a light that never goes out [3/5]
Three
“Baekhyun, where are we going?” Joonmyun laughs as Baekhyun just pulls him when they get out of the car.
“You’ll see,” Baekhyun mysteriously replies, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. He’d picked Joonmyun up at home that evening, told him to get dressed because they were going out.
“What are all the blankets and snacks for?” Joonmyun continues to ask question, glancing at the big bag that Baekhyun has hanging on his shoulder. “Are we having a picnic? It’s almost eight o’clock-”
Baekhyun hushes him when they enter the park gates and hands two strips of what looks like tickets to the one standing behind a podium. When they enter, that’s when Joonmyun sees people upon people stretched on the grass on their blankets. A couple of feet away, a huge screen is showing previews in black and white.
“We’re late,” Baekhyun sighs, sounding like he’s pouting when they situate themselves beside a tree. He puts their blanket in place and gestures at Joonmyun to sit before him.
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun speaks up.
“I’m sure we can still catch up with the story if we pay attention,” Baekhyun hurriedly tells him as he leans his back on the tree and tries to get comfortable. But Joonmyun isn’t even looking at the screen. “What?” He looks worriedly at his boyfriend. “You don’t like it? We could always just go somewhere else.”
This is another one of those things. Baekhyun had thought long and hard about taking Joonmyun out in public. Sure, they’d gone to dinner together several times and went to the grocery and the mall. Sometimes they even held hands. But there was just something really intimate about going out to watch a movie together. It is one of those things that couples do and Baekhyun realized he wanted to have that with Joonmyun, too. Of course it had to be more special if he wanted it to mean something. So why not the outdoor theatre at the park? He was almost sure that Joonmyun would like it. Joonmyun liked movies and he had this old, caring soul, and Baekhyun figured this was right up his alley.
“I want to kiss you so badly,” is what Joonmyun says that has Baekhyun stunned. “I… this is really special, Baek. I don’t know how I can top this or even-”
Baekhyun reaches for his hand and squeezes it. “You don’t have to do anything,” he reassures him. He then shifts so that he could snuggle to him. “Now, pay attention to the movie.”
“Okay,” Joonmyun chuckles, wrapping his arm around him.
Baekhyun leans closer to him so he can whisper in his ear. “Later, you can kiss me.”
And Joonmyun does. When the credits are rolling and several people have started packing up and are leaving, Joonmyun leans towards him and captures his lips in a searing kiss. Baekhyun isn’t all prepared for it, even though he was sort of anticipating it the whole evening. He sees the crowd moving around them, some glancing their way, snickering, giggling, catcalling, so he squeezes his eyes shut to forget all that. They aren’t important. Baekhyun starts moving his lips against Joonmyun’s and, eventually, everything else fades away.
÷
Baekhyun gets into the habit of things. In the beginning, the effort to be with Joonmyun was a struggle. He constantly needed to remind himself that this wasn’t only going to make Joonmyun happy, this was going to make him happy as well, and that if he wanted to be with Joonmyun, which he did, he needed to do this for the both of them. Now, however, things are so much easier.
Coming out to Jongdae (and Kyungsoo) and then Jongin, although Baekhyun suspected that he’s known all along because Joonmyun probably told him, certainly helped. Not having to keep things to himself all the time, not having to suppress who he is so much, made Baekhyun breathe. It made him less worried about what other people might think and made him think more about his own happiness. There is always that sense of responsibility in him, wherein he always cared whether he was going to hurt someone in the process, and imbibed this so much that he stopped caring whether he was hurting himself.
He likes who he is now. He is less serious, less uptight, much less of an ass. Joonmyun’s patience and care for him made him want to be better and he’s glad that it seems to be paying off. He and Joonmyun have never had it this good before. Everything just seems to be perfect.
“Baekhyun, we’re going to be late,” Joonmyun calls from the foyer.
Baekhyun makes a face at his reflection and walks out of the room, still fumbling with his bowtie. “I don’t understand why I have to wear a bowtie while you’re wearing a tie,” he grumbles. “I look like a gift.”
“You are a gift,” Joonmyun says, laughing, as he fixes Baekhyun’s bowtie for him. “A very handsome one.”
“I’m going to strangle Soojung when we get there,” Baekhyun declares. “I’m pretty sure this was her idea. Taemin would never think of this. That guy’s a slob at heart.”
“Unless he isn’t,” Joonmyun gently counters him. He pats Baekhyun’s neck when he’s done. “There, all pretty.”
“You look good,” Baekhyun grudgingly appreciates.
Joonmyun chuckles, patting his tie and making sure it’s straight. “I have to be,” he tells him. “I’m meeting your friends.”
“Are you nervous?” Baekhyun peers at him curiously and his eyes widen when he realizes that Joonmyun is. “There’s nothing to be nervous about. These are my friends. I’ve known them forever and they’re going to like you.”
Joonmyun merely smiles and presses a quick kiss to Baekhyun’s lips. “We’re going to be late,” is all he says.
Baekhyun tries to loosen his bowtie a bit as they leave his apartment. “I really am going to wring Soojung’s neck when I see her,” he mutters. “Seriously, why did she plan this to be so formal?”
When they get to upscale part of town and into one of the three star hotels, Baekhyun is still fussing over his bowtie, his other hand in Joonmyun’s, when he feels Joonmyun freeze beside him.
“Baek, didn’t Taeyeon say Star?” Joonmyun calmly asks.
“Yeah,” Baekhyun confirms, finally letting his bowtie be and looking up. “Why?”
“Well, there is no other room in this hotel called Star, except for the ballroom on the second floor,” Joonmyun tells him, pointing at the information board where it says Jung Soojung and Lee Taemin’s Engagement Party - Star Ballroom.
It isn’t a simple engagement party like Soojung had screamed at him over the phone the other day. After she had happily regaled Baekhyun of her tale of how Taemin had finally proposed, she told him that he’d better be present at their simple engagement party and that he could bring a date if he wanted (although he knew she just wanted him to bring that girl he’s been cooking for). Baekhyun had thought it was the perfect time for him to bring Joonmyun along and introduce him to his friends; killing two birds with one stone. Except this party would be like killing a thousand birds with one stone.
Soojung’s and Taemin’s families are both present, along with their other friends from university. Baekhyun suddenly has this urge to run away.
“I’m going to kill Soojung,” Baekhyun proclaims.
“We don’t have to do this,” Joonmyun says, turning to him, playing with the cuff of his suit. “I can leave and… we can always do this some other time.”
Baekhyun looks at Joonmyun and sees how, in just one instance, they are reverting back to how they used to be. He glances at the ballroom, at the people in beautiful suits and gowns, and wonders why he cares so much about what they think, when the most important person in his life’s thoughts should be the one that matters the most.
He grabs Joonmyun’s hand and squeezes it. “No,” he firmly states. “You’re not going anywhere. We’re not going anywhere.”
Amber and Lu Han are standing by the bar, chatting animatedly, something that may be a result of alcohol, and Baekhyun walks over to them, Joonmyun in tow.
“Baekhyun!” Amber and Lu Han chorus when they see him.
“You made it,” Amber says, pleased. Then he sees Joonmyun, her eyes flitting towards their clasped hands before looking back up. “And who is this?”
“This is Joonmyun,” Baekhyun says, hardly breathing, as he glances at Lu Han as well. He pauses for a second as he looks at Joonmyun standing so handsomely beside him. “He’s liked everything I’ve cooked for him so far.”
A bit of silence follows the revelation, where Amber smiles in surprise and Lu Han lifts an eyebrow up interestedly, before the normal chaos that is his friends ensues.
“You must be really nice for you to like everything he’s made for you,” Amber remarks with a laugh, while Lu Han interjects that he’s been a very good teacher so it’s not so surprising.
“Lu Han is a chef, while Amber is a composer,” Baekhyun introduces them, rolling his eyes when Amber puts an arm around Joonmyun to interrogate him. “They’re horrible people. You should keep you guard up.”
“Hey,” Lu Han defends himself and Amber. “We’re incredibly nice people. Who would be patient enough to get you through making chicken marsala?”
Lu Han then starts interviewing Joonmyun about how Baekhyun’s cooking tasted, while Amber asked completely embarrassing questions about his personal life. Joonmyun is smiling, though, so Baekhyun takes it as a good sign.
Soojung and Taemin are quite possibly Baekhyun’s worst friends. Soojung screams while Taemin yells at the news. Soojung hugs Joonmyun and tells him how happy she is that she’s making Baekhyun happy. She then recounts the changes she’s seen in the past months and says that it’s probably all because of him, making Joonmyun blush in delight. Taemin claps Baekhyun on the back, demanding why it’s taken him so long to introduce Joonmyun to them.
“Does it matter?” Baekhyun answers, smiling at Joonmyun. “I’m introducing him to you now.”
Later in the evening, Taeyeon asks Joonmyun to dance, not caring how weird it is that she was asking Baekhyun’s current boyfriend; his ex-girlfriend and his boyfriend are going to be dancing together. Baekhyun stands on the sidelines, grinning as Taeyeon and Joonmyun talk and laugh together. It’s nice seeing them getting along, two of the most important people in his life.
“Seems like a really great guy,” Soojung sidles up to him, wine glass in hand. She’s very pretty in her silver strapless dress that shimmers every time the light shines on it. “Can’t believe you’ve never introduced him before. You’ve been with him for five months already.”
“Yeah I know. There were just some things that I had to deal with,” Baekhyun admits. “Sorry to spring it on you guys so suddenly, and on your engagement party, too.” He suddenly realizes what he’d done.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Soojung dismisses his apology. She bites her lower lip. “Is this why you were weird around Taeyeon for a while?”
“It was just hard,” Baekhyun explains, “when you’ve had this stable thing only to have it crumble when you realize that you’re different, that you aren’t who you thought you were. I loved Taeyeon to the point where I thought I was going to marry her. But then all of a sudden that love changed and I didn’t know how or when it started. I knew then that I couldn’t lead her on, I couldn’t do that to her, so I broke up with her.”
“You were just being honest with yourself,” Soojung says.
“It wasn’t easy,” Baekhyun confesses. “When you said that you saw disappointment when I looked at Taeyeon… I felt disappointed. In myself. Because I had that normal life and I threw it away. It was hard and I really struggled. That’s why it took me so long to introduce Joonmyun to you guys. It wasn’t so much that I thought you guys would be appalled; it was more of because of my issues with myself.”
