it's okay not to be okay
Yesterday was an interesting day. There were so many reasons it could have been a bad day, but it turned out okay. Actually the whole weekend did. I'm sad right now, but it's more because I miss my Nana. I literally feel like a part of me is missing. She meant the world to me. And then my mom dropped a bombshell on me about my Mimi...she's dying too. I'm probably going to lose both of my grandmothers in the timespan of one year. That's a very sobering thought. But you know I still have my Papa. He's still here and we're holding each other's hand through our mutual grief over my Nana's death. This Christmas was our first one without her and it was hard, everytime he told a story or one of us began to cry we would hold each other's hand and squeeze. I have never felt more comforted in this entire ordeal. I call him all the time, almost every day. I'm not going to have the same regrets I had with my Nana. I'm just not.
Friday was wonderful in so many ways. I've started going to this club and singing occasionally. I'm one of the youngest ones there, it's more like a live music, jazz lounge type thing and yet, I feel like these are my people. I love how in place I feel there. I never feel like I have to hide or be anything but myself and it's wonderful. And the lead singer of the featured band thinks I'm talented and wants to work with ME. It's a nice ego boost. I like to stay from the beginning of their set at 9:30 until the end at 1:30. It's a great four hours. I don't feel pressured to drink or act a fool like the rest of my friends are doing. I'm just a girl surrounded by people who love music as much as she does. I think I'm going to go there every Friday :). You know nothing could bring me down that night.
My book bloghas been launched as of NOW. I don't know if you want to follow it or not, but if you do please feel free. I'm really enjoying doing it. I'm reviewing a variety of books.
My paranoia is still there, but I'm getting better. Things took a turn for the worst due to a lot of circumstances, but now? I'm kind of okay. I'm getting where I need to be. I'm realizing who I need around and who I want around. And if you don't want to be around then *points* there's the door.
I think that's all.
<3
Bec
Friday was wonderful in so many ways. I've started going to this club and singing occasionally. I'm one of the youngest ones there, it's more like a live music, jazz lounge type thing and yet, I feel like these are my people. I love how in place I feel there. I never feel like I have to hide or be anything but myself and it's wonderful. And the lead singer of the featured band thinks I'm talented and wants to work with ME. It's a nice ego boost. I like to stay from the beginning of their set at 9:30 until the end at 1:30. It's a great four hours. I don't feel pressured to drink or act a fool like the rest of my friends are doing. I'm just a girl surrounded by people who love music as much as she does. I think I'm going to go there every Friday :). You know nothing could bring me down that night.
My book bloghas been launched as of NOW. I don't know if you want to follow it or not, but if you do please feel free. I'm really enjoying doing it. I'm reviewing a variety of books.
My paranoia is still there, but I'm getting better. Things took a turn for the worst due to a lot of circumstances, but now? I'm kind of okay. I'm getting where I need to be. I'm realizing who I need around and who I want around. And if you don't want to be around then *points* there's the door.
I think that's all.
<3
Bec