Bargument fun...
Excerpted questions from 'Barguments'... although our answers are sans bar-atmo and sans-alcohol.
- - - -
Q: Who from 'Friends' do you think would be best in bed?
Jim: I'm gonna have to say Monica. She seems kinky.
Me: Not Ross, Not Chandler... that leaves Joey. Is that it? Is there another guy?
Jim: .. Ross, Chandler, Joey...
Me: Then Joey. I'm supposed to assume he's experienced.
Jim: Only SICK people would choose Ross.
Me: *laughs* You said it with so much contempt....
- - - -
Q: If you had to sleep with every member of a band, which group would get lucky?
Me: I guess the Beatles... seems historical
Jim: Psh.. the Pussycat Dolls
- - - -
Q: You're in the water. Would you rather see an alligator or a shark?
Me: I don't know, they're both frightening. I've been close to alligators, so sharks are more mythically scary to me because of Jaws. Plus, to be close to a shark you're probably in the middle of the ocean, and the ocean scares me, so I'll say alligator.
Jim: I'm gonna say fuckin' shark because the situations you're gonna be in when you see a shark are a lot more common. If you're seeing a fuckin' alligator, that's a baaaaad thing.
- - - -
Q: With a million dollars at stake, would you rather shoot a free throw or flip a coin?
Me: Flip a coin. Statistics. 50%. If I lost, it's technically not my fault, so I won't feel so bad about it.
Jim: I'd flip a coin. I'm a shitty free-thrower.
- - - -
Q: Who would win a war: Texas or California?
Me: Texas.
Jim: Texas. They would bury California in their blood.
- - - -
Q: Which would you rather give up for six months: sex or alcohol?
Me: Alcohol. I don't drink anyway.
Jim: Six months? Oh God, ALCOHOL. That's.. That's not even a question.
- - - -
Q: Of all the U.S. presidents, who would make the best drinking buddy?
Me: I don't drink, but uh... Jackson. He's always been my favorite.
Jim: Uh.. Jackson, Grant or... uh... Roosevelt.
Me: Teddy?
Jim: Yeah! Teddy! Or Bush.. hehe. (Assuming he meant G.W.)
- - - -
Q: How many dates can pass before it's awkward not to have had sex?
Jim: Two.
Me: What?! Two??
Jim: What, are you thinking like one?
Me: WHAT?!?!?!
Jim: Days?
Me: DATES
Jim: Ohhhh, Dates.... three *nods* two or three... actually I think two is the right answer. If you don't have sex by the third date, then there's no chemistry. Or you're a goody-goody and then, whatever...
Me: You're ridiculous...
Me: I think you should know each other for at least a couple of weeks...
- - - -
Q: Televisions will be restricted to only three channels. Pick them.
Jim: Including movie channels?
Me: Just answer the question..
Jim: HBO, Comedy Central, and the Discovery Channel.
Me: HBO, Fox News, Discovery Channel
- - - -
Q: If you could collect royalties from any single invention, which would you choose?
Me: The Internet... take that Al Gore.
Me and Jim simulataneously: FIRE!
Jim: Fuck you, Prometheus!
- - - -
Q: Would you rather get a 20 percent raise or work a four-day week?
Jim: I'd rather have a four-day week. That's always me. Unless I really liked my job. I dunno.. it's possible.
Me: Hmm... let's do the math... $100,000.. no wait.. it's really different depending on whether you're making $20 grand or $100 grand. Essentially, how much is my free-time worth... and depends on how broke I am. $20,000.. 8 hours per week. 52 weeks.. comes out to 416 hours. 20% of $20,000 is $4,000.. so that means it's $9 per hour that you are giving up.. 72 dollars per week... Maybe my math's flawed, but..it's not THAT great. I'll take the 4-day week. I'm a lazy ass.
- - - -
Q: Who enjoys sex more, men or women?
Jim: Men.
Me: Men.
Jim: I think there are women that CAN enjoy it as much as men... but I don't think that's the norm.
- - - -
Q: You have a pistol with one bullet. Would you rather face an angry wolf or an angry cobra?
Me: Angry wolf. More surface area.
Jim: Yeeaah. Wolf. Might hurt, but you'll probably live through it. A cobra. One bite and you're probably gonna die.
- - - -
Q: The greatest sports movie of all time is:
Jim: Rocky.
Me: My first though was A League of Their Own. It's unconventional and amazing.
Jim: Maybe The Sandlot.... no.. not Sandlot, that's just silly.
- - - -
Q: Would you rather face a tsunami or an avalanche?
Me: Tsunami. I think it's easier to get to higher ground and to float....
Jim: Tsunami. I feel more comfortable. Even though an avalanche is probably easier to survive.
Me: You think so?