“I really have never seen you so happy before,” Soojung repeats with a smile. “Not even when you were with Taeyeon, and I know how happy you were with her.”
Baekhyun looks to the dance floor. Joonmyun is twirling Taeyeon around, both laughing and shining so brightly. Joonmyun catches his eyes and winks.
“I am very happy,” Baekhyun acknowledges.
When Joonmyun and Taeyeon dance to their side of the ballroom, Taeyeon stage whispers, “He dances well, Baek. This one’s a keeper.”
As Joonmyun smiles at him like he’s the sun, Baekhyun can’t help but agree.
÷
They clearly drank too much. They’ve been standing outside Baekhyun’s apartment for ten minutes and yet they still haven’t managed to get inside. Baekhyun keeps on giggling, while Joonmyun tries very, very hard to slot the key into the lock, which, for some reason, has become really hard to do. Baekhyun snatches the key from him and unlocks the door in only four tries. He pushes Joonmyun, who stumbles, in and follows after him.
The first thing Baekhyun does is struggle with taking his bowtie off. “I am never wearing anything like this again,” he promises, complete with violent tugging that almost chokes him.
“Let me,” Joonmyun slurs, slapping Baekhyun’s hand away.
Joonmyun really is handsome. Baekhyun has always known this. He just has that kind of face that makes you do a double take and think wow. But Joonmyun isn’t just handsome because of his face. Joonmyun is just handsome overall and Baekhyun wonders, yet again, how he’s managed to snag him.
“Thank you for tonight,” Baekhyun suddenly breaks the silence.
“What?” Joonmyun’s hands still their movement. He looks confused.
“You went with me to the Soojung and Taemin’s engagement party, met my friends and liked them,” Baekhyun elaborates. “It really means a lot to me.”
Joonmyun half chuckles, half giggles. “Baekhyun, I should be the one thanking you,” he insists. “You invited me and introduced me to your friends. I hope they liked me.”
“They do,” Baekhyun replies in a heartbeat. “They would be crazy not to.”
Joonmyun cups Baekhyun’s face. “I am so proud of you,” he declares. “These past few months… everything has been so amazing. You’ve been so amazing. Thank you for introducing me to your friends and for trusting me.” He kisses Baekhyun long and hard. “I love you.”
Joonmyun pulls away but Baekhyun slams right back into him, grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him harder. Joonmyun always says things like this, things that Baekhyun never knows how to respond, so instead he shows him how much he cares, how happy he is.
Baekhyun’s hands wander down Joonmyun’s torso, surprisingly unknotting his tie and taking it off without a hitch, before unbuttoning his shirt. He’s always loved Joonmyun all dressed up for his events at work or anywhere else. It made him feel like the luckiest guy when he sees how attractive his boyfriend is. But he also loves it when Joonmyun is naked, hot and hard, for him.
They manage to stumble into the bedroom. By then, their coats and shirts are both lying on the floor somewhere in the apartment, their pants unzipped. Baekhyun goes down on the floor, tugging Joonmyun’s pants down with him. Joonmyun’s already hard in his boxers and he feels him hardening even more when Baekhyun presses his face against it and nuzzles his crotch.
“Baek,” Joonmyun groans when Baekhyun opens his mouth to suck on his cock through his boxer briefs. “Please.”
Baekhyun looks up. “What do you want, Joonmyun?” he asks huskily, his hand pulling down his boxers.
Joonmyun chokes. “You,” he cries out when Baekhyun licks the pre-come off the tip. “You-I want you.”
Baekhyun gets up with some difficulty and chucks his own briefs off. Pushing Joonmyun on the bed, he scrambles to the side table and takes out a white tube from the drawer. When he turns his attention back to his boyfriend, Joonmyun’s eyes are dark with want as he watches and waits for him.
Baekhyun takes his time prepping Joonmyun, coating his fingers with as much lube as possible. They aren’t new to this, but Baekhyun can’t stomach even just the thought of hurting Joonmyun. So he waits until Joonmyun’s fully comfortable with three of his fingers inside. Joonmyun keeps on moaning, making Baekhyun want to just take him, but he bides his time because he wants it to be good for Joonmyun, who’s been so good to him.
“Stop.” Joonmyun grabs Baekhyun’s wrist and Baekhyun freezes. “Just… I want you in me, Baek,” he clarifies. “Now.”
Baekhyun takes his fingers out and hastily wipes them on the sheets. He coats his cock with lube, hissing at the sensation, and Joonmyun scrambles to get on all fours to be ready, the way they’ve done it in the past, but Baekhyun stops him.
“I want to see you,” Baekhyun says. “I want to see your face.”
Joonmyun lies back down and meets Baekhyun’s eyes as he slowly sheathes himself with Joonmyun’s heat. Joonmyun hands grip Baekhyun’s hips, hard, and he’s so tight and hot that Baekhyun groans, forcing himself to stop from slamming into him again and again.
“I’m fine,” Joonmyun assures him when Baekhyun still hasn’t moved.
Baekhyun almost pulls out and then slams into him, again and again, Joonmyun lifting his legs to rest on Baekhyun’s shoulders.
His eyes stay open, watching as Joonmyun gasps and moans and screams for him, and he can’t help but want to do it over and over again. They have had sex before and every time is different, but it hasn’t been like this before. Every expression, every sound that comes out of Joonmyun’s mouth just spurs Baekhyun into more action so that he can see more and hear more. He wants Joonmyun to feel good. He wants him to be happy.
Baekhyun wants Joonmyun to be happy.
Baekhyun leans forward at this realization and captures Joonmyun’s moans into his mouth. He’s not sure how he’s managed to do it but he thinks Joonmyun is happy with him. Somehow, despite everything, Joonmyun has ended up happy in their relationship, and Baekhyun is happy. Now all he wants is to continue doing it. Baekhyun pushes harder and faster and it’s not long after when Joonmyun comes. Joonmyun clenches around him unexpectedly, making Baekhyun cry out and have his own release.
They lie beside each other, spent but blissful. Joonmyun wraps an arm around Baekhyun, pulling him close to plant a kiss on his forehead.
“I love you,” Joonmyun whispers and then he’s getting up to get a towel and clean the two of them off.
Later, when Joonmyun is fast asleep, Baekhyun snuggles closer to Joonmyun and whispers I love you right to Joonmyun’s heart.
÷
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun calls from the bedroom. “Your phone is ringing again.”
Baekhyun pauses in brushing his teeth to yell, “I’ll be right out.” It’s probably a client. There have been some problems with one of the clients that he has been handling and he, along with some account executives have been on top of it for the past two weeks. He finishes brushing his teeth and walks out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist.
Joonmyun is already dressed. He’s standing in front of the floor-length mirror, buttoning up his white long-sleeved polo shirt. “Must be a big client,” he comments, nodding towards Baekhyun’s phone on the bedside table.
His phone has been ringing off the hook, all the time, several of which he doesn’t even answer anymore because he already knows what’s going to be on the other end of the line. Baekhyun waves at it dismissively.
“It is a big client,” Baekhyun tells him, putting on his underwear before pulling out a pair of shirt and slacks, along with a coat. “Pretty demanding, too. Nothing that can’t be fixed, though.” He puts on his slacks, followed by his shirt, walking over to Joonmyun when he starts buttoning it up. “How does your week look like?”
“Have several meetings,” Joonmyun says, stepping aside to share the mirror with Baekhyun. “We’re already looking into which exhibits we want to bring in next year, a bit of some early planning.” He faces his boyfriend to help him fix his collar. “The day hasn’t even started and you already look stressed,” he teases him lightly.
Baekhyun sighs. If he was to be really honest, he really is stressed about his work at the moment. Someone screwed something up and now everyone’s just scrambling to fix things. “The higher ups are being really hard on us at the moment,” Baekhyun explains. “So it really has been stressful.”
“It’s going to be fine,” Joonmyun assures him, although he has no idea how bad things are. He kisses the tip of his nose. “You’re going home to your apartment tonight, I assume?”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun says, making a face. “I really have a lot of paperwork to catch up on and I don’t want to make a mess here.”
“I can come over and keep you company,” Joonmyun suggests, smiling.
Joonmyun and Baekhyun have maintained separate apartments because Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s ready for that step. Although, there have been days when one of the apartments barely gets used because sometimes Baekhyun would sleep over Joonmyun’s for a week or Joonmyun would stay in Baekhyun’s for several days. Still, Baekhyun thinks that it’s still nice that they have their own personal space.
“I’m going to be a bore,” Baekhyun warns him, not averse to the prospect of having Joonmyun around for a short snuggle or even a quick romp in the sheets.
“I know how to keep myself busy,” Joonmyun assures him. “I’ll bring over some work that way we can motivate each other.”
“What a fun couple we make,” Baekhyun remarks. Joonmyun laughs.
When Baekhyun’s tie is all fixed and his coat is put on, he walks to the bedside table to get his wallet and phone. He has two missed calls from the same unknown number. He frowns as he puts it in his pocket. That number has been calling him for quite some time now and it always so happens that Baekhyun misses it. It’s just probably just someone in the office.
“See you later?” Baekhyun announces his leaving, reaching for Joonmyun.
“Yeah,” Joonmyun confirms, allowing himself to be pulled close. “I’ll bring dinner.”
“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” Baekhyun chuckles, kissing him. Joonmyun scoffs, making him laugh. “See you later.”
Baekhyun lets him out after grabbing a bagel from the kitchen. There’s a call from Jongdae as soon as he gets into his car and he puts in on speaker as he drives to work. Jongdae keeps him updated on all that’s apparently been discussed overnight and Baekhyun assures him that he’s on his way. He gets to work in no time and immediately dives into helping fix whatever the mess is.
Right in the middle of a phone call, his secretary comes in and places a note on his desk: You have a visitor in the lobby, says it’s important, but doesn’t want to come up. Baekhyun frowns at the note and stares at it after the call has ended. He looks at all his work and decides that he could use a break. Telling his secretary that he’s going to be lobby, he grabs his coat and heads for the elevators.
There are certain things in people’s lives that they never want to relive, certain things they never want to hear of and see again. Everyone wants to move on and look on into a future that’s more positive and free from the points in their lives where they think they’ve made mistakes.
