getting off the pot
Hello peoples, long time no see.
So my internet presence has been pretty much nonexistent these past couple weeks. That is because I have been doing stuff and things. Ch-ch-ch-changes, y'all.
So for a long damn time now I have been trying to get my act together. I graduated from college three years ago, my ten year reunion for high school is this year.
Ten years is a long damn time. And yet, it isn't that long. Taking a look at where I am and what I'm doing, it's like no time at all.
What the hell have I been doing with myself?
Nothing. Mostly.
I've had numerous starts and stops on this whole 'becoming an adult' thing, and for a long time I was trying to ease myself into it. "Baby Steps" I kept telling myself. Baby steps.
First it was to get into school, which wasn't that hard. Then it was to get a job. Again, not that hard. And then it was to get a better job, and get back to school, and that's where I got kind of stuck.
I lived in call center hell for a couple years, and wasn't going to school.
And then I landed at my current job. I went back to school.
The task became to get my degree. It wasn't hard.
Maybe it was the school I went to. Maybe it was my abilities as a writer.
I've always been smart, I've always been clever, and I've always used both to my advantage in academics.
I hate to admit it (and am ashamed to say I was once proud to), but I got through college with almost no effort. I skipped classes, slept through those I went to, and got good grades. I could pull a paper out of my ass at 3am and have notes on it congratulating me on the thought and effort I put into it. I could answer essay questions with ease, and skim notes and chapters to glean what I needed for tests, then dump all that info because I knew nothing at the end of the year would be cumulative.
What could I have done if I'd actually applied myself? Where could I be now?
Well, here I am.
Same job. Same me. I've been walking (not running) in place for three years now.
I said I'd get in shape. I said I'd get a new job. I said I'd start writing for real, and I kept making all these lists, and steps for how I'd get these things done.
Oh, I'd start walking on the treadmill 20 minutes every other day. Baby steps.
I'd put together a resume, start seeing the places out there hiring. Baby steps.
I'll keep RPing to practice my writing, and maybe buy a couple writing magazines, submit something. Baby steps.
Aaaand, I did none of these things. My baby steps proved too taxing and I gave up, retired to the couch every night after spending the day at a job that continues to make me unhappy, and wasting my gifts.
Why did I drop off the face of the internets? Because I finally said FUCK IT, I am going to do something with my life, God damn it!
I decided to screw the baby steps and jump off the damn cliff already.
Part of it was a chance meeting with some middle schoolers, part of it was a conversation that happened with my dad, and part of it was just the fantastic encouragement I got from my friends. I've always had a fan section rooting for me, and it finally clicked in my head that I am more than capable of doing this, and I need to get it done already.
I've started submitting applications and cover letters. And they are awesome. I learned what I was doing wrong, how to make a strong statement, and it's been paying off. (Oh man,
sardonicynic I will never be able to thank you enough). I've had one interview already, and was promised a second with that company, as well as getting a call for an interview with another. I Know someone is going to hire me, and I am finally going to have a for reals job, with decent pay, and benefits, and the whole shebang!
I got a make-over. Yes. This tom boy went out (was half dragged in the beginning) and got a new look. I cut my hair, bought a new wardrobe, I learned how to put on MAKE-UP, INSANITY! Got a purse to put my wallet in (some things never change, natch), and I feel good. I feel great, really, and I look great, and the boost to my confidence has been tremendous. I owe my friend the world for helping me through this, holding my hand and teaching me along the way. So fantastic.
And I'm writing. I signed up for Script Frenzy this month, and while I am behind because of the job search thing, I am making progress. I already have the whole thing mapped out, I just need to fill in the frame with writing.
I'm also making notes on another script for something else. I've been getting my team together for this year's 48 Hour Film Festival, and it's going to be my team. I'm in charge. I'm doing this thing, I'm doing it right, and it's gonna be awesome.
I also got glasses, so now I can see, and that's great, too.
This weekend I gutted my room. Rearranged furniture, threw out all kinds of crap, went through my clothes, got rid of the old and unworn, cleaned up my work space, and put up my degree.
Three years. Three years and I never even hung my degree.
It felt right to do it now, and I put it right beside my desk, above the writing boards I put up, to remind myself that I did that. I earned that degree, regardless of how hard or easy it was for me, and I'm going to do something with it.
One of the boards is a white board with my movie plotted out on it, the other is a foam board for my idea post-its. It looks like an actual-fax office here now. Like I'm a writer, actually doing this for reals.
I owe tags, and I'm going to spend this week getting them out. I want to apologize to those I've left hanging during my absence, but these past couple weeks were something I needed to do.
And, I'm going to do more. My interview is Wednesday, so gotta get ready for that. Tomorrow I am going to learn how to use a curling iron and one of those eyelash things so I can recreate the hair style the lady gave me, and so I guess my eyelashes are curly? IDK, still dubious about that one, as I hate things near my eyes, but I have done it once or twice before and it looked nice.
Most of my writing for the rest of this month is going to have to go to Script Frenzy, because I am determined as hell to win this one, but I will get tags out as I go along. I've got a new phone, so that should make it easier. Yay, 4G!
I also want to say thank you to you guys. You've all been great friends to me, and those who have encouraged me and helped me along, I owe you so much. I know some of you are going through similar changes, trying to find your way and do epic things, and I am totally rooting for you over here. Good luck, and if you happen to need any help from me, I am more than happy to.
*SMISHES*
Now back to the script writing. Trying to make it 10 pages for today. Here's hoping. ;)
Livin' the Dreamwidth here. Comment wherever your boat is floatin'.