Jim: On some level, either one of those two is probably going to kill you. SImilarily, if you're talking about half a mountain coming down on you, you're dead. But if their both mediocre in size, I'll say tsunami because I can swim really well. I don't know anything about ice and snow and all that.
- - - -
Q: Would you rather have a private bathroom at work, or a hot tub at home?
Me: Hot tub at home. Although, there are times when a private bathroom at work would be nice... especially if it had a hot tub..
Jim: Hot Tub at home... I mean, I'm gonna have one of those anyway, so whatever.
- - - -
Q: If you could have sex with any character from an HBO series, who would it be?
Me: All those people are highly sexual.. hmmm.. Let's list the series first:
Jim: The Sopranos, Rome, Big Love, Sex and the City (Me: Oh! That WAS an HBO series...)... does Cathouse count?
Me: Would you really want someone from the Cathouse?
Jim: Probably not, actually.. but, just checking.
Me: Deadwood, but I don't know any of the characters.. Well, that's good enough.. let's pick from those?
Jim: just one? Cause there are different ones for different moods.
Me: I can see you've thought about this before.
Jim: No, but this is a complicated question. All sex questions are complicated because it's the spice of life kinda thing.
Me: Ok, so pick which ones for different moods.
Jim: I thought we could only pick one though.
Me: Fine! Then pick one!
Jim: Uhhh...
Me: Definitely no one from Big Love. I like the show.. but eww. Definitely not anyone from the Sopranos.. I'm not into the whole Alpha Male thing.
Jim:.. and are they in character or is it just that actress?
Me: It's CHARACTER from a series...
Jim: Uhhh.. Eirene from Rome. Slave sex would be hot.
Me: But you chose Eirene and not that other crazy girl.
Jim: well, that kind of sex can be fun too, but... she's a little too nuts.
Me: I was thinking between Pullo and Verenus.
Jim: Eww, Verenus! Verenus is nasty. I mean, I can see the charm in someone like Pullo, but I dunno. What about Big or Smith?
Me: Smith is too pretty... I was thinking about Mr. Big. Cause he could wine and dine me. And then I guess he better live up to his reputation. But he won't hold you in the morning.
Jim: But Pullo's gonna smell like ox sweat and he probably say some stupid comment after sex like, "well, that's pretty good then." *attempt at Scottish accent*.
Me: I really don't know...
Jim: What about Antony? Talk about not caring..
Me: You know actually, I think he would be great. He's really passionate and he really was very sensitive.. just with a lot of different women. Plus, I think he would let you slap him around a little bit.. as long as he could slap you around. So, yeah, I'm gonna go with Antony from Rome.
Jim: really...
Me: At least I've already seen the goods.
Jim: they weren't that great...
Me: What do you mean?
Jim: They weren't anything really special.
Me: But at least I know they're not weird.
Jim: If you want that then you might as well take Slave no. 2 - that giant black cock guy.
Me: Oh gosh, I remember that episode now. Ew. Whatever. Antony it is.
- - - -
Q: You'll be part of a two-year mission to Mars in a windowless spaceship. Do you want to bring along your favorite book, your favorite movie, or your favorite CD?
Jim: Two year mission to Mars in a fucked-up space ship and you only get one? Any way you put it, it's gonna suck.
Me: But that's not the question. Just pick.
Jim: Movie. For multiple reasons: First, there's music in a movie, you can whack off to a movie, and you can still enjoy it on an entertainment level multiple times. Book is a close second, but I need visual stimulation.
Me: *gives Jim weird look*
Jim: Fuck off.
Me: Wait, Pray tell me... what movie *is* this?
Jim: I don't know.. that would be a very hard decision.
Me: You have multiple movies that fit the bill?
Jim: Huh?
Me: Nothing...
Me: Ya know... wait.. they don't have video game as an option. That's weird.
Jim: That would be a much better option.. well, it's hard to say, I don't know.
Me: Either way, I'll go with book. You can pick an extremely long one that will take you forever, and you can always read and re-read deeply to figure out new meanings or look for codes and secret messages to pass the time.
Jim: Fuck all that. I'd rather just take a really good movie with a really hot protagonist and then watch it whenever I need entertainment or an emotional outlet and then whack off to the face of the really hot protagonist. Well, it doesn't have to be a protagonist, but you know what I'm trying to say... And you could just listen to the soundtrack for music. Like *doo doo doo* you know, soundtrack...
Me: You are so weird, you can't just whack off to something from your imagination.
Jim: Two years is a long time. I mean, you might forget about things that are really interesting.
- - - -
Q: Thor vs. Superman:
Jim: Thor is definitely cooler but I think Superman would win. Laser beams to the skull.
Me: I don't know much about Thor, so superman... even though I hate him. Wait, well, since I hate Superman then I should go with Thor. Thor it is. Crush him.