This is one of those moments.
“You’re a hard man to grab a hold of, Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun is unable to move. “What-what are you doing here? How did you…? What are you doing here?”
“Lee Soyul,” she introduces herself, offering to shake his hand. He takes it blindly. “I figured it wouldn’t be fair of me not to tell you my name.”
It’s her. The girl at the bar. The one night stand, the mistake that he should never have committed. She’s standing in the lobby of his work place, looking like she could be working there, too. Baekhyun seriously hopes that she isn’t.
“Listen, I know you would rather not ever talk to me again,” Soyul starts, “but are you free for coffee right now? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
÷
Baekhyun feels like he’s seeing his whole life crumble before his eyes. That life that he’s always wanted and now has suddenly feels like just a dream that’s being snatched away from him.
Soyul is pregnant. And it’s Baekhyun’s baby.
They had gotten a paternity test. Soyul wanted to be truthful and fair to Baekhyun, although she had told him that she hasn’t slept with anyone else. There is no doubt that Baekhyun had fathered a child. Baekhyun is going to be a father.
He buries his face in his hands. His office door is locked and he had told his secretary that no calls should be put through and that no one is to disturb him. There isn’t anything else that Baekhyun can deal with at the moment. How can he think of his work when his life is falling apart? How could this happen? How could he have done this?
Baekhyun hasn’t told anyone. He hasn’t even really processed it. How can he burden another person with this? His thoughts flit to Joonmyun and he flinches. Joonmyun, his Joonmyun… he’s going to be distraught when he finds out. This is exactly the kind of thing Baekhyun would do. It’s so typical that he would end up screwing things up. Here he is a gay man, in love, and yet he’s going to be a father, getting a girl he doesn’t even know pregnant.
Soyul has given him time to think, time to process the events that had transpired and how he was going to deal with it and be ready. Baekhyun doubts that he will ever be ready.
The knock on his door startles him. He looks up when his secretary peeks in, looking apologetic.
“You have a meeting in five minutes. They’re assembling in the conference room,” she reminds him before closing the door to let him get ready.
Baekhyun straightens up and stares at his desk; mahogany and sturdy. He is barely strong enough to handle his personal issues, only making it through because of the faith of those around him. He isn’t sure how to be responsible for someone else again so soon after he’s only learned how.
He takes a deep breath and gets up. Life has never stopped for him before. He doesn’t think it will start now. As Baekhyun walks towards the conference room, he wonders how long he can keep this to himself without breaking down.
÷
“You’ve been awfully subdued these days,” Taeyeon says conversationally as she follows Baekhyun out of the building, carrying her lesson plans and books. “What’s up?”
“Hmm?” Baekhyun distractedly responds. There’s a guy holding a kid up on his shoulders on the sidewalk, leading up to the school. The little boy keeps on laughing and calling his dad’s name while pointing at the clouds above. He can’t imagine himself having a kid who will-
“Baekhyun!” Taeyeon calls his name.
Baekhyun whips around, swerving just in time before he hits a signpost. “What?”
Taeyeon frowns, shifting her stuff to her other arm before putting a hand on his elbow. She looks to the left then to the right before pulling him to cross the street. They get to Baekhyun’s car. He opens it and she puts her things inside, but stops him when he starts to get in.
“What is going on with you?” she asks pointedly, holding both of his shoulders firmly.
“Nothing,” Baekhyun defensively responds. Taeyeon raises an eyebrow and he chuckles. “Nothing is going on,” he assures her. “I’m just caught up with work. There are some things going on, a pretty big mess, and it’s just all I think about these days.” He opens the door for Taeyeon and ushers her inside before getting into the driver’s side.
“Joonmyun did mention something about you being stressed about your job,” Taeyeon replies. “I hope it’s nothing too serious.”
“You and Joonmyun…” Baekhyun pauses as he starts the car and looks at his best friend. “Since when are you guys friends?”
“He’s your boyfriend, Baekhyun,” Taeyeon tells him in disbelief. “Of course we’re friends.”
Baekhyun stops to think about this development. Of course Taeyeon and Joonmyun are friends. They’re two of the most important people in his life. It only makes sense for the two of them to end up being close. He still didn’t see it coming, though.
“Are the rest of the guys also friends with Joonmyun now?” Baekhyun slowly asks, referring to their friends. He thinks about how Amber and Lu Han had hit it off with him and how Soojung and Taemin nagged at him.
“Do you not want us to be friends with him?” Taeyeon asks, confused. “Coz it really sounds like that to me.”
Why would Baekhyun even want that? What he’s always wanted is for his friends to accept him and his relationship. It only follows that Baekhyun want Joonmyun to be accepted, too. That’s what he’s really wanted in the first place: for him to be able to be who he is without fear and for him and Joonmyun not to be a secret anymore.
“That’s not what I meant,” Baekhyun says immediately, reaching out for Taeyeon’s hand and squeezing it. “If anything, it makes me glad. I was just surprised, that’s all.”
Taeyeon doesn’t say anything for a moment, just watches him drive, and Baekhyun hopes against all hope that she doesn’t notice that anything is amiss. He wouldn’t put it past her to do so, though, so he then hopes that she wouldn’t say anything.
“I can’t believe you picked me up to drive me to my date,” Taeyeon says instead, slapping his hand away from hers.
Baekhyun laughs, relieved. “It’s my job as your best friend. I wouldn’t let you get into something without me involving myself,” he tells her. “I have to know who my best friend is dating.”
Taeyeon rolls her eyes. “You egotistical bastard. Not everything is about you,” she pretends to grumble.
Baekhyun laughs as he turns a corner. The museum looms in the distance and he swallows his emotions back in his throat.
÷
The clock is ticking. It’s loud and grating and all Baekhyun wants to do is grab it off the wall and chuck it out of the window. Breaking the glass window in the process would be a plus. All he really wants to do is break something, even if it means breaking his fist as well.
“Baekhyun,” Jongdae gently starts. “I don’t mean to rub it in but…” He sighs. “What even happened? It’s unlike you to mistake like this.”
“I know.” Baekhyun stares out of the window behind his desk, the back of the seat facing Jongdae. It’s raining again, the large drops drawing lines as it slides down to the ledge. It’s said to snow soon, even if it’s still early in the year. The weather took a sudden turn and everyone just took the surprise in stride, getting ready to bundle up and heat up. “I was careless.”
“What are you going to do?” Jongdae asks helplessly.
“I don’t know,” Baekhyun answers honestly and lifelessly.
“Baekhyun, look at me,” Jongdae pleads and Baekhyun turns his seat around to face him. “What did Joonmyun say? You must have talked to him about this.”
Baekhyun shakes his head. “I didn’t tell him,” he says, randomly reaching for his stapler to play with it.
“Baekhyun, he’s your boyfriend. You guys are serious,” Jongdae says in surprise. “You need to tell him, to talk to him about this. This can probably affect him, too.”
“He doesn’t need to know,” Baekhyun insists and the way he says it is final. Joonmyun is like a piece of paradise for him. He’s his solace and if he taints him with something like this, Baekhyun doesn’t think he can forgive himself. He hates it when Joonmyun is worried about him. He’ll hate it even more if Joonmyun worries about him because of Baekhyun’s own doing. Besides, when Joonmyun finds out about the baby, this whole corporate mess of his won’t even matter. Jongdae frowns. “This was my mistake and I’m going to fix it.”
“You might get fired for this,” Jongdae tells him straightforwardly. Baekhyun nods. “At the very least, you’re going to get taken off accounts for a while.” He shakes his head and sighs. “I can’t believe you made a mistake with the books. It’s a good thing that the money is all there.”
“There’s nothing for me to do but accept the consequences,” Baekhyun states softly. “I can’t… there’s nothing I can do, except make the best of what I’ve done.” He smiles a little. “Maybe I’ll be less busy this way.”
“Please talk to Joonmyun,” Jongdae implores. “Or anyone. This can’t be easy for you and I can only imagine the stress. Talking to someone will help.”
“Well I’m talking to you,” Baekhyun reminds him with a small smile.
“You won’t even talk to me properly,” Jongdae rebuts, frustrated.
Baekhyun takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling. It’s all his fault. He had mixed up some numbers in the accounting for two companies and he’s not entirely sure how he had managed to make such a mistake. But he did. All that’s been happening for the past couple of weeks is all his doing. He hadn’t realized that it was his blunder until Jongdae had found out when he’d been perusing the books. Jongdae had come forward to him before they both went to their boss and told him about it. Baekhyun has been taken off the two accounts and has been demoted to doing internal paperwork until the management decides what they should do with him.
“Talking is hard, you know,” Baekhyun tells him, slightly teasing. “I’ve never been a good talker. And sometimes when I talk, I get myself into trouble.”
“Baekhyun,” Jongdae starts, brows furrowed in concern.
Baekhyun waves him off. “This is my fault,” he repeats. “Whatever happens happens and I’ll just have to deal with it. I’m pretty good at dealing with my messes.”
“Tell Joonmyun,” Jongdae persists. “That’s what partners are for. He cares about you and he will want to know.”
Baekhyun just laughs. Joonmyun probably won’t want to be his partner for very long. Why would he need to tell him about this when he’ll leave Baekhyun anyway?
“I’m serious, Baek,” Jongdae maintains seriously.
“I’m fine,” Baekhyun assures him firmly. “Everything will be fine.”
Baekhyun turns towards the window again, signaling the end of the conversation. He thinks about Joonmyun. Everything will be fine.
÷
Baekhyun walks into his apartment and sees a sleek black pair of shoes in the doorway; along with a black coat that he knows is Joonmyun’s favorite. Joonmyun always said that he felt at home in Baekhyun’s apartment, like it was his own. Baekhyun takes off his own coat and shoes, putting on his own pair of slippers.
Joonmyun is in the kitchen, busy with the pots and pans on the stove. He’s changed into the shirt he always wears the first night that he stays over, a pair of shorts, and his own pair of slippers that Baekhyun had bought for him. He leans against the doorway, smiling as Joonmyun starts humming some 1940’s song as he cooks something that Baekhyun guesses is one of his favorites.
Joonmyun has been doing a lot of cooking for him for the past weeks. It’s what he does when he sees that Baekhyun is stressed and Baekhyun has been a lot stressed these days. He wonders how Joonmyun is able to put up with him and take care of him at the same time. Appreciation and love gushes through him and he walks in to wrap his arms around Joonmyun’s waist, pressing his face to his back.
