fans
I've been in a musical bubble of love again lately; who knows why... perhaps because I'm exhausted having not had a holiday since Finland last year, maybe because I keep thinking about that holiday last year and the great people I was with, I saw John Grant live last week and it was amazing, perhaps because summer, festivally vibes, maybe because I have money again and I want to spend some on a few cool adventures... but mostly I think because I've been planning and booking time off for another wedding of friends I met online, and I've been getting soppy lately over all the real great friends I have met through music, even though we don't talk as much anymore... busy grownup lives... and various other things that have done away with the art of really connective internet chat I think... anyhoo. Reading back through my LJ I found this comment:
"Oh mate I said the other day that I often feel like the black sheep of the world, and it was meant as a lol but it's kinda true. YES, I AM THAT EMO. But we all have this one thing in common, this damn music, and it's all that matters, to me anyway. Sharing love of something that important with people you might not otherwise have even spoken to... it's so weird, and really amazing."
__________________
AND it made me think about fans, enthusiasm and this stuff we fill our lives with that not everyone understands... but you know there are people who do... (this post has been brewing for a few days haha so it could be tl;dr)
There's a fangirl in me and I've tried to suppress her. I wouldn't be at the stage door waiting for pics and hugs because I always felt a bit stalkery or something, and of course being depressed and anxious as balls most of my life lead to feelings of 'god no way am I inflicting myself on them', etc... I'd be at a gig and I could have *~*~*feels*~*~*~ washing over me, I wouldn't be ashamed to show them how I felt by jumping around, singing and yelling, anything really lol... I'd completely fall for bands and buy a CD... but I'd still avoid talking to the band after, and if I had to 'meet' them I'd just be like, 'Great set dude, loved it.' And that's it. Even if inside I'm going, 'OH MY GOD THOUGH that fucking BIT right THERE where you had that RIFF and then that line about the whatevers man that was AMAZING I had shivers mate please come back soon shit that was awesome...' No - we're supposed to keep it cool. Especially if you're a fanGIRL, I think. Probably because there's this stupid-ass idea that women only like music if they fancy the musicians. Also I think part of it also is like, for me, I had the feelings and I embraced them during the music, but that's finished now and the musician is separate and I don't want to conflate the two rn, especially if the musician turns out to be a wanker.
So yeah anyway in 2011 I had an expensive year - moved into a house on my own, got a credit card, bought a new car, went on loliday to Spain for my 30th birthday... and I flew to America to see Soundgarden who were one of the last ones on my bucket list (at the time, lol)... and then that summer I saw my favourite band play my favourite album in its entirety and it was incredible, and I thought - surely that's it, I CAN'T beat that, I've reached peak-fangirl, I've done it. I'm done, I have debts now ffs and my own massive expensive house to pay for... besides gigs are expensive these days so I don't think I can do it anymore...
AND ALSO, Dreams Divide was happening. We were still amazed at the attention we were getting but it did bring a feeling of like, 'it's OUR turn now, lol...' We had so many gigs in those first few years that I didn't miss going to see other artists. I'd stopped buying albums, and for a while I even stopped listening to music pretty much completely - I'd got Spotify but just had it for playlists & driving music, whatever. I was vaguely interested in my faves' releases, but I lost the excitement for it unless we were playing ourselves, or watching bands who we were sharing a stage with (and I always watch everyone and am enthusiastic and supportive as heck with them all because we were all in the same boat after all, and there's so much dang talent. ARGH) So I started to get into the habit of telling them how much great they are... AND I started buying music and going to a few gigs, And I got excited about music again. And I think my creativity is coming back (but I'm not holding my breath lmao)
But basically, my point is - FANS ARE GREAT. Especially OUR fans. Believe it or not, for a small-scene band like us, there've been a lot of people who've come up to us after our gigs just to tell us how much they love our work, I've had people going 'OMG' at me... there've been people who've partied with us, drawn pictures of us, given us presents and travelled to see us. Some are musicians themselves - a circle of fandom :D I think fans are cool as fuck, all of them. There is nothing uncool about enthusiasm for other humans and their talents, there's nothing wrong with discussing everything about your faves to the Nth degree, and there's nothing wrong with meeting and hugging and crying on people and telling them what a difference they've made to your life. The world needs more open feelings, more enthusiasm, less shame. <3 And less amazing musicians playing to empty rooms - I need to go out and be a fangirl more often!
