Near, Far....
This weekend consisted of a)buying pretty underwear b)getting punched in the eye by a three year old while watching Beauty and the Beast (more fun than it sounds!) c)staying up all Sunday night to finish a book because like 175 pages before the end they tell me that the main character is going to die and, "How does he die? How does he die?!!!" d) downloading lots of old Madonna songs because it seemed like a good idea and now I get to rock out to "Get Into the Groove" whenever I damn well please and e) going to a swanky personal trainer's party at the gym Denise works for on Saturday night.
Here are the facts of e) that I remember with some clarity:
1. I fucked my ankle up by underestimating the distance off of a platform that I was dancing on BUT
2. It was way better than me almost falling face first over the other side which was a MUCH further distance down onto the main dance floor. My heart stopped for a full 30 seconds when I came about half an inch from this fate. I would need a nose job had that happened (But I could look like Ashlee Simpson. Rock! It is "ee," right?). And a new brain.
3. Female trainers have buff arms that make me cry with envy.
4. Male trainers are hot, but yes, roughly half of them are gay. And usually it's the REALLY hot ones.
5. The only way to truly work your obliques is to run. Bastards!
6. I had THREE separate conversations about San Diego. When these three people heard that I was from California, they were each, INDEPENDENTLY of each other, like, "California! I want to go to San Diego. It's so beautiful!" WTF is up with San Diego? Do you know how big California is? I told one person that I love San Francisco and she said, "Yeah, it was cool. But too gay." What?!
7. One of our friends lay down on the dirty dance floor and proceeded to fall asleep.
8. We sat in the VIP section and had $200 dollar a pop bottle service X enough bottles to get about 50 people trashed. I paid $0 the whole night. Sweet!
9. A massage therapist gave me a massage. I went to heaven for about ten minutes. Heaven!
10. Denise used her ass to get her way.
11. We called South Africa.
12. We danced. A lot.
13. We drank. A lot.
And we are now one whole week into November! Yay! Okay like 3/4 of a week into November! Yay! This means that it's almost time for ThanksgivingChristmasNewYear'sFreezingColdCanada! Yay! Seriously, this holiday stuff is going to make time go by so fast and then it will be time to change my whole life! Ahhh! Grant told me that Celine Dion and Mike Myers have a joint dictatorship over Canada. I think that this may be true. I mean, there's not like a president, right? So that would only make sense. A prime minister, you say? Yeah, right. What's that? At 5:00 every evening they probably play "My Heart Will Go On" over loudspeakers. I have to give it to them. It is a good form of population control. That's why only ten people live in all of Canada. And those ten own industrial strength earplugs. Plus, they're insane.
Guys, I really don't like the winter much. Let's go to San Diego!
Here are the facts of e) that I remember with some clarity:
1. I fucked my ankle up by underestimating the distance off of a platform that I was dancing on BUT
2. It was way better than me almost falling face first over the other side which was a MUCH further distance down onto the main dance floor. My heart stopped for a full 30 seconds when I came about half an inch from this fate. I would need a nose job had that happened (But I could look like Ashlee Simpson. Rock! It is "ee," right?). And a new brain.
3. Female trainers have buff arms that make me cry with envy.
4. Male trainers are hot, but yes, roughly half of them are gay. And usually it's the REALLY hot ones.
5. The only way to truly work your obliques is to run. Bastards!
6. I had THREE separate conversations about San Diego. When these three people heard that I was from California, they were each, INDEPENDENTLY of each other, like, "California! I want to go to San Diego. It's so beautiful!" WTF is up with San Diego? Do you know how big California is? I told one person that I love San Francisco and she said, "Yeah, it was cool. But too gay." What?!
7. One of our friends lay down on the dirty dance floor and proceeded to fall asleep.
8. We sat in the VIP section and had $200 dollar a pop bottle service X enough bottles to get about 50 people trashed. I paid $0 the whole night. Sweet!
9. A massage therapist gave me a massage. I went to heaven for about ten minutes. Heaven!
10. Denise used her ass to get her way.
11. We called South Africa.
12. We danced. A lot.
13. We drank. A lot.
And we are now one whole week into November! Yay! Okay like 3/4 of a week into November! Yay! This means that it's almost time for ThanksgivingChristmasNewYear'sFreezingColdCanada! Yay! Seriously, this holiday stuff is going to make time go by so fast and then it will be time to change my whole life! Ahhh! Grant told me that Celine Dion and Mike Myers have a joint dictatorship over Canada. I think that this may be true. I mean, there's not like a president, right? So that would only make sense. A prime minister, you say? Yeah, right. What's that? At 5:00 every evening they probably play "My Heart Will Go On" over loudspeakers. I have to give it to them. It is a good form of population control. That's why only ten people live in all of Canada. And those ten own industrial strength earplugs. Plus, they're insane.
Guys, I really don't like the winter much. Let's go to San Diego!