“Hi,” Baekhyun greets adoringly, playfully kissing his back.
Joonmyun jumps in fright then relaxes when he sees that it’s Baekhyun. “You scared me,” he whines. He wipes his hands clean with a rag and turns around in Baekhyun’s arms to greet him properly. “Hi,” he says, kissing him. “How was your day?”
“Okay,” Baekhyun mumbles into his chest as he hugs Joonmyun tightly. “I’m happy you’re here.”
Joonmyun returns Baekhyun’s tight hug and presses a kiss to the crown of his head. Baekhyun buries his face further into Joonmyun, liking how warm he is, and doesn’t notice how Joonmyun looks concerned at this display.
“I figured you missed me,” Joonmyun teases him, “that’s why I’m here making us dinner.”
“You’re making my favorite again,” Baekhyun says, not even moving.
“I like spoiling you,” Joonmyun states sincerely, smiling.
Baekhyun pulls away at this and kisses him. “I still don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he tells him, his heart clenching.
“You don’t have to do anything,” Joonmyun tells him with a kiss. “You just have to be Baekhyun.”
“Being Baekhyun is trouble,” Baekhyun states, startling himself with how true that is. “I’m trouble.”
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun dotingly declares, cupping his face, “you are great the way you are and I love you.”
Baekhyun blinks and buries his face back into Joonmyun’s chest. “I hate it when you say things like that,” he grunts, making Joonmyun laugh. He never knows what to say when Joonmyun compliments him like that and then follows it up with I love you. Well, Baekhyun knows what he should say, he feels it anyway, but somehow he can’t say it. Especially not with the current circumstances. I already know I’m great.” He then pulls back to give him another kiss. “So are we having dinner or what?”
Joonmyun chuckles and pats his butt before pulling away to turn towards the stove. “I’m almost done,” he says. “Why don’t you go freshen up first?”
Baekhyun beams at him and then goes to the bedroom, taking off his suit and shirt and changing into a simple shirt and jogging pants. He hears his phone go off and takes it out of his slacks pocket. It’s a message from Soyul.
He slumps down on the bed and puffs out his cheeks as he lets out a breath. He’d been grateful when Soyul had agreed to give him time for the news of her pregnancy to settle, for him to get ready for what’s coming. But when she hadn’t contacted him in a month, Baekhyun had begun to hope that it wasn’t real, that it was all a dream. He had hoped that she wouldn’t contact him again and it will be like it never happened. But it is real and she wants to meet up again.
He knows she’s waiting for a response, knowing that it’s the right thing to do. It’s what he should do, man up and take responsibility. Baekhyun’s heart hurts as he sends a confirmation of the meeting and stares at the screen long after the Sent Message notice has long disappeared.
“Baekhyun, dinner’s-is everything okay?” Joonmyun asks in concern when he sees Baekhyun hunched over his phone. “What’s wrong?”
Baekhyun looks up and locks his phone with a smile. He tosses it to the bedside table. “Nothing,” he assures him, standing up. “Let’s eat? I’m starving.”
“Yeah,” Joonmyun says. “Are you sure everything’s fine?”
“I promise,” Baekhyun lies, kissing his cheek and leading him out to the dining room.
They eat dinner like nothing is wrong. Joonmyun animatedly tells him about his day and Baekhyun listens interestedly. Baekhyun still doesn’t know much about art, despite reading about it more, but Joonmyun always fills him in and never makes him feel uneducated. He likes hearing Joonmyun talk about his work. It always sounds so exciting and Joonmyun’s voice is very calming to listen to. Baekhyun dodges the question about how his day was and just asks Joonmyun about their upcoming exhibits, even asking about Jongin.
“Ah I’m so stuffed!” Baekhyun announces as they get into bed, rubbing his tummy. He turns to his side as Joonmyun gets into bed, turning the lamp off. “Please stop feeding me so much. I’m going to get fat.”
“I like you stuffed,” Joonmyun says, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun and squeezing him. “I like your soft tummy, your thighs and your ass.” He reaches down and gives it a squeeze. “Especially your ass. And it’s all mine,” he proclaims in pride.
Baekhyun smirks. “I knew it,” he shares. “You just like me for my yumminess.”
“You are yummy,” Joonmyun agrees, giving both of his butt cheeks another squeeze as he places a flurry of kisses down Baekhyun’s throat.
“You’re lucky I think you’re yummy, too,” Baekhyun remarks, sliding his hands inside Joonmyun’s shirt, his fingers tracing the outline of his abs. He starts lifting his shirt until it’s bunched up under his armpits and then bends down to use his tongue to trace his abs. Joonmyun grunts, his stomach caving in at the contact. “Very yummy,” he confirms.
“You tease,” Joonmyun growls, throwing himself on top of Baekhyun.
Baekhyun snickers as he takes Joonmyun’s shirt off completely and wraps his arms around Joonmyun’s neck to pull him down. “What are you going to do about it?” he challenges.
Joonmyun’s response is so strip Baekhyun naked and then following with taking off his own clothes. Joonmyun always makes love to him so fervently, even when Baekhyun demands for roughness. He always makes him feel like he’s precious and special. When he kisses Baekhyun, he always does it like it’s all he wants to do for the rest of his life. It makes Baekhyun want to kiss him back forever as well. He thinks it’s something he can do. Joonmyun loves him so well, that he can see himself being with him for a really long time. But it’s a dream that’s become out of reach.
Baekhyun quietly eases out of bed when Joonmyun’s breathing evens out. He grabs a jacket, puts it on as he situates himself in the living room and powers up his laptop. He stares at the screen as everything gets loaded and opens up a browser. The cursor blinks at him mockingly for a while before he decides to type something in.
If he’s going to do this, he should know what he’s gotten himself into. The pregnancy search releases thousands of results. Baekhyun’s heart pounds heavily in his chest as he clicks onto one link. He reads everything from the pregnancy process, the growth of the baby, and all that needs to be done within the nine months. He learns all about the scheduling of doctor appointments, all the financial adjustments, as well as the lifestyle changes. Right before his eyes, Baekhyun sees how his life will be altered.
He leans back on the couch and stares at the screen. There is no way he can do this. There is no way he can raise a child, and with a girl barely knows. He’s in love with Joonmyun. Joonmyun is quite possibly the love of Baekhyun’s life and they won’t even end up together. There is no way Joonmyun will forgive him for this. How could he when Baekhyun can’t even forgive himself? How did this happen? How could he have allowed this to happen?
Baekhyun covers his eyes with his forearm, and then he breaks down and cries.
÷
Baekhyun feels like his heart is going to pop out of his chest as he walks into the coffee shop on the other side of town. He had to go and lie to Joonmyun that he had a sudden meeting with a client just so he can go and meet with Soyul. Sneaking around, hiding things from Joonmyun, is the last thing Baekhyun wants to do. But, considering the circumstances, he thinks that he can’t very well just go out and tell Joonmyun about this.
He spots Soyul in the corner of the café and walks straight towards the table, not even bothering to order. He doesn’t want to get comfortable and hopes that this meeting will be quick because he promised Joonmyun that they’d go out for dinner.
“Hey,” Baekhyun greets Soyul, slipping into the seat across from hers.
“I was wondering if you were actually ever going to show up,” Soyul comments, taking a sip of her coffee.
“I did say I was going to be here,” Baekhyun defends himself. He leans back on his seat and watches Soyul quietly drink her coffee. It’s not like he’s running away from his responsibility to the child. All he needed was time to think and to process things, as well as figure out what he was going to do and how he was going to handle it.
“I don’t just need you to be here, Baekhyun,” Soyul starts, putting her cup down. “I need you to want to be here. I don’t blame you for this. This is something we both did and something we’ll both have to figure out.”
“I know,” Baekhyun says with a sigh. “So how do you propose with do this?”
Soyul stares at him. “You’re the father,” she reminds him. “I don’t want to have to look for you every single time I need you for the baby. It’s not really about the money. I have money and I can afford to raise this baby on my own. But I’d rather my kid have a father who is actually present and one who will help raise him or her.”
“Soyul,” Baekhyun levels with her. “I am honestly terrified of this whole thing. I don’t know the first thing about raising a baby. But I can assure you that I will be around. I will be with you in this.” He takes a deep breath.
“I am terrified, too,” Soyul admits. “My career really isn’t a very good one for raising a child. I don’t suppose helping couples get divorced is a healthy environment for anyone with a child.”
Soyul continues to talk about her job, her life, which is the first time Baekhyun’s really known anything about her. As it turns out, she’s a divorce attorney, who is rising up in the ranks, her name starting to be spoken of in important circles. She mentions having always wanted to focus on her career because relationships are trouble. But then she gets lonely once in a while. What she never expected was for that loneliness to create such a big change in her life.
Baekhyun keeps on thinking about himself, about how this changes everything, how his life is suddenly in such disarray, about how this will change things between him and Joonmyun. He’s been so anxious about his own life and how he’s going to tell Joonmyun and his friends that he hasn’t even stopped to think about how this affects Soyul.
She is the actual one who will carry the baby. It will grow inside of her and her whole lifestyle will change. Being a lawyer is very important to her and Baekhyun can’t help but think about how being pregnant will possibly affect the time she spends on her work. She can’t very well stay up late so much now. Soyul’s also going to have to fix her eating habits, go to special classes, and go to doctor appointments regularly. It is a literal burden to her if he could call it that.
“Are you having morning sickness?” Baekhyun suddenly asks and Soyul looks at him in surprise. “I know most women have morning sickness in the first trimester. I can’t imagine that it’s easy.”
Soyul smiles. “You’ve done some reading,” she comments, looking pleased. “Well, it’s not so bad right now, the morning sickness, I mean. I hope it doesn’t get worse. You don’t have to worry about me, though. I just wanted to meet up so we’re clear that you’re going to help me go through this.”
Talking to Soyul has definitely made this decision easier, not that he was going to run away from his obligations. But hearing Soyul has, somehow, made him feel less guilty about going through with this. This is the right thing to do no matter how much his relationship with Joonmyun will suffer.
Baekhyun breathes deeply and nods. “I will,” he promises. “I’ll go through this with you.”
One | Two | Three | Four
“Baekhyun, where are we going?” Joonmyun laughs as Baekhyun just pulls him when they get out of the car.
