two, three rings later, and she picked up with a breathless "Hey Mikey!"
"Hey 'Leash. Did I wake you?"
"No, baby, you didn't. I was putting the dye on my hair. What's up? You boys finally got a night off?"
"No, more like two show nights in four days in Miami."
"That's sexy. Gonna go out and party, Mikes? I hear Miami has some awesome stuff."
"If I were rooming with Bob or Ray maybe. I'm stuck with Frank again," he sighed and rolled over onto his stomach, propping his head up with one slim arm. "Every night we share a room it gets harder to tell him. I'm scared I'll fuck it up, you know? Dude's my best friend."
"Really Mikey? Listen to me okay, because seriously baby, it's gonna be hard for you to screw this up. I mean, it's still Frankie. The guy who gave you One Thousand and One Ways to Get Off Using Household Appliances for your 23rd birthday, remember? The guy you and Gee gave an electric orange vibrator to just to hear his laugh. Don't sweat it, man. He'll still love you."
"But not the way I love him," he pointed out sullenly.
"Mikey, you don't know that. I gotta go. Hair dye's about ready to come off. Love you Mike. Talk to you tomorrow."
"Love you too, 'Leash. I'll call you after the show." He blew her a kiss, waited for hers in return, then hung up smiling.
****
As Mikey half expected, half dreaded, Frank crawled into bed with him as soon as Mikey was out of the shower. The small guitarist wrapped around Mikey's back, kissing his shoulder and whispering the same promise, the one Mikey could mouth word for word, but never asked what it meant.
"Lo proteggerò, il mio amore. Combatterò fuori ogni sogno difettoso per vederlo sorridere."
Frank kissed his shoulder again and held Mikey tighter, smiling against his back as they fell into an easy sleep. Frank knew Mikey always picked the bed by the door so he could run from his nightmares if he had to, and Mikey knew Frank crawled in bed with him to stop him from running. When he was sure the smaller man was asleep, Mikey threaded their fingers together, sighing quietly as Frank squirmed closer.
*****
"J, I'd go for it, but he has a girlfriend."
"Frankie, sweetheart, he does not," Jamia's soft, smiling voice came over the line from Frank's house in Jersey. "Trust, me, he's a total man eater if you catch my drift. Besides. Who would be stupid enough to go for him when you give people death glares when they come near, and practically stamped 'Property of Frankie' on his forehead?"
"J, it's not that easy. He calls Alicia all the time. They're always whispering, chatting, sending messages... When they hang out, they're always touching, cuddling."
"Like us, Frankie? And Alicia? As in Alicia Simmons? The cute little one from the Eyeball party before you got huge?"
"Yeah, her. She's like a chick Mikey."
"Does that make me a chick you?"
"Yeah. And as much as I love you, and as much as I love me, I can't imagine fucking myself. So we're never gonna do it, okay? You're hot, but there's no way I'm that narcissistic."
"Yeah you are. Total narcissist. It's not always about you, Frankie. Anyway, alls I'm sayin' is that you should just go for it. I gotta go, 'cause the dog needs to go out. Give Mikey a big hug for me, and ask if he got to the chapter about the toolbox yet. Love you Frankie Pants."
Frank burst out laughing, nodding even though she couldn't see. "Will do. I love you too, J Bear. See you when we get home."
*****
Mikey decided he wanted to get completely trashed that night somewhere between Dead! and Our Lady of Sorrows. Normally, he avoided it, both out of respect for Gerard and because he didn't quite trust himself in a bar just yet, but Frank had been leaning on Gerard, mouthing hotly over the singer's neck and Gerard had leaned back, letting Frank pull him into a stage kiss that Mikey was positive hadn't been just for show. Gerard had stopped singing to kiss back, moaning into the mic at Frank's advances.
Mikey only saw Frank advance on his brother, didn't hear Frank moaning into Gerard's ear "Fuck, Mikes..."
*****
"Hey. J, Mikey isn't home yet. No, I don't have Alicia's number. Can you give it to me? Why's she with you? missing your men? Haha, okay. Let me talk to her, yeah?"
"Hey Frankie."
"Hey Alicia. Uhm, I don't mean to scare you or anything, but Mikey hasn't come back yet. It's like 4 am, and he's not... oh wait. Here he is. Let me get him settled, then I'll call you girls back okay? Let me talk to J again. Hey baby girl, he's back. I'm gonna settle him in then call you girls back, okay? I love you, Jamia."
He hung up and turned to Mikey, who was staggering into the room with a sloshed grin. "Hey. Hi. Hey Frank, hi," he giggled and stumbled forward. "Hey, so 'M kinda drunk, mmkay? Like.. a little drunk. You know who was down -hic- down here? Gabe Saporta. You know, 'Come on briiiiing it!', Gabe? Midtown Gabe. Man, I haven't seen him since Bamboozle. It was amazing. We totally went -hic- shot for shot and he gave me this blue thing... It was amazing. Did I say that already? -hic- It was. Gabe and I were dancing like the old days, and I think he was feeling me up."