- - -
- - - -
Q: Who from 'Friends' do you think would be best in bed?
Jim: I'm gonna have to say Monica. She seems kinky.
Me: Not Ross, Not Chandler... that leaves Joey. Is that it? Is there another guy?
Jim: .. Ross, Chandler, Joey...
Me: Then Joey. I'm supposed to assume he's experienced.
Jim: Only SICK people would choose Ross.
Me: *laughs* You said it with so much contempt....
- - - -
Q: If you had to sleep with every member of a band, which group would get lucky?
Me: I guess the Beatles... seems historical
Jim: Psh.. the Pussycat Dolls
- - - -
Q: You're in the water. Would you rather see an alligator or a shark?
Me: I don't know, they're both frightening. I've been close to alligators, so sharks are more mythically scary to me because of Jaws. Plus, to be close to a shark you're probably in the middle of the ocean, and the ocean scares me, so I'll say alligator.
Jim: I'm gonna say fuckin' shark because the situations you're gonna be in when you see a shark are a lot more common. If you're seeing a fuckin' alligator, that's a baaaaad thing.
- - - -
Q: With a million dollars at stake, would you rather shoot a free throw or flip a coin?
Me: Flip a coin. Statistics. 50%. If I lost, it's technically not my fault, so I won't feel so bad about it.
Jim: I'd flip a coin. I'm a shitty free-thrower.
- - - -
Q: Who would win a war: Texas or California?
Me: Texas.
Jim: Texas. They would bury California in their blood.
- - - -
Q: Which would you rather give up for six months: sex or alcohol?
Me: Alcohol. I don't drink anyway.
Jim: Six months? Oh God, ALCOHOL. That's.. That's not even a question.
- - - -
Q: Of all the U.S. presidents, who would make the best drinking buddy?
Me: I don't drink, but uh... Jackson. He's always been my favorite.
Jim: Uh.. Jackson, Grant or... uh... Roosevelt.
Me: Teddy?
Jim: Yeah! Teddy! Or Bush.. hehe. (Assuming he meant G.W.)
- - - -
Q: How many dates can pass before it's awkward not to have had sex?
Jim: Two.
Me: What?! Two??
Jim: What, are you thinking like one?
Me: WHAT?!?!?!
Jim: Days?
Me: DATES
Jim: Ohhhh, Dates.... three *nods* two or three... actually I think two is the right answer. If you don't have sex by the third date, then there's no chemistry. Or you're a goody-goody and then, whatever...
Me: You're ridiculous...
Me: I think you should know each other for at least a couple of weeks...
- - - -
Q: Televisions will be restricted to only three channels. Pick them.
Jim: Including movie channels?
Me: Just answer the question..
Jim: HBO, Comedy Central, and the Discovery Channel.
Me: HBO, Fox News, Discovery Channel
- - - -
Q: If you could collect royalties from any single invention, which would you choose?
Me: The Internet... take that Al Gore.
Me and Jim simulataneously: FIRE!
Jim: Fuck you, Prometheus!
- - - -
Q: Would you rather get a 20 percent raise or work a four-day week?
Jim: I'd rather have a four-day week. That's always me. Unless I really liked my job. I dunno.. it's possible.
Me: Hmm... let's do the math... $100,000.. no wait.. it's really different depending on whether you're making $20 grand or $100 grand. Essentially, how much is my free-time worth... and depends on how broke I am. $20,000.. 8 hours per week. 52 weeks.. comes out to 416 hours. 20% of $20,000 is $4,000.. so that means it's $9 per hour that you are giving up.. 72 dollars per week... Maybe my math's flawed, but..it's not THAT great. I'll take the 4-day week. I'm a lazy ass.
- - - -
Q: Who enjoys sex more, men or women?
Jim: Men.
Me: Men.
Jim: I think there are women that CAN enjoy it as much as men... but I don't think that's the norm.
- - - -
Q: You have a pistol with one bullet. Would you rather face an angry wolf or an angry cobra?
Me: Angry wolf. More surface area.
Jim: Yeeaah. Wolf. Might hurt, but you'll probably live through it. A cobra. One bite and you're probably gonna die.
- - - -
Q: The greatest sports movie of all time is:
Jim: Rocky.
Me: My first though was A League of Their Own. It's unconventional and amazing.
Jim: Maybe The Sandlot.... no.. not Sandlot, that's just silly.
- - - -
Q: Would you rather face a tsunami or an avalanche?
Me: Tsunami. I think it's easier to get to higher ground and to float....
Jim: Tsunami. I feel more comfortable. Even though an avalanche is probably easier to survive.
Me: You think so?