“You’ll see,” Baekhyun mysteriously replies, wiggling his eyebrows up and down. He’d picked Joonmyun up at home that evening, told him to get dressed because they were going out.
“What are all the blankets and snacks for?” Joonmyun continues to ask question, glancing at the big bag that Baekhyun has hanging on his shoulder. “Are we having a picnic? It’s almost eight o’clock-”
Baekhyun hushes him when they enter the park gates and hands two strips of what looks like tickets to the one standing behind a podium. When they enter, that’s when Joonmyun sees people upon people stretched on the grass on their blankets. A couple of feet away, a huge screen is showing previews in black and white.
“We’re late,” Baekhyun sighs, sounding like he’s pouting when they situate themselves beside a tree. He puts their blanket in place and gestures at Joonmyun to sit before him.
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun speaks up.
“I’m sure we can still catch up with the story if we pay attention,” Baekhyun hurriedly tells him as he leans his back on the tree and tries to get comfortable. But Joonmyun isn’t even looking at the screen. “What?” He looks worriedly at his boyfriend. “You don’t like it? We could always just go somewhere else.”
This is another one of those things. Baekhyun had thought long and hard about taking Joonmyun out in public. Sure, they’d gone to dinner together several times and went to the grocery and the mall. Sometimes they even held hands. But there was just something really intimate about going out to watch a movie together. It is one of those things that couples do and Baekhyun realized he wanted to have that with Joonmyun, too. Of course it had to be more special if he wanted it to mean something. So why not the outdoor theatre at the park? He was almost sure that Joonmyun would like it. Joonmyun liked movies and he had this old, caring soul, and Baekhyun figured this was right up his alley.
“I want to kiss you so badly,” is what Joonmyun says that has Baekhyun stunned. “I… this is really special, Baek. I don’t know how I can top this or even-”
Baekhyun reaches for his hand and squeezes it. “You don’t have to do anything,” he reassures him. He then shifts so that he could snuggle to him. “Now, pay attention to the movie.”
“Okay,” Joonmyun chuckles, wrapping his arm around him.
Baekhyun leans closer to him so he can whisper in his ear. “Later, you can kiss me.”
And Joonmyun does. When the credits are rolling and several people have started packing up and are leaving, Joonmyun leans towards him and captures his lips in a searing kiss. Baekhyun isn’t all prepared for it, even though he was sort of anticipating it the whole evening. He sees the crowd moving around them, some glancing their way, snickering, giggling, catcalling, so he squeezes his eyes shut to forget all that. They aren’t important. Baekhyun starts moving his lips against Joonmyun’s and, eventually, everything else fades away.
÷
Baekhyun gets into the habit of things. In the beginning, the effort to be with Joonmyun was a struggle. He constantly needed to remind himself that this wasn’t only going to make Joonmyun happy, this was going to make him happy as well, and that if he wanted to be with Joonmyun, which he did, he needed to do this for the both of them. Now, however, things are so much easier.
Coming out to Jongdae (and Kyungsoo) and then Jongin, although Baekhyun suspected that he’s known all along because Joonmyun probably told him, certainly helped. Not having to keep things to himself all the time, not having to suppress who he is so much, made Baekhyun breathe. It made him less worried about what other people might think and made him think more about his own happiness. There is always that sense of responsibility in him, wherein he always cared whether he was going to hurt someone in the process, and imbibed this so much that he stopped caring whether he was hurting himself.
He likes who he is now. He is less serious, less uptight, much less of an ass. Joonmyun’s patience and care for him made him want to be better and he’s glad that it seems to be paying off. He and Joonmyun have never had it this good before. Everything just seems to be perfect.
“Baekhyun, we’re going to be late,” Joonmyun calls from the foyer.
Baekhyun makes a face at his reflection and walks out of the room, still fumbling with his bowtie. “I don’t understand why I have to wear a bowtie while you’re wearing a tie,” he grumbles. “I look like a gift.”
“You are a gift,” Joonmyun says, laughing, as he fixes Baekhyun’s bowtie for him. “A very handsome one.”
“I’m going to strangle Soojung when we get there,” Baekhyun declares. “I’m pretty sure this was her idea. Taemin would never think of this. That guy’s a slob at heart.”
“Unless he isn’t,” Joonmyun gently counters him. He pats Baekhyun’s neck when he’s done. “There, all pretty.”
“You look good,” Baekhyun grudgingly appreciates.
Joonmyun chuckles, patting his tie and making sure it’s straight. “I have to be,” he tells him. “I’m meeting your friends.”
“Are you nervous?” Baekhyun peers at him curiously and his eyes widen when he realizes that Joonmyun is. “There’s nothing to be nervous about. These are my friends. I’ve known them forever and they’re going to like you.”
Joonmyun merely smiles and presses a quick kiss to Baekhyun’s lips. “We’re going to be late,” is all he says.
Baekhyun tries to loosen his bowtie a bit as they leave his apartment. “I really am going to wring Soojung’s neck when I see her,” he mutters. “Seriously, why did she plan this to be so formal?”
When they get to upscale part of town and into one of the three star hotels, Baekhyun is still fussing over his bowtie, his other hand in Joonmyun’s, when he feels Joonmyun freeze beside him.
“Baek, didn’t Taeyeon say Star?” Joonmyun calmly asks.
“Yeah,” Baekhyun confirms, finally letting his bowtie be and looking up. “Why?”
“Well, there is no other room in this hotel called Star, except for the ballroom on the second floor,” Joonmyun tells him, pointing at the information board where it says Jung Soojung and Lee Taemin’s Engagement Party - Star Ballroom.
It isn’t a simple engagement party like Soojung had screamed at him over the phone the other day. After she had happily regaled Baekhyun of her tale of how Taemin had finally proposed, she told him that he’d better be present at their simple engagement party and that he could bring a date if he wanted (although he knew she just wanted him to bring that girl he’s been cooking for). Baekhyun had thought it was the perfect time for him to bring Joonmyun along and introduce him to his friends; killing two birds with one stone. Except this party would be like killing a thousand birds with one stone.
Soojung’s and Taemin’s families are both present, along with their other friends from university. Baekhyun suddenly has this urge to run away.
“I’m going to kill Soojung,” Baekhyun proclaims.
“We don’t have to do this,” Joonmyun says, turning to him, playing with the cuff of his suit. “I can leave and… we can always do this some other time.”
Baekhyun looks at Joonmyun and sees how, in just one instance, they are reverting back to how they used to be. He glances at the ballroom, at the people in beautiful suits and gowns, and wonders why he cares so much about what they think, when the most important person in his life’s thoughts should be the one that matters the most.
He grabs Joonmyun’s hand and squeezes it. “No,” he firmly states. “You’re not going anywhere. We’re not going anywhere.”
Amber and Lu Han are standing by the bar, chatting animatedly, something that may be a result of alcohol, and Baekhyun walks over to them, Joonmyun in tow.
“Baekhyun!” Amber and Lu Han chorus when they see him.
“You made it,” Amber says, pleased. Then he sees Joonmyun, her eyes flitting towards their clasped hands before looking back up. “And who is this?”
“This is Joonmyun,” Baekhyun says, hardly breathing, as he glances at Lu Han as well. He pauses for a second as he looks at Joonmyun standing so handsomely beside him. “He’s liked everything I’ve cooked for him so far.”
A bit of silence follows the revelation, where Amber smiles in surprise and Lu Han lifts an eyebrow up interestedly, before the normal chaos that is his friends ensues.
“You must be really nice for you to like everything he’s made for you,” Amber remarks with a laugh, while Lu Han interjects that he’s been a very good teacher so it’s not so surprising.
“Lu Han is a chef, while Amber is a composer,” Baekhyun introduces them, rolling his eyes when Amber puts an arm around Joonmyun to interrogate him. “They’re horrible people. You should keep you guard up.”
“Hey,” Lu Han defends himself and Amber. “We’re incredibly nice people. Who would be patient enough to get you through making chicken marsala?”
Lu Han then starts interviewing Joonmyun about how Baekhyun’s cooking tasted, while Amber asked completely embarrassing questions about his personal life. Joonmyun is smiling, though, so Baekhyun takes it as a good sign.
Soojung and Taemin are quite possibly Baekhyun’s worst friends. Soojung screams while Taemin yells at the news. Soojung hugs Joonmyun and tells him how happy she is that she’s making Baekhyun happy. She then recounts the changes she’s seen in the past months and says that it’s probably all because of him, making Joonmyun blush in delight. Taemin claps Baekhyun on the back, demanding why it’s taken him so long to introduce Joonmyun to them.
“Does it matter?” Baekhyun answers, smiling at Joonmyun. “I’m introducing him to you now.”
Later in the evening, Taeyeon asks Joonmyun to dance, not caring how weird it is that she was asking Baekhyun’s current boyfriend; his ex-girlfriend and his boyfriend are going to be dancing together. Baekhyun stands on the sidelines, grinning as Taeyeon and Joonmyun talk and laugh together. It’s nice seeing them getting along, two of the most important people in his life.
“Seems like a really great guy,” Soojung sidles up to him, wine glass in hand. She’s very pretty in her silver strapless dress that shimmers every time the light shines on it. “Can’t believe you’ve never introduced him before. You’ve been with him for five months already.”
“Yeah I know. There were just some things that I had to deal with,” Baekhyun admits. “Sorry to spring it on you guys so suddenly, and on your engagement party, too.” He suddenly realizes what he’d done.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Soojung dismisses his apology. She bites her lower lip. “Is this why you were weird around Taeyeon for a while?”
“It was just hard,” Baekhyun explains, “when you’ve had this stable thing only to have it crumble when you realize that you’re different, that you aren’t who you thought you were. I loved Taeyeon to the point where I thought I was going to marry her. But then all of a sudden that love changed and I didn’t know how or when it started. I knew then that I couldn’t lead her on, I couldn’t do that to her, so I broke up with her.”
“You were just being honest with yourself,” Soojung says.
“It wasn’t easy,” Baekhyun confesses. “When you said that you saw disappointment when I looked at Taeyeon… I felt disappointed. In myself. Because I had that normal life and I threw it away. It was hard and I really struggled. That’s why it took me so long to introduce Joonmyun to you guys. It wasn’t so much that I thought you guys would be appalled; it was more of because of my issues with myself.”