"Mikes how much did you drink?" Frank's voice was dangerously quiet, calm and bristling under the surface with pure anger.
"Hey look, man. If you weren't kissing my brother on stage I wouldn't have to fuck around with Saporta, okay? This is all your... oh fuck." he groaned and lurched toward the bathroom, Frank right behind him, holding him up and guiding him into the porcelain white room. Mikey didn't quite make it, emptying his stomach onto the cold floor, and bursting into tears. Mikey gasped and groaned, whimpering while Frank pulled him into his arms and away from the mess.
"Quiete, il mio amore. Calmi giù. Non andrò da nessuna parte. Sono qui." Frank whispered. "Calmi."
Mikey's long fingers curled into Frank's black shirt, sniffling into it and whimpering, letting Frank hold him and pet his hair, whispering soft Italian nothings to him. "Frankie? What does 'il mio amore' mean? What did you tell me? I-is it something your mom used to tell you?"
"It means 'my love'," Frankie answered truthfully. "I just said I'm not going anywhere, that I'm always here, please calm down." He kissed Mikey's forehead. "Just like I've always been. And always will be you know? I really wish you hadn't gone out tonight without me Mikes. You could have gotten hurt, or kidnapped. Saporta could have... you know, taken advantage of you."
"Frankie, just don't. I can't deal with being loved like that ok? I'm okay. I think I'll just shower and head to sleep. And uh, could you maybe sleep in your own bed tonight? I kinda don't wanna puke on you."
Frank sighed and nodded, helping Mikey up. He led the taller man over to the shower and opened the door. "Toss your clothes over the door, Mikes. I'll clean this all up and get you new clothes to sleep in." Mikey nodded back and dried his eyes on the sleeves of his shirt.
"Why you so good to me, Frankie?"
"Cause I love you, Mikey. Always will," he shrugged and gave Mikey a sad, half smile. "Get clean. I'll find some aspirin and a bottle of water for ya."
*****
Frank wasn't in the room when Mikey stepped out of the shower. The bathroom was clean, a new set of pajama pants and a white tee shirt were on the counter, Mikey's favorite hoodie hanging on a hook near the door, but there was no Frank. He wasn't in the hall, and after a quick call to the other's rooms, he discovered Frank wasn't there either. Desperately, he called Alicia, feeling like a complete asshole. It was nearly sunrise, and he was freaking out over a missing guitar player slash roommate, and calling his best friend because of it. "Hey, Ali, have you... I know it's shitty and late, but I can't find Frank, and maybe you have Jamia's number so I can ask if he's call- What? J's there? Why the hell are you with Frank's girlfriend?"
"Mikes, she's not..." she sighed softly. "She's talking to Frank right now. He's really upset, Mikey. What happened there? He told her you came home drunk and were messing around with Gabe Saporta. I don't know if that's true, but you're seriously losing a good thing here, man. Frank told you he loved you, and you sent him away."
"I... He just loves me as a friend. He always says he loves me. He holds me in my sleep and keeps me safe, but I mean, he's the only one that can. Even Gee can't chill me out that much." Mikey sighed. "But he doesn't love me like I love him. He can't."
Outside by the pool, Frank was listening to Mikey, over the girl's speaker phone connection, sniffling, but otherwise silent.
"I mean he's amazing, you know? He knows exactly how to make me smile, how to kiss my shoulder just right so that I'm left thinking of his mouth on mine. He tells me this little phrase in Italian before we fall asleep, and I just... He makes it better. I don't sleep badly when I'm with him. When he's next to me, A, I don't feel bad, scared or hurt. I don't have those terrors. I almost killed Gerard tonight for kissing him, even though I know it's for the fans."
"Mikey, you should have just said." Frank said softly, more to the pool than the phone, swishing his denim covered legs through the cool water. "You should have said you loved me."
"Frank just makes me feel, Alicia. He reminds me life's worth living. I don't love him. I love Gerard. I love Ray and Bob and Brian. I.." he sighed. "I'm actually in love with him."
Jamia's voice came on the line, the dark haired girl looking at Alicia and slipping out of bed. "Frankie, baby, I know it's hard. Just listen, okay, Mikey doesn't know he just told you that. You have to tell him, okay baby boy? You tell him you love him, as soon as you can. You tell him you've loved him since he had a pomp and thick glasses, and you were a stupid boy in dreadlocks and torn jeans, okay?"
Frank sniffled, nodding, then remembered she couldn't see. "Yeah, J. I'll definitely do that... Soon."
"Love you Frankie Stein."
"Love you too, Blue J."
*****
Frank had put his iPod on after the phone call, listening to the one band that made him forget his heartache. Greg Attonito's voice singing about being a hopeless romantic, and he smiled a little, thinking of how Mikey's smile widened when Frankie sang lines from the songs they both holed up in one bunk or another with. Somehow, Frank's feet led him back to their shared room. He paused outside, hearing Mikey's soft voice.