Jim: On some level, either one of those two is probably going to kill you. SImilarily, if you're talking about half a mountain coming down on you, you're dead. But if their both mediocre in size, I'll say tsunami because I can swim really well. I don't know anything about ice and snow and all that.
- - - -
Q: Would you rather have a private bathroom at work, or a hot tub at home?
Me: Hot tub at home. Although, there are times when a private bathroom at work would be nice... especially if it had a hot tub..
Jim: Hot Tub at home... I mean, I'm gonna have one of those anyway, so whatever.
- - - -
Q: If you could have sex with any character from an HBO series, who would it be?
Me: All those people are highly sexual.. hmmm.. Let's list the series first:
Jim: The Sopranos, Rome, Big Love, Sex and the City (Me: Oh! That WAS an HBO series...)... does Cathouse count?
Me: Would you really want someone from the Cathouse?
Jim: Probably not, actually.. but, just checking.
Me: Deadwood, but I don't know any of the characters.. Well, that's good enough.. let's pick from those?
Jim: just one? Cause there are different ones for different moods.
Me: I can see you've thought about this before.
Jim: No, but this is a complicated question. All sex questions are complicated because it's the spice of life kinda thing.
Me: Ok, so pick which ones for different moods.
Jim: I thought we could only pick one though.
Me: Fine! Then pick one!
Jim: Uhhh...
Me: Definitely no one from Big Love. I like the show.. but eww. Definitely not anyone from the Sopranos.. I'm not into the whole Alpha Male thing.
Jim:.. and are they in character or is it just that actress?
Me: It's CHARACTER from a series...
Jim: Uhhh.. Eirene from Rome. Slave sex would be hot.
Me: But you chose Eirene and not that other crazy girl.
Jim: well, that kind of sex can be fun too, but... she's a little too nuts.
Me: I was thinking between Pullo and Verenus.
Jim: Eww, Verenus! Verenus is nasty. I mean, I can see the charm in someone like Pullo, but I dunno. What about Big or Smith?
Me: Smith is too pretty... I was thinking about Mr. Big. Cause he could wine and dine me. And then I guess he better live up to his reputation. But he won't hold you in the morning.
Jim: But Pullo's gonna smell like ox sweat and he probably say some stupid comment after sex like, "well, that's pretty good then." *attempt at Scottish accent*.
Me: I really don't know...
Jim: What about Antony? Talk about not caring..
Me: You know actually, I think he would be great. He's really passionate and he really was very sensitive.. just with a lot of different women. Plus, I think he would let you slap him around a little bit.. as long as he could slap you around. So, yeah, I'm gonna go with Antony from Rome.
Jim: really...
Me: At least I've already seen the goods.
Jim: they weren't that great...
Me: What do you mean?
Jim: They weren't anything really special.
Me: But at least I know they're not weird.
Jim: If you want that then you might as well take Slave no. 2 - that giant black cock guy.
Me: Oh gosh, I remember that episode now. Ew. Whatever. Antony it is.
- - - -
Q: You'll be part of a two-year mission to Mars in a windowless spaceship. Do you want to bring along your favorite book, your favorite movie, or your favorite CD?
Jim: Two year mission to Mars in a fucked-up space ship and you only get one? Any way you put it, it's gonna suck.
Me: But that's not the question. Just pick.
Jim: Movie. For multiple reasons: First, there's music in a movie, you can whack off to a movie, and you can still enjoy it on an entertainment level multiple times. Book is a close second, but I need visual stimulation.
Me: *gives Jim weird look*
Jim: Fuck off.
Me: Wait, Pray tell me... what movie *is* this?
Jim: I don't know.. that would be a very hard decision.
Me: You have multiple movies that fit the bill?
Jim: Huh?
Me: Nothing...
Me: Ya know... wait.. they don't have video game as an option. That's weird.
Jim: That would be a much better option.. well, it's hard to say, I don't know.
Me: Either way, I'll go with book. You can pick an extremely long one that will take you forever, and you can always read and re-read deeply to figure out new meanings or look for codes and secret messages to pass the time.
Jim: Fuck all that. I'd rather just take a really good movie with a really hot protagonist and then watch it whenever I need entertainment or an emotional outlet and then whack off to the face of the really hot protagonist. Well, it doesn't have to be a protagonist, but you know what I'm trying to say... And you could just listen to the soundtrack for music. Like *doo doo doo* you know, soundtrack...
Me: You are so weird, you can't just whack off to something from your imagination.
Jim: Two years is a long time. I mean, you might forget about things that are really interesting.
- - - -
Q: Thor vs. Superman:
Jim: Thor is definitely cooler but I think Superman would win. Laser beams to the skull.
Me: I don't know much about Thor, so superman... even though I hate him. Wait, well, since I hate Superman then I should go with Thor. Thor it is. Crush him.
- - -