I don't know why I posted this...I don't understand why I post anything on LJ...

[theatrophobiac]

So here's the thing...there are specific people in my life that I would die for...there's about 3...I hold them in very high regard, but sometimes I do not feel that some of them would do the same for me...I definitely know they would...that's why I don't understand why I am posting this...because there doesn't really seem to be a problem if I definitely know that these people hold me in the same regard...yet sometimes I do not feel that way - there's the problem...people just do shitty things sometimes that really upset me...but then I feel stupid for getting upset because they act like it's nothing...then they get upset over what I am getting upset about and then I feel like crap...even more. One of the persons I am writing about is my mother...I guess I can bring her identity to light considering she doesn't have an LJ...I feel like her love is conditional at times, but I know that it's not...but I always go by people's actions and her actions - sometimes - are telling me, or what I beleive they are telling me, to "fuck off." I just think sometimes she cares more for her "BF" then for me. Another person I am talking about did nothing wrong at all...well the other two people I am talking about did nothing wrong. Well...my mother really didn't do anything wrong either...there's just a lot of shitty situations that arise in life that depress me...and scare me...yep...I love these three people...I love a lot of people...but I really love these three a lot...I dunno how to describe it...but even when they piss me off I can't help but to forgive them instantly...I find it hard to stay mad at them for long...again they did nothing wrong...today has just been a weird day...I am not sure if it was good or bad...
-Andrew
***I have just realized that I was not paying attention to what I was writing at all...some of the "stuff" that was typed is very irrelevent to anything right now...and my writing is exactly my "stream of consciousness"...very Faulkner...