“I really have never seen you so happy before,” Soojung repeats with a smile. “Not even when you were with Taeyeon, and I know how happy you were with her.”
Baekhyun looks to the dance floor. Joonmyun is twirling Taeyeon around, both laughing and shining so brightly. Joonmyun catches his eyes and winks.
“I am very happy,” Baekhyun acknowledges.
When Joonmyun and Taeyeon dance to their side of the ballroom, Taeyeon stage whispers, “He dances well, Baek. This one’s a keeper.”
As Joonmyun smiles at him like he’s the sun, Baekhyun can’t help but agree.
÷
They clearly drank too much. They’ve been standing outside Baekhyun’s apartment for ten minutes and yet they still haven’t managed to get inside. Baekhyun keeps on giggling, while Joonmyun tries very, very hard to slot the key into the lock, which, for some reason, has become really hard to do. Baekhyun snatches the key from him and unlocks the door in only four tries. He pushes Joonmyun, who stumbles, in and follows after him.
The first thing Baekhyun does is struggle with taking his bowtie off. “I am never wearing anything like this again,” he promises, complete with violent tugging that almost chokes him.
“Let me,” Joonmyun slurs, slapping Baekhyun’s hand away.
Joonmyun really is handsome. Baekhyun has always known this. He just has that kind of face that makes you do a double take and think wow. But Joonmyun isn’t just handsome because of his face. Joonmyun is just handsome overall and Baekhyun wonders, yet again, how he’s managed to snag him.
“Thank you for tonight,” Baekhyun suddenly breaks the silence.
“What?” Joonmyun’s hands still their movement. He looks confused.
“You went with me to the Soojung and Taemin’s engagement party, met my friends and liked them,” Baekhyun elaborates. “It really means a lot to me.”
Joonmyun half chuckles, half giggles. “Baekhyun, I should be the one thanking you,” he insists. “You invited me and introduced me to your friends. I hope they liked me.”
“They do,” Baekhyun replies in a heartbeat. “They would be crazy not to.”
Joonmyun cups Baekhyun’s face. “I am so proud of you,” he declares. “These past few months… everything has been so amazing. You’ve been so amazing. Thank you for introducing me to your friends and for trusting me.” He kisses Baekhyun long and hard. “I love you.”
Joonmyun pulls away but Baekhyun slams right back into him, grabbing the back of his neck and kissing him harder. Joonmyun always says things like this, things that Baekhyun never knows how to respond, so instead he shows him how much he cares, how happy he is.
Baekhyun’s hands wander down Joonmyun’s torso, surprisingly unknotting his tie and taking it off without a hitch, before unbuttoning his shirt. He’s always loved Joonmyun all dressed up for his events at work or anywhere else. It made him feel like the luckiest guy when he sees how attractive his boyfriend is. But he also loves it when Joonmyun is naked, hot and hard, for him.
They manage to stumble into the bedroom. By then, their coats and shirts are both lying on the floor somewhere in the apartment, their pants unzipped. Baekhyun goes down on the floor, tugging Joonmyun’s pants down with him. Joonmyun’s already hard in his boxers and he feels him hardening even more when Baekhyun presses his face against it and nuzzles his crotch.
“Baek,” Joonmyun groans when Baekhyun opens his mouth to suck on his cock through his boxer briefs. “Please.”
Baekhyun looks up. “What do you want, Joonmyun?” he asks huskily, his hand pulling down his boxers.
Joonmyun chokes. “You,” he cries out when Baekhyun licks the pre-come off the tip. “You-I want you.”
Baekhyun gets up with some difficulty and chucks his own briefs off. Pushing Joonmyun on the bed, he scrambles to the side table and takes out a white tube from the drawer. When he turns his attention back to his boyfriend, Joonmyun’s eyes are dark with want as he watches and waits for him.
Baekhyun takes his time prepping Joonmyun, coating his fingers with as much lube as possible. They aren’t new to this, but Baekhyun can’t stomach even just the thought of hurting Joonmyun. So he waits until Joonmyun’s fully comfortable with three of his fingers inside. Joonmyun keeps on moaning, making Baekhyun want to just take him, but he bides his time because he wants it to be good for Joonmyun, who’s been so good to him.
“Stop.” Joonmyun grabs Baekhyun’s wrist and Baekhyun freezes. “Just… I want you in me, Baek,” he clarifies. “Now.”
Baekhyun takes his fingers out and hastily wipes them on the sheets. He coats his cock with lube, hissing at the sensation, and Joonmyun scrambles to get on all fours to be ready, the way they’ve done it in the past, but Baekhyun stops him.
“I want to see you,” Baekhyun says. “I want to see your face.”
Joonmyun lies back down and meets Baekhyun’s eyes as he slowly sheathes himself with Joonmyun’s heat. Joonmyun hands grip Baekhyun’s hips, hard, and he’s so tight and hot that Baekhyun groans, forcing himself to stop from slamming into him again and again.
“I’m fine,” Joonmyun assures him when Baekhyun still hasn’t moved.
Baekhyun almost pulls out and then slams into him, again and again, Joonmyun lifting his legs to rest on Baekhyun’s shoulders.
His eyes stay open, watching as Joonmyun gasps and moans and screams for him, and he can’t help but want to do it over and over again. They have had sex before and every time is different, but it hasn’t been like this before. Every expression, every sound that comes out of Joonmyun’s mouth just spurs Baekhyun into more action so that he can see more and hear more. He wants Joonmyun to feel good. He wants him to be happy.
Baekhyun wants Joonmyun to be happy.
Baekhyun leans forward at this realization and captures Joonmyun’s moans into his mouth. He’s not sure how he’s managed to do it but he thinks Joonmyun is happy with him. Somehow, despite everything, Joonmyun has ended up happy in their relationship, and Baekhyun is happy. Now all he wants is to continue doing it. Baekhyun pushes harder and faster and it’s not long after when Joonmyun comes. Joonmyun clenches around him unexpectedly, making Baekhyun cry out and have his own release.
They lie beside each other, spent but blissful. Joonmyun wraps an arm around Baekhyun, pulling him close to plant a kiss on his forehead.
“I love you,” Joonmyun whispers and then he’s getting up to get a towel and clean the two of them off.
Later, when Joonmyun is fast asleep, Baekhyun snuggles closer to Joonmyun and whispers I love you right to Joonmyun’s heart.
÷
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun calls from the bedroom. “Your phone is ringing again.”
Baekhyun pauses in brushing his teeth to yell, “I’ll be right out.” It’s probably a client. There have been some problems with one of the clients that he has been handling and he, along with some account executives have been on top of it for the past two weeks. He finishes brushing his teeth and walks out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist.
Joonmyun is already dressed. He’s standing in front of the floor-length mirror, buttoning up his white long-sleeved polo shirt. “Must be a big client,” he comments, nodding towards Baekhyun’s phone on the bedside table.
His phone has been ringing off the hook, all the time, several of which he doesn’t even answer anymore because he already knows what’s going to be on the other end of the line. Baekhyun waves at it dismissively.
“It is a big client,” Baekhyun tells him, putting on his underwear before pulling out a pair of shirt and slacks, along with a coat. “Pretty demanding, too. Nothing that can’t be fixed, though.” He puts on his slacks, followed by his shirt, walking over to Joonmyun when he starts buttoning it up. “How does your week look like?”
“Have several meetings,” Joonmyun says, stepping aside to share the mirror with Baekhyun. “We’re already looking into which exhibits we want to bring in next year, a bit of some early planning.” He faces his boyfriend to help him fix his collar. “The day hasn’t even started and you already look stressed,” he teases him lightly.
Baekhyun sighs. If he was to be really honest, he really is stressed about his work at the moment. Someone screwed something up and now everyone’s just scrambling to fix things. “The higher ups are being really hard on us at the moment,” Baekhyun explains. “So it really has been stressful.”
“It’s going to be fine,” Joonmyun assures him, although he has no idea how bad things are. He kisses the tip of his nose. “You’re going home to your apartment tonight, I assume?”
“Yeah,” Baekhyun says, making a face. “I really have a lot of paperwork to catch up on and I don’t want to make a mess here.”
“I can come over and keep you company,” Joonmyun suggests, smiling.
Joonmyun and Baekhyun have maintained separate apartments because Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s ready for that step. Although, there have been days when one of the apartments barely gets used because sometimes Baekhyun would sleep over Joonmyun’s for a week or Joonmyun would stay in Baekhyun’s for several days. Still, Baekhyun thinks that it’s still nice that they have their own personal space.
“I’m going to be a bore,” Baekhyun warns him, not averse to the prospect of having Joonmyun around for a short snuggle or even a quick romp in the sheets.
“I know how to keep myself busy,” Joonmyun assures him. “I’ll bring over some work that way we can motivate each other.”
“What a fun couple we make,” Baekhyun remarks. Joonmyun laughs.
When Baekhyun’s tie is all fixed and his coat is put on, he walks to the bedside table to get his wallet and phone. He has two missed calls from the same unknown number. He frowns as he puts it in his pocket. That number has been calling him for quite some time now and it always so happens that Baekhyun misses it. It’s just probably just someone in the office.
“See you later?” Baekhyun announces his leaving, reaching for Joonmyun.
“Yeah,” Joonmyun confirms, allowing himself to be pulled close. “I’ll bring dinner.”
“I knew there was a reason I kept you around,” Baekhyun chuckles, kissing him. Joonmyun scoffs, making him laugh. “See you later.”
Baekhyun lets him out after grabbing a bagel from the kitchen. There’s a call from Jongdae as soon as he gets into his car and he puts in on speaker as he drives to work. Jongdae keeps him updated on all that’s apparently been discussed overnight and Baekhyun assures him that he’s on his way. He gets to work in no time and immediately dives into helping fix whatever the mess is.
Right in the middle of a phone call, his secretary comes in and places a note on his desk: You have a visitor in the lobby, says it’s important, but doesn’t want to come up. Baekhyun frowns at the note and stares at it after the call has ended. He looks at all his work and decides that he could use a break. Telling his secretary that he’s going to be lobby, he grabs his coat and heads for the elevators.
There are certain things in people’s lives that they never want to relive, certain things they never want to hear of and see again. Everyone wants to move on and look on into a future that’s more positive and free from the points in their lives where they think they’ve made mistakes.