"I love him Alicia. I know it now. Fuck, Ali, I... Yeah, I did. I didn't know what to do. I went to Gee's but he was watching a movie and cuddling Bob. Ray has Christa out here and I couldn't go to him. I promise, it's just a small thing. I've already cleaned myself up. Took a shower, some aspirin and drank a lot of water already." He sniffled, and Frank slid his key in the lock. "I told him to sleep in his own bed. I hope I did the right thing. Gotta go now though. Frankie's back."
He sighed as he slid inside, taking off his hoodie and toeing off his shoes before he squirmed out of his wet jeans. He padded toward his bed, switching off his iPod and crawling in. It felt cold and strange to be in bed without Mikey there, and he finally looked over to the other bed, seeing a tent where Mikey had drawn the sheets up around himself, over his bowed head with his phone to his ear. "Thanks, Wendy. 'Night." he said, waiting for her "Goodnight, Michael Darling."
*****
Frank woke in half an hour to a terrified scream and Mikey clawing at his skin, screaming "Get it off me, oh God Frankie, get it AWAY!" His thin body was thrashing, and even in the dim light of the nearing dawn, Frank could see the spreading blooms of red across Mikey's chest, the splatters on the crisp white linen, the streaks he felt splashing warm across his own cheek as Mikey lashed out.
"FRANKIE HELP!"
The thin man was fighting a demon only he could see, clawing at his skin to keep his unseen enemy away. His body arched and bowed, his voice going raw and weak even as he continued pleading for the help of the man by his bedside. Frank gasped and reached for Mikey's hand, grasping it hard and pulling him softly. "Mikey! Mikes, I'm here. Il mio amore, sono qui, calmi," he repeated over and over, waiting for Mikey to wake up before he pulled his friend into his warm arms. "Mikey, it was a bad dream, a terror. I'm here, Mikes."
"Frank, I..." he sniffled. "I had a dream that you were mad at me and you wouldn't come save me because... because you didn't love me." His eyes closed shut tightly, and he took in a shaky breath. "You didn't love me like I love you, and you left me there and it got me. I don't know what it was but it got me and you let it because you were mad." The thin man hiccupped, wet eyes opening up and looking over Frank's face, horrified at the blood he saw over the usually smiling lips, under his bright eyes. "Frank..."
"It's yours, Mike. You were so scared you hurt yourself. Are you okay for me to go grab a couple towels to clean you up?" Frank's voice was soft and sincere, and his hazel eyes watched Mikey closely, carefully.
Mikey nodded, slowly looking over the mess in the room as Frank calmly wet the wash towels and brought the dry ones in. He cleaned Mikey up, slowly wiping his body clean and drying it, pressing gentle kisses to each torn patch of skin. "Mikes, don't you ever... ever think I wouldn't be there to take care of you, okay? I'll always pick you, Mikey, always."
Mikey nodded and moved closer, letting Frank kiss his wounds and place his tattoo patterned bandages over each. "I love you, okay Frankie? Like... Love you like wanna sleep next to you every night and have you kiss me when you wake up, and everything. I love you like that, okay?"
Frank chuckled and nodded, his hand gently guiding Mikey's mouth to his, stopping right before their lips brushed. "I love you like that too, okay Mikey?" he murmured, letting his mouth gently touch Mikey's, smiling as Mikey slunk forward and pressed more firmly to Frank's kiss. "Wanna know how long?"
"Humor me, Frankie."
"Since you were a dork with a greaser hairdo and those square glasses and I was a loser in dreads and flannel shirts."
"Oh god, I hated those glasses. Know how long I've loved you?"
"Shoot Mikey."
"Since I saw you playing with Pencey Prep."
"Oh man, that's worse than the dreads," he snorted, curling into Mikey's warm body. "We have the day off today, and I think we'll need it. I'm putting up the 'Do Not Disturb' sign and ordering room service when we get hungry. Sound good Mikes?"
Mikey nodded, and looked at Frank, waiting for him to say the words he knew would keep him safe. Frank kissed him gently, and whispered the words to closed eyelids and on parted lips. Mikey fell into a content sleep, and this time, it was Frank who tangled their hands and moved them closer together.
*****
They had another hotel night in Los Angeles, and this time, Mikey had no problem sharing with Frank. He still slipped off the bus first, followed by Gerard, Ray and Bob, trailed by Frank and Brian. He called first shower and bed by the door, shook his head in amusement when he walked into the room to find Frank already stripping, and inviting him to join in the shower.
As the taller man lay down with Frank wrapped around him, Mikey spoke softly. "Sono qui, il mio amore. Finchè siete qui combattere i sogni difettosi, ogni sorriso è a causa di voi. Per voi."
~fin.
"Lo proteggerò, il mio amore. Combatterò fuori ogni sogno difettoso per vederlo sorridere" = I'll protect you, my love. I'll fight off every bad dream, just to see you smile.
"Quiete, il mio amore. Calmi giù. Non andrò da nessuna parte. Sono qui. ... Calmi." = Quiet, my love. Calm down. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. ... Calm.
"Sono qui, il mio amore. Finchè siete qui combattere i sogni difettosi, ogni sorriso è a causa di voi. Per voi." = I'm here, my love. As long as you fight every bad dream, every smile is because of you. For you.