"Oh mate I said the other day that I often feel like the black sheep of the world, and it was meant as a lol but it's kinda true. YES, I AM THAT EMO. But we all have this one thing in common, this damn music, and it's all that matters, to me anyway. Sharing love of something that important with people you might not otherwise have even spoken to... it's so weird, and really amazing."
__________________
AND it made me think about fans, enthusiasm and this stuff we fill our lives with that not everyone understands... but you know there are people who do... (this post has been brewing for a few days haha so it could be tl;dr)
There's a fangirl in me and I've tried to suppress her. I wouldn't be at the stage door waiting for pics and hugs because I always felt a bit stalkery or something, and of course being depressed and anxious as balls most of my life lead to feelings of 'god no way am I inflicting myself on them', etc... I'd be at a gig and I could have *~*~*feels*~*~*~ washing over me, I wouldn't be ashamed to show them how I felt by jumping around, singing and yelling, anything really lol... I'd completely fall for bands and buy a CD... but I'd still avoid talking to the band after, and if I had to 'meet' them I'd just be like, 'Great set dude, loved it.' And that's it. Even if inside I'm going, 'OH MY GOD THOUGH that fucking BIT right THERE where you had that RIFF and then that line about the whatevers man that was AMAZING I had shivers mate please come back soon shit that was awesome...' No - we're supposed to keep it cool. Especially if you're a fanGIRL, I think. Probably because there's this stupid-ass idea that women only like music if they fancy the musicians. Also I think part of it also is like, for me, I had the feelings and I embraced them during the music, but that's finished now and the musician is separate and I don't want to conflate the two rn, especially if the musician turns out to be a wanker.
So yeah anyway in 2011 I had an expensive year - moved into a house on my own, got a credit card, bought a new car, went on loliday to Spain for my 30th birthday... and I flew to America to see Soundgarden who were one of the last ones on my bucket list (at the time, lol)... and then that summer I saw my favourite band play my favourite album in its entirety and it was incredible, and I thought - surely that's it, I CAN'T beat that, I've reached peak-fangirl, I've done it. I'm done, I have debts now ffs and my own massive expensive house to pay for... besides gigs are expensive these days so I don't think I can do it anymore...
AND ALSO, Dreams Divide was happening. We were still amazed at the attention we were getting but it did bring a feeling of like, 'it's OUR turn now, lol...' We had so many gigs in those first few years that I didn't miss going to see other artists. I'd stopped buying albums, and for a while I even stopped listening to music pretty much completely - I'd got Spotify but just had it for playlists & driving music, whatever. I was vaguely interested in my faves' releases, but I lost the excitement for it unless we were playing ourselves, or watching bands who we were sharing a stage with (and I always watch everyone and am enthusiastic and supportive as heck with them all because we were all in the same boat after all, and there's so much dang talent. ARGH) So I started to get into the habit of telling them how much great they are... AND I started buying music and going to a few gigs, And I got excited about music again. And I think my creativity is coming back (but I'm not holding my breath lmao)
But basically, my point is - FANS ARE GREAT. Especially OUR fans. Believe it or not, for a small-scene band like us, there've been a lot of people who've come up to us after our gigs just to tell us how much they love our work, I've had people going 'OMG' at me... there've been people who've partied with us, drawn pictures of us, given us presents and travelled to see us. Some are musicians themselves - a circle of fandom :D I think fans are cool as fuck, all of them. There is nothing uncool about enthusiasm for other humans and their talents, there's nothing wrong with discussing everything about your faves to the Nth degree, and there's nothing wrong with meeting and hugging and crying on people and telling them what a difference they've made to your life. The world needs more open feelings, more enthusiasm, less shame. <3 And less amazing musicians playing to empty rooms - I need to go out and be a fangirl more often!