This is one of those moments.
“You’re a hard man to grab a hold of, Byun Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun is unable to move. “What-what are you doing here? How did you…? What are you doing here?”
“Lee Soyul,” she introduces herself, offering to shake his hand. He takes it blindly. “I figured it wouldn’t be fair of me not to tell you my name.”
It’s her. The girl at the bar. The one night stand, the mistake that he should never have committed. She’s standing in the lobby of his work place, looking like she could be working there, too. Baekhyun seriously hopes that she isn’t.
“Listen, I know you would rather not ever talk to me again,” Soyul starts, “but are you free for coffee right now? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
÷
Baekhyun feels like he’s seeing his whole life crumble before his eyes. That life that he’s always wanted and now has suddenly feels like just a dream that’s being snatched away from him.
Soyul is pregnant. And it’s Baekhyun’s baby.
They had gotten a paternity test. Soyul wanted to be truthful and fair to Baekhyun, although she had told him that she hasn’t slept with anyone else. There is no doubt that Baekhyun had fathered a child. Baekhyun is going to be a father.
He buries his face in his hands. His office door is locked and he had told his secretary that no calls should be put through and that no one is to disturb him. There isn’t anything else that Baekhyun can deal with at the moment. How can he think of his work when his life is falling apart? How could this happen? How could he have done this?
Baekhyun hasn’t told anyone. He hasn’t even really processed it. How can he burden another person with this? His thoughts flit to Joonmyun and he flinches. Joonmyun, his Joonmyun… he’s going to be distraught when he finds out. This is exactly the kind of thing Baekhyun would do. It’s so typical that he would end up screwing things up. Here he is a gay man, in love, and yet he’s going to be a father, getting a girl he doesn’t even know pregnant.
Soyul has given him time to think, time to process the events that had transpired and how he was going to deal with it and be ready. Baekhyun doubts that he will ever be ready.
The knock on his door startles him. He looks up when his secretary peeks in, looking apologetic.
“You have a meeting in five minutes. They’re assembling in the conference room,” she reminds him before closing the door to let him get ready.
Baekhyun straightens up and stares at his desk; mahogany and sturdy. He is barely strong enough to handle his personal issues, only making it through because of the faith of those around him. He isn’t sure how to be responsible for someone else again so soon after he’s only learned how.
He takes a deep breath and gets up. Life has never stopped for him before. He doesn’t think it will start now. As Baekhyun walks towards the conference room, he wonders how long he can keep this to himself without breaking down.
÷
“You’ve been awfully subdued these days,” Taeyeon says conversationally as she follows Baekhyun out of the building, carrying her lesson plans and books. “What’s up?”
“Hmm?” Baekhyun distractedly responds. There’s a guy holding a kid up on his shoulders on the sidewalk, leading up to the school. The little boy keeps on laughing and calling his dad’s name while pointing at the clouds above. He can’t imagine himself having a kid who will-
“Baekhyun!” Taeyeon calls his name.
Baekhyun whips around, swerving just in time before he hits a signpost. “What?”
Taeyeon frowns, shifting her stuff to her other arm before putting a hand on his elbow. She looks to the left then to the right before pulling him to cross the street. They get to Baekhyun’s car. He opens it and she puts her things inside, but stops him when he starts to get in.
“What is going on with you?” she asks pointedly, holding both of his shoulders firmly.
“Nothing,” Baekhyun defensively responds. Taeyeon raises an eyebrow and he chuckles. “Nothing is going on,” he assures her. “I’m just caught up with work. There are some things going on, a pretty big mess, and it’s just all I think about these days.” He opens the door for Taeyeon and ushers her inside before getting into the driver’s side.
“Joonmyun did mention something about you being stressed about your job,” Taeyeon replies. “I hope it’s nothing too serious.”
“You and Joonmyun…” Baekhyun pauses as he starts the car and looks at his best friend. “Since when are you guys friends?”
“He’s your boyfriend, Baekhyun,” Taeyeon tells him in disbelief. “Of course we’re friends.”
Baekhyun stops to think about this development. Of course Taeyeon and Joonmyun are friends. They’re two of the most important people in his life. It only makes sense for the two of them to end up being close. He still didn’t see it coming, though.
“Are the rest of the guys also friends with Joonmyun now?” Baekhyun slowly asks, referring to their friends. He thinks about how Amber and Lu Han had hit it off with him and how Soojung and Taemin nagged at him.
“Do you not want us to be friends with him?” Taeyeon asks, confused. “Coz it really sounds like that to me.”
Why would Baekhyun even want that? What he’s always wanted is for his friends to accept him and his relationship. It only follows that Baekhyun want Joonmyun to be accepted, too. That’s what he’s really wanted in the first place: for him to be able to be who he is without fear and for him and Joonmyun not to be a secret anymore.
“That’s not what I meant,” Baekhyun says immediately, reaching out for Taeyeon’s hand and squeezing it. “If anything, it makes me glad. I was just surprised, that’s all.”
Taeyeon doesn’t say anything for a moment, just watches him drive, and Baekhyun hopes against all hope that she doesn’t notice that anything is amiss. He wouldn’t put it past her to do so, though, so he then hopes that she wouldn’t say anything.
“I can’t believe you picked me up to drive me to my date,” Taeyeon says instead, slapping his hand away from hers.
Baekhyun laughs, relieved. “It’s my job as your best friend. I wouldn’t let you get into something without me involving myself,” he tells her. “I have to know who my best friend is dating.”
Taeyeon rolls her eyes. “You egotistical bastard. Not everything is about you,” she pretends to grumble.
Baekhyun laughs as he turns a corner. The museum looms in the distance and he swallows his emotions back in his throat.
÷
The clock is ticking. It’s loud and grating and all Baekhyun wants to do is grab it off the wall and chuck it out of the window. Breaking the glass window in the process would be a plus. All he really wants to do is break something, even if it means breaking his fist as well.
“Baekhyun,” Jongdae gently starts. “I don’t mean to rub it in but…” He sighs. “What even happened? It’s unlike you to mistake like this.”
“I know.” Baekhyun stares out of the window behind his desk, the back of the seat facing Jongdae. It’s raining again, the large drops drawing lines as it slides down to the ledge. It’s said to snow soon, even if it’s still early in the year. The weather took a sudden turn and everyone just took the surprise in stride, getting ready to bundle up and heat up. “I was careless.”
“What are you going to do?” Jongdae asks helplessly.
“I don’t know,” Baekhyun answers honestly and lifelessly.
“Baekhyun, look at me,” Jongdae pleads and Baekhyun turns his seat around to face him. “What did Joonmyun say? You must have talked to him about this.”
Baekhyun shakes his head. “I didn’t tell him,” he says, randomly reaching for his stapler to play with it.
“Baekhyun, he’s your boyfriend. You guys are serious,” Jongdae says in surprise. “You need to tell him, to talk to him about this. This can probably affect him, too.”
“He doesn’t need to know,” Baekhyun insists and the way he says it is final. Joonmyun is like a piece of paradise for him. He’s his solace and if he taints him with something like this, Baekhyun doesn’t think he can forgive himself. He hates it when Joonmyun is worried about him. He’ll hate it even more if Joonmyun worries about him because of Baekhyun’s own doing. Besides, when Joonmyun finds out about the baby, this whole corporate mess of his won’t even matter. Jongdae frowns. “This was my mistake and I’m going to fix it.”
“You might get fired for this,” Jongdae tells him straightforwardly. Baekhyun nods. “At the very least, you’re going to get taken off accounts for a while.” He shakes his head and sighs. “I can’t believe you made a mistake with the books. It’s a good thing that the money is all there.”
“There’s nothing for me to do but accept the consequences,” Baekhyun states softly. “I can’t… there’s nothing I can do, except make the best of what I’ve done.” He smiles a little. “Maybe I’ll be less busy this way.”
“Please talk to Joonmyun,” Jongdae implores. “Or anyone. This can’t be easy for you and I can only imagine the stress. Talking to someone will help.”
“Well I’m talking to you,” Baekhyun reminds him with a small smile.
“You won’t even talk to me properly,” Jongdae rebuts, frustrated.
Baekhyun takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling. It’s all his fault. He had mixed up some numbers in the accounting for two companies and he’s not entirely sure how he had managed to make such a mistake. But he did. All that’s been happening for the past couple of weeks is all his doing. He hadn’t realized that it was his blunder until Jongdae had found out when he’d been perusing the books. Jongdae had come forward to him before they both went to their boss and told him about it. Baekhyun has been taken off the two accounts and has been demoted to doing internal paperwork until the management decides what they should do with him.
“Talking is hard, you know,” Baekhyun tells him, slightly teasing. “I’ve never been a good talker. And sometimes when I talk, I get myself into trouble.”
“Baekhyun,” Jongdae starts, brows furrowed in concern.
Baekhyun waves him off. “This is my fault,” he repeats. “Whatever happens happens and I’ll just have to deal with it. I’m pretty good at dealing with my messes.”
“Tell Joonmyun,” Jongdae persists. “That’s what partners are for. He cares about you and he will want to know.”
Baekhyun just laughs. Joonmyun probably won’t want to be his partner for very long. Why would he need to tell him about this when he’ll leave Baekhyun anyway?
“I’m serious, Baek,” Jongdae maintains seriously.
“I’m fine,” Baekhyun assures him firmly. “Everything will be fine.”
Baekhyun turns towards the window again, signaling the end of the conversation. He thinks about Joonmyun. Everything will be fine.
÷
Baekhyun walks into his apartment and sees a sleek black pair of shoes in the doorway; along with a black coat that he knows is Joonmyun’s favorite. Joonmyun always said that he felt at home in Baekhyun’s apartment, like it was his own. Baekhyun takes off his own coat and shoes, putting on his own pair of slippers.
Joonmyun is in the kitchen, busy with the pots and pans on the stove. He’s changed into the shirt he always wears the first night that he stays over, a pair of shorts, and his own pair of slippers that Baekhyun had bought for him. He leans against the doorway, smiling as Joonmyun starts humming some 1940’s song as he cooks something that Baekhyun guesses is one of his favorites.
Joonmyun has been doing a lot of cooking for him for the past weeks. It’s what he does when he sees that Baekhyun is stressed and Baekhyun has been a lot stressed these days. He wonders how Joonmyun is able to put up with him and take care of him at the same time. Appreciation and love gushes through him and he walks in to wrap his arms around Joonmyun’s waist, pressing his face to his back.
