12 Tips for Ignorant Office Workers (From your Friendly Evening Cleaner)
1. When you put paper in the bin, please scrunch it up instead of folding it. When emptying bins there is nothing more annoying than sandwich bits flying down an inter-bin 'slide' created by a sheet of paper and ending up down our tops, in our faces or generally somewhere else that involves picking the stuff up off the floor and putting it in the sack.
2. Better still, put paper in the recycling bin your employers have gone to the effort to provide you with.
3. Please also scrunch up your used Post-It notes. We have lots to be getting on with and it's very time-consuming peeling millions of these poxy things off of bin liners.
4. You see those little white plastic brushes situated in neat little holders, right next to every toilet? Consider using them.
5. When a cleaner is using a vacuum cleaner, it's considered impolite to stand on the cable.
6. When a cleaner is obviously about to enter/leave a room, it is only considerate to move somewhere other than right in front of the door to have your conversation with a colleague.
7. We appreciate being spoken to, even if it's just a 'hello' or anything, anything about stuff other than the dust on your desk/the fact that you are disappointed that we occasionally move your footrest.
8. We judge how unhealthy and lazy you must be by the state of your desk, remnants of food in your bin and the crumbs under your desk. Your wife doesn't know you throw away your pasta salad and have a McDonald's for lunch every day, but we do.
9. We secretly like the unhealthy people because at least the crumbs give us something visible to hoover, making our jobs feel more worthwhile. Crisp packets and fizzy drink cans also slide from the bin to the sack with minimum fuss. Healthy people leave herbal teabags and bits of fruit in the bin, which means we have to change the pesky liners. Grrr.
10. We know you think you might be above cleaning up after yourself. Maybe you think, "That's what the cleaners are paid for." Maybe you think, "There's a hundred people in this building and nobody will know it was me!" Think again. We know it's you, and we bitch about you. If we don't know who it is with the disgusting toilet habits/fishy fanny/habit of leaving fluids in the urinal, we simply assume that all of you are disgusting, lazy, selfish, ignorant, disgusting, disgusting pigs.
11. You are not better than us. You work in a call centre. We would love to shout this in your faces, but we're scared you'll throw your university degrees at us.
12. When you leave sweets on the desk, we steal them and lick them and put them back.
2. Better still, put paper in the recycling bin your employers have gone to the effort to provide you with.
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3. Please also scrunch up your used Post-It notes. We have lots to be getting on with and it's very time-consuming peeling millions of these poxy things off of bin liners.
4. You see those little white plastic brushes situated in neat little holders, right next to every toilet? Consider using them.
5. When a cleaner is using a vacuum cleaner, it's considered impolite to stand on the cable.
6. When a cleaner is obviously about to enter/leave a room, it is only considerate to move somewhere other than right in front of the door to have your conversation with a colleague.
7. We appreciate being spoken to, even if it's just a 'hello' or anything, anything about stuff other than the dust on your desk/the fact that you are disappointed that we occasionally move your footrest.
8. We judge how unhealthy and lazy you must be by the state of your desk, remnants of food in your bin and the crumbs under your desk. Your wife doesn't know you throw away your pasta salad and have a McDonald's for lunch every day, but we do.
9. We secretly like the unhealthy people because at least the crumbs give us something visible to hoover, making our jobs feel more worthwhile. Crisp packets and fizzy drink cans also slide from the bin to the sack with minimum fuss. Healthy people leave herbal teabags and bits of fruit in the bin, which means we have to change the pesky liners. Grrr.
10. We know you think you might be above cleaning up after yourself. Maybe you think, "That's what the cleaners are paid for." Maybe you think, "There's a hundred people in this building and nobody will know it was me!" Think again. We know it's you, and we bitch about you. If we don't know who it is with the disgusting toilet habits/fishy fanny/habit of leaving fluids in the urinal, we simply assume that all of you are disgusting, lazy, selfish, ignorant, disgusting, disgusting pigs.
11. You are not better than us. You work in a call centre. We would love to shout this in your faces, but we're scared you'll throw your university degrees at us.
12. When you leave sweets on the desk, we steal them and lick them and put them back.