Fic: A Deeper Look (5/?)
Title: A Deeper Look (5/?)
Genre: Angst/Drama
Pairing: Kurt/Karofsky pre-slash.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1050 this chapter // 5800 overall
Summary: He's never heard slurs like that thrown around and not directed at himself. Written for the glee_angst_meme prompt here.
Previous Chapters: Located at the directory here.
Dave comes home to his dad talking loudly on the phone to who he presumes quickly to be Kurt Hummel’s father. He’s seen Kurt’s dad, once or twice. He’s a big guy, happy looking, a mechanic of some kind. He’s not the type you’d assume would be okay with the gay thing, but he totally is. He seems like a good parent and if Hummel’s reaction to his own dad indicated anything - probably good with the gay stuff.
“I don’t want my son to be a fag!”
It reminds him of the fights he used to have with his cousins when they were all of five years old. “I don’t want this!” “You can’t do that!” His father is whining and clinging at straws. It hurts, worse than he cares to admit. All that acceptance bullcrap is nice but it’s not how his dad really feels. It’s not ever how his dad’s going to feel. He can preach all of the love crap that he wanted but he is never going to be Kurt’s dad.
He hates that word. All the times he’s flung it, it fucking hurts coming at him when the man thinks he isn’t listening. I may be, he thinks, but I don’t wanna be.
"How can you be okay with what your kid is?"
He takes off his jacket. It is a good question. Dave doesn’t know how to be okay with what he is. Why should he expect his father to be okay with it? Kurt’s father has to be some kind of saint to be. He wonders what the other man is answering. He wants to know. He wants to know if Burt Hummel is actually some secret saint that can handle crap nobody else should.
"I can't handle Dave being like that. At least your kid looks like..."
He winces. He doesn’t look gay but that’s partially because he’s been trying so hard to make sure nobody notices. As long as he bulks up, beats around kids like Kurt Hummel, nobody knows his secret.
It was a good solution before he snapped.
It isn’t such a good solution any longer.
He hopes that Burt Hummel doesn’t hang up or yell at his dad. His dad needs some of that jedi-gay-dad knowledge.
"Dave isn't..."
Isn’t what?
He groans. He should not be eavesdropping on this.
"I don't know how, Burt."
He gets up and slowly walks towards his bedroom.
“Can I see you in person?” his father asks Burt Hummel and he shuts the door. He’s losing his goddamned mind and it’s not fair at all. He can’t breathe, he can’t function and it’s all because he had to go out himself to his best friend.
He misses Azimio. He knows that anyone who asked would totally dismiss that sadness, but he does. Maybe it’s the gay in him, guys aren’t supposed to have feelings like this, but he misses his best friend. They had always been really cool. They could tell each other everything.
Until his best friend beat him mercilessly for who he was.
This isn’t the path that Dave wants to take and he hates to admit it but he feels more scared than ever. He doesn’t have anyone. The guys on the team hate him almost as much as the coach does. He can’t go seek out Kurt and the glee club losers, because, well he just can’t.
No, he really, really can’t.
There’s homework to do, but he ignores it.
He should go talk to his dad or…find out if his mom knows yet or something (highly unlikely she’s never around). He should be more proactive in some way but he can’t. He should be doing something to make this right, but he just can’t. There’s nothing right about it.
He ends up falling asleep.
He comes to school the next morning, to find Hummel with that Berry chick, sitting at the lunch tables with some kind of petition. Asian chick from the glee club is signing it and saying something animatedly. He watches them and Kurt meets his eye.
He hands the petition thing over to the girls and before Dave can object is talking to him.
“Hi,” he says soft.
“Hi,” he mumbles back, because what else can he do? He’s so tired lately, so damned tired that he’s beyond insults or anything else he could hurl at the kid. It hurts just to think. He hasn’t slept in days and his head just hurts so bad that it’s sickening
“How are you doing?” Kurt asks, gentle. “I heard my dad on the phone with your dad last night…”
Odd. So did he.
He shrugs a little bit. “Didn’t go so hot I don’t think,” he says laughing faintly.
“I’m sorry,” Kurt mumbles. “I just…I wanted to let you know that Rachel and I are starting a much needed GSA on campus. We’re going to make it a supportive, comfortable place for people to just be themselves. You’d be quite welcome there. You can join us in glee too, though I can’t say for sure how Finn and his people would react.”
“GSA?” he asked.
“Yeah, a gay straight alliance. Though I insisted to Rachel we have a better acronym that encompasses gays, straights, bisexuals, transgendered people and…”
He stops when he realizes correctly that Dave has no clue what the fuck he’s saying.
“You’d be welcome,” Kurt mumbles and he nods a little bit.
“Thanks,” he says and goes to find a place to hang for the lunch period.
He signs the petition when Asian chick, no, Tina, walks around asking people. She looks at him confused. Doesn’t she know he’s the new resident gay kid? It’s a small thing but he hopes it helps. God knows that the pair of them need it, the crap they’re about to get.
He’s getting a taste of it himself and doesn’t even flinch when the slushie hits him in the face that afternoon. He’s kind of been leveled to one of them now.