“Hi,” Baekhyun greets adoringly, playfully kissing his back.
Joonmyun jumps in fright then relaxes when he sees that it’s Baekhyun. “You scared me,” he whines. He wipes his hands clean with a rag and turns around in Baekhyun’s arms to greet him properly. “Hi,” he says, kissing him. “How was your day?”
“Okay,” Baekhyun mumbles into his chest as he hugs Joonmyun tightly. “I’m happy you’re here.”
Joonmyun returns Baekhyun’s tight hug and presses a kiss to the crown of his head. Baekhyun buries his face further into Joonmyun, liking how warm he is, and doesn’t notice how Joonmyun looks concerned at this display.
“I figured you missed me,” Joonmyun teases him, “that’s why I’m here making us dinner.”
“You’re making my favorite again,” Baekhyun says, not even moving.
“I like spoiling you,” Joonmyun states sincerely, smiling.
Baekhyun pulls away at this and kisses him. “I still don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he tells him, his heart clenching.
“You don’t have to do anything,” Joonmyun tells him with a kiss. “You just have to be Baekhyun.”
“Being Baekhyun is trouble,” Baekhyun states, startling himself with how true that is. “I’m trouble.”
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun dotingly declares, cupping his face, “you are great the way you are and I love you.”
Baekhyun blinks and buries his face back into Joonmyun’s chest. “I hate it when you say things like that,” he grunts, making Joonmyun laugh. He never knows what to say when Joonmyun compliments him like that and then follows it up with I love you. Well, Baekhyun knows what he should say, he feels it anyway, but somehow he can’t say it. Especially not with the current circumstances. I already know I’m great.” He then pulls back to give him another kiss. “So are we having dinner or what?”
Joonmyun chuckles and pats his butt before pulling away to turn towards the stove. “I’m almost done,” he says. “Why don’t you go freshen up first?”
Baekhyun beams at him and then goes to the bedroom, taking off his suit and shirt and changing into a simple shirt and jogging pants. He hears his phone go off and takes it out of his slacks pocket. It’s a message from Soyul.
He slumps down on the bed and puffs out his cheeks as he lets out a breath. He’d been grateful when Soyul had agreed to give him time for the news of her pregnancy to settle, for him to get ready for what’s coming. But when she hadn’t contacted him in a month, Baekhyun had begun to hope that it wasn’t real, that it was all a dream. He had hoped that she wouldn’t contact him again and it will be like it never happened. But it is real and she wants to meet up again.
He knows she’s waiting for a response, knowing that it’s the right thing to do. It’s what he should do, man up and take responsibility. Baekhyun’s heart hurts as he sends a confirmation of the meeting and stares at the screen long after the Sent Message notice has long disappeared.
“Baekhyun, dinner’s-is everything okay?” Joonmyun asks in concern when he sees Baekhyun hunched over his phone. “What’s wrong?”
Baekhyun looks up and locks his phone with a smile. He tosses it to the bedside table. “Nothing,” he assures him, standing up. “Let’s eat? I’m starving.”
“Yeah,” Joonmyun says. “Are you sure everything’s fine?”
“I promise,” Baekhyun lies, kissing his cheek and leading him out to the dining room.
They eat dinner like nothing is wrong. Joonmyun animatedly tells him about his day and Baekhyun listens interestedly. Baekhyun still doesn’t know much about art, despite reading about it more, but Joonmyun always fills him in and never makes him feel uneducated. He likes hearing Joonmyun talk about his work. It always sounds so exciting and Joonmyun’s voice is very calming to listen to. Baekhyun dodges the question about how his day was and just asks Joonmyun about their upcoming exhibits, even asking about Jongin.
“Ah I’m so stuffed!” Baekhyun announces as they get into bed, rubbing his tummy. He turns to his side as Joonmyun gets into bed, turning the lamp off. “Please stop feeding me so much. I’m going to get fat.”
“I like you stuffed,” Joonmyun says, wrapping his arms around Baekhyun and squeezing him. “I like your soft tummy, your thighs and your ass.” He reaches down and gives it a squeeze. “Especially your ass. And it’s all mine,” he proclaims in pride.
Baekhyun smirks. “I knew it,” he shares. “You just like me for my yumminess.”
“You are yummy,” Joonmyun agrees, giving both of his butt cheeks another squeeze as he places a flurry of kisses down Baekhyun’s throat.
“You’re lucky I think you’re yummy, too,” Baekhyun remarks, sliding his hands inside Joonmyun’s shirt, his fingers tracing the outline of his abs. He starts lifting his shirt until it’s bunched up under his armpits and then bends down to use his tongue to trace his abs. Joonmyun grunts, his stomach caving in at the contact. “Very yummy,” he confirms.
“You tease,” Joonmyun growls, throwing himself on top of Baekhyun.
Baekhyun snickers as he takes Joonmyun’s shirt off completely and wraps his arms around Joonmyun’s neck to pull him down. “What are you going to do about it?” he challenges.
Joonmyun’s response is so strip Baekhyun naked and then following with taking off his own clothes. Joonmyun always makes love to him so fervently, even when Baekhyun demands for roughness. He always makes him feel like he’s precious and special. When he kisses Baekhyun, he always does it like it’s all he wants to do for the rest of his life. It makes Baekhyun want to kiss him back forever as well. He thinks it’s something he can do. Joonmyun loves him so well, that he can see himself being with him for a really long time. But it’s a dream that’s become out of reach.
Baekhyun quietly eases out of bed when Joonmyun’s breathing evens out. He grabs a jacket, puts it on as he situates himself in the living room and powers up his laptop. He stares at the screen as everything gets loaded and opens up a browser. The cursor blinks at him mockingly for a while before he decides to type something in.
If he’s going to do this, he should know what he’s gotten himself into. The pregnancy search releases thousands of results. Baekhyun’s heart pounds heavily in his chest as he clicks onto one link. He reads everything from the pregnancy process, the growth of the baby, and all that needs to be done within the nine months. He learns all about the scheduling of doctor appointments, all the financial adjustments, as well as the lifestyle changes. Right before his eyes, Baekhyun sees how his life will be altered.
He leans back on the couch and stares at the screen. There is no way he can do this. There is no way he can raise a child, and with a girl barely knows. He’s in love with Joonmyun. Joonmyun is quite possibly the love of Baekhyun’s life and they won’t even end up together. There is no way Joonmyun will forgive him for this. How could he when Baekhyun can’t even forgive himself? How did this happen? How could he have allowed this to happen?
Baekhyun covers his eyes with his forearm, and then he breaks down and cries.
÷
Baekhyun feels like his heart is going to pop out of his chest as he walks into the coffee shop on the other side of town. He had to go and lie to Joonmyun that he had a sudden meeting with a client just so he can go and meet with Soyul. Sneaking around, hiding things from Joonmyun, is the last thing Baekhyun wants to do. But, considering the circumstances, he thinks that he can’t very well just go out and tell Joonmyun about this.
He spots Soyul in the corner of the café and walks straight towards the table, not even bothering to order. He doesn’t want to get comfortable and hopes that this meeting will be quick because he promised Joonmyun that they’d go out for dinner.
“Hey,” Baekhyun greets Soyul, slipping into the seat across from hers.
“I was wondering if you were actually ever going to show up,” Soyul comments, taking a sip of her coffee.
“I did say I was going to be here,” Baekhyun defends himself. He leans back on his seat and watches Soyul quietly drink her coffee. It’s not like he’s running away from his responsibility to the child. All he needed was time to think and to process things, as well as figure out what he was going to do and how he was going to handle it.
“I don’t just need you to be here, Baekhyun,” Soyul starts, putting her cup down. “I need you to want to be here. I don’t blame you for this. This is something we both did and something we’ll both have to figure out.”
“I know,” Baekhyun says with a sigh. “So how do you propose with do this?”
Soyul stares at him. “You’re the father,” she reminds him. “I don’t want to have to look for you every single time I need you for the baby. It’s not really about the money. I have money and I can afford to raise this baby on my own. But I’d rather my kid have a father who is actually present and one who will help raise him or her.”
“Soyul,” Baekhyun levels with her. “I am honestly terrified of this whole thing. I don’t know the first thing about raising a baby. But I can assure you that I will be around. I will be with you in this.” He takes a deep breath.
“I am terrified, too,” Soyul admits. “My career really isn’t a very good one for raising a child. I don’t suppose helping couples get divorced is a healthy environment for anyone with a child.”
Soyul continues to talk about her job, her life, which is the first time Baekhyun’s really known anything about her. As it turns out, she’s a divorce attorney, who is rising up in the ranks, her name starting to be spoken of in important circles. She mentions having always wanted to focus on her career because relationships are trouble. But then she gets lonely once in a while. What she never expected was for that loneliness to create such a big change in her life.
Baekhyun keeps on thinking about himself, about how this changes everything, how his life is suddenly in such disarray, about how this will change things between him and Joonmyun. He’s been so anxious about his own life and how he’s going to tell Joonmyun and his friends that he hasn’t even stopped to think about how this affects Soyul.
She is the actual one who will carry the baby. It will grow inside of her and her whole lifestyle will change. Being a lawyer is very important to her and Baekhyun can’t help but think about how being pregnant will possibly affect the time she spends on her work. She can’t very well stay up late so much now. Soyul’s also going to have to fix her eating habits, go to special classes, and go to doctor appointments regularly. It is a literal burden to her if he could call it that.
“Are you having morning sickness?” Baekhyun suddenly asks and Soyul looks at him in surprise. “I know most women have morning sickness in the first trimester. I can’t imagine that it’s easy.”
Soyul smiles. “You’ve done some reading,” she comments, looking pleased. “Well, it’s not so bad right now, the morning sickness, I mean. I hope it doesn’t get worse. You don’t have to worry about me, though. I just wanted to meet up so we’re clear that you’re going to help me go through this.”
Talking to Soyul has definitely made this decision easier, not that he was going to run away from his obligations. But hearing Soyul has, somehow, made him feel less guilty about going through with this. This is the right thing to do no matter how much his relationship with Joonmyun will suffer.
Baekhyun breathes deeply and nods. “I will,” he promises. “I’ll go through this with you.”
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