So my internet presence has been pretty much nonexistent these past couple weeks. That is because I have been doing stuff and things. Ch-ch-ch-changes, y'all.
So for a long damn time now I have been trying to get my act together. I graduated from college three years ago, my ten year reunion for high school is this year.
Ten years is a long damn time. And yet, it isn't that long. Taking a look at where I am and what I'm doing, it's like no time at all.
What the hell have I been doing with myself?
Nothing. Mostly.
I've had numerous starts and stops on this whole 'becoming an adult' thing, and for a long time I was trying to ease myself into it. "Baby Steps" I kept telling myself. Baby steps.
First it was to get into school, which wasn't that hard. Then it was to get a job. Again, not that hard. And then it was to get a better job, and get back to school, and that's where I got kind of stuck.
I lived in call center hell for a couple years, and wasn't going to school.
And then I landed at my current job. I went back to school.
The task became to get my degree. It wasn't hard.
Maybe it was the school I went to. Maybe it was my abilities as a writer.
I've always been smart, I've always been clever, and I've always used both to my advantage in academics.
I hate to admit it (and am ashamed to say I was once proud to), but I got through college with almost no effort. I skipped classes, slept through those I went to, and got good grades. I could pull a paper out of my ass at 3am and have notes on it congratulating me on the thought and effort I put into it. I could answer essay questions with ease, and skim notes and chapters to glean what I needed for tests, then dump all that info because I knew nothing at the end of the year would be cumulative.
What could I have done if I'd actually applied myself? Where could I be now?
Well, here I am.
Same job. Same me. I've been walking (not running) in place for three years now.
I said I'd get in shape. I said I'd get a new job. I said I'd start writing for real, and I kept making all these lists, and steps for how I'd get these things done.
Oh, I'd start walking on the treadmill 20 minutes every other day. Baby steps.
I'd put together a resume, start seeing the places out there hiring. Baby steps.
I'll keep RPing to practice my writing, and maybe buy a couple writing magazines, submit something. Baby steps.
Aaaand, I did none of these things. My baby steps proved too taxing and I gave up, retired to the couch every night after spending the day at a job that continues to make me unhappy, and wasting my gifts.
Why did I drop off the face of the internets? Because I finally said FUCK IT, I am going to do something with my life, God damn it!
I decided to screw the baby steps and jump off the damn cliff already.
Part of it was a chance meeting with some middle schoolers, part of it was a conversation that happened with my dad, and part of it was just the fantastic encouragement I got from my friends. I've always had a fan section rooting for me, and it finally clicked in my head that I am more than capable of doing this, and I need to get it done already.
I've started submitting applications and cover letters. And they are awesome. I learned what I was doing wrong, how to make a strong statement, and it's been paying off. (Oh man,
sardonicynic I will never be able to thank you enough). I've had one interview already, and was promised a second with that company, as well as getting a call for an interview with another. I Know someone is going to hire me, and I am finally going to have a for reals job, with decent pay, and benefits, and the whole shebang!
I got a make-over. Yes. This tom boy went out (was half dragged in the beginning) and got a new look. I cut my hair, bought a new wardrobe, I learned how to put on MAKE-UP, INSANITY! Got a purse to put my wallet in (some things never change, natch), and I feel good. I feel great, really, and I look great, and the boost to my confidence has been tremendous. I owe my friend the world for helping me through this, holding my hand and teaching me along the way. So fantastic.
And I'm writing. I signed up for Script Frenzy this month, and while I am behind because of the job search thing, I am making progress. I already have the whole thing mapped out, I just need to fill in the frame with writing.
I'm also making notes on another script for something else. I've been getting my team together for this year's 48 Hour Film Festival, and it's going to be my team. I'm in charge. I'm doing this thing, I'm doing it right, and it's gonna be awesome.
I also got glasses, so now I can see, and that's great, too.
This weekend I gutted my room. Rearranged furniture, threw out all kinds of crap, went through my clothes, got rid of the old and unworn, cleaned up my work space, and put up my degree.
Three years. Three years and I never even hung my degree.
It felt right to do it now, and I put it right beside my desk, above the writing boards I put up, to remind myself that I did that. I earned that degree, regardless of how hard or easy it was for me, and I'm going to do something with it.
One of the boards is a white board with my movie plotted out on it, the other is a foam board for my idea post-its. It looks like an actual-fax office here now. Like I'm a writer, actually doing this for reals.
I owe tags, and I'm going to spend this week getting them out. I want to apologize to those I've left hanging during my absence, but these past couple weeks were something I needed to do.
And, I'm going to do more. My interview is Wednesday, so gotta get ready for that. Tomorrow I am going to learn how to use a curling iron and one of those eyelash things so I can recreate the hair style the lady gave me, and so I guess my eyelashes are curly? IDK, still dubious about that one, as I hate things near my eyes, but I have done it once or twice before and it looked nice.
Most of my writing for the rest of this month is going to have to go to Script Frenzy, because I am determined as hell to win this one, but I will get tags out as I go along. I've got a new phone, so that should make it easier. Yay, 4G!
I also want to say thank you to you guys. You've all been great friends to me, and those who have encouraged me and helped me along, I owe you so much. I know some of you are going through similar changes, trying to find your way and do epic things, and I am totally rooting for you over here. Good luck, and if you happen to need any help from me, I am more than happy to.
*SMISHES*
Now back to the script writing. Trying to make it 10 pages for today. Here's hoping. ;)
Livin' the Dreamwidth here. Comment wherever your boat